


She’s my friend

by Tishtashtosh26



Category: Avengers
Genre: Avengers Family, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, F/M, Multi, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-03-05 12:43:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 37
Words: 119,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18828904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tishtashtosh26/pseuds/Tishtashtosh26
Summary: FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER FOR NEWS ON UPDATES @Tishtashtosh25Youtube Stucky Edits- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqRhEmGiNWDMdH2z8j4DOaQSet in the avengers Tower (I just prefer it to the compound), Tony has found away to forgive Bucky and Steve and the avengers are back together. The accords are in motion but have been amended to accommodate everyone.You are a waitress at one of Tony’s parties, but what happens when you end up attending as a guest instead, meeting two extremely handsome super soldiers along the way.Lots of feelings, eventual smut.Steve rogers x reader, Bucky Barnes x reader , Stucky x readerPeter is a good Bro, so is Nat. Tony has alterior motives.SLOW BURNPs- Sharon Carter is not painted in the best light so if you're a fan, sorry!!!!This story will link in to avengers infinity war and eventually End game, because Steve’s ending needs a rewrite :D





	1. You start running, they’ll never let you stop

 

You sighed as you slid into the elevator beside the other waiting staff at the stark tower- here to cater yet another one of Tony's parties. This was your first day at work and talk about a high pressure first day. You had already managed to infuriate your manager Michelle by turning up with the wrong shoes on and by accidentally forgetting a crate of high priced champagne that was to be used later in the evening for a toast. All of which had meant the entire staff were now late. You stood awkwardly sandwiched between Michelle and an equally anxious staff member whose name tag read Damien. You hadn't had chance to introduce yourself to the rest of the staff yet, what with all the rushing around and apologies but you could only assume it was his first day too.

 

You were here because on a whim you had decided that enough was enough and had uprooted yourself from (Your home town) and taken yourself and a couple of bags to the big apple. You loved the hustle and bustle of city living and the small town life you were accustomed to just didn't sit well with you. You needed more. You craved it. So here you were. It had been hard, you'd only been here a few weeks and already you were aware of how much you'd misjudged the ease of which you could just move to New York. Jobs were hard to come by especially when your resume consisted of various short term unskilled work. You'd applied for at least two dozen jobs and this was the first gig you'd been given. You were thankful for anything. The bills were piling up in your small basement apartment an hour out of the city and the money you'd brought with you as a buffer had pretty much disappeared. You had to make this work, your family had been anything but supportive of your plans, all of them content with their small time life in (your home town) and the last thing you wanted to do was go crawling back to them having failed to accomplish your dream.

 

The elevator reached its destination and you all piled out into the shiniest hallway you had ever seen. You blinked a few times allowing your eyes to adjust to the bright lighting and shiny floors before following the rest of the group to one of the catering kitchens.

 

Two hours later and the party was in full swing. It was a 40s themed party. The entire building had been kitted out with memorabilia and those attending were smartly dressed in clothing fitting to the era. You could only imagine the theme had something to do with captain America's return to the avengers. You didn't know the ins and outs of it, but the avengers had broken up for a while following a disagreement on the accords, but it seemed that this was now in the past and the aim for this evening was to have fun and unwind. You had already spotted most of the avengers around; iron man, black widow, Hawkeye, iron patriot, ant man, Scarlett witch and vision.

 

Thor and a man who you knew to be the winter soldier were stood by the bar in deep conversation. You tilted your head in confusion as your eyes scanned the "winter soldier". He was striking to say the least, especially in the 40s army uniform he was clad in. His long dark hair shadowed his face slightly but his strong jaw line could not be disguised. The last thing you heard the winter soldier was a bad guy so his presence definitely came as a surprise.

You took a deep breathe as you pulled your gaze away from him only to find your eyes locked back onto him not two seconds later. "Wow get a grip" you scolded yourself as you turned abruptly away to gain some self control only to walk straight into a blonde woman wearing a stunning purple dress.  The tray of champagne you had been holding in your hand slid from your grasp, and you watched in slow motion as the golden liquid cascaded down the delicate material of the ladies dress, the glasses bouncing off of the glossy floors and smashing into thousands of pieces with a loud crash.

 

The whole party froze, all of their eyes focused in on you. You gasped in both shock and despair muttering as many apologies as you could, your eyes meeting those of the woman whose dress you had spoiled.

 

"I am so sorry" you cried, your brain still trying to catch up with the situation.

 

Her eyes darkened and you could see the anger boiling up inside of her, her tone was sharp and clear as she scolded you.

 

"Are you blind? Oh god, it's ruined, ruined" she threw her hands up in the air dramatically as your manager Michelle rushed to see what the commotion was about.

 

"I'm so sorry, let me help you, I wasn't looking it was totally my fault" you almost vomited out as you tried to fix the situation.

 

"Of course it was your fault" you heard Michelle curse.

 

You were immiedatly on you knees picking up the larger pieces of glass as you continued to mutter apologies.

Most of the party had thankfully  become bored with the spectacle and returned to whatever they were doing previously.

Your cheeks burned red with embarrassment as some of the other staff came to take over the clean up. You stood up again pushing the loose stands of hair out of your eyes just in time to catch the end of the conversation between the stranger whose dress you'd ruined and Michelle.

 

"I'm so very sorry agent carter, we will cover your dry cleaning bill and of course  be rest assured miss (y/l/n) will not be catering the rest of the party" Michelle said clipping her words

 

"-what?" You almost whispered, your eyes meeting hers

 

She spun in her heel now so she could speak to you directly

 

"You're fired, take off your badge and leave it in the kitchen, you can collect the rest of your things tomorrow" she spat

 

Your eyes widened, your face still burning from the shame of Bringing tony starks party to a halt.

 

"Michelle please, it was a mistake, it won't happen again. I need this job, please don't fire me, I'll do better... " you spluttered out. She wasn't even listening, her face hard and her head shaking almost continuously as she dismissed you with a flick of her wrist.

 

You took a step back, taking in your surroundings one more time. Not able to take the embarrassment any longer you bolted. Back through the party trying to hold yourself together until you could find somewhere to be alone. You skidded into the hallway at the back of the kitchen just as the tears started to spill. You'd blown it again. You knew you wouldn't be able to last much longer in New York without a job. It was over. On top of that you'd just humiliated yourself in front of the avengers, THE AVENGERS!. You shook your head as you cursed at yourself, beating yourself up like you always did.

 

The noise of someone's throat being cleared shook you from your self pity, your head shooting up in surprise to come face to face with captain America himself. You swallowed hard, immediately feeling the need to stand up straight, quickly wiping away your tears and pushing your hair out of your face as you let out a shaky breath.

 

"Tough night?" He questioned , his deep tones like music to your ears.

 

"You could say that" you replied a nervous laugh escaping.

 

He nodded shifting a little so he could lean his body against the door frame

 

"I'm sorry, I was just leaving...." you explained as you reached for your bag, realising you had probably out stayed your welcome.

 

"You know-" he interjected "you don't have to leave"

 

You froze mid bag retrieval, your brows raising in confusion and surprise as you waited for him to continue

 

"You've had a rough night, why not turn it around. Come to the party. As a guest.”

 

You began to shake your head, the thought of going back into that room after the humiliation you’d just suffered filled you with fear.

”You start running, they’ll never let you stop" he concluded, his icy blue eyes piercing into you. 

 

You met his gaze for as long as you were able, the less confident part of you dragging your gaze away before you could get too comfortable

 

"I don't know... " you looked down at your champagne covered work clothes " it's very kind of you captain but I'm not really dressed for it...." then came the nervous laughter again.

 

He gave you a warm smile as he straightened up from the door frame, his hands sliding into his pockets

 

"We can fix that" he explained thoughtfully "-wait here"

 

And he was gone. You inhaled deeply unsure of how to react to the situation that was unfolding. Had captain America just invited you to Tony Stark's party as a guest?!? Maybe things were finally looking up. You had barely recovered from your last encounter with him when he returned with another familiar face. Black widow, Natasha Romanov. You swallowed thickly as your eyes flicked between them. They both seemed to be eyeing you up before the captain turned to Natasha.

 

"Think you've got something?" he asked arms folding across his broad chest.

 

"Sure" Natasha said Cooley with a shrug. She met your bewildered eyes, a half smile flicking across her features "-follow me"

 

You looked between them "uhm-...okay " you agreed quickly. Natasha led you away from the captain, through various different corridors until you reached What you assumed to be her living quarters.

 

The red head turned to you briefly before entering

"If you ever tell anyone I let you in my room, I will hunt you down" she said with a soft smirk.

 

You nodded nervously

"Sure.... of course" you muttered

 

She let out an easy laugh

"Relax, I'm kidding, come on in and take a seat while I find you something to wear".

 

——————-

 

Half an hour later and Natasha was marching you back towards the party like a trophy she wanted to show off. She was proud of her work and you had to admit she'd done a pretty good job. In the end you'd gone for a fitted lace navy number, with an off the shoulder neck line. The hem fell just below your knees and it hugged you in all the right places.

 

She had forced you to take your hair down and managed to tame it into soft curls. Correcting your makeup after the tears where she saw fit. You didn't share her shoe size but she still had some of wandas that she'd left behind and swore she wouldn't mind if you wore them.

 

You felt uncomfortable returning to a party you hadn't actually been invited to, especially after causing such a scene as a member of staff earlier in the evening. Natasha bumped you gently with her shoulder for support

 

"Come on, let's go show the captain our work" she drawled as you entered the main area of the party.

 

_____________________________________

 

You glanced around anxiously at the party in full swing, glueing yourself to Natasha's side not wanting to find yourself abandoned in this sea of high profile people.

You were half way across the room when Michelle stomped over to you angrily, making a point of clicking her heels as she walked.

 

"Y/n!?" She half questioned as she took hold of your arm, her grip tightening as her glare met yours.

 

Natasha stepped between you mimicking Michelle's action by taking hold of Michelle's wrist

 

"Lets not make a scene..." she whispered, her voice lowering.

 

Michelle released your arm but continued on with her rant all the same.

 

"I told you to go home, you're fired and no amount of begging or pleading is going to change that" she hissed stepping to the side of Natasha so she could scold you better.

 

"Actually-" started natasha "Y/n has been upgraded to guest status."

 

Michelles expression changed to one of confusion and finally suprise as she looked between the former assassin and her former employee

 

"I'm sure Mr stark would love to hear how his catering team are speaking to his guests." Natasha continued, stepping between you and Michelle once more.

 

Michelle opened her mouth to respond but found no words. She huffed, her face reddening as she spun on her heel marching back the way she'd come from.

 

You smiled thankfully at Natasha

 

"Thank you, I don't know what I'd have done without you" you admitted allowing yourself a sigh of relief.

 

Natasha shrugged

 

"Dont sweat it— now come, lets get you a drink" she mused as she led you over to the bar.

 

You were surprised when instead of taking the seat beside you, Natasha slid in behind the bar.

 

"What will it be?" she asked raising a brow "I make a mean Moscow mule" she admitted.

 

"Perfect" you admitted with a nod of your head "to be honest anything with alcohol in it will do right now"

 

she nodded with a tight smile and got to work. You could tell from the short time that you had spent with Natasha that she was a closed book, she never gave too much away but there was to say the least a kind heart behind all the sarcasm and sexiness.

 

A man approached the bar, not a man you recognised but natasha seemed to know him. You could tell from the way her body language changed that this was someone she knew well.

 

"Bruce" she addressed the man. This allowed you put two and two together, this must be Bruce banner AKA the hulk.

 

"Hey Nat" he responded taking a stool a few seats away from you. Natasha introduced you briefly before sliding over to that side of the bar and leaving you floundering around on your own. You sighed softly to yourself as you took a few large gulps of your Moscow mule and damn , it really was good.

 

Just as you went back for another taste you felt a presence beside you. You allowed yourself a glance to your right and froze when your eyes met that of the captains for the second time tonight.

 

"You made it back then..." he acknowledged propping himself against the bar rather than taking a seat, the sleeves of his shirt were up on his forearms, the material tight before his elbow due to the sheer amount of muscle.

 

"captain rogers..." you breathed allowing a small smile to form on your lips.

 

"Steve is fine.." he interrupted.

 

"Steve" you said with a nod, it felt strange calling him steve, almost too personal but you could see his shoulders relax as the formalities were dropped so you would go with it. He looked at you expectantly but it took a moment for your brain to register.

 

"Oh...sorry, I'm y/n....y/n y/l/n" you spluttered

 

A smile reached his eyes as he repeated your name.

 

"Thank you, for before" you continued "It was really kind of you to invite me"

 

"Don't worry about it" he replied leaning over the bar to grab a beer from the ice bucket "couldn't let you leave like that, not after how your boss spoke to you. That was out of line"

 

You nodded taking another mouthful of your drink, the scent of his cologne going to your head a little. You allowed your eyes to wander around the party.

 

"Well I appreciate it, although I probably should get going soon." You admitted "Ill have to be up early to start applying for jobs"

 

He winced slightly in acknowledgment of your situation.

 

"Yeah New York can be tough right?"

 

"Yeah you could say that" you agreed

 

"I'm guessing you’re not from round here?" He asked obviously picking up on your accent.

 

"That obvious?" You asked running a hand through your curls.

 

He let out an easy laugh and you couldn't help but stare. The way his face lit up when he laughed was infectious. You found yourself mirroring his smile.

 

"you could say that" he chuckled

 

"I moved here a few weeks ago" you explained "I'd had enough of living in a small town, you know. Needed something more. The thought of settling down with every day the same just doesn't appeal to me like it does my friends and family"

 

He raised a brow "the simple life" he muttered as he eyed up the beer he was slowly warming with his hands "doesn't sound too bad to me" he challenged.

 

You smiled considering his situation, you - like the rest of the world knew about captain americas history and the tragedy of his early life.

 

"yeah I guess it doesn't" you relented in understanding.

 

There was a small pause and you could tell he had become lost in his own thoughts so you decided to lighten the conversation.

 

"So I'm guessing the theme is in your honour?" You guessed finishing the rest of your drink.

 

"Yeah uhm Tony wanted to welcome us back" his eyes met yours again "Not just me, Bucky too" he said nodding over to the winter soldier stood with Wanda at the other side of the party.

 

So that was his name, you realised, leaning over the bar in imitation and taking a beer.

He raised a brow a small smirk sliding across his features as he watched you relax in front of him.

 

"Bucky." You stated "Formally the winter soldier?" You asked turning your entire body towards him now as you relaxed in to conversation.

 

Steve winced in response and you worried you may have pried too far.

 

"That wasn't him" he said plainly taking another swig of his beer before continuing "Hydra had control of his mind" he explained briefly.

 

You nodded in understanding "Wow, poor bucky" you said, the tone in your voice filled with compassion.

 

Steve smiled again at you as you spoke kindly of his friend, a friend so misunderstood to so many. He was taken back that after all the negativity surrounding his best friend in the media you were quick to see the good side of him without having even spoken to him.

 

Your eyes made contact again both just drinking each other in, the silence somehow comfortable.

 

You were about to ask more about Bucky when the blonde woman in purple, agent carter , you thought, slid into view beside steve.

 

"Steve ...." she complained gripping onto his forearm until his forced his gaze away from yours.

 

"Come" she almost demanded "the girls and I need you to settle an arguement for us.." she explained as she pretty much dragged him away from the bar.

 

He didn't speak a word to her as he steadied himself his eyes meeting yours once more.

 

"I'll see you around" he said with a apologetic shrug.

 

You smiled "Ill see you around" you repeated, but he'd already gone.

 

You suddenly realised you had barely taken a breath the whole time he had been by your side. For a man you'd only just met he'd certainly caught your attention.

 

It wasn’t five minutes later when Tony stark wandered over to you, confusion plastered on his face.

 

"Say, I like the staff to be comfortable but maybe you’re pushing boundaries just a little?" He quizzed not unkindly.

 

"Sorry Mr stark, I actually got fired and uhm...capta....steve invited me to join you...and then natasha leant me this dress and then..." he put his hands up to stop you "I can go ..." you finished hoping off your stool.

 

"No no no....what was your name again? " he asked "Sarah, candice, Britney...."

 

"Y/N" you cut in quietly.

 

"Right y/n" he said with a nod pretending he had known all along. Not that you had expected him to even recognise you from the huge amount of staff at the party. But then you were the one who had thrown champagne everywhere so that figured.

 

"Jobless huh?" He asked, becoming thoughtful as he eyed you up. You nodded quickly in reponse allowing yourself to slide hesitantly back onto the stool you'd previously occupied.

 

"Any receptionist experience?" He questioned "you know phones, files...that kinda stuff"

 

He didn't even give you time to answer

 

"Great so you can start Monday?"

 

Again he waited for no response.

 

"Ill have my guys call your guys..." he said with a light chuckle at his own joke.

 

"Ive been meaning to hire someone for a while and now I don't have to go through millions of applicants" he said with a growing smile "win win right?"

 

"It was nice to meet you....Y/n" he finished and with that he was gone.

 

You blinked a couple of times, your mind racing. What the hell was going on. This night was getting better and better. You'd spent time getting to know both black widow and captain America and now tony stark himself had offered you a job in the tower.

 

You were still smiling away to yourself when two guys approached the bar chatting loudly to each other one of them being the winter solider or bucky as you now knew him to be called.

 

"Yeah yeah yeah..." bucky laughed as he patted his friend on the shoulder.

 

"Hey nat" the other guy piped up "What does it take to get a drink around here?"

 

Natasha looked up from her conversation with Bruce

 

"Sam speak to me like that again and you may just find out" she said, her voice soft, more relaxed than earlier in the night.

 

The guy who you now knew to be Sam laughed along with her as he jumped over the bar to help himself and bucky to some drinks. you finished your beer and pushed it to the side glancing back around the party unsure if you should stay or leave now those who had invited you were preoccupied.

 

"Haven't seen you here before" you suddenly heard from behind you.

You spun back round on your chair to come face to face with Sam- still behind the bar.

 

"I...uh...no" you started

 

"Can I get you another drink?" He asked nodding to your finished beer.

 

Natasha had now come around the other side of the bar and was stood to your right.

 

"This is Y/n, she had a rough night so steve invited her...you know how he is" she explained quickly

 

"Ahhhh okay, now that makes sense. Here" he passed you another beer and you gladly took it.

 

"Y/n, this is Sam aka the falcon and this here is bucky Barnes" you could she was deciding whether or not to reveal his past identity as the winter solider, but thought better of it.

 

To your surprise bucky closed the gap between him and yourself and held his hand out to you.

"It's nice to meet you y/n" he said, his voice low but smooth. Your cheeks warmed as your eyes met his. He really was breathtaking to look at.

 

"It's nice to meet you too..." you whispered with a smile, your voice getting lost somewhere. Natasha eyed Sam and they shifted a little bit over to the right to continue a conversation away from you and bucky.

 

_______________________

 

It was an hour later when bucky finally plucked up the courage to ask you to dance.

 

You almost choked on your drink in response.

 

"I'd love too..."

 

He slid from his stool holding his hand out to you. You took it and he immediately slid it through his arm resting your hand on his forearm as he led you to the dance floor. Bucky Barnes had game. That was for sure. After all he'd been through you hadn't expected him to be such a smooth talker.

 

You slid your arms around his neck and felt his hands make contact with your waist. You hid the shiver that ran up your spine at the contact and chewed on your lip lightly.

 

"You’re a really good dancer..." he whispered leaning down so his breath was warm on your neck. Another shiver ran through you.

 

"Thanks" you blushed "If I'm honest, I’m kinda winging it" you admitted

 

he laughed tilting his head to the side

 

"Well your doing a great job, doll"

 

Your eyes widened at the word "doll". Okay so that was the cutest thing ever, and it sounded so sexy coming from him. You felt like you'd been blushing for the past hour and it just kept coming as he held you close to him.

 

Your eyes fell behind him and immiediatly made contact with Steve's. You looked away quickly, the look on his face ingrained in your mind. He looked hurt, upset almost or maybe disappointed. You chanced another look to see Sharon sat to the side of him chatting away at him. He wasn't paying attention, he was looking at you. You looked away again and back at bucky clearing your throat.

 

"Uhm...I'm just going to the ladies..." you said suddenly slipping from his grasp and making your way through the crowds and out into the hallway.

 

________________________________

 

After your trip to the ladies you'd found a quiet spot outside on the balcony to get some air and take in the last few hours trying to decide whether or not this was actually happening. You'd been out there about 5 minutes when steve stepped out next to you, closing the door behind him.

 

"Y/n?" He questioned following your gaze out across New York.

 

"Hey steve..." you acknowledged allowing a quick glance to him before returning to admire the skyline.

 

"You know Bucky was worried when you disappeared earlier..." he began. You froze a little, you hadn't meant to cause concern when you'd left Bucky on the dance floor earlier.

 

"He was? Sorry...I became distracted" you admitted

 

He didn't speak but you could feel him shift next to you, closing the gap slightly.

 

"I'm sorry Sharon interrupted our conversation earlier..." he began

 

"Oh no, its fine...your girlfriend had every right to pull you away" you interjected attempting to be as subtle as possible and still get the answers you needed.

 

He picked up on it and it definitely hadn't come out as subtly as you'd have liked.

 

"Not my girlfriend..." he confirmed before pausing, having an battle within his own mind "...it's complicated.." he finished.

 

You nodded releasing a slow breath as you tried to gather your thoughts unsure of what to say in response.

 

"You’re a good dancer..." he said, his voice low as he changed the subject.

 

You smiled , this was the second time you'd had your dancing complimented tonight.

 

"Thanks, I noticed you didn't spend any time on the dance floor..." you commented finally allowing yourself to face him trying to steady your breathing as you felt the familiar magnetic pull that you felt every time your eyes met.

 

His stance changed and he tensed up as he spoke his next words.

 

"No. You could say I'm waiting for the right partner" he breathed, starting to get lost in his thoughts once more.

 

There were a few more seconds of comfortable content silence before either of you spoke again.

 

"It seems Ill be seeing a lot more of you Capt....steve"

 

He was knocked out of his thoughts, straightening himself, his eyes sparkling with perhaps hope as he waited for you to continue.

 

"Mr Stark offered me a job...." you explained your tone filled with optimism, a huge difference from the Y/N he'd met at the start of the evening.

 

"I start Monday" you declared, a now huge beaming smile lighting up your features. He mirrored your smile as he slid out of his jacket placing it over your shoulders.

 

"I'm happy for you doll, really, I'm glad your night turned around" his fingers made contact with your shoulders as he placed his jacket over you, each touch sending a bolt of electricity through your body. You hadn't even noticed how cold you were untill now- and there was that word again. "Doll". Man that word did things to you.

 

"Thanks" you said gesturing to his jacket, the gap between you had seemingly disappeared throughout your conversation.

 

There was silence again as you became lost in the depth of his eyes.

 

"Without your help, I would definitely be crying into a Chinese right about now." You laughed lightly your eyes still locked on his.

 

He smiled softly his hand slowly coming to rest on your cheek as he tilted your head up slightly.

 

"Then I'm glad to be of service" he whispered faintly before he closed the gap between you even further his soft lips making contact with your own. The electricity you'd felt by his touch earlier was much more intense through his kiss. You both relaxed into it, his arms snaking around your waist as he pulled your body flush against his. Your hands rested on his chest and you let out a small whimper as your fingers found the rock hard muscles beneath his shirt.

 

When you both finally pulled away you were both breathless, your heart banging against your chest threatening to break your rib cage. You both laughed softly as your eyes met once more.

 

"That was....unexpected" you whispered breaking the silence

 

"Ive waited too long once before..." he excused, you could see the worry in his eyes in case he may have overstepped.

 

You leant up and kissed him briefly once more.

 

"Unexpected but....amazing" you blushed.

 

He beamed, satisfied with your response, slowly releasing you from his grasp. The door opened and natasha stood in the door way

 

"Oh hey y/N.....steve" she said, a sly smirk plastered across her face.

 

"Youre needed inside rogers..." she concluded, giving You one more knowing smirk before turning and heading back in.

 

Steve took a breath and nodded

 

"I should go and..."

 

you cut him off stepping back slowly, a small smile still playing on your lips.

 

"I should be going anyway, busy day tomorrow" you lied sliding his jacket off of your shoulders and handing it back to him.

 

He took it from you folding it over his arm.

 

"Ill see you Monday?" He asked as you turned away from him.

 

You reached the door looking back briefly

 

"See you Monday" you confirmed before heading for the exit, the smile still plastered on your face. You made your way to the elevator passing Michelle on your way. She shot a glare in your direction and you mustered up the confidence for a sassy wave as you glided past her sliding happily into the elevator.

 

You pressed the ground level button and stepped back waiting for the doors to close. And they did...but not before your eyes met Bucky's. The look on his face making your breath catch in your throat, similar to the look steve had had earlier when you had been dancing with Bucky.

 

Monday was going to be interesting, that was for sure.


	2. It’s been so long

 

 

 

 

It was a year later when you finally returned to the Avengers tower to begin your new job.

 

Following the party, you had received a call telling you that your mother had been taken ill and subsequently had returned home to be with her. When she passed away a few months ago your father had urged you to carry on living your life and even though to you, this seemed impossible, you were determined to make her proud.

 

You'd been back in New York a week when you finally got through to Miss pepper pots after what seemed like a million phone calls. You'd explained the job offer you had received over a year ago and the circumstances behind your disappearance from New York and she offered to set up a meeting with Tony himself. She repeated over and over again how she wasn't making any promises and truth be told you knew you were asking a lot from Mr stark. If it wasn't enough that he had offered you an on the spot job after seeing no resume, that you had not turned up for, you were now asking him to give you another shot.

 

The meeting had taken place out of the tower, you weren't sure why but pepper had assured you that this was standard. You had had a short meeting in the back of a restaurant, separated from the other diners. As soon as Mr stark had heard the reasons for your untimely departure he was more than willing to help. mr stark had definitely changed over the years he'd been iron man. The old Tony would never have agreed to meet with someone so unremarkable, a waitress that he'd spoken to for five minutes let alone find it in his heart to hear her story and subsequently offer her yet another job.

 

You'd been relieved and ever so grateful when he had decided to help you once more. He explained however that the original position had been filled but he was sure he could find something for you to do.

 

So here you were, dressed smartly in a black long sleeved dress that sat just above the knee, anxiously playing with the ends of your hair as the lady on reception typed into the computer.

 

"And you say your here to see Mr stark?" She questioned, peering over the top of her glasses, contemplating whether you were for real.

 

You nodded and she continued to tap away.

 

"One moment please" she said finally before getting up from her seat and exiting through a door in the back.

 

You relaxed your shoulders slightly as she walked away turning your back to the reception desk and taking in your surroundings. It really was an impressive building, so vast. You eyed up the other people in the lobby, most of them smartly dressed similarly to you, others in combat uniform that you presumed belonged to shield.

 

Maybe you should have put your hair up, that might have given a better impression. Just as you were contemplating rushing off to the bathroom to correct the situation the lady behind the desk returned and handed you a lanyard with a security pass on it.

 

"Top floor, Friday will direct you when you arrive" she explained barely giving you a second glance as she flicked through the magazine on her desk.

 

"Uhm....thanks" you said, taking the lanyard from the desk and walking over to the elevator.

 

You walked in pressing the top floor button.

 

"Please present your security pass" a voice said through the speakers. You looked around a little lost and noticed the scanner by the keypad. You held your pass under the scanner and the doors closed, the elevator beginning its climb to the top floor.

 

"Good morning, Miss Y/L/N" came a different voice.

 

You looked around sceptically

 

"I'm Friday , here to assist you. Mr stark is currently in the lab but has asked you wait in the seating area to the right" he continued

 

"Okay, thank....you" you said unsure if you would get a response.

 

"Of course miss Y/L/N"

 

The elevator came to a stop and you hesitantly stepped out taking in your surroundings once more. It was all so familiar and yet unfamiliar at the same time. You walked to the right to find a seating area as Jarvis had described and took a seat on the edge of the chair clasping your hands together.

 

This was the floor the party had been on all that time ago, it looked the same except without all the 40s Decor. As you scanned the room you remembered the different moments that happened in each place, the dance with Bucky, laughing with him at the bar. Natasha taking you under her wing and that kiss...with steve. You blushed a little at the memory as a door to your left swung open and Tony stepped out. You stood immediately

 

"Ah, y/n glad you could make it this time" he joked raising his brows.

 

"Mr stark, of course, thank you again for giving me a second chance" you replied with a nervous laugh.

 

He weighed it up for a second

 

"You might want to thank pepper for that" he admitted, but you knew he was just trying to pass on the praise, unable to take it himself.

 

You nodded, smiling shyly in response.

 

"So, as I mentioned the original position has, of course been filled. BUT" he said holding his finger in the air as he began to walk obviously expecting you to follow, so you did.

 

"lucky for you, we're expanding...." he smiled with a shrug of his shoulders leading you to another room to the left of the elevator. Inside it was all white walls, glistening floors just as you'd remembered, but there was a huge desk that sat along the back wall. Glowing with white light and a huge "A" for avengers plastered on the front of it.

 

"When we first started...avenging" he explained "There were only a handful of us, easy to keep track of..."

 

You listened intently fidgeting with your fingers.

 

"But, more and more heroes keep coming through those doors, so I figured we need someone to help with schedules and keeping track of the team." He explained.

 

"Think of it as a receptionist....but just for the team." He finished.

 

You raised your brows, wow. This was not what you had been expecting.

 

"Wow, thank you Mr stark. Are you sure I'm right for the job, I thought I'd probably just be making tea and coffee...." you admitted slightly embarrassed "I don't have much exper......"

 

He cut you off with a wave of his hand.

 

"I'm sure there will still be lots of tea and coffee making" he agreed with a smirk

 

"Dont worry, you're gunna do fine. Pepper will be on call if you need her." He patted you on your shoulder and with that, he was gone.

 

______________________

 

You'd been on the desk for a week before you saw Steve or Bucky.

 

They had been out on a mission somewhere in Slovakia with both Natasha and Sam, which had given you time to get to know some of the other avengers and adjust to your new role. It was pretty simple really and to be honest you were pretty sure Jarvis already handled all of the things you were doing. This made you even more thankful that Tony had taken pity on you.

 

You'd found time to hang out with some of the team who had all been very welcoming. The team now consisted of Clint, Natasha, Tony, Rhodey, Sam, Bucky, Steve, Wanda, Vision, Thor, T'challa, Bruce and Peter although you still weren't entirely sure what his role was within the team.

 

Clint had taken you under his wing when you first arrived, taking it upon himself to introduce you to the rest of the team. He reminded you of one of your best friends at home, so you'd easily fallen into a comfortable friendship. T'challa didn't stay on site and so you hadn't spent much time getting to know him and the same went for Thor. Wanda and vision had kept themselves to themselves for the first few days but had eventually warmed up to you. You and Wanda had even spent some time watching reruns of friends, much to Tony's annoyance. Tony and Bruce spent most of their time in the labs, which you had been strictly told to stay clear of, but Tony still found time to torment you. He was trying to find you a nickname but was yet to find one he was fully sold on.

 

Then there was peter. Peter was the kindest and sweetest guy you'd ever met. He was full of enthusiasm and often hung around your desk, obviously bored with half of the team away on missions. He was still at school so wasn't around all of the time but you were always glad when he returned, usually with hilarious tales of his friends Ned and MJ.

 

Peter was sat on the edge of your desk when the quinjet landed beside the tower.

 

"They're back" he said simply, grinning from ear to ear.

 

Your stomach flipped as you realised what he meant by that and you straightened up in your chair causing him to shake his head with a smile.

 

"Shut up" you said simply pretending to look busy.

 

It wasn't 30 seconds later when Steve, Bucky, Natasha and Sam exited the elevator and into the new reception of the top floor. You made the mistake of looking up, swallowing thickly as you took in their appearance. The last time you'd seen them they had all been in evening attire and while that was hard enough to resist, this was much much worse.

 

Steve was in his full captain America uniform, his suit a dark navy with a white star clad across his chest. His shield positioned on his back, his thumbs hooked in the band of his trousers and a small amount of stubble upon his chin.

 

Bucky was dressed in dark clothing too, his leather jacket revealing his silver and gold arm. His hair was slightly longer than the last time you'd seen him and was brushed over to the side.

 

Sam was in his full tactile gear also, his falcon wings still strapped to his back and natasha looked incredible in her tight fitting gear, her hair cropped and blonde as opposed to the red hair she'd had at the party.

 

All of them were covered head to toe with various weapons. A few cuts and bruises littered their exposed skin that was on show. It seemed like it had been a rough mission, Natasha seemed to be limping ever so slightly.

 

You cleared your throat to stop yourself from gawking turning your attention to peter to continue your "looking busy" approach. Natasha was the first to spot you her eyes widening.

 

"Only took you a year..." she hummed sauntering over to the desk. You looked up a smile falling over your features

 

"Hey....yeah, its a long story" You admitted

 

She nodded in response

 

"Well I'm glad you finally made it" she offered, turning back to look at the rest of the team

 

"Look fellas....Y/n is here" she almost sang looking between you and the super soldiers.

 

You followed her eye-line making eye contact with steve, offering him a small shy smile.

 

He cleared his throat, his features remaining serious as he approached the desk.

 

"Miss (Y/L/N)" he addressed you, causing a frown to immediately flood your features.

 

He placed a briefcase on your desk matter of factly.

 

"Please make sure Fury gets this. Wouldn't want it getting in the wrong hands" he said curtly with a nod before walking Cooley away.

 

You were in shock. This was not the steve you had met at the party, this was Captain Rogers. Why had he addressed you as miss (Y/L/N) ? What had you done to deserve that reception? Was he mad that you'd been gone for a year? Did he hate you now? You looked to Natasha, but she just shrugged.

 

"Hey Y/N" Bucky finally spoke up staying in his position by the door.

 

"Bucky" you replied your eyes soft, a mix of happiness and hurt.

 

He allowed a half smile to fall over him before following in the direction steve had gone.

 

Silence.

 

"Ouch. I do not know what you've done to piss them off, but I would not want to be in your shoes right now, let me tell you that" said Sam a little too cheerily.

 

He walked over to the desk to stand beside Natasha.

 

"its good to see you Y/n" he said with a genuine smile.

 

"Thanks Sam, I'm glad someone is." You sighed.

 

"Hey. Two people are" Natasha defended "So half...that's not bad going" she wagered.

 

Peter let out a small chuckle to the side of her.

 

"Hey Y/n" Natasha started "Did peter tell you that he's Spider-Man yet?" She said casually, winking at him as she strutted out of the room.

 

Sam followed obviously just enjoying all the drama.

 

Peter froze, looking at you.

 

"You're Spider-Man?! " you asked in disbelief

 

"Uhm......No?" He tried.


	3. I knew I should have stretched

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK <3

 

 

It was lunch time at the avengers tower and most of the team were sat in the main living area.

 

You had chosen to stay at your desk. The tension that had been created on steve and Bucky's return was making life at the tower less than comfortable to say the least. You hadn't noticed tony stood leaning against the door frame, arms crossed across his chest until he spoke, causing you to jump out of your seat.

 

"Your living quarters are ready" he said simply.

 

you took a deep breath recovering from the shock of his sudden announcement.

 

"God, Tony you've got to stop doing that. Sorry, what did you say?" You asked in confusion.

 

"Oh, whoops" he said in fake apology "Did I forget to tell you? Sorry, your position also comes with living quarters, they just weren't quite ready when you arrived" he explained

 

"If you speak to pepper, we'll arrange a car to come and collect you and your things"

 

You frowned as yet again he bombarded you with new information.

 

"What? Wait, You want me to live here? With you guys?" You asked in disbelief.

 

All of the team had their own living quarters within the tower, even those who were off world like Thor or T'challa who mostly resided in wakanda but you d never dreamed they would offer you an apartment.

 

"You got it, kid" he said with a smile adjusting the cuffs of his shirt and he walked forward releasing a key onto your desk.

 

"Tony, it's too much. I'm honestly fine, I have an apartment...its nice...homey" you lied.

 

He smiled at your failed attempt to cover up your disgust for your current residence

 

"Last door at the end of the corridor." He said noticing your discomfort by the offer

"Its Better for the team to have you on site" he pretended as he turned his back, walking towards the door.

 

"Call pepper" he called back to you as he headed back to the main part of the living area.

 

__________________________

 

you weren't entirely sure how you felt about moving in to the avengers tower. A week ago you would have been thrilled at the idea of spending as much time with both Bucky and steve as possible. But since things had turned frosty between the three of you, you were convinced moving into their home was a bad idea.

 

Natasha, Peter, Clint and Wanda were all over excited at the prospect, which warmed your heart considering you weren't exactly one of them and hadn't known them all that long.

 

"Come on, think of all the friends we can watch" Wanda sang nudging your arm.

 

" kid, you know the team love having you around." Clint encouraged. "Bake some of those brownies every week and ain't nobody going to complain that your living here" he joked.

 

"Wait, I missed brownies?" Natasha quizzed.

 

"They were so good" peter enthused.

 

you smiled at their expectant faces, your desk had somehow become a hang out spot for the team when they weren't training or on missions.

 

"Okay...okay. You’re right, and I guess the commute would be easier" you admitted.

 

"That's the spirit kid" Clint cheered giving your shoulder a squeeze.

 

"That's decided then, but next time you make brownies, I want in"  Natasha concluded with a casual shrug.

 

"What's decided?" Came a familiar voice from the door way.

 

Steve.

 

"Y/n is moving in with us" Peter explained beaming from ear to ear as usual.

 

You offered him a weak smile, not entirely sure you wanted him to respond to this new information.

 

He didn't.

 

"Nat, Wanda, training room" he said instead before disappearing as quickly as he'd arrived.

 

There was a moment of silence as the five of you took in the awkwardness that had just occurred before everyone broke out in general chatter to mask the quiet , as they all began to head off through different doors leaving you alone.

 

____________________________________

 

Two days later and you were fully moved in. You didn't have that many belongings, as you'd not been able to take much with you when you left Y/h/T. Just a few bags of clothes and some photos. Your apartment was insane to say the least. It was much larger than you could have ever imagined, a glossy dark grey kitchen stood against the back wall with a connecting breakfast bar. A striking dining table in front of it with feature lighting above and to the side of that a stunning living area, with two large navy velvet sofas, a soft cream rug filling the space between them.

 

The biggest TV you'd ever seen sat in the corner and the photos you'd brought with you were already hung on the walls making it feel more like home. The bathroom was down a small hallway towards the back of the apartment and was absolutely beautiful. A claw footed bath sat in the middle of the room, his and hers sinks to the side and a separate shower beside them.

 

The bedroom was just across the hall from the bathroom and was almost as big as the living area. The biggest bed you had ever seen stretched almost the entire length of the room and a walk in wardrobe that you'd initially mistaken for a closet stood in the corner.

 

You hung the last of your clothes up in the vast wardrobe laughing lightly to yourself at how little space you had actually used, when there was a knock on the door.

 

You walked swiftly through the apartment pulling the door open with a smile

"Hey..." you said enthusiastically until your brain registered who it was who was standing at your door. Bucky.

 

"Y/n" he said, a small unsure smile flitting across his lips. Your eyes lingered a second too long before you took a step backwards gesturing him in.

 

"Uh....come on in...." you nodded unsure as to why he was here. To be honest you were a little angry at both him and Steve for the way they had treated you since your return.

 

He took a few steps into your apartment, just far enough that you could close the door before turning back to look at you. He towered above you, his eyes as piercing as ever, your heart immediately quickening, much to your disgust.

 

"Y/n, I'm sorry I've been avoiding you" he admitted scratching the back of his head awkwardly.

 

You wanted to brush it off, say it was fine, pretend you weren't hurt. But you couldn't. You needed to know why.

 

"What did I do wrong Bucky?" You asked mustering up as much confidence as you could.

 

he sighed running his metal hand through his long dark hair.

 

"Its been over a year y/n and the last time I saw you, you were...." he didn't continue but you knew what he meant. He'd seen you kiss steve at the party. You'd never forget the hurt look on his face as the elevator doors closed.

 

"I didn't want to step on anyone's toes, I just didn't know how to be around you" he admitted.

 

You nodded in understanding releasing a breath as you walked further into the apartment so you weren't standing in the doorway. You leant against the breakfast bar as you considered your next words.

 

"Well, steve wont even talk to me so I wouldn't worry about that" you said unable to hide the bitterness in your voice. You could kind of understand why Bucky had acted strangely around you, but Steve?

 

Bucky seemed to consider something for a moment before he spoke up.

 

"He's with Sharon..." he spat out quickly.

 

You froze, your eyes widening. You tried to hide your reaction but you knew the disappointment must have shown.

 

"they've been together for almost a year now" he continued.

 

Well that explained a few things.

 

"Oh" you replied unsure of what else to say. You hadn't considered that Steve might have moved on and be dating someone by now, which now you thought about it was ridiculous. You'd spent one night together at a party, shared one kiss and you just thought you could swan back in and pick up where you'd left off.

 

You weren't angry at Steve any more, or Bucky. You were angry at yourself.

 

"Good" you decided looking up to meet Bucky's confused gaze

 

"I'm glad he's happy, he deserves to be" you said truthfully a small smile softening the tension in the room.

 

Bucky seemed to relax immediately at your confession.

 

"It really is good to have you back" he said reaching for the door.

 

"Thanks Bucky.." you said in a whisper, a wave of relief washing over you as he turned to leave.

 

"Hey barnes....I missed you" you added. He looked up, raising a brow at the use of his last name his eyes meeting yours once more. He didn't speak, a soft smirk gracing his features as he nodded in response before leaving your apartment, closing the door behind him.

 

____________________________

 

You felt better after your conversation with Bucky, lighter almost, but that didn't stop your discomfort around steve.

 

You and peter were messing around in the main kitchen dancing to "hooked on a feeling" and singing at the top of your voices when you next saw Steve. Peter was hanging upside down from the ceiling whilst doing the washing up to make you laugh. It worked , you were doubled over laughing and taking a few photos with your phone when he walked in through the doors.

 

He wasn't in his tactical gear, just tracksuit bottoms and a tight under armour workout shirt, so you could only assume he'd either been for a run or was about to.

 

"You know you cant post any of those" he said in his captain voice nodding towards your phone.

 

You looked up still laughing as peter dropped from the ceiling saluting the captain in a typical peter Parker fashion.

 

"I know, just keeping them for blackmail" you joked.

 

"Hey!" Peter defended "that's cold"

 

You laughed again.

 

"What can I do for you Captain rogers" you asked, purposefully not calling him steve in childish retaliation to him calling you miss (Y/l/n) the other day.

 

he almost looked surprised at your sudden growth in confidence, but gathered himself none the less.

 

"Yes, we- the team" he clarified "Think that if you're going to be working in such close contact with us its only right you learn some self defence. Just being around us puts you at a much higher risk than the average civilian"

 

"Sounds good to me Cap" you said quickly hoping he wouldn't change his mind, emphasising the P at the end of Cap.

He raised a brow and you were sure you saw a faint smile

 

"20 minutes. Target practice" he finished holding your gaze.

 

You nodded, the cockiness you'd held only a moment ago slipping away in favour of the blush that was beginning to creep over your cheeks. God damn it. You cursed yourself at your lack of control around this man.

 

With that he was gone. You didn't catch the quick glance he risked on his way out, or the fact that he spent the next five minutes with a small smile plastered across his face.

________________________________

 

20 minutes later and you were making your way down to the shooting range having changed into the shield combat suit that Natasha had thoughtfully laid out for you. If you were being honest with yourself you actually looked pretty good, not Black widow good, but good. It hugged your curves and accentuated your waist and you actually felt pretty confident in it. You had pulled your hair up into a messy bun, a few loose curls falling to frame your face and you were ready to go.

 

When you got there you were surprised to see a whole lot more of the team than you had first anticipated.

 

"Oh, Hi guys" you said raising both of your brows eyeing them all up suspiciously aware that most of them were probably here to watch you fail epically.

 

Steve, Natasha, Clint, Bucky and peter all turned round upon hearing your voice.

 

You didn't miss the look on both steve and Bucky's face as they admired your outfit, your confidence wavering for a second.

 

Suddenly the silence was deafening so Natasha stepped in.

 

"Looking good, Y/n" she said beckoning you to follow her, which you did.

 

peter was standing looking pretty smug.

 

"What are you doing here Parker? Dont you have detention or something?" You asked giving him a grin on your way past.

 

Peter just rolled his eyes and Clint patted him on the shoulder laughing along. Bucky stepped back until his back was against the wall so he could watch from a distance and Steve stood to the side of the shooting range so he could assist where needed.

 

"Maybe I should teach her how to shoot arrows...." Clint spoke up with a shrug

 

"One step at a time" Natasha replied as she picked up a glock 26 preparing it in seconds and holding it out to you. You were impressed at the sheer speed in which she'd handled it and also hugely intimidated that she now expected you to take the loaded gun from her.

 

 

"this is my weapon of choice" she explained "Its not too heavy, easy to handle and well....its pretty nifty" she shrugged.

 

You carefully took the gun from her hand holding it at arms length almost like it was going to spontaneously combust.

 

She cocked her head to the side.

 

"It wont bite" she whispered. You hadn't  missed Peter making himself comfortable sitting crossed legged on a beam to the right of you.

 

"That's not what I'm worried about..." you replied, receiving a chuckle from the team.

 

Natasha manhandled you into position showing you the perfect stance, she pushed down on your shoulders until your relaxed.

 

"y/n you've stopped breathing" she stated stepping in front of you.

 

"Got to remember to keep breathing y/n" Peter chimed in, now lying back against the beam. You cursed him silently, you would get him back for this.

 

Natasha raised your arm slowly until you were holding the gun in front of you

 

"okay, now slowly squeeze the trigger" she said, her voice soft and smooth, comforting.

 

You inhaled deeply, hesitating momentarily. You were in a room full of avengers and you'd be damned if you looked a fool in front of them. You squeezed slowly and BANG.

 

________________________________

 

Natasha nodded in approval

 

"There you go..." she congratulated.

 

"maybe next time aim for the target" added Clint with a shrug.

 

Natasha shook her head

 

"Okay that's it, Clint, Peter....out" she demanded. They both looked to her ready to protest but she pointed to the door.

 

"Out." She repeated.

 

They muttered and cursed as they left.

 

"Thank you" you mouthed to her and she nodded.

 

______________________________

 

Half an hour later and you were improving ,that was for sure but you still weren't any where near the centre of the targets and you were beginning to get frustrated. You felt like you were doing everything you were being told to do and you were two more rounds away from stomping your feet like a child and giving up.

 

"Cap?" Natasha asked.

 

You'd almost forgotten Steve and Bucky were there as you'd been so focused on learning from Natasha. Steve pushed himself off of the wall that he'd been leaning against with a nod and came to stand behind you. Your entire body tensed up as he neared you, that damn heart of yours quickening and giving you away.

 

"So you're almost there, you're just not breathing correctly" he explained mirroring your position behind you.

 

"Okay aim at the target" he asked and you obliged lifting the gun a little too quickly.

 

"Maybe a little slower next time" he spoke with a chuckle, his voice low, quiet.

 

You nodded as he placed his hands on your shoulders pulling you back against him to straighten your stance.

 

"Better" he acknowledged his right hand traveling down your arm till he held the gun with you.

 

You let out a shaky breath, your eyes closing momentarily as you tried to compose yourself. You could feel the solidness of his chest against your back and the way he held you near to him almost had your knees giving way under you.

 

"Deep breath in..." he whispered, and you tried, you took as much air in as your lungs would allow.

 

As you started to breathe out he told you to squeeze the trigger.

 

BANG

 

pause

 

Silence

 

Your laugh rang out across the shooting range as you looked past the gun to the target. Bullseye.

 

"I did it!" You cheered  "I did it!!"

 

You put the gun down and threw your arms around his neck, too caught up in sheer joy to worry about the ins and outs.

 

He laughed sharing your joy, his arms snaking around your waist as he picked you up twirling you around. He slowed down, your laugh still echoing across the room until you were back down on your tiptoes, his arms still holding onto you and yours still around his neck.

 

Your laugh slowly turned into a smile as your eyes lingered on his lips before settling on his eyes. He was looking at you, like really looking at you. You felt the heat rise in your cheeks, your breathing shallow and ragged, his smile mirroring your own.

 

"So..." Natasha cut in, clearing her throat. And just like that the moment was over. You both quickly retrieved your arms, straightening up, both of your faces reddening.

 

"Maybe we should move on to self defence?" She asked, a smirk accenting her tone.

 

you nodded.

 

"yes...good idea...right....self defence" you caught Steve's eye once more and then you caught Bucky's.

 

He looked pissed. You felt your breathe catch in your throat , you had forgotten he was even there and now the sense of guilt was overwhelming. You and Bucky had only ever had two conversations together and yet you felt a magnetic pull towards him, making it impossible to not feel guilty.  Steve was his best friend. And on top of that Steve was in a relationship.

 

He was in a relationship, you suddenly remembered. In a relationship, in a relationship , in a relationship you told yourself as you followed Natasha over to the safety mats trying to push aside the feeling of self hatred you had for yourself right now.

 

Bucky looked at Steve and Steve at Bucky. There was nothing to say. They both understood.

 

 

 


	4. It wasn’t him

 

 

Steve put his arm across his back patting him on the shoulder in mutual understanding as they followed you and Natasha.

 

"I know pal...I know" steve said with a sigh.

 

_____________________________________________

 

Natasha had shown you about a dozen self defence moves. This was more your speed and you were getting the hang of it pretty quickly. She soon decided it was time to test them out.

 

You looked over to the two super soldiers, weighing up your options, but Natasha made the decision for you.

 

"Barnes, you're up" she announced stepping aside.

 

"remember take it slow, and only go at her in the ways I've shown her to defend herself" she explained.

 

He nodded slowly as he joined you on the Matt, flexing his metal hand as he got into position. Intimidating was not a strong enough word to describe how Bucky barnes looked right now. But he wore it well and you could feel that familiar acceleration of your heart rate as he got closer to you.

 

What had you gotten yourself into? Half an hour of self defence and you were up against the winter soldier. You scoffed silently to yourself at the thought and readied yourself for the attack.

 

He took it slow at first twisting your arm up behind your back. He was so close to you, closer than he had been before, his breath on your neck causing you to lose concentration. Focus, focus. You scolded yourself. You thought back to what Natasha had taught you and performed the manoeuvres as best as you could remember.

 

Somehow ten minutes in, you had managed to get the winter solider on his back, straddling his chest, his arms pinned under your knees. You were out of breath, that was for sure and had Bucky actually been trying to take you out you'd have stood no chance. You grinned down at him in victory, feeling slightly smug.

 

"You okay there soldier?" You teased receiving a laugh from both Steve and Natasha. Bucky rewarded with you with a genuine smile, which slowly seemed to fade as he became lost in his thoughts.

 

Suddenly the world flipped upside down and your back hit the coolness of the Matt, Bucky on top of you, his weight almost crushing you. You took a deep breath laughing lightly from your compromising position

 

"Easy there doll, don't get ahead of yourself" he almost growled smirking down at you.

 

Dear god, you were so turned on right now. There was nothing that was going to bring those self defence moves back to the front of your mind anytime soon, you relented, holding in a whimper of frustration as he climbed off of you.

 

Natasha clapped her hands together making you jump, bringing you back to reality.

 

"So I think that's enough for today" she said cutting through the silence.

 

You breathed a sigh of relief, you were exhausted and you weren't sure you could take much more of the sexual tension.

 

"You okay there y/n?" Steve asked holding out his hand to help you up. You took it willingly, familiar electricity running down your arm.

 

"Yeah fine, we don't all have super soldier stamina you know..." you quipped with a smile.

 

"So were back to Y/n?" You asked as you all headed towards the exit.

 

He thought for a moment, a flash of guilt washing over his expression as he remembered how he'd spoken to you when he'd first seen you again.

 

"I guess we are..." he said with a half smile, his mind becoming distracted.

 

You looked to Bucky who shared the same smile as steve, talk about team building. Maybe things were going to be okay.

 

_____________________________________

 

it was 2:30 in the afternoon, you were tapping away at the keyboard at your desk trying to be useful, which was difficult when the job you were doing didn't actually need doing.

 

You'd already logged where the team were going to be for the day and transferred at least a dozen calls and if you were being honest with yourself. This was pointless. You were going to have to speak to Tony. Not only did you feel bad for the free lodging and the generous wages that you were receiving but you felt like you could be doing more.

 

There had to be more. Right? On paper, working as a private receptionist for Tony stark and the rest of the avengers sounded amazing especially with all the perks it came with but you were restless and fidgety. Sure the self defence lessons and target practice were great when there was someone around to practice with, but day to day you were starting to feel like a waste of space. The team were off on missions or creating and designing in the lab, making a real difference.

 

You leant back in your chair inhaling deeply as you pondered your thoughts. Ofcourse you were always going to feel like an outsider amongst these Gods and Heroes, you'd been silly to think otherwise. You were their receptionist, not their equal and as much as they tried to include you, thats just how it was and always would be.

 

You pushed yourself up from your chair straightening out your dress. Maybe a coffee would help lift your spirits. You wandered through the hallways until you reached the main living area. No one was around and that was probably a good thing. You weren't sure you'd be able to muster up so much as a smile let alone a conversation with the way you were feeling.

 

"Everything okay?" came the deep tones of the captain from the seating area when you were about half way through your coffee making process.

 

"Oh, Hey steve" you said in surprise. you must have been miles away in your thoughts not have noticed him.

 

"ofcourse-" you continued adding another heaped teaspoon of sugar to your cup. "Just trying to keep busy" you added forcing a smile as you stirred absentmindedly.

 

He considered your reply for a moment before placing down what you thought to be a sketch book on the side and climbing to his feet. He wandered over to the other side of the breakfast bar resting his forearms across the surface as he read your expression.

 

You slid your hands around your coffee mug, enjoying the warmth and allowed your eyes to study his.

 

"You know, Im going to the Smithsonian this afternoon to gather some intelligence on some of the staff. When we took down strucker, his staff scattered. We've had a tip off that some of them may be working at the Smithsonian..." he explained

 

"-And you want to know why?" you finished taking a large sip of your overly sugared coffee.

 

"exactly" he said, a twinkle in his eye. "want to come?" he asked with a raise of his brow.

 

You stood up a little straighter slightly confused.

 

"Isn't this a mission?" you asked.

 

He tilted his head as he spoke "You could say that, but I need to blend in. Having you there will only help assist in that"

 

You thought about it for a moment, a slow smile taking over your features, maybe being a regular civilian could still be useful.

 

"Sure, why not?" You agreed placing your mug in the sink.

 

He stood to his full height again towering above you once more.

 

"Be ready in 10, Ill meet you in the parking lot" he said in his cap voice.

 

you couldn't help but let out a nervous laugh standing to attention and saluting him.

 

"Roger that , Captain"  you joked lowering your voice before heading to your room to get changed.

 

You didn't catch the smile that flooded his features as you walked away, or the deep breath he took before following you out.

 

_________________________________

 

10 minutes later you wandered into the parking lot expectantly looking around for any sign of steve. You'd chosen a light blue tea dress paired with a leather jacket and ankle boots. You'd released your hair from the tight bun you'd worn for "work" and it now fell in loose curls around your shoulders.

 

You heard the roar of an engine as steve rounded the corner on his Harley. Okay so maybe you'd have dressed differently if you'd known this was to be your method of transport.

 

"Ready?" He asked simply, that soft smirk lingering on his lips. He wore a dark blue jacket with a plain white tee beneath it and he was breathtaking, especially sat astride the bike.

 

You smiled nervously as you eyed up the Harley.

 

"Uhm...yeah" you breathed as he passed you a helmet, even though he wasn't wearing one. Just one of the benefits of being a super soldier you supposed as you pulled it on. Great. Hat hair. You climbed onto the back as gracefully as you could manage as the bike roared to life once more.

 

"Probably best if you hold on..." he whispered with a knowing smile. You nodded in agreement and slid your hands around his waist shuffling a little closer to him, your breath hitching at the contact.

 

And then you were off. No more time to appreciate the abs you could feel beneath your fingers or the scent of his cologne that always made your head swim. You screwed your eyes up tightly at first only daring to take peak a couple of minutes in. Your knuckles were white where you clutched onto his tee, your face pressed into the back of his jacket

 

"Alright back there?" He almost yelled trying to be heard above the engine.

 

"Mhmmm...hmmm" you managed receiving a laugh in return.

 

10 minutes in and you were finding your feet, he rode well and the journey was smooth. You felt safe with your arms tight around him and you'd managed to relax enough to take in the scenery around you.

 

By the time you arrived at the Smithsonian you'd decided riding on the back of Steves Harley was one of your favourite things to do. It wasn't just that you had an excuse to be close to him, but you found the whole thing exhilarating. Perhaps there was an adrenaline junkie buried somewhere deep down after all.

 

 

The bike came to a steady stop and he kicked out the kickstand propping it up, waiting for you to climb off. You released his shirt from your grip and slid off the bike patting down your dress as best as you could. You pulled the bike helmet off and glared at steve knowing your fate. And true enough the minute his eyes caught site of you he was laughing.

 

Your hair was all over the place, flat to your head in some parts and frizzy everywhere else. You had no idea how some girls managed to make riding a bike look sexy, you were not one of those girls. Not by a long shot. Luckily Steve wasn't fazed by your crazy hair and lifted his hand pushing the loose strands out of your eyes.

 

He smiled down at you with a sense of adoration in his eyes that this time you didn't miss. The familiar red blushed your cheeks as you cleared your throat taking a step back as Sharon flashed through your mind.

 

"Come on..." he said holding his arm out to you. "Lets go read about...well me" he said with a shrug.

 

You took his arm willingly as you started towards the museum.

 

"We're going to the Captain America part?!" You asked, the fan girl in you surfacing a little bit.

 

He let out an easy laugh

 

"I'm afraid so.." he admitted as you wandered in to the lobby. He placed a baseball cap on causing you to snicker absentmindedly.

 

"Whats so funny?" He asked slightly confused.

 

"Is that supposed to be a disguise?" You laughed "-because I gotta tell you cap, you just look like Captain America in a baseball cap"

 

He shrugged "you'd be surprised how often this works" he whispered as you neared the front desk.

 

"Two please" he said keeping his head low as he paid for your tickets.

 

________________________________

 

Steve had left you to your own devices for 20 minutes or so while he did the official part of the "mission", so you had made yourself busy reading up on his past and watching the various videos that were on display.

 

You were sat in the viewing room watching a video of the howling commandos on a rescue mission on the outskirts of Vienna  when Steve rejoined you. You hadn't noticed him come in as you watched him and Bucky interact with each other on screen. It warmed your heart to watch them together, they were so in sync. Protecting each other at all costs, laughing and joking with one another when they could.

 

"you ready to go?" He whispered. You jumped slightly but didn't take your eyes off the screen as you held your hand up to shush him. You didn't want to be rude but you too were enthralled with the videos to leave now.

 

"Five more minutes?" You asked, noticing how much you sounded like a child who didn't want to leave the play ground. Steve smiled to himself as he watched your expression with interest , your eyes locked onto the screen. Then he heard her. Peggy. She was speaking about Steve in the past tense. He was in the ice when this had been recorded and her voice was filled with sadness which he still found painful to listen to.

 

You leant back in your seat as your hand subconsciously found Steves, giving it a light squeeze of support. You had felt the atmosphere change when Peggy had come on screen and you couldn't even begin to understand how hard it must be to hear her voice. She was beautiful, you noted. Strong and beautiful and everything that you would have expected the love of his life to be.

 

"She was beautiful" you whispered softly your eyes falling from the screen to steve.

 

He brushed off your sentiment climbing to his feet taking a deep inhale of breathe and holding out his hand to you.

 

"Lets go..." he said, unable to hide the sadness in his tone.

 

You struggled to keep up as he almost ran through the museum to the exit. Once you got back into the main area of the museum you put your hand on his shoulder to stop him.

 

"Steve" you breathed as he turned to face you.

 

He took another deep breath finally looking up to meet your eyes

 

"I'm sorry..." he said with a sigh receiving only a frown from you.

 

"You're allowed to be sad Steve.... she was the love of your life" you said placing your hand on his arm "Even Heroes need time to mourn"

 

He contemplated it for a moment

 

"She was happy." He finally spoke, his voice cracking "and honestly thats all I could have asked for, given the circumstances." he admitted

 

You nodded in understanding, your hand slipping down his arm until your it joined with his as a sign of support.

 

"She had a life Steve and it's okay for you to have yours..."

 

He gave your hand a little squeeze as a thank you, suddenly adjusting himself and shaking away the moment.

 

"Hungry?" He asked changing the subject.

 

"Starving" you replied still gripping on to his hand. He may have tried to shake it off, but it was still in your thoughts. You could see the pain he was in and even though day to day he put on the brave face of captain America, underneath it all, Steve needed your support.

 

You both decided it had been a long day and take out back at the tower would be preferable to going out for food. When you pulled back up at the tower Sharon was waiting for steve at the door, arms folded, foot tapping.

 

You bit your lip feeling anxious on his behalf.

 

"Ill...uhm....see you inside" you said quickly climbing off the bike and heading towards the door giving Sharon a friendly smile as you neared her.

 

"Hi Sharon." You said casually trying to lighten the mood. Steve needed support right now and you could only hope she would be kind to him.

 

She didn't reply but gave a nod in your direction which was a better response than you had expected. With that, you left them alone and headed back in to the tower.

 

_________________________________________

 

 

It was 3am when you woke to the noise of screaming. It was the most spine-chilling scream you'd ever heard and had you on your feet in seconds rushing to the door of your apartment. You tried to decipher where it was coming from and thats when you realised, it was Bucky.

 

You ran through the corridors needing to get to him, to reach him, to help. You could feel the tears prick your eyes as he yelled out agonising and torturous howls. You reached his door pushing it open without a seconds thought and rushing to his side.

 

"Bucky...Bucky" you breathed, the distress evident in your voice.

 

He was asleep. He was crying out in his sleep and it was excruciating to listen to.

 

You took his hand in yours stroking up and down his arm attempting to wake him up.

 

"Shhh...Bucky its okay...bucky" you whispered but to no avail. You allowed the tears to escape now as you shifted over holding onto him tightly. "Its going to be okay..." you said trying to calm yourself down at the same time. You sobbed onto his chest sharing his pain until his screaming stopped abruptly.

 

"Bucky?" You asked again propping yourself up, your hand reaching for his cheek.

 

He didn't reply. Silence. Just as your hand made contact with the stubbled skin of his cheek...

 

You felt pain. So much pain and the coolness of metal. He had hold of your wrist.

 

It was your turn to scream now, a scream of both shock and of agony as your eyes looked to him pleadingly.

 

"Bucky....stop Bucky , you're hurting me" you whimpered but he wasn't letting go.

 

Steve rounded the corner into Bucky's room upon hearing your screams as a sickening crunch rang out across the room, your bones giving way under the pressure.

 

"Y/n?!" He asked a mix of fear and concern in his eyes as you screamed for help.

 

As quickly as he realised what was happening he had Bucky in a choke hold, his knee pinning the metal arm down as he compressed his wind pipe.

 

Bucky let out a choking noise and you noticed the smallest bit of recognition in his eyes before he passed out from lack of oxygen finally releasing your arm.

 

You threw yourself backwards as soon as you were free falling back into a heap on the floor holding onto your wounded arm as the tears ran uncontrollably down your cheeks.

 

Steve released Bucky satisfied he was down for the moment, his eyes swimming with fear as they locked on to your crumbled form.

"Y/n" he stammered.

 

You jumped to your feet, a sudden need to be anywhere else but in Bucky's room. You sprinted down the halls clutching your arm to your chest, tears stinging your now reddened face. You could hear some of the other Avengers coming out of their living quarters wandering what was going on but you just ran, ran until you reached your room and were safely behind the now locked door hidden from site.

 

You allowed yourself to sink to the floor as you choked on air and tears, your back to the door. not a moment had gone by when there was a knock on the door.

 

"Y/n?"

 

It was steve.

 

You didn't reply, you didn't have any words.

 

"Y/n, I need you to open the door.......please"

 

You'd made the decision not to let him in but hearing the worry in his "Please" forced you to stand, opening the door, your head low in an attempt to hide your tears.

 

"Oh god....sweetheart" he soothed pulling you into his chest.

 

Once you were in his arms you sobbed freely unable to hide your pain. He didn't push, he just held you, stroking your hair as you cried into him, wishing he could fix everything you were feeling.

 

10 minutes went by before you had finally calmed down enough to hold a conversation. You'd moved to sit down on the sofa, your entire body still shaking from shock. He sat by your side, his hand on the bare skin of your knee drawing invisible circles with his thumb in an attempt to comfort you.

 

"Y/n, it wasn't him" he said in a whisper.

 

"I know"

 

"He has nightmares, of hydra, of the years he spent as their weapon and when he wakes up, it takes a moment for Bucky to be Bucky again..."

 

"I wanted to help him, he was in so much pain" you cried, tears forming again.

 

"Hey, shhh....I know, I know. But the best thing you can do for Bucky when he's like that is give him space doll." he sighed running his hand through his hair, his other arm sliding behind your back and pulling you into his side gently.

 

You moved willingly into his arms yet again, sobbing on to his shoulder.

 

"I should have warned you" he added.

 

"Its not your fault"

 

"If you'd been warned then this wouldn't have happened" he said gesturing to your wrist.

 

You lifted your head placing your hand on his cheek lifting his head to look you in the eyes.

 

"not everything is your fault, steve"

 

His eyes matched the sadness of yours, guilt plaguing him as it often did.

 

There was a long pause between you, no more words to say. An unspoken conversation said with only your eyes and then his lips were on yours.

 

The kiss was soft, sad and brief. It was over before it had really begun as Sharon interrupted the moment again, in spirit this time.

 

"We should get that checked out" he said nodding towards your wrist before helping to your feet.

 

"I'm okay, I'll go and find Bruce...please go, find Bucky, make sure he's okay?" You asked concern dictating your tone.

 

He nodded with a small sad smile at the compassion and concern you held for his best friend.

 

"Ill come and find you in a bit" you finished walking with him to the door. He paused momentarily, his mind racing , before he placed a long and gentle kiss to your forehead.

 

He turned away without a word heading back into the darkened hallway.

 

 

Deep breath.

 

 

What a day.


	5. America’s Ass

______________________

 

 

Bucky had been avoiding you for an entire week now. He'd barely left his living quarters since the incident and you were concerned to say the least. Steve had told you not to worry, that he would come around, but that served as little comfort. If you could just talk to him let him know that you didn't blame him for what happened...

 

Your wrist had been broken in three separate places and had been both pinned and bandaged as a result. Tony had insisted you take a few weeks off work whilst it healed much to your dismay. You really didn't need more time to wallow about in self pity.

 

You let your forehead fall against Bucky's door in exasperation, this was the fourth time you'd tried today. You felt the warmth of a hand on your shoulder, the smell of his cologne giving away his identity.

 

"Have you even seen him?" You asked glumly, feeling responsible for his decent back into depression.

 

"Y/n, stop beating yourself up - he'll come around in his own time."

 

He understood why you were so persistent but it frustrated him that you were blaming yourself.

 

You nodded turning around slowly.

 

"But when." You whinged childishly, the frustration clear in your tone.

 

"Soon" he promised "This isn't the first time he's locked himself away like this and it wont be the last. He's been through a lot and that doesn't just disappear over night"

 

You sighed softly moving in to his awaiting arms to be comforted yet again. He was right, you needed to give Bucky space, but that was easier said than done.

 

He placed his arm over your shoulders leading you away from the door towards the main living area where most of the team were lounging around.

 

"So let me get this straight-" you heard tony begin as you walked into the middle of a conversation

 

"You’re saying that there are three hydra bases in New York? Right under our noses?"

 

Steve joined in the chat from by your side

 

"They've been underground" he explained folding his arms over his chest.

 

"Shouldn't our tech have picked them up?" Asked Natasha from her position by the window

 

"It should have." Steve confirmed

 

 

"So why didn't it?" You asked , your voice going small as all eyes turned to you and you realised this was an avengers team meeting and you probably shouldn't be here.

 

"Thats what we need to find out" he replied, placing a supportive hand on your shoulder.

 

"Apart from that it should be a simple hydra take down..." he continued addressing the team.

 

"...is it ever simple" Natasha mumbled to herself.

 

“I want the whole team on this one”

 

"when do we leave?" Peter chimed in from his position on the back of the sofa.

 

"First thing tomorrow. Get some rest. Wheels up at 6" Steve replied with a nod ending the team meeting.

 

You sighed inwardly, you hated when the entire team went out on missions and you were left to worry in the tower alone. It always felt so much larger and cold, soulless almost.

 

"Come on doll, we'll be back before you know it" he said in a whisper giving you a nudge.

 

At least this time it was in New York so they wouldn't be gone for days.

 

"You better be" you said with a small smirk nudging him back.

 

_____________________________________________

 

It was 5:30 am and you were up awaiting the teams departure.

 

Peter rounded the corner in his Spider-Man suit bounding over to you, placing his arm around your shoulder.

 

"Coming to wave me off?" He asked with a grin as you walked.

 

"Something like that" you said with a smile

 

"Ooh while we're gone can you make more brownies? Its been forever since you last made them."

 

You thought about it momentarily. Truth be told it would be a good distraction while they were out and you knew the team would appreciate them on their return.

 

"Ill think about it..." you agreed.

 

"I have to ask..." you continued. "Did you finish your homework?....I don't want aunt may giving me grief" you joked "Homework first, missions later" you reminded him with a point of your finger.

 

"okay, okay. You know the school jokes are getting old right?" He countered and you shrugged.

 

"Have to disagree with you there Parker" said Sam from behind you. "Dont worry y/n, he hasn't had his juice box yet" he beamed as he passed you both walking ahead.

 

"Oh and YES to the brownies!" He shouted back behind him.

 

You laughed shaking your head.

 

"see you later y/n" peter said going for a fist bump.

 

"I am not doing that" you shook your head

 

"Dont leave me hanging...."

 

"Just go ....spider man" you said with a smile. He laughed giving you a quick hug before following Sam.

 

"Brownies!!!" He yelled back.

 

Natasha gave you a small wave as Sam and peter joined her Clint, vision, Scott and Wanda. You assumed Tony and Rhodey had gone ahead.

 

"Were you having a nap?" You asked steve as he arrived at your side.

 

He smiled softly "Hey, thats no way to speak to your captain" he countered.

 

You nodded clicking your heels together and raising your hand in a salute.

 

"Come here" he laughed pulling you in to a bone crushing hug.

 

"Uhm, steve....I cant breathe" you gasped as he released you.

 

"Sorry doll" he shrugged scratching the back of neck. "did i hear talk of brownies?" He questioned raising a brow.

 

"Go...." you laughed pushing him lightly "Go save the world...again"

 

He held his hands up in defence "Okay, okay. I'm going. See you later doll"

 

And with that he turned walking to meet his team. You couldn't help but admire him as he walked away, his shield strapped to his back, his muscles on display in his tactical gear. THAT was America's ass you decided with a nod.

 

"Wait up" said a male voice behind you

 

you frowned in confusion having been lost in America's ass for the briefest of moments as Bucky jogged past you to catch up with steve.

 

Steves face matched yours in surprise as Bucky caught up with him.

 

"Buck...what are you doing here?" He questioned looking him over.

 

Bucky was fully kitted out in his tactical gear and ready to go.

 

" I'm here to fight" he said with a shrug, a silent conversation going on between their eyes.

 

"Good to have you pal" Steve relented patting him on the back. Bucky continued on ahead and Steve risked a glance back at you holding his hand up in a final goodbye.

 

You waved back, forcing a smile on your face as the team left. Maybe you were why Bucky had locked himself away, not Hydra or the PTSD he suffered from, maybe he just wanted to avoid you. You shook the thoughts off determined to get him alone for a talk when they returned.

 

 

____________________________________

 

It was early evening before any of the team returned to the tower, the silence that had taken over throughout the day had been deafening. You jumped up from the sofa at the first sign of life, ready to welcome home your team. Despite your broken wrist you'd managed to make brownies, cookies and even some macaroons but even that hadn't been enough to keep the boredom at bay. 

 

 

"Get Helen here stat" You heard from Tony's familiar tones. "He's gunna need the works"

 

Chaos. That was the best way to describe the scene that befell you as you walked through the double doors to the main corridor. It seemed all of the team had returned at once followed by at least a dozen staff from other parts of the tower, medical professionals mostly. Everyone was speaking so loudly and you were only able to catch a few words that were spoken between the crowd.

 

"ambush" "Critical" and "shrapnel" were the three that really grabbed your attention. You frowned in confusion as you tried to grasp some idea of what was happening. You tried to ask at least 5 of the staff what was going on, but everyone was too preoccupied to notice you. That's when you saw him, strapped to a stretcher, unconscious with Bucky at his side. Steve.

 

You felt all the blood rush to your head as the magnitude of the situation hit you. Steve. It was steve, your steve, Sharon's steve, Bucky's steve. You ran to his side, the opposite side from Bucky as you looked over his body to survey his injuries.

 

They weren't exaggerating when they'd used the words critical. His face was dirty from battle, several small cuts and grazes lining his hair line and jaw, but this wasn't new. It was the large piece of his own shield that was stuck through his middle that made the colour drain from your face.

"Oh god, steve..." you breathed hurrying along side to keep up, your face scrunching up in sheer terror and panic.

 

You took hold of his dirt covered hand, his blood staining the cuff of your shirt as it seeped out from beneath his clothes. He looked so defenceless, so vulnerable lying there, asleep. He was breathing shallow breaths, but he looked lifeless, doll like.

 

They rushed him through to the medical bay, you and Bucky by his side the whole way. A couple of staff blocked your way as they wheeled him away into a side room.

 

"No" you said simply, defiantly.

 

"I need to be with him, let me through.." you growled pushing the staff away. "LET ME THROUGH" you yelled this time, the tears that had been suspended in shock, streaming down your cheeks.

 

It was Bucky who stepped in, pulling you from the staff and into his arms.

 

"Let them work" he whispered, the first words he'd said to you in over a week.

 

You looked up full of rage, how dare he try and comfort you after how he'd acted over the past week. And then your eyes met his. The winter soldier, powerful and deadly was broken. His eyes matched yours in both fear and sadness, red and puffy and the slouch in his shoulders showed just how defeated he felt.

 

The anger you'd felt towards him just seconds ago, melted away as you clutched onto him and he you,sharing each other's misery.

 

___________________________________

 

Three hours. It had been three hours since they'd stopped you at the doors. Three hours since you'd last seen steve. You were pacing up and down in front of the doors, with Bucky seated to your left his head in his hands.

 

"He's going to be okay...he's going to be okay" you repeated over and over again in an attempt to convince your self . "He has to be okay. He's captain America" you babbled.

 

"Y/n" Bucky mumbled, not bothering to lift his head. "Please..." he added holding out his hand to you.

 

You moved to sit beside him, your leg twitching restlessly as you waited for news.

 

"What happened Buck?" You asked for the 10th time.

 

"I know you said it was an ambush, but by who and how did they break his shield? I thought it was meant to be the strongest metal in the world" you scoffed shaking your head in a mixture of rage and worry.

 

"It is Y/n, it is the strongest metal ....on earth" he added, finally looking up to meet your gaze.

 

You looked to him, eyes wide as it dawned on you what he was implying. Before you were able to ask any more questions one of the doctors came from Steves room causing you both to jump up in anticipation.

 

The doctor lifted her hands, intimidated by the way you'd both reacted and you took a step back taking a breath to give her space to explain.

 

"I'm afraid he's still in critical condition. The shield has ruptured both his liver and spleen and aside from that there is evidence of trauma to his Temporal lobe." She explained gesturing to her head.

 

"The serum in his system will definitely help, but the next 48 hours will be critical in his recovery" she continued.

 

"But he will recover?" You interrupted

 

"I'm afraid there's no way to know how the trauma to his brain and the loss of blood will effect him. Without the serum, there would be zero chance of recovery...with it...maybe 50% but even then there's no telling if he will be the same." She said.

 

Your eyes widened slightly

 

"What do you mean the same?"

 

Bucky placed his hand on your shoulder giving it a light squeeze

 

"She means that when...if he wakes up, there might be side effects" he concluded, receiving a nod from the doctor.

_____________________________

 

You sat at Steve's side, cleaning the dirt from his hands and face with a damp cloth. The nurse had offered to do it but you wanted to do it, you needed to be there for him however you could. Your sobs had softened but were continuous none the less. Bucky sat behind you, neither of you speaking, both of you just waiting and hoping for any sign of recovery. They'd told you in could be days possibly even weeks and you'd be here for days and weeks if that what it took. 

 

You rested your forehead against his closed fist, kissing his knuckles softly, your eyes closed.

 

"Come on steve." You whispered

 

"Mission isn't over yet, I need you to come and keep Bucky and Peter in line"

 

"I made Brownies...even added in extra chocolate chips for you and I downloaded rogue one for us to watch later"

 

You sobbed as you spoke,Bucky's hand coming to rest on your shoulder in support.

 

You were still having your one way conversation when the doors swung open and Sharon came rushing in.

 

"Steve!" She yelled rushing to his side, causing you to drop his hand.

 

"Steve. No, no, no, no" she cried, some of the other shield agents following behind her and offering her hugs and support.

 

You stood now backing away slightly, suddenly feeling like an intruder. Bucky slid his hand around your shoulders pulling you into his side.

 

"lets give her some time" He whispered into your hair calmly.

 

You backed away slowly, hesitantly, not content with leaving him.

 

Sharon's head snapped up, teary and red.

 

"I need some time with him" she said simply, directing her wrath at you and Bucky.

 

"Alone" she demanded.

 

You allowed Bucky to manoeuvre you away from his side and towards the door as her words sunk in. He wasn't yours to be there for. He was hers.

 

"Come on doll" Bucky whispered leading you back towards your living quarters.

 

Once you were inside you began to pace again.

 

"y/n....doll...Y/N!" Bucky said coming to stand in front of you. "Its going to be okay" he tried.

 

"And what if its not? What if he's not Steve any more, or what if he doesn't wake up at all?!" You yelled angry at the world.

 

Bucky hated to see you this way, he wished he could take away every ounce of sadness and pain and keep you safe from it all.

 

"I know...I know." He sighed, knowing that nothing he could say right now was going to fix how you were feeling. Instead he led you over to the sofa pulling you onto his knee where you curled up into a ball.

 

He held you tight against him as you sobbed, sobbed until you finally fell into a sad and dreamless sleep.


	6. I’m just a kid from Brooklyn

 

 

 

 

You woke up with Bucky shaking you softly from your slumber.

 

"Y/n...Y/n...he's awake. Steve's awake" he clarified a hopeful smile falling across his expression.

 

You sat bolt up right, running a hand over your face and through your hair.

 

"he's awake?!" You repeated jumping to your feet and hurrying back towards the med bay, Bucky following closely behind.

 

You pushed open the door with force allowing your eyes to adjust to the bright lighting of Steves  room. He was sat up. Steve was sat up.

 

"Steve" you breathed with a small sad smile.

 

Sharon rolled her eyes as you and Bucky made your way over to his side once more. You were almost laughing in disbelief as you looked him over. The colour was back in his cheeks, he had a small pained smile on his face and he was reaching to you.

 

"Y/n....Buck...." he breathed sounding almost relieved to see you both.

 

You wanted to throw your arms around him , kiss him all over and tell how much you cared for him. But Sharon's presence prevented all of that, so instead you settled for his hand in yours again.

 

"Had us worried for a second there punk" came Bucky's voice by your side.

 

"Ah come on, missions not over..." he smirked , his eyes making a purposeful glance in your direction.

 

______________________________________

 

Steve had managed to avoid any serious damage but he was still on bed rest for the next week while his body rebuilt itself. You and Bucky had sat with him as much as Sharon would allow, you'd set up a record player for him and brought down his sketch book and pencils to keep him occupied.

 

Today he was finally allowed to leave the med bay and the whole team were looking forward to having him back. You were sat on the edge of the kitchen counter with peter and eating Rizzlers when Steve walked back in to the main living area.

 

"STEVE!" You beamed, jumping up from the counter and almost taking him out, wrapping your arms around his neck.

 

"Easy doll" he laughed catching you, wincing a little, his wounds not fully healed.

 

"Sorry" you blushed climbing down.

 

Peter wandered over going in for a hand shake before throwing his own arms around steve.

 

"good to have you back, cap" he grinned holding on for a second too long.

 

you laughed at his enthusiasm, Bucky appearing behind him.

 

"He's not wrong"

 

Steve lit up as his eyes met his best friends and he volunteered himself for a hug this time pulling Bucky in and patting him on the back.

 

"Good to be back, Pal" he agreed, releasing Bucky and glancing around the living area.

 

"Where is everyone else?" He questioned.

 

"Mostly training you admitted. Tony and Bruce are in the lab as usual, Wanda and vis are on a date- they've gone to see the mets...." you shrugged "and Scott has the week off to be with his family."

 

 

"Rhodey?"

 

"Gathering intel at the Schwarzman library, there's talk that more of Struckers staff are working there under false names"

 

"Any updates on the hydra bases from last week?" He asked finally, you knew his other questions had been leading up to this.

 

You winced, knowing that there wasn't much to tell.

 

"Word has it that this wasn't hydra..." Natasha began, sauntering in.

 

"-I'm afraid that's all we know. The bases have been cleared out, no sign of life...its like they were never there"

 

"Can we trace them?" He asked folding his arms across his chest.

 

"Working on it" she finished pulling herself up to sit on the counter where you and peter had been seated moments earlier.

 

There was an awkward silence, everyone feeling guilty for not being able to supply him with more information. He nodded.

 

"Keep me posted" he said, managing to keep his composure before turning and exiting the room.

 

_________________________________

 

You found him beating the hell out of the punch bags in the gym.

 

"What did they ever do to you?" You asked, leaning against the door frame. His t-shirt was tight to his skin, the muscles of his arms glistening with moisture, much like his forehead. Your breath caught in your throat as you watched him, his sheer strength incredible to behold.

 

He continued to assault the bag, wincing as he pushed harder and harder.

 

"Steve...you need to take it easy, you're not fully healed" you said softly, knowing he wouldn't take kindly to your observation.

 

He paused momentarily, out of breath.

 

"need to get back out on the field" he said simply

 

"Who ever did this-" he said gesturing to the space where his shield had become lodged "Is still out there and a threat to civilians. They've got to have an end game" he said, starting up his punches again.

 

"I know." You agreed "But we don't even know where they are and even if we did you can't go in without any intel. Its a suicide mission."

 

You walked slowly over to him, his concentration still on the bag.

 

"Steve...stop" you whispered noticing some blood begin to seep through one of his smaller wounds that had been stitched.

 

His punches became harder until with one final blow the bag flew across the room broken.

 

"I'm confused" he asked turning to you beginning to unwrap his hands.

 

You tilted your head in response waiting for him to continue.

 

"When did you start giving the orders? Is that what Tony hired you for?" He asked, his tone hard as his eyes met yours, an expression of contempt that was new to his features.

 

You took a step back as his words hit you like a freight train. You knew he was frustrated about the mission but you hadn't expected him to turn on you so quickly, it just didn't seem like him.

 

You didn't have any words left for him, you gave him a small nod of acceptance, your eyes giving your emotions away, but your face staying straight as you turned on your heel leaving him to his misery.

 

"Y/n" he called after you, regret surging through him, a hand running through his hair.  He lifted another bag hanging it up and re wrapping his hands.

 

________________________

 

 

It was Saturday night and all of the team were settled in the main living area for a film night at the request of Wanda. You hadn't spoken to Steve since his outburst earlier and you weren't sure there was much to say.

 

"I don't know why we all have to be here.." Tony grumbled debating whether mid film he could slip back down into the lab to continue his work.

 

"Team building is important Tony" Rhodey defended Wanda.

 

"I feel like we did enough team building when we defeated Loki a few years back, or how about sokovia...you know ultron?" Tony deadpanned.

 

Steve entered the room, dressed smartly in a suit and straightening his tie

 

"You know those are missions Tony, very different to team building" he said, his cap voice creeping out once again.

 

"Say capsicle, if team building is so important why pray tell are you abandoning your team to go meet Sharon?' Tony asked with a smirk allowing his arm to drape over the back of the sofa.

 

Your head shot up a little too fast at this revelation and all eyes turned to you, including Steve's.

 

"I'm sorry guys but this has been booked for months..." he excused holding his hands up defensively, pretending he hadn't noticed your reaction. Inside however his heart broke as he watched you attempt to cover up your feelings once more, as all three of you,yourself, him and Bucky had been doing for the past few weeks.

 

"What? you're leaving us?" Peter complained. It seemed that you weren't the only one who hadn't been privy to this knowledge.

 

"Sorry queens.." he said with a shrug as he finished fixing his tie. You looked up bravely swallowing down your sadness allowing your eyes to drink him in. He looked incredible, you had to admit, fully dressed in black with a crisp white shirt underneath, his blonde hair perfectly in place, freshly shaved, his familiar cologne making your head swim.

 

"Have fun" you said softly, trying to sound happy for him. You genuinely wanted him to be happy and if Sharon could make him happy then so be it.

 

Everyones attention returned to you at the sounds of your voice, including steves. He appreciated the smile you forced, even though it didn't quite meet your eyes.

 

"Thanks, Y/n" he breathed with a sincere smile meant just for you. "Can I speak with you a moment?" He added.

 

You cleared your throat, that had been unexpected.

 

"Uhm, sure" you agreed, the rest of the teams eyes following you as you climbed for your position on the sofa and wandered over to him. He placed his arm on your shoulder leading you further away from the team, the silence between them all and the way most of them were leaning back in their chairs giving away their eavesdropping .

 

Once you were out of range of most of the teams hearing, apart from Bucky you presumed he spoke.

 

"I'm sorry for earlier.." he began.

 

"Its fine, you've had a tough week"

 

"Thats no excuse, you've done a lot for this team....for me and I had no right."

 

"Thank you steve, that means a lot" you admitted.

 

"You mean a lot me y/n- I mean to the team and that should be recognised"

 

You smiled in response your eyes connecting with his.

 

"Sometimes I wonder how i got here..." you began "I'm just a waitress come receptionist from Y/h/t and -"

 

"Hey come on, I'm just a kid from Brooklyn" he said with a shrug

 

You nodded "Yes but-"

 

"Y/n, were a team, everything we fight for we fight for together and you're a  part of that team. You don't need super powers to be an avenger Y/n...you've got heart, that's what counts" he said smiling fondly down at you.

 

You blushed as he spoke about you so kindly.

 

"Thanks st-"

 

"Steve, are you coming?" Came a female voice from the door way, Sharon.

 

Silence. Again.

 

"Yeah I'm coming..." he said his eyes still locked on yours. He cleared his throat after a moment or so stepping back from you  "Have a good night guys" he finally spoke, the rest of the team joining in with various goodbyes. And then he left.

 

You shuffled back over to your position on the sofa your shoulders slumping as the team got back to arguing about what film to watch first. Bucky sat between you and Wanda placing his hand over yours.

 

"you okay doll?" He asked with mutual understanding.

 

you flipped your hand over in his allowing your fingers to entwine, taking in a deep breath.

 

"I am now" you whispered giving his hand a light squeeze.

 

________________________________________

 

 

At around 12:30 am you'd left peter and Wanda watching the end of a hitchhikers guide to the galaxy and gone to bed. Most of the team had tapped out earlier, once the alcohol and pizza was over with. You'd spent much of the night in Bucky's arms.

 

You still hadn't managed to have a conversation with him about why he'd avoided you for an entire week but now things were better than ever with him, you weren't sure you wanted to bring it up. You always felt so safe when Bucky was near by like nothing could ever hurt you. He was a man of few words and yet the connection you had felt towards him from that first night you'd met was only growing despite him breaking your wrist not too long ago.

 

Bucky barnes was a good man and there was nothing he could do to convince you otherwise.

 

It was 3am when you heard screaming coming from his room again. You sat bolt upright as panic-stricken screams made all the hairs on your arms stand up. You waited for five minutes for them to pass, covering your ears allowing the odd tear to escape as you tried to block out the noise.

 

You couldn't ignore it any longer. With a glance to your still recovering wrist you made the decision that regardless of the risk you couldn't leave him suffering alone. So you ran, back down the hallways towards his room, the need to help him and be with him familiar to the first time you'd tried to help. It dawned on you that Steve still wasn't back from his date with Sharon and you were well and truly on your own with this.

 

You reached his door brushing away any doubts you had. Instead of barging in as you had done last time, you knocked lightly, entering with care, being as quiet as you could. You could see him thrashing around on his bed, the sweat glistening off his skin as he howled out in agony. You sat gently by his side taking his metal hand in yours allowing your thumb to run circles across the top.

 

The screaming stopped and you braced yourself to feel pain. But it didn't come. Instead a terrified and distressed Bucky's eyes met yours.

 

"Hey Buck" you whispered waiting for him to respond before you were sure it was safe.

 

His eyes weren't dark any more like they had been last time and his hand in yours responded to your touch squeezing you gently. It was him, it was definitely your Bucky.

 

You edged closer now desperate to be near him, to comfort him. He got the impression and shifted over so you could lay beside him. You tucked into his side laying your tear-stained cheek upon his chest, your arm sliding around his waist as you held onto him.

 

"You shouldn't have come" he whispered, his voice cracking, his breathing starting to slow.

 

"I had to" you admitted lifting your gaze to meet his.

 

he understood. He knew how it felt to feel so connected to someone that you'd put yourself in danger over and over again to save them or just to comfort them.

 

"Always" you said with a small smile.

 

You were mid breath when his lips found yours. You were surprised at first by his boldness but soon melted into the tenderness of his touch. You both began to unwind , weeks of sexual frustration beginning to take hold.

 

And just like that the softness of the kiss was lost, and the passion between you came spilling out. He pulled you onto his lap in one fast motion holding you tight against him as he kissed you again.

 

You shifted yourself so you were straddling his lap, your hands finding their way into the dark strands of his hair. your lips parting as he deepened the kiss, the desire you'd held for each other since day one finally being unleashed. You let out a soft whimper as his hands ran down your back and underneath your shirt, the cool metal of his left hand only adding to the pleasure that radiated all over your body.

 

A few minutes later you slowly parted, holding his eye contact as you tried to steady your breathing, your heart hammering against your chest. You had never felt such raw passion in your life and you wanted more, you needed more.

 

"I need you" you whispered, your voice deep and slow.

 

He didn't respond and you grew impatient

 

"Bucky" you complained.

 

And then he was on his feet.

 

You frowned suddenly feeling so small upon his bed, a bed that he had run from so quickly.

 

"Whats wrong?" You stuttered.

 

He paused for a moment, a horrendous silence flooding the room.

 

"I think you should go" he replied flatly, his eyes locked on the skyline outside his window.

 

You got to your feet closing the distance between you reaching out to him. You finger tips just grazed the skin of his shoulder and he flinched, retreated from your touch.

 

"Please y/n, just go"

 

So you did.


	7. Best friends since Childhood

 

Things were back to Normal at the avengers tower. Steve and Sharon were dating steadily and Bucky was pretending the night you had spent with him in his room hadnt happened. You were trying to keep busy doing anything and everything, including training with Clint. 

“Come on, you're doing great” Clint encouraged as he repositioned your hands. He was trying to teach you to shoot arrows but you were equally as bad at this as you were with a gun, especially with one hand in a cast.

“Am I? Really though? Because I feel like we've spent more time checking damage to walls than checking the boards” you laughed.

He held his hands up “Okay, okay so your no Robin Hood, but you're getting better”

He took the bow out of your hand in defeat. “We’ll try again next week”

 

You sighed a sigh of relief, just glad to have it out of your hands.

 

“Thanks, for being so patient” you said with a smile.

 

“Ive taught all of my kids to shoot, trust me, teaching you? Piece of cake” he admitted swinging his arm around your shoulder as he led you towards the door. “So how are things going with cap?” He asked casually as you walked.

 

You sighed

 

“Can we...not talk about it?” You asked as you entered the hallway together.

 

“Ahhh, come on. Does he use his captain voice...you know....when you're ” he started, waggling his eyebrows.

 

“CLINT!” You yelled punching him in the arm.

 

“I’m not doing this” you declared covering your ears.

 

“So thats a yes?” He asked but you were already down the hall humming to yourself to block him out.

_________________________________

 

Bucky and steve wandered into your “office” laughing and joking with each other, bringing an immediate smile to your lips.

 

“You know, she never forgave you for that” Steve smiled.

 

“Hey, I didn’t know- plus I didn't want to be late for dinner, not after Sarah had spent all that time on her famous devilled chicken.” Bucky retorted with a nudge.

 

Steve smiled, a laugh escaping him as he nodded his head in agreement

 

“You're right, being late for dinner with Ma was asking for trouble. Do you remember when she made us wait a whole hour longer because we were late back from that dodgers game”

 

Bucky sniggered and nodded as the memory returned.

 

“Oh god, YES! Although that was your fault ,if you hadn't picked a fight with Ron and his pack we’d have been back on time.”

 

Steve shrugged.

 

“I don’t like bullies.”

 

Bucky rolled his eyes nudging him.

 

“I know, I know...at least now when your feeling all heroic you have the muscles to back it up. Gone are the days of me having to have your back all the time” he grinned.

 

Steve nodded in agreement

 

“But you did.”

 

Bucky shrugged.

 

“So did you”

 

steve nodded and there was a brief pause between them.

 

“Ma’s devilled chicken, I’d forgotten about that. It was actually pretty good” he considered.

 

Bucky laughed

 

“For the 40s, it was a dream pal”

 

Steve nodded in agreement . What followed was lots of manly pats on the back and laughing between the two of them.

 

You smiled to yourself as you listened , pretending, as usual to look busy.

 

“Doll” Bucky finally directed at you.

 

“Hmm?” You asked looking up from your screen.

 

“We’re heading to Coney Island, haven’t been since we were kids....wanna come?”

 

You were surprised by the invite as you looked between the two of them but stood almost immediately.

 

“I’d love to...just give me five to get changed?” You asked.

 

You were glad to see them both happy again, the last few weeks had been a whirlwind of emotions with Bucky locking himself away and then Steve almost losing his life only a week ago. You thought it a good idea for him to take a breather from his research on the hydra bases and get some air and you were more than happy to accompany them both.

 

_______

 

You arrived at Coney Island just as the sun was setting, both of them excitedly chattering like children about past times that they had spent there, together and with others.

 

You walked contently between them listening to their stories, hanging of every word. You had never seen either of them so alive as they were in each other’s company.

 

“Hey doll.” Bucky interrupted your thoughts

 

You looked up at him, following his eye line to the ride ahead.

 

“Wanna go?” He asked raising a brow.

 

You beamed, you’d always loved fairgrounds and there wasn't one ride you'd found yourself unwilling to go on as of yet.

 

“I’m in” you nodded in agreement turning to Steve.

 

“Steve?”

 

He shook his head, the colour draining from him face, receiving a laugh from Bucky.

 

“Your wasting your time doll, last time steve went on the cyclone he threw up all over his shoes.”

 

You raised a brow in surprise. Steve was such a badass you hadn't expected him to be fearful of fairground rides.

 

“Yeah and I have no desire to do that again” steve agreed. You held onto his arm pushing your expression in to a pout.

 

“Come onnnnn...steeeeevvveeeee, your a super soldier now. You’ll be fine....you have us” you beamed over at him.

 

Steve looked from you to Bucky and then back to you as he considered your request.

 

“He’s not going to...” began Bucky but steve jumped in.

 

“Fine...yes, sure” he said defiantly with a shrug.

 

You jumped up and down on the spot excitedly as you took both of their hands pulling them towards the ride.

 

Once you were all seated in the car you slid your hands into Steves reassuringly.

 

“Too late now punk” Bucky sang from the back seat a smug smirk on his lips.

You laughed, shaking your head, giving Steves hand a squeeze. He smiled contently in return, any fear he had previously, washing away as his eyes met yours.

 

“I can do this all day, Jerk” he said in response, a twinkle in his eye.

 

______

 

You all climbed out of the car after the ride laughing a long together. Steve had really enjoyed himself after all, it seemed the super soldier serum had also settled his stomach when it came to rides.

 

“Told you you’d be fine” you whispered linking your arm through his.

 

“So, where next?” Bucky asked, a spring in his step.

 

You shrugged

 

“I have no idea, Ive never been before” you admitted, both of them turning you aghast.

 

“You’ve never been to coney island?” Steve asked skeptically

 

You shrugged in response.

 

“My first time in New York was when I moved here and then I was focusing on finding work ...” you started.

 

“Well, then I guess we will just have to do everything..” Bucky concluded with a pat to Steve’s shoulder.

 

“I guess so” he agreed, both of them smiling down at you.

 

“Okay..lets do it” you grinned, your arm still in Steve’s, Bucky sliding his had into your free hand.

 

The three of you wandered around all evening. You went on all of the rides, ate all of the food and played all of the games until you were all exhausted.

 

“I don’t remember fun being this exhausting” Bucky sighed as you headed towards the car.

 

“I can barely feel my feet” you complained “Try having no super soldier serum in your system”

 

Bucky nodded debating his thoughts for a moment before lifting you up with ease throwing you over his shoulder. You screamed out in surprise.

 

“Bucky!!!”

 

“Don’t worry doll, I’ve got you” he laughed, Steve laughing a long with him.

 

You fought him temporarily before admitting defeat, just hanging there over his shoulder. When you got back to the car he placed you down and you punched him in the arm frowning.

 

“Not okay Barnes” you hissed in faux anger.

 

“If you don’t want picking up, don’t complain” he shrugged with a light hearted laugh.

 

You smiled through your frown shaking your head as Steve opened the door for you, both you and Bucky climbing into the back.

 

2 minutes in to the drive back and you were asleep on his shoulder, exhausted.

 

“Its good to see you happy Buck” steve said sincerely, glancing up into the rear view mirror.

 

Bucky looked up at him in surprise then down at youbefore settling his gaze back on Steve.

 

“It’s not like that...” he began

 

Steve shook his head.

 

“You don’t have to do that.”

 

“Steve, I’m a mess....”

 

“You deserve to be happy”

 

Bucky debated it for a moment, meeting his best friends eyes once more.

 

“So do you...”

 

Steve took a deep inhale as he gathered his thoughts.

 

“I am” he pretended, his gaze settling back on the road.

 

“Sure.” Bucky agreed sarcasm in his tone.

 

Steve sighed at his tone, choosing his next words carefully.

 

“Sharon’s great...” he started

 

“You don’t have to do that” Bucky replied with a small smirk

 

Steve smiled slightly at his quick wit glancing back at you in the back seat asleep.

 

“So, what do we do?” He asked on an inhale.

 

“I don’t know pal...” Bucky sighed. “I guess we ask her?”

 

This was way out of both of their comfort zones. Before the serum, Bucky had never had any trouble getting the girl and although he had always tried to get Steve dates, his best friend had never been competition before. Steve felt equally awkward for the same reasons, he wasn't used to being viewed as a potential love interest and although he much preferred it to his past, it left him feeling a little uneasy.

 

“I need to speak to Sharon” Steve decided, eyes back on the road.

 

 

_________________________________

 

 

"So where's he taking you?" Natasha asked as she propped herself up against your desk.

 

"I have no idea" you admitted "I was surprised he even asked, I only worked with him for a couple of hours, didn't think he'd even noticed me" you shrugged.

 

"I don't think you're as unnoticeable as you think" Natasha wavered "want me to do a background check?" She raised a brow looking over her shoulder at you.

 

You laughed

 

"Thats okay, stand down soldier"

 

She smirked in response and you knew she'd probably already done one.

 

"You know, me and Wanda could come , stay hidden, in case you need an out"

 

"Nat, honestly its a first date, not a mission"

 

She held her hands up in defence.

 

"Okay, okay....just want to make sure we've covered all bases"

 

You nodded in response staring blankly at your computer screen

 

"So what about Cap?....Bucky?"

 

"I'm not having this conversation" you said with a light laugh and shake of your head as you collected the documents together on your desk.

 

"I'm just saying, if you're into one of them , or both of them...maybe this isn't such a great plan" she said with a shrug of her shoulders.

 

You lifted the files into your arms, heading out from behind your desk.

 

"This isn't a Plan ....." you retorted "Steve has Sharon and Bucky, well I don't even know what's happening with Bucky. I just want an easy...normal relationship" you said with a sigh.

 

"I can't wait around forever" you finished as you backed up towards the door.

 

"Maybe not forever, but maybe its a conversation you should have" she advised as she watched you retreat.

 

"Is Natasha Romanov giving me relationship advice?" You questioned in mock amazement.

 

"You know you might want to take your own advice. I know for a fact there's a certain Dr who just cant keep his eyes off you" you continued.

 

She smiled slightly at your response.

 

"Enjoy your date" She relented, her eyes falling behind you.

 

You nodded, having won this round turning on your heel and straight into a wall. Nope not a wall, Captain America himself.

 

"Oh...H...Hi Steve" You blushed

 

"Date?" He asked simply, hands on hips.

 

"y/n here has a date with that waiter Damien, the one she worked with at the party, the first night she was here" she started, admiring her nails and enjoying the awkwardness.

 

You glared over at her walking slowly around steve.

 

"Yep and I should probably get going...." you said trying to act as nonchalant as possible

 

You didn't allow your eyes to meet Steves for fear of his reaction but instead shot one finally glare at Natasha before you headed out of the room.

 

"See you tomorrow" you called as you left and headed back towards your living quarters, leaving a bewildered steve looking to Natasha for more answers. 


	8. Agenda’s change

 

 

You returned his smile , your mind racing at a million miles a minute. It wasn't that you didn't like Damien, you did and under normal circumstances he was probably perfect for you, but the butterflies and heat you felt radiate throughout your body whenever Steve and Bucky were around just wasn't there with Damien. You pushed those thoughts aside. Just because the need you felt for the two super soldiers wasn't there right now, it didn't mean it never would be, right?

 

"Actually" you started as you finally settled on your final thoughts. "There's a party happening here tomorrow night for Peppers birthday, I don't suppose you want to come? As my date?" You asked shuffling a little bit on the spot.

 

His face lit up immediately and you began to doubt whether this was the right choice to make but he was good for and your mum would definitely approve. No, this would be good.

 

'I'd love too" he beamed and you smiled back in response, mustering up as much enthusiasm as possible.

 

"Great....uhm the party starts at 8" you finished backing up slightly.

 

"I'll see you then" he agreed nodding his head towards you once more, his eyes still alive with hope.

 

"Ill see you then"

 

you walked back through the main lobby and into the lift, asking Friday to take you up to the top floor feeling a little drained from all the fake emotions.

 

The doors swung open and you found yourself walking towards the main living area. It was late and you presumed all of the team would probably be asleep by now. The living area was darkened, the lights off, the space silent. Just what you'd expected. You wandered over to the kitchen, opening the fridge, the light flooding into the room as you peered inside. You should have been content with the huge meal you'd just eaten but you'd always been known for having a big appetite and you were in the mood for something sweet. There wasn't a huge amount to choose from so you settled on the last brownie that was nestled at the back of the fridge. You knew there would be complaints and so you'd probably have to commit to making another batch tomorrow.

 

Just as you were pulling away the foil a stream of light almost blinded you as it bounced off something Shiny in the corner of the room. You squinted, trying to make out what it was, relief washing over you as you realised it was Bucky. You really needed to start taking in more of your surroundings, you decided.

 

"Bucky?" You asked closing the door to the fridge and turning on one of the standing lamps.

 

He didn't look at you as he continued to gaze through the large windows of the living area.

 

"Y/n" he acknowledged instead.

 

"What are you doing?" You asked placing your brownie on the side as you edged closer, curiously.

 

"Couldn't sleep" he admitted in a mumble and you nodded in understanding shifting over to sit beside him.

 

"How was your date?" he asked, but you could tell he had little interest.

 

"It was good...." you breathed not feeling the need to go in to details.

 

He nodded, his eyes still forward.

 

There was a brief silence between you both, not awkward silence but the air definitely felt like it was getting thicker. Thats when he looked at you, his eyes dark with need, his expression reminding you of the night you'd spent in his room.

 

"Buc-" you started but you didn't get a chance to finish as his mouth found yours.

 

Your brain screamed at you in response, yelling at you to walk away, that this couldn't happen again. But your body wouldn't allow it. The overwhelming pent up need you had for this man took over any sane thoughts you had, convincing you that this was a good idea.

 

You felt the metal of his arm come into contact with the skin on your back just as it had the time before as he snaked it around your waist pulling you close to him. You were both standing now entirely enthralled in the kiss, your hands tanging in each others hair as your lips danced in perfect harmony.

 

He pushed you gently backwards until your back hit the large glass pains that he had previously been staring out of and you wondered if this was what he had been imagining. You let out a soft whimper as his tongue explored your mouth, biting down on his lip with hunger.

 

He let out a low growl in response, his eyes darkening further. He pushed his body firmly against yours as his hands danced over any skin he could access. He kisses became rougher as he moved from your lips , kissing along your jawline and travelling down to the soft skin of your neck. The stubble upon his cheek brushed harshly against the tender skin as your hands moved to grip onto the broadness of his shoulders.

 

He lifted your leg around his waist as all traces of the controlled and unsure Bucky disappeared, your passion for each other only growing. You wanted more but you were afraid to push him further, afraid this feeling would slip from reach again.

 

The lights in the hallway flickered on and too quickly the heat from his body against yours disappeared as he distanced himself from you - again. Your breathing was still ragged, your pupils dilated and your lips swollen as you struggled to compose yourself, straightening up your clothes. You watched as he too tried to compose himself, clearing his throat, rolling his shoulders back as two figures entered the room.

 

"y/n? Bucky?" came the familiar righteous tones from the doorway.

 

Brilliant.

 

"Steve." Bucky replied with a smile leaving your side. "Sharon" he added with a little less enthusiasm.

 

Okay, so this just got worse.

 

You couldn't find any words but managed a smile in their direction.

 

"We just got back" Steve explained, trying to ease the tension in the room.

 

Bucky nodded

 

"I didn't know you two were going out tonight?" he questioned politely.

 

"It was last minute" steve replied with a shrug. Sharon had her hands wrapped around his bicep, almost squeezing the life out of him.

 

"My friends were having a dinner party..." she began "I didn't know till I got there that it was a couples evening, so I called steve and asked him to come down so I didn't have to be the only one alone at a couples evening" she said with a laugh.

 

Bucky forced a snigger, his heart not in it.

 

"-And then after dinner" she continued. Okay so she wasn't finished.

 

"We decided it might be nice to head to see a movie, it was a really old one, what was it called? Oh-“

 

you didn't hear the rest, you'd already managed to get back to your brownie, pocket it and escape as quickly as possible. You had, however, noticed the look on Bucky's face as he’d tried to be polite, for steves sake, his eyes betraying him. 

 

The only bonus of Sharon's arrival? the sexual frustration you'd felt when Bucky had moved away from you was now none existent.

 

___________________________________

 

It was the night of the party and you were getting ready in Wandas room.

 

She held up three dresses. one was light pink, strapless, the light silk material falling to the floor, a band around the middle. The second was all black, tight fitting and just below the knee with a sweetheart neckline and the final dress, gold in colour ,shimmered all over with elegance. It had golden silk underlay, the top half of the dress covered in gold lace that spiralled all the way down the arms.

 

"Which one?"

 

she asked you having already selected her own dress.

 

"Uhm...that one, I guess" you decided picking the gold one that in your opinion was leaps and bounds ahead of the other two.

 

It was kind of her to lend you a dress seeing how you were constantly having to borrow her clothes but she had insisted that you were like a sister to her and thats what sisters do.

 

She clapped her hands together with a beaming smile.

 

"Perfect, I hoped you'd choose that one" her sokovian accent coming through strongly in her excitement.

 

You shook your head laughing lightly at her enthusiasm. She was always such a pleasure to be around and always knew how to lift your spirits.

 

"Do you want me to do you're hair too?" she asked, her eyes hopeful.

 

You nodded over at her. You'd been quite content to do your own hair, but seeing her light up at the idea of giving you a make over you decided to let her have her fun.

 

"If you don't mind?" you agreed shuffling around on the edge of her bed.

 

___________________________

 

Two hours later and you were both dressed to impress. You had never spent so much time on your appearance and honestly, half the products she had used on you, you hadn't known existed until now.

 

"You look amazing" she gushed as she admired her handy work.

 

You smiled to yourself as you looked yourself up and down in the mirror. She really had done a good job. She had curled your long (y/h/c)  hair all over before tying it in a loose french plait. She had left out strands at the front to frame your face and topped it all off with some gold leaf clips.

 

Your makeup wasn't overly heavy but complemented your dress and hair. You had winged eye liner and smokey brown eyeshadow paired only with lipgloss to coat your lips.

 

"Well if the avenging doesn't work out...." you joked, receiving a content laugh from her.

 

She looked stunning too in a vibrant red dress that fell just above her knees, her hair was intricately styled up on top of her head and her lips matched the colour of her dress.

 

"I need a drink" she decided with a giggle grabbing hold of her purse and handing you yours.

 

You nodded in agreement checking the time. 8:30 pm

 

"Shit" you exclaimed "We're late!"

 

she tilted her head in response following you to the door.

 

"Fashionably late" she corrected as you filed into the hallway.

 

"Hey ladies" came Natasha's seductive tones.

 

"Hey Nat" Wanda beamed "Y/n is worried we're late" she said with an eye roll.

 

"Fashionably late" Natasha corrected. This time it was your turn to roll your eyes.

 

"Hang on-" Natasha started "Did you invite Daryl? David?" she continued, pretending she didn't know his name when you knew full well she'd done some hardcore research on the guy.

 

"Damien" you corrected "And maybe I have"

 

Natasha shook her head in response as Wanda looked between you both, confusion obvious on her face.

 

"Someones going to get hurt" was all she said with a shrug.

 

You sighed, choosing not to respond and meeting Wanda's eye.

 

"Ill explain later" you agreed, which to your surprise she accepted as you reached the main doors to the party.

 

"Okay ladies, lets turn some heads" Natasha finished, giving your shoulder a small squeeze of support as the doors opened.

 

__________________________

 

It turned out that Damien himself was running a little behind and had sent you a message to explain he would be there shortly.

 

"I'm just saying, second date and he's late....not a good start" Natasha muttered as she fixed all three of you a drink.

 

"Nat, stop...please" you asked her pleadingly. This party was going to be hard enough to get through without Natasha voicing her opinion all the time.

 

"Okay, you're right, I'm sorry" She agreed pretending to zip her mouth up. "My lips are sealed"

 

It hadn't been five minutes when Steve, Bucky and Sharon had entered the party together, which struck you as a little odd. They too headed straight for the bar, Steve and Bucky noticeably freezing up momentarily as their eyes fell upon you.

 

"Hey boys, what can I get ya?" asked Natasha as she slid your drink over to you.

 

As they gave their requests to Natasha you took a moment to take in their appearances.

 

Bucky was dressed all in black, his shirt, his tie , his blazer- all black and damn he looked good. You could smell his cologne from where you stood and it immediately pulled you back to the moments you shared pushed against the glass in this very room. Your cheeks flushed at the memory and you turned your attention to steve.

 

Steve also wore a black suit, his shirt a crisp white. He'd already removed his jacket which he had swung casually over his forearm. His shirt was tight around his elbows where he had rolled up his sleeves, the veins and tone of his arms causing your cheeks to turn redder. He was - as always, clean-shaven, his hair immaculately styled.

 

These super soldiers, really did clean up well. You were lost in your drooling, your mind some where in the gutter when Bucky's words in your ear awoke you from your thoughts.

 

"You look amazing tonight, doll" he breathed, his breath causing the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up. You watched as his eyes scanned your body a glint in his eye as he drank you in.

 

"Thank you Bucky." you shivered "You clean up pretty well yourself" you admitted forcing yourself to continue breathing.

 

Steves reaction was similar to Bucky's. His eyes were pretty much devouring you and you could have sworn you saw his breath catch in his throat. He kept his distance out of respect for Sharon you assumed, but when his eyes met yours you both knew the words he wished he could say.

 

You were so lost in each other, the three of you, that it took a second for you to register the tap on your shoulder. Knocked out of your thoughts once more you turned to be met with Damiens hopeful eyes.

 

His arm slid around your waist and he leaned over to kiss your cheek. You recoiled slightly before planting yourself firm and allowing his lips to meet your skin. You felt the tension rise as he spoke his first words to you.

 

"y/n, I'm so sorry I'm late-" he began to explain but you shook your head to quieten him.

 

"It's fine" you said with a genuine smile "you're here now."

 

He smiled, relieved that he was forgiven and turned his attention to Natasha at the bar.

 

"Hi, can I get a beer" he asked with a nod.

 

You froze at the awkwardness.

 

"Oh, she's not..." you began to explain that Natasha wasn't actually bar staff, but Natasha interrupted.

 

"Certainly sir" she said with a smirk in your direction, receiving a small laugh from yourself.

 

Your eyes met Bucky's and then Steves as you all shared the joke, Damien looking a little bewildered .

 

"Oh my god...your Captain Amer-" he began as his eyes fell upon steve, beer now in hand. You grabbed his arm, stopping him mid sentence

 

"If you'll excuse us..." You muttered, pulling him away from your friends before the situation could progress any further.

 

—————————————

 

Damien had finally convinced you to dance even though you weren't feeling it. You placed your arms around his neck, his hands on your hips as you swayed to the music. You watched over his shoulder as Sharon and Steve watched from the sidelines. You wondered why he wasn't dancing with Sharon, unless he didn't think she was "the right partner", you considered. But then why was he with her at all?  You were jolted from your thoughts when Damian spoke.

 

"You look beautiful tonight, babe" he whispered.

 

You smiled up at him politely

 

"Thank you" you nodded in response as you searched the room for Bucky.

 

You'd just laid eyes on him still at the bar laughing with Sam, when Damien spun you round to face the other way.  You sighed and forced your gaze to his a smile painted on your lips. He became over confident with his footwork and spun you out before pulling you back in. You laughed awkwardly wishing it would end but it didn't, he did it over and over again.

 

"Maybe we should go and get a drink" you suggested in between spins.

 

He span you out for what you presumed was to be the final time but his hands slipped from yours, sending you hurtling towards the ground. You winced, prepared to hit the floor but the pain never came.

 

You opened your eyes as you found your feet again, Steve was holding you steady, his arms around your waist. You swallowed hard as your eyes met his.

 

"Thank you" you breathed trying to get your breath back

 

He smiled softly down at you, lifting your arms up and placing them around his neck, his hands returning to your waist.

 

"Damien is a little clumsy" you excused, laughing lightly. Then you realised what was happening. He was dancing, dancing with you.

 

"Steve..." you breathed, your heart quickening.

 

"Y.....you're dancing"

 

He smiled, seemingly relaxed as he pulled you a little closer

 

"Let's just say that maybe I found the right partner" he whispered, leaning down close to your ear.

 

You took a sharp intake of breathe as his words sunk in. Steve Rogers wanted YOU! The world around you had blurred from the moment you'd begin dancing, the only thing you could concentrate on being the feeling of his hands on your waist, the intense gaze you both now shared. But then you remembered.

 

"What about Sharon?" You asked your eyes anxiously darting around to find her.

 

He'd felt you tense up so ran his thumb over your lower back to calm you.

 

"We has a conversation earlier today and.....It's over" he admitted, a sadness in his eyes.

 

You waited for him to continue

 

"Sharon is great, she's everything I should want- but she's not you" he breathed. You could see the fear in his eyes as he waited for your response.

 

You allowed your tongue to wet your lips, your mouth dry as you contemplated his confession. Of course you wanted Steve, you'd be crazy not to want him. He was the definition of perfect but-

 

"Bucky" you breathed and he froze. You looked down as guilt washed over you and then back up in time to see the hurt in his eyes.

 

"Steve, I want nothing more than to be with you, I've thought about nothing else since I met you" you admitted tears threatening to spill over as you tried to explain.  "But I can't pretend I don't feel the same for Bucky" you looked away again, unable to look him in the eye.

 

"I know" he said finally after what felt like an eternity.

 

You frowned in response, both of you returning to sway with the music.

 

"I might be 100 years old y/n, but I'm not blind"

 

"I'm sorry Steve, it's all a big mess" you whispered as a single tear escaped.

 

His thumb was there in an instant to catch it as he stroked your cheek.

 

"It's okay... we'll figure this out" he breathed his eyes locking into yours again.  And you believed him, you believed that you could figure it out together.

 

But then.

 

Chaos.

 

Gunfire.

 

Screams.

 

Darkness.

 

 


	9. I knew her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fic and I’m doing my best with the fight scenes but its not my best!!! Sorry in advance, hope you enjoy!

 

 

 

The party guests scattered, some of them crawling across the ground to avoid the gunfire, others huddling in corners out of fear. It all happened so fast. Steve was lost, the Captain in his place.

 

“Go” he demanded, his eyes scanning the room.

 

“Get back to your living quarters, lock the door and don’t come out until someone comes for you.”

 

You froze in place, your brain trying to catch up.

 

“Damien” you managed, trying to find him in the crowded room. Just because your date was over, didn't mean you wanted him to get killed because of you. Your eyes found him huddled in one of the groups and you pointed him out to the captain.

 

“Ill get him out, you have my word.” He said with a nod , lifting his hand to catch his shield that had been sent hurtling towards you both.

 

“Heads up cap” Yelled Sam from the other side of the room.

 

“GO!” Steve urged, pushing you towards the door, holding his shield up in defence as bullets rained down on you both.

 

You backed up towards the door as the scene unfolded before your eyes. So this was what it was like to be in the middle of an avengers battle? You didn't much care for it.

 

You watched as steve took out several of the enemy with his shield, lifting himself off the ground, turning 360 in the air in a barrel roll and taking down two more on his landing, his right foot coming into contact with both of their skulls.

 

He stood up, his eyes landing on you once more and you realised that you probably should be leaving. You were a distraction.

 

You watched as his eyes turned from mild annoyance to fear.

 

“Y/n...” he began taking a few steps towards you. Thats when you realised he wasn't looking at you, but behind you. “Behind you!”

 

You frowned in response as something fast flew past your head, just millimetres away causing a breeze to blow your hair from your face.

 

Then you heard it

 

BANG

 

You hadn’t been hit, you knew that much. So who had?

 

You turned to see an agent down on the floor, the hydra pin pinned to his shoulder. He had a bullet whole through his skull right in the centre of his forehead.

 

You took a deep breath as you clocked the gun in his hand, that had surely been pointed at you only seconds before. You turned back around looking to thank the shooter that had taken him out before he had the chance to use his weapon and found...

 

Bucky.

 

He was far back, gun raised, his metal hand clenched around the grip, fear swimming across his expression.

 

“Thank you” you mouthed in his direction and he replied with a nod.

 

With that you took off, leaving the chaos and yelling behind you, trying to decipher the corridors in the dark and get back to your room.

 

____________________________________

 

You rounded the corner, only a few doors away from your room and came to an abrupt stop.

 

Five hydra agents were stood between you and the door.

 

You swallowed hard, taking a few steps backwards away from them.

 

“oops, wrong way...” you tried feebly as they noticed you.

 

“I have eyes on the target” you heard one of them say, continuing to back away slowly.

 

What did they mean? eyes on the target? Unless hydra were in need of a receptionist or a waitress you couldn't imagine why they were here for you? Maybe they had the wrong person. Just as you were weighing up the likelihood of escaping five hydra agents they sprung into action.

 

The first of them punching you hard in the gut, forcing you to double over in pain, your knees giving way beneath you until you were kneeling. A blow to the back of the head with a baton and you weren't on your knees any more but down on the floor, face first.

 

You rolled over onto your back as the tallest of the group raised his foot above you. You closed your eyes, lifting up your hands in defence readying your self for the impact but the foot never made contact.

 

A pause.

 

You opened your eyes in confusion and found your hands locked around the agents foot, holding it from your body, finding strength you didn't know you possessed.

 

“She’s remembering”

 

One of them whispered to another.

 

Remembering? What did-

 

And then, blinding pain coursed through your skull, waves and waves of it washing over you as millions of memories flooded into your brain. You saw so much, but you couldn't make sense of any of it. It was too much. Your hands moved to your temples as you screamed in agony as the memories continued to infiltrate your temporal lobe.

 

You saw it all. A whole life you’d lived before the one familiar to you now.

 

The red room. Pain. Suffering. Training. You were good. Really good. Your aim impeccable, your fighting skills beyond anything they had seen before. Then Hydra came. You became their weapon. Bucky. You knew him. He was there. The winter soldier.

 

Tears fell down your cheeks in both realisation and discomfort.

 

You forced yourself to your feet as the pain began to subside, taking deep breaths trying to gain some level of composure. Your eyes looked between the agents, their expressions once so fierce turning to ones of fear. Fear of you.

 

“Who am I?” You breathed, your voice low.

 

They looked between each other, clearly weighing up their options before one of them called it and they were on you again.

 

Suddenly your brain clicked in to gear and you were no longer the waitress who couldn't fire a gun or defend herself, you were the savage assassin trained by both the red room and hydra and you were angry.

 

“So be it” you breathed beckoning them towards you.

 

They ran at you one by one and one by one you took them down. The first went for your legs with his baton but his attempt was futile as you effortlessly flipped over the agent landing behind him, your hands found his head and you twisted. Snap. One down.

 

the second came at you with just hand to hand combat, throwing punches left and right, all of them missing. You dodged his attempts easily and he paused. You threw him a small smile.

 

“I’ve missed that look” you smirked as his expression turned to one of realisation just as the knife you'd taken from the agent before him slid into his throat. You released his body from your grip as he gasped for breath, blood bubbling up from his wound before he finally dropped. Two down.

 

The third and fourth worked together, but it didn't matter. Their deaths were inevitable. The smaller of the two attempted to raise her gun, but you were one step ahead, he hand pinned behind her back, the gun now in yours. You leant forward to whisper in her ear.

 

“Say goodbye” you mocked just as other agent ran towards you. You smiled, your foot coming from beneath you to make contact with his chest, just enough to throw him off balance and backwards into the wall. You closed the gap between you, your hands still restraining the first agent of the two pushing her body against his.

 

“I said....say goodbye” You whispered once more as you fired the gun through her sternum, the bullet ripping through her flesh and into agent who was pinned to the wall.

 

You watched as they exchanged eye contact, tears and of course blood. Lovers, you presumed. Not that it mattered now. As their bodied slumped on top of each other on the floor you turned your attention to the fifth and final agent.

 

“Four down” you toyed eyeing him up.

 

His hands went up in surrender and you laughed.

 

“Who am I?” You repeated.

 

He backed up, hands still raised, obviously a new recruit.

 

“They call you s...Scarlett demise ” he stammered, still retreating.

 

You raised a brow.

 

“Demi for short” he continued.

 

“Why cant I remember?” You hissed, your steps matching his.

 

He shook his head tearfully.

 

“If I tell you, they’ll kill me” he pleaded.

 

“So will I” you threatened “Tell me what you know and I’ll let you live. Surviving after that if your problem”

 

He sobbed as he contemplated his options.

 

“Th...they wiped your memory. Gave you a fake backstory. They needed you to get to the winter soldier.”

 

You froze. Bucky.

 

Your stare hardened, your steps quickening. You found your hand around his neck as he gasped for air.

 

“You said...you’d let me live” he spluttered his hands clawing at yours.

 

“Oh yeah, your right.” You agreed, releasing him from your grasp, brushing down his clothes.

 

“I lied” you seethed, your gaze darkening once more as you performed an effortless roundhouse kick to his chest so hard it shattered the window behind him sending him free falling from the building.

 

“Five” you whispered.

 

You looked around at the bodies littered around your feet, the sound of someone calling your name from the corridor across from you. Steve. You looked to the window you’d just thrown the hydra agent from , back towards the corridor steve would be coming down any second.

 

You had to get out of here. They’d kill you when they knew who you were.

 

You jumped.

 

 

 

____________________________________________________

 

Steve paced up and down the corridor as he eyed up the bodies just outside your room. You weren't in your room, so where the hell were you?

 

“I don’t understand” He exclaimed running a hand through his hair in confusion.

 

“Why would they take her?” He almost demanded looking to both Natasha and Bucky who had accompanied him to release you from your room.

 

“They didn't” came Tony’s voice from further down the corridor.

 

“There’s something you might wanna take a look at” He explained turning and walking the way he’d come from.

 

Natasha and Steve shared looks of confusion, whilst Bucky kept his head down as they all headed in the direction of Tony.

 

As they filed in to the office Tony asked Friday to bring up surveillance footage from the corridor just ten minutes earlier.

 

“Tony, what is it...” Steve began impatiently.

 

Tony held up his hand, his eyes fixed to the screen.

 

“Look” was all he said as the rest of the team filed in, the visuals of you defeating five hydra agents in what could only be described as a brutal manner flashing across the screen.

 

Silence. A long silence.

 

“What is she saying?” Wanda finally interrupted which led to tony tapping away at the strap on his wrist adjusting some of the controls to replay the video.

 

They all watched for the second time in silence as specific words rang out around the room.

 

“The winter solider” “Scarlett demise” “Hydra”

 

When the video ended the team were all in different states of shock.

 

“This isn’t real, right? I mean this is y/n” peter asked from the doorway with a nervous laugh.

 

“Its real” came Bucky’s voice from the corner of the room.

 

Steve looked to him in confusion.

 

“What do you mean Buck?” His voice was low, accusing.

 

Bucky took a deep inhale as memories of her fighting along side him flickered through his mind

 

“I knew her” He whispered, his gaze at the floor. “When I was with Hydra, I knew her...she”

 

Steves eyes widened at the revelation.

 

“What do you mean?” he growled, feeling betrayed.

 

“She wasn't the same person that she used to be..” he continued

 

“You could have told me” he said with a shake of his head, disappointed in his friend

 

“Steve, I thought she could have a normal life if I ....”

 

Natasha’s voice came next.

 

“It was her” She whispered, holding on to the table for support.

 

Steve turned his attention to her now, releasing Bucky.

 

“There was a girl, they called her Demi....she grew up in the red room, until she was 11” She began.

 

Steve folded his arms over his chest as he tried to take in all the new information being thrown his way.

 

“Then they took her. they didn't say where she went, just that she was chosen” she concluded.

 

“I didn't recognise her” she whispered finally, defeated.

 

Tony let out a laugh with a shake of his head.

 

Steve lifted his gaze to Tony’s

 

“You think this is funny?” He asked angrily. He was angry at Bucky for keeping this from him, angry that You weren't the person he thought you were and angry that he’d lost you.

 

“Why do you think I brought her in?” Tony asked with a shrug, propping himself again his desk and folding his arms.

 

The team looked between themselves, rhodey running a hand over his face with a sigh.

 

“You knew?!” Steve hissed in annoyance.

 

“I had my suspicions.” Tony clarified. “We’ve been trying to track Scarlett demise, Demi, whatever, for years. She fit the profile.”

 

“I don’t understand” Wanda chimed in “Why would you bring her in, if she was a threat?”

 

“Every heard that saying? Keep your friends close...” he started

 

“but your enemies closer” Rhodey finished in realisation.

 

“She’s not our enemy” defended Bucky from the corner of the room, flexing his metal hand.

 

“Damn it , Tony” Steve angered as his eyes locked back at the frozen image of you fighting the agents on screen.

 

“So what now?” Asked Clint, his face full of sadness.

 

“We bring her in” Tony replied matter of factly.

 

Steve’s head wiped around at the revelation.

 

“Bring her in?” He questioned

 

Tony nodded before addressing Friday.

 

“get secretary Ross on the line” he said with a shrug before leaving the room, rhodey following behind with a look of sympathy for steve.

 

____

 

There were a few moments of contemplation between the remaining team members,

Steve looked to Bucky taking a deep breath before he spoke.

 

“Anyone coming with me?” He asked simply his eyes returning to the screen.

 

Bucky stood by his side immediately in response and both of them eyed up the rest of the team to see who would stand with them to save you from the raft.

 

“Maybe bringing her in is safer for everyone involved” Natasha began

 

Steve looked to her in surprise.

 

“I’m sorry steve, if she was trained in the red room, she’s dangerous.” She continued.

 

“So were you” Clint reminded her from the window he was leant against.

 

“And I pay for that every day” she agreed.

 

“Not in a maximum security prison” Steve sighed.

 

“Sorry steve. I cant get involved on this one” she said holding her hands up before turning and exiting the room.

 

Vision was the next to speak.

 

“Captain, I know you mean well but if Y/n is a threat then she must be brought to justice”

 

“Tony has done a lot for me...” Peter agreed “Maybe they will help her” he added naively.

 

Steve just shook his head his head in response as they both followed after Natasha.

 

“Scott? Clint?” He asked.

 

“I’m in.” Clint said with a determined nod.

 

“You don’t need to ask me twice captain America” Scott agreed.

 

“She’s like a sister to me” Wanda breathed “I want to help”

 

“Sam?”

 

“Course cap” he responded with a nod.

 

“If we do this, we will be breaking the accords.” He admitted “That means trouble, it means we wont be coming back. y/n needs us right now to show Tony and the rest of them that she’s not a threat. It could get ugly and there’s no way to know how she’s going to react” he reminded them.

 

Bucky stepped forward putting his hand on Steve’s shoulder

 

“Meet back here in half an hour, Sam, gather whatever information they have on y/n, we might need to use it. Buck, prepare the jet. Clint, weapons. Wanda, I’m going to need you to cause a distraction when the time is right. And Scott ...Just wait here” he nodded, the team all going their separate ways to accomplish their tasks.

 

Scott stood awkwardly alone in the office.

 

“Ofcourse cap...tain. We’ll... I’ll be here”


	10. We don’t trade lives

 

Luckily this wasn’t your first time on the run. With Some of your memories now returned, you could remember at least two occasions where you’d had to run from one thing or another, keep a low profile. You had taken out as much money as possible from your account as soon as you’d escaped the tower, knowing that they would be tracking you by now.

 

It had been two days since you’d jumped from the top floor of the tower. You’d managed to scale most of the way down the building but had been forced to jump the last three story’s. Your right leg had taken most of the force and even with your assassin training your landing had caused the muscle in your calf to tear. Your wrist was still damaged from the incident with Bucky weeks ago and fighting the agents in the tower had definitely set the healing process back a few weeks.

 

You’d taken several buses and trains from the city heading north towards Canada in an attempt to escape the team. You could only imagine the disappointment steve would be feeling, finding out that you weren't the sweet waitress he thought you were and instead were damaged beyond repair.

 

You had spent long enough with the avengers to know what would happen to you if they were to find you. The raft. You also knew enough about the raft to know that wasn't somewhere you wanted to be.

 

After stopping at a bar just outside of Minneapolis, Minnesota you had been fortunate enough to get talking to one of the local farmers who owned a cabin he often rented out throughout the summer. After a last minute cancellation and an agreement of double the original rent he finally gave you the keys and here you were.

 

The cabin sat close to the Canadian border in Kabetogama state forest and had many quick exit routes in case you came under attack. You started to unload the shopping you’d managed to pick up at a nearby market, sorting things between the fridge and cupboards. You’d just finished placing the last can of beans in the cupboard when there was a knock at the door.

 

___________________________

 

Team Cap had been aboard the quin jet hovering around various parts of America for the last few days as they ran various searches and scans trying to track you down. They had landed occasionally for fuel or supplies but were soon back up in the air in order to stay stealthy. A disgruntled silence had fallen over them after the first 24 hours and no one had spoken since.

 

“Got her” Clint said finally getting to his feet.

 

The team were up immediately surrounding the screen he’d be working on.

 

“How did you-“ steve began.

 

“I know a guy...” he explained with a smirk “Word got around the avengers are looking for an assassin by the name Demi, Every one of them wanting to be the one to bring her in to Tony.” He continued.

 

“But my guy....” he grinned “my guy found her first. She was last spotted in Minnesota.”

 

Steve folded his arm over the broadness of his chest .

 

“Do we have a location?” He asked raising a brow.

 

“She’s off the grid, but we can home it in to a 30 miles radius” he explained zooming in on the map.

 

“My bet is she’s held up in one of these” He finished pointing out the three cabins dotted over the tree covered area.

 

Steve smiled, impressed. “Good work” He admitted, patting him on the shoulder.

 

“Sam, get us to Minnesota”

 

“Just putting the co-ordinates in now cap” he replied getting to work.

 

“Everyone else, suit up” he ordered.

 

_________________________________

 

Your breath hitched as you lifted your gaze to the door. You were good at hiding from the law but they were avengers, it was definitely possible they had already found you. You cursed as you thought back over the last few days trying to remember every detail in case you’d left any loose ends.

 

Too late to worry about that now, you thought as you tip toed over to the door. You unlocked it pulling it a jar just a little, enough to see the old women stood on your step. You frowned a little, it was odd that she was here in the middle of nowhere, miles from any amenities.

 

You widened the gap, still on full alert as you took in her features. You didn’t recognise her, that was for sure.

 

“Hello?” She asked squinting slightly, her eye site obviously hindered.

 

“Hi...” you managed to reply opening the door fully now. “Can I help you?” You asked cautiously.

 

“Do you live here?” She asked, a friendly warm smile on her wrinkled face.

 

“I’m renting it” you explained, hoping she would leave you alone and you could get back to your moping.

 

“Just for a few weeks” you said, offering her a friendly smile in return. She was after all an old lady.

 

“Ah, okay” she said with a nod looking slightly disheartened.

 

“Are you alright?” You asked, concern evident in your tone.

 

“Yes, yes I’m quite alright dear...” She said with a smile.

 

You frowned as she looked around.

 

“Are you lost?” You asked still confused as to why she was knocking on your door.

 

“I think maybe I am dear...yes” she said still smiling.

 

You sighed to yourself, how had she even gotten here. Now you were looking a little closer you could see the dirt on her clothes, most of them sodden through from the recent storm.

 

“Come on in....” You said with a smile opening the door for her. She didn't wait till you asked a second time.She was straight in positioning herself by the fire.

 

A few hours later you’d managed to find out a few details from her. Her last name and her sons name. You did some research and managed to track down her son who was more than grateful for your call.

 

It turned out she had Alzheimer’s and had been missing for three days. While you waited for her family to come and collect her you made sure she ate some soup and gave her some fresh clothes to change in to. They weren't exactly her style but at least she was dry. You could only imagine what would have happened to her if she’d been out there much longer.

 

______________________________

 

The quin jet landed about a mile away from the cabin, still in stealth mode in the hope youwouldn't hear the engines.

 

“We don’t know what state she’d going be in..” Steve continued as his team stood before him all kitted out. “So stay sharp”

 

“Steve” Bucky whispered from his position at the back of the jet. He’d kept his distance from Steve since the reveal that he’d known your identity all along but now he felt the need to step in.

 

“I don’t think we should all ambush her like this...” he started

 

“No?” Steve asked raising a brow, anger flashing across his eyes.

 

Sam stepped in.

 

“Maybe he’s right cap, if she feels threatened, there’s no telling how she could react”

 

Steve nodded, his hands on his hips as he contemplated the next more.

 

“Okay, I’ll go in first” he breathed slipping his helmet on and reaching for his shield.

 

“Take your positions along the perimeter and wait for instruction” 

 

Bucky sighed shaking his head.

 

“Steve” he repeated.

 

“What is it Buck?” he asked, anger in his tone.

 

“It should be me” he muttered, finally looking up to meet steves gaze.

 

“She knows me...I’m the best shot we have at calming her down”

 

Steve frowned as he looked to the rest of the team, all of them coming to the same realisation.

 

“Okay, you're up” he confirmed placing his shield on his back. “keep your coms online”

 

________________________________

 

You smiled as the man and his mother walked towards their car. She was chattering away about how nice you’d been and if they would be visiting again.

 

He was just relieved to have her back. He’d been so worried when he’d turned up to collect her and had offered you payment as a thank-you, which of course you had declined.

 

As you watched him help her into the car, closing the door behind her and climbing into the drivers side you contemplated whether you’d have anyone to care for you if you ever reached that age.

 

You remembered the conversation you’d had with Steve at the party, how you’d told him you were escaping the quite life in need of more excitement. You scoffed as the memory resurfaced, knowing that you’d be lucky if the quite life ever became a reality after the recent revelations.

 

You turned away as the car started up and they began to drive away, closing the door behind you. It didn't close. You sighed turning back round to see if it had become stuck again.

 

There was a foot lodged in the gap between the door and the frame.

Your eyes slowly travelled up from the boot, up the darkly clothed legs and torso of the male now blocking your door.

 

“Bucky” you breathed as your eyes rested on his.

 

“Doll” he greeted, a small smile on his lips.

 

You pushed yourself backwards from the door, knowing you couldn't over power him in your current state.

 

He held up his hands defensively.

 

“Y/n...its okay, I’m alone. Its just me.” He said, his voice low, calm.

 

You stood at the farthest point you could find from him as you contemplated what to say.

 

“Why are you here Bucky?” You whispered, sadness coating your words.

 

“I’m here to help” He sighed

 

“I don’t know who I am anymore...” you admitted. “I thought I was just y/n...but I’m not, am I? I knew you...before when I was....her” you stuttered hoping he’d have answers.

 

“I knew you when I was the winter soldier...” he admitted edging towards you.

 

You tensed up and he stopped moving.

 

“One of the agents....from Hydra, they called me Scarlett demise” you said with a frown.

 

Bucky nodded, edging closer again.

 

“That’s what they called you. Y/n that isn’t you, they controlled you, they messed with your mind. The things you did, they weren't your fault”

 

“But I did them” you said, a tear slipping down your cheek.

 

“we can help you y/n” he promised “Me and steve, like he helped me....When I escaped from hydra I thought they would always have a hold over me, but it got better. Let me- us help you.”

 

You allowed yourself to slide down the wall you’d found yourself against, head in your hands as your tears flowed freely. Bucky took the opportunity to move to your side, sitting beside you, pulling you into his embrace.

 

You inhaled deeply, his familiar cologne comforting and calming you.

 

“Don’t take me out, okay” He whispered with a small laugh, planting a gentle kiss to your forehead.

 

You pulled back slowly , your tear filled eyes meeting his.

 

“You don’t understand...” you said with a shake of your head. “When the hydra agents turned up I became a different person. I knew how to fight, to fire a gun...god, even how to scale down a building! But it was temporary. Now that they have gone I’m just me again. Just plain old y/n, who can’t hit one target after weeks of training. The only memories I have are the ones that were revealed to me in that five minutes I was her” you explained.

 

Bucky frowned as he took your face in his hands, wiping away your tears with his thumbs.

 

“You still don’t remember it all?” He asked.

 

You shook your head sadly.

 

“Who am I Bucky?” You whimpered.

 

“You’re my best girl” he said with a smile “Both versions of you” he corrected.

 

You noticed another figure by the door and jumped to your feet in fear.

 

“Hey, hey...” Bucky soothed, taking your hand in his “Its okay, its just Steve”

 

“I told you to keep your coms on” Steve glared at Bucky.

 

You frowned at the tension between them both.

 

“Y/n.......Demi” Steve started.

 

Bucky gave your hand a squeeze.

 

“It’s just y/n” he said with a smile.

 

___________________________________________________

 

Once the rest of the team had been filled in, you all stood around in the living area of the cabin contemplating your next move.

 

“We can’t go back to the tower” Sam agreed as he looked around the group.

 

“Tony wants you in the raft” Wanda explained.

 

You nodded as you looked around at those who had chosen to stand with Steve, stand with you.

 

“We should go back” you breathed in defeat.

 

Steve shook his head.

 

“Not an option.”

 

You slid your hand in to his in response.

 

“Steve, I did all of those things, whether I remember them or not.....”

 

“It wasn't you” steve argued, turning himself to face you.

 

“I can’t let you all do this. Maybe if we go back now they will go easy on you” you continued.

 

“We don’t trade lives” steve told you firmly

 

“Hell no, they aren’t taking you to the raft.” Clint shook his head.

 

“We’re staying” Wanda added in agreement.

 

“Till the end of the line” Bucky whispered, his hand sliding into your free one.

 

You held both Steve’s and Bucky’s hands in yours, tears threatening to fall again as the team pledged to stand with you.

 

 

 

 

 

Knock. Knock. Knock.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The whole team froze in response.

 

“Hey guys” came Natasha’s sultry tones as the door swung open.

 

“Bucky, get y/n out of here...” Steve started but Natasha held her hands up in defence

 

“Relax, It’s just me.” She said with a smile. “Couldn’t shake the feeling there was somewhere I should be” she added with a shrug.

 

You smiled slightly

 

“Its good to see you”

 

“You too y/n. I don’t have to start calling you Scarlett demise do I?” She asked with a groan “Honestly its a bit of a headache”

 

You laughed softly as she sauntered over to the team.

 

“No. Y/n is fine” you agreed.

 

________________________________

 

In the end you agreed that some of the team should return, namely Scott and Clint due to their families. You didn’t want them losing their loved ones because of you. This fight wasn't theirs.

 

The rest of you decided to stay under the Radar. You didn’t want to drag them down with you but they all insisted that you were part of their team and didn't give you an option.

 

There was talk about going to wakanda to see if Shuri could help unlock your memories, but you weren’t entirely sure that’s what you wanted. You weren't convinced that becoming the assassin you had been all those years ago was what you wanted now, if that was who you wanted to be.

 

Steve and Bucky cared for the y/n you were now and you’d grown quite fond of her yourself.


	11. I didnt want you to have one from her...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little shorter than the others but SMUT!!!  
> You have been warned
> 
> Also, please leave kudos and comments so I know if your enjoying it! 
> 
> Also really interested in what you want to happen or what you really don’t want to happen in the end! Inbox or comment :)
> 
> @Tishtashtosh25 on twitter :)

O 

 

 

 

The cabin was small for the six of you to share, but you made it work. Nat and Sam chose to sleep on the jet, while you shared a room with Wanda and steve shared a room with Bucky.

 

“Its been a while since we bunked together, Pal” Bucky laughed as he looked around the small twin room.

 

“Reminds me of the good old days..” steve agreed, a slight bitterness in his voice.

 

Bucky sighed, running a hand through his long dark locks.

 

“Steve, I did what I thought was right” He defended

 

“I know Buck, I just...wish you’d told me” He said with a shrug.

 

“You keep so many secrets, I didn’t want you to have one from her...”

 

Steve looked up at his last statement, the last time he’d heard those words were in relation to Peggy. He sighed, Bucky was his best friend and he’d be damned if he let this come between them after everything they’d been through together.

 

“No more secrets..” he insisted holding his hand out for a hand shake.

 

“No more secrets...” Bucky agreed, manoeuvring around his hand and pulling him into a hug.

 

Steve smiled to himself as he returned the hug, relieved to have his friend back again.

 

“So, which one do you want?” Bucky asked eyeing up the two tiny beds.

 

Steve sighed running a hand through his short blonde hair.

 

“Im not sure it matters” he admitted with a smile.

 

___________________________

 

You approached Steve and Buckys room slowly, pleased to hear them laughing with one another again.

 

“Hey...” you said softly, interrupting their conversation. It may only have been a few days but you’d missed them both terribly.

 

“Hey doll” Bucky smiled opening his arms up inviting you in.

 

Steve’s eyes filled with concern as you entered the room causing you to sigh. You didn’t want him to worry, you missed seeing them both happy, content, relaxed. You took a seat on one of the twin beds, fidgeting with your fingers.

 

Steve and Bucky exchanged glances before Steve moved to your side, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

 

“I’m gunna get some more firewood” Bucky excused a little awkwardly before backing out of the room.

 

Once you were alone Steve took your hands in his gently.

 

“Its going to be okay, you know” he soothed, his thumb rubbing circles over your palm.

 

The familiar electricity that skin on skin contact with steve made, ran through your body causing you to shiver slightly.

 

“I know” you smiled, meeting his intense stare with your own.

 

“Have you given Wakanda any more thought?” He asked, wetting his lips with his tongue.

 

You inhaled deeply, shaking your head.

 

“I’m not sure that’s who I am any more” you admitted, holding his eye contact.

 

“The choice is yours” he said clearly “whatever you decide”

 

There was a brief pause between you both.

 

“Steve, before all of this...at the party...” you looked away now, a light blush creeping over your complexion as you recalled the feeling of his lips on yours.

 

“We don’t need to talk about that now, its okay...” He comforted.

 

You shook your head.

 

“I want to...” you said quickly, your eyes darkening as they locked on his once more.

 

He nodded.

 

“Maybe you should speak to Bucky first?” He questioned, and you noticed the hurt fill his eyes.

 

You swallowed. He was probably right.

 

“I guess...” you agreed. “Its just...”

 

“What?” He asked, his entire body a little closer than it had been a few seconds earlier, his eyes flicking to your lips then back up to lock with yours again.

 

“I wanted to...” you started.

 

He slid his hand up to the back of your neck pulling you forward slightly, his forehead resting against yours.

 

You were both breathing deeply, the tension between you rising as his thumb grazed over your cheek and along your bottom lip. the piercing blue of his eyes met yours once more and you became lost, any thoughts or words you’d had just seconds ago, long forgotten as he closed the distance between your lips with a single soft kiss.

 

His kiss was gentle and tender and yet filled with passion. You allowed your body to melt into him as he pulled you onto his lap, his hands tangling in your hair as the kiss became deeper.

 

You slid your hands tentatively under his plain white T-shirt , relieved he had changed out of his tactical gear. Your finger tips grazed over the warm skin of his chest, your breathe catching as you danced over his muscles. You tugged at the bottom of his shirt, sliding it over his head, breaking the kiss just long enough to take in the site before you.

 

With his chest now bare, you were able to to admire him in all his glory. You allowed your tongue to slide over your bottom lip in anticipation. He made the next move, clearly feeling as much need for you as you were for him. After everything that had happened over the last few days, you both needed the relief.

 

He pulled your t-shirt over your head, his eyes scanning your body briefly before his lips were back on yours. The stubble that had grown on his cheek within the last few days on the jet grazed your cheek as he moved his kisses down your neck. You allowed your head to fall back with a gasp, his kisses slipping to your collar bone.

 

Needing more, you slid off of his lap, climbing to your feet, your eyes locked on his. You smiled in response to the hard swallow he did as he scanned your upper half again. You undid your jeans climbing out of them as he got to his feet, towering above you as always. He closed the small gap between you. His fingers sliding down your arm, entwining them with yours, lifting your palm to rest on his chest, his hand snaking around your waist as he pulled your torso against his.

 

The warmth of his body against yours caused you to shiver, as he lifted you gently onto the bed once more, laying you back onto the mattress. He kept his eyes level with yours for a moment, searching for any sense of doubt you may have. Finding none, his lips were back on yours, his hands exploring your body as you kissed.

 

You slid your hands down his chest until you reached his belt. He smirked softly in response, pulling back from the kiss, raising a brow.

 

“In a rush?” He asked, his voice lower than you’d ever heard it before.

 

You were breathless as you replied.

 

“You have no idea...” you returned his smirk as your fingers went to work on undoing his belt.

 

He took your lips in his once more before sitting up briefly to help with the removal of his trousers. You took this opportunity to dispose of your bra.

 

He returned to you quickly, his hand sliding up he tender skin ofyour stomach so he could palm your breast. His warm kisses were on your neck again travelling lower all the time until he could take your nipple in his mouth. You let out a soft moan escape your parted lips as your hands tangled in his hair. You’d barely begun but you weren't sure how much more you could take.

 

“Steve...” you whispered breathlessly. “Please..”

 

He smirked with a nod, returning back to eye level as his large hand travelled back down your stomach to the seem of your underwear causing your breath to catch in your throat. You tensed in anticipation, his hunger filled eyes still locked on yours. He had never looked better you decided as he allowed one of his fingers so slide under the band of your underwear, teasing you.

 

“Steve” you whimpered in complaint only to receive a satisfied smirk from him.

 

After what seemed like forever, he finally allowed his fingers to travel lower grazing over the sensitive skin of your sweet spot. You bit down on your lip as he toyed with you, your hands gripping on to his shoulder as you let out gently moans. Eventually his fingers moved to your entrance. Finding you pleasingly saturated, he slid one finger inside of you slowly, then a second, beginning to move them back and forth as you begged for more.

 

Your hips bucked against his hand, pleading with him to go faster. He didn’t, who knew Steven rogers was such a tease. You looked up at him, flustered and frustrated.

 

Two could play at this game.

 

You allowed your hand to glide to the inside of his muscular thigh, feeling him tense above you. You smiled knowingly , moving upwards until your palm covered the huge bulge in his boxers. He took a deep inhale holding his breath as he waited in anticipation. He was rock solid and had been since the moment your lips had first touched. He wanted you as much as you wanted him you realised. Allowing your eyes to settle on his your hand dove beneath the thin material releasing him from it entirely.

 

He pulled his boxers off impatiently and you raised a brow.

 

“In a rush, captain?” You quipped.

 

His eyes flashed with lust and you noted that he quite liked the use of the word captain in this context. So did you.

 

Your hand wrapped around his impressive length and he let out a low groan into your ear,sending shivers down your spine. You moved your hand slowly, determined to cause him the same discomfort that he was causing you and it worked.

 

“No more games” He breathed as he pulled your underwear from you in one swift motion, the hunger he had for you evident in his expression.

 

He positioned himself between your legs and you raised your hips slightly readying yourself to take him. He moved so that he was hovering above you, resting his forehead against yours as he pushed inside of you just a little.

 

You gasped as he began to fill you, you knew he’d be big but he was much larger than you were used to. Concern flashed across his expression and he began to pull away. No. You slid your legs around his hips stopping him from moving away.

 

“No more games” you whispered, pulling him into you until his entire length had filled you. You bit down on your lip so as not to yell out, your eyes falling shut as the extent of him reached every part of you.

 

He was surprised at your boldness but the look in his eyes told you that it excited him . Once he was satisfied that you had adjusted to his size he began to build up a rhythm, your body vibrating with pleasure as his hands roamed back to your breasts.

 

“You feel so good” He growled, quickening his pace, every thrust sending another wave of ecstasy through your body.

 

After a minute or so he pulled you up gently until you were both sat up. Him kneeling beneath you, you straddling his hips, his length remaining inside of you. He held your body close to his as you moved in harmony together, both breathless, both entirely captivated with one another.

 

Your hands gripped onto his muscular shoulders, your nails digging into his exposed skin. It felt like every nerve in your body was on fire as he brought you closer and closer to the edge.

 

He reached between your entangled bodies so that he could reach your sweet spot once more.

 

“Oh god, steve....” You moaned as you gasped for air, your heart hammering against your chest, your head swimming as you neared your end.

 

“Let go, doll” he whispered as you convulsed beneath him in pleasure.

 

You bounced faster on-top of him now, the new position only allowing him deeper. Your moans grew louder and so did his, both of you wound tighter and tighter until finally you began tounravel beneath him. You lost all control, a scream of extacy escaping you as your entire body tensed up around him, shivers rolling through your body as your orgasm rolled over you.

 

Feeling you tighten around him at your own release brought on Steve’s. He gritted his teeth , his head falling back as he released himself into you with a low groan. You let out soft whimpers as waves of electricity continued to pulse through your body.

 

He let his forehead fall back against yours as you both tried to gain control of your breathing. Your eyes closed as small tremors of pleasure washed over you still. There was no denying you’d never felt anything like it.Your head lulled onto his shoulder in exhaustion as you held each other, both satisfied, feeling more connected to each other than you ever had before.

 

“Your so beautiful y/n” he whispered , his arms wrapped around you.

 

 

—————————

 

You wandered into the main living area with a light blush clear upon your cheek.

 

“you know,you really should take it easy with that leg“ Natasha hummed with a smirk

 

As her words sunk in your cheeks turned an even darker shade of red.

 

“Oh no” You whispered covering your face “ You heard?” You asked peeking out beneath your fingers.

 

“It’s a small cabin y/n, of course we heard” she replied with a smirk

 

You winced shaking your head as you moved around to sit on the sofa.

 

“Relax” Natasha continued “I personally think it’s great. Maybe Captain Rogers will relax a little now that he’s getting some” she sniggered with a shrug. “It a win, win”

 

“You know what, Romanov“ came the Familiar tones of the captain as he made his way down the stairs into the living room, still pulling his t-shirt over his head.

 

“Oh hey, Steve, you know this building is made out of wood right? “She continued

 

You looked between them, embarrassment clear in your expression. To your surprise Steve didn’t seem bothered by Natasha’s remark but instead sauntered over to you with an easy smile placing a soft kiss to your temple. His public display of affection took you by surprise and you found yourself scanning the room to see if Bucky has also witnessed this.

 

“He’s still chopping wood” Wanda Explained, not looking up from the book she’d found on one of the shelves.

 

You felt suddenly guilty as your eyes met Steves.

 

“Go” he said stepping back, his features remaining relaxed.

 

You nodded taking a deep breath. time for a conversation with Bucky.

 

______________________________


	12. Hydra had control of her mind

 

It was raining outside, so you had grabbed an old jacket from one of the hooks on your way out that had been left by one of the previous occupants.

 

Dropping it over your shoulders and bracing yourself for the cool air you wandered out into the vast woodland that surrounded the cabin.

 

Bucky was still chopping wood, even with the rain getting heavier all the time. He was dripping wet through, droplets falling off the ends of his dark hair as he powered through the pile of logs, determination and a ferociousness filling his expression.

 

“Bucky...” you managed, slightly intimidated as he oozed winter soldier.

 

He looked up briefly before returning to his task.

 

“Its raining” you pointed out awkwardly as you walked closer, folding your arms around yourself in an attempt to keep out the cold.

 

He swung the axe once more , allowing it to settle midway through the stump he’d been chopping on before he turned his attention to you, his eyes seemingly unable to focus, his mind busy.

 

“You should come inside” you mumbled as the rain continued to pour.

 

“Y/n. What is it?” He asked, your face clearly giving away your motives. Damn it.

 

You sighed, fidgeting anxiously with your fingers as you tried to find your words.

 

“Who was I, to you....” you started “When I was....Scarle....Demi and you were the winter soldier?”

 

You watched as he swallowed down the lump in his throat, his eyes glossing over with a mixture of joy and fear.

 

You bit your lip impatiently as you tried to read his expression

 

“Bucky...please...I need to know” you whispered, your voice small, timid almost.

 

“We...” he paused, frustrated as he became tongue tied. “We fought together”

 

You frowned waiting for him to continue but he didn’t. You moved closer still , his eyes darting away from you, it becoming obvious he was hiding something.

 

“Bucky, I know there was more” You whispered softly.

 

“What did you see?” He demanded his eyes now set on yours as he tried to figure out what you knew.

 

“I....we....I saw us...together” you managed, close enough now that you could see his breath in the air.

 

He looked down at the ground a frown flitting over his brow.

 

“We were, together.” He admitted, his mind still clearly all over the place. “But- thats the past y/n. It doesn't matter anymore” he dismissed.

 

You shook your head placing your hand on his chest.

 

“Tell me” you asked, pleading in your eyes. “Help me remember”.

 

He looked down at your hand on his chest taking a deep breath before turning away and beginning to load up the logs.

 

“I can’t” he dismissed, shaking his head.

 

You nodded, your lip quivering slightly.

 

“I might not remember our past” you continued, your voice raised, partly so you could be heard over the downpour and partly because you were upset. You pushed on, determined to get through to him.

 

“But I know how I feel about you know” you mumbled, your hair sopping wet now, droplets of rain falling off your nose.

 

“And what about steve?” He asked quickly, more anger in his tone than he would have liked as he turned to face you once more.

 

“I...” you started.

 

“Steve deserves to be happy” He said, his voice calming.

 

“If being with you does that, then I’m happy for him. For both of you” he finished, his sentiment not reaching his eyes.

 

“I can’t pretend I don’t feel how I feel for you...” you trembled, tears filling your eyes.

 

“I know” he breathed, lifting his flesh hand to wipe away the single tear that had escaped down your cheek, mingling with the rain.

 

“But we have to try” He sighed.

 

“No” you shook your head.

 

“Y/n” he tried.

 

“No. I don’t choose him Bucky. I cant choose him.” You started, too caught up in the moment tohear the door creak open behind you.

 

“Not when I’m in love with both of you” you sobbed helplessly. You felt so guilty for the way you felt about the two best friends. You’d tried in vain to push those feelings aside, but they always pushed back. You weren't strong enough to deny them, they were like magnets, both of them pulling at you from opposite sides and you couldn’t fight it any more.

 

“y/n” steve whispered, your eyes widening as you spun to face him.

 

“Steve...I” You began.

 

“Well, isn’t this cosy” came a fourth persons voice from above the tree line.

 

Tony lowered himself in to view, fully kitted out in his iron man gear, Rhodey to one side of him, vision to the other. Peter Jumped down from a near by tree to land behind him.

 

Steve became captain America almost instantly, pushing you behind him protectively, standing his ground. Bucky and him creating a barrier between you and tony with their bodies as Wanda, Sam and Natasha filtered out from the cabin.

 

“Tony” Steve acknowledged, waiting for him to make the first move.

 

“I was hoping we wouldn't have to do this again Cap” he said, referring to the last time they were at war over Bucky, releasing his helmet.

 

“Y/n is one of us Tony. She needs our help, not a prison”

 

“Your too involved to see this objectively.” Tony continued, disregarding him.

 

“Just like with Bucky, Hydra had control of her mine, Tony. The y/n you know, that we all know, that’s who she really is” Steve almost pleaded, Bucky’s hand sliding around his gun in preparation.

 

“Actually cap, thats where you're wrong” Tony replied knowingly. “Rhodey?”

 

Rhodey stepped forward, his own helmet sliding back.

 

“Bucky was controlled by Hydra, Y/N wasn’t.” He started “She just worked for them” He threw down the files in his hand onto the soaking wet ground, photo’s and pages spilling out all over the place.

 

“Its all there” Tony shrugged “I noticed you'd already taken copies of the files so I presume you didn't get round to reading them, so Ill break it down for you” he continued.

 

“She chose to work for Hydra , This IS who she is. I’m sorry Cap she sold you lies” He finished, shooting daggers in your direction.

 

You had been trying to gather your thoughts at this new revelation, were you really the monster they said you were? Your eyes were drawn to several of the photos that had slipped from the file as it had hit the ground and you scrambled to pick them up. There was one of you in full combat uniform, smiling over a massacre of people, the hydra logo clear across your chest. A second photo of 11 year old you when you’d first joined them and again- you were smiling and finally one of you and Bucky. You were both heavily armed guarding a group of civilians that had been taken hostage, neither of you showing any remorse.

 

You looked back up, all of the team now turned to watch you. You looked to Bucky, but he just looked away unable to tell you any different, then to Steve. You wished you hadn't seen the look in his eyes, a look of disappointment, of fear, confusion.

 

“I don’t remember” you whispered just to him, your expression one of shock and terror.

 

“Okay, I’m over this” Tony sighed. “Your going to hand her over and come with us, because its us” He demanded.

 

Steve, who had been deep in thought, stood tall once more.

 

“Thats not who she is Tony, she doesn't remember that person” he said gesturing to the files.

 

“And what happens when she does, huh cap?, we just wait around for her to go psycho on our asses?”

 

“Thats not a risk we can take Steve” Rhodey added, his tone a little more sympathetic.

 

Steve held his hand out as Sam threw his shield across the open space catching it with ease.

 

“Nat, Get Y/n on the jet” He ordered positioning his shield on his arm, maintaining his composure.

 

And just like that chaos erupted once more. Natasha grabbed your hand to pull you from the battle but vision was there to stop you escaping. He sent a blast directly at Natasha’s feet, enough to throw her off balance so that she fell back away from you, leaving you unprotected.

 

Behind you steve and Bucky were fighting both Tony and Rhodey, passing the shield back and forth between each other. If you hadn't been so terrified you’d have taken a little more time to admire how they almost danced together in what seemed like a choreographed routine.

 

Wanda held vision off the best that she could, you swore you could see her heart breaking as she had to fight against the one she loved.

 

Peter landed in front of you.

 

“Peter” you breathed sadly, you’d missed him so much in the last few days. He always managed to cheer you up when you were down and not having him around had taken its toll.

 

“Mr stark, what do you want me to do?” He asked completely ignoring you.

 

“web her up like we discussed” Tony ordered from his fight with steve.

 

“I’m sorry y/n” he managed, hesitating slightly before the webs shot out of his wrists binding your hands together.

 

Natasha was back on her feet now distracting peter long enough for you to run in the opposite direction.

 

Straight in to Rhodey. Bucky had become distracted helping Steve against Tony.

 

“Stand down” Rhodey instructed clearly, his position defensive.

 

You looked around for help but everyone was too busy.

He sent a blast at your feet as you failed to comply and you fell to the floor in a heap, your already injured leg taking most of the force.

 

“Stay down y/n, final warning” he told you, but it was too late.

 

The all two familiar agony you’d felt just days earlier came piercing through your skull, a scream tearing through the air as more memories flooded back to you.

 

Steve’s head whipped around at the sound of your screams, seeing you crumpled on the floor, hands covering your head, his shield defending another blow from tony.

 

Then as quickly as it began, the screaming stopped and you were back on your feet, except this time you weren't so helpless. This time you were fighting back.

 

“Uhm....Tony” Rhodey managed as he held off your attack. You through blow after blow at him and he fell backwards mainly out of surprise. You sprung from the ground as he became compromised, wrapping your legs around his neck.

 

“Hey, thats my move” Natasha muttered from her position.

 

Your hands were still tied together which limited your fighting skills. Once you’d managed to get Rhodey down on the ground you ran to assist steve and bucky.

 

He was back up in seconds, as you’d predicted but you knew even with the skills you had, without a weapon you couldn't defeat a man in a metal suit with your bare hands.

 

“Steve” You yelled motioning to your hands, his Shield coming down to slice through the webbing freeing you from the bind.

 

Bucky smirked over at you briefly

 

“Good to have you back doll”

 

Just like that , more memories came flooding back. You swallowed down the pain until your mind became sharp again.

 

“Bucky, just like we did in Berlin” You whispered. His eyes becoming alive as the memory resurfaced, responding with a simple nod of understanding.

 

Just like that, the two of you became the deadly team you once had been moving together in perfect synchronisation. Once you were sure Steve had tony on the ropes you back flipped across the field landing back behind Rhodey, Bucky in front.

 

He eyed you both up wearily as you closed in on him. Bucky struck him first, his metal hand making contact with his jaw sending him flying backwards. You spun yourself around on one foot, the other connecting with his chest forcing him to stumble forward again, now disorientated. You continued to fight him, blow for blow, dodging his blasts with your lighting fast reflexes.

 

Rhodey put more power into his thrusters until he was a good 10 feet off of the floor. You ran at Bucky, a glint in your eyes as he readied himself, leaning his torso back. You jumped onto his knee, running elegantly up his torso before pushing yourself off his chest, backwards into the air, the extra boost his force gave you allowing you to flip over rhodey’s head , your arms wrapping around his neck, pulling him to the floor as gravity pulled you back down.

 

You landed gracefully, unlike Rhodey, and positioned yourself so your knee was on his neck, locking his arms into position. He sent out multiple blasts in an attempt to get free, but bucky was on him the second you hit the ground. He dug his fingers around the arc reactor in his chest as you continued to hold him down. You watched him fight, a small smile gracing your lips as more painful yet joyous memories rushed back in.

 

He pulled the core from his chest, rhodey’s suit falling lifeless as you turned your attention to Tony.

 

“Tony, the suit is down” Rhodey informed him as he pushed himself into a sitting position.

 

Wanda was still holding off vision. Natasha, Sam and peter had all paused mid fight to gawk at the performance you and Bucky had executed effortlessly.

 

Steve already had Tony down on the ground, his helmet smashed into pieces so that his face was now visible through it.

 

Just as you moved towards him to assist, he forced his shield into the arc reactor in his chest, making the suit lifeless just like rhodey’s.

 

“Get to the jet” came wandas voice, her face contorted into one of anguish as she burnt through her power, keeping vision from the rest of the team.

 

You all obeyed. Peter looking a little lost as he tried in vain to web you up. Once he realised he was fighting a losing battle he rushed to Tony’s side.

 

“Mr stark?” He asked, concern filling his tone. You glanced back at him as you ran, taking in the destruction that had occurred because of you, for you. This wasn't what you wanted.

 

You all boarded the jet, Sam firing up the engines ready for take off as you waited for Wanda. With one final push she threw vision backwards through the cabin until he came out the other side, tears in her eyes as she finally made it on to the jet.

 

“I guess I’m not getting my deposit back then” you quipped receiving not a single laugh.

 

__________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	13. Whatever it takes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I don’t know much about memory so bare with me! I did my best!

 

Once the opportunity arose, Sam had landed the quin jet under a blanket of trees so as to stay undetected and You had managed to hunt down a nearby motel for the night, cash in hand.

 

You’d made sure you were all in civilian clothes so you weren't so easily recognisable and had managed to go unnoticed much to your relief.

 

As you all re-boarded the jet, freshly showered and well rested you pulled steve to the side.

 

“Steve, I want you to know...” you began, unsure of where to start with your explanations, apologies and excuses.

 

“Dont” He said firmly with a shake of his head.

 

“But-“ You tried again.

 

“Until we can return the rest of your memories and find out who you really are, you have nothing to explain” He told you, his arms folded across his chest, his eyes shutting you out as they never had before.

 

“It was different this time” you blurted out, hoping he would hear you out.

 

“When I became her. I wasn’t just her. I still felt like me”

 

He nodded as he thought over your words.

 

“Thats good” he agreed, not impolitely but formally. “Rest that leg”

 

And just like that your conversation was over, he had fully closed himself off to you. Whether it be because you’d admitted you loved him, because of what Tony had said about you choosing to work for hydra, the fact he had now seen the extent of your skills as Demi or how connected you and Bucky had been since then. If you were honest with yourself, it could have been any number of things and you deserved the silent treatment. You just hoped it didn't last too much longer. You needed steve like you needed oxygen.

 

“Where to cap?” Came Sams voice from the front of the jet.

 

“Wakanda” he said with a nod.

 

________________________________________________________

 

You sat upon the bed in Shuri’s lab as she ran various tests.

 

“Can you do it?” Steve asked, his finger tips resting on his bottom lip as he waited anxiously.

 

“I’m afraid its not that simple” Shuri replied “Memory is tricky, the amnesia should be temporary and there are things we can do to help you regain the memories you’ve lost, but there is no telling how they will affect you”

 

Bucky stepped forward.

 

“Are you saying there’s a chance y/n wont be y/n anymore?”

 

Shuri nodded.

 

“There is a chance that you will regress to your former self almost entirely” she admitted.

 

“And if we don’t, bring them back?” You asked, almost hoping you could just delete that part of yourself.

 

“They will still return” she confirmed “But without our technology to help maintain your strength and sanity you could become volatile, hostile even, given the nature of some of those memories”

 

You nodded looking around at the remainder of the avengers who now stood by your side.

You owed them this much. They’d all put themselves on the line for you, believing you were something more than the hydra assassin you had formerly been.

 

“I’ll do it” you nodded without so much as a seconds thought.

 

Shuri nodded.

 

“We can begin right away. Ill give you a moment” she finished, acknowledging the rest of the team before exiting the room.

 

You inhaled deeply looking down at your hands as you contemplated what was about to happen, what this meant for you and for your team mates- no friends. This could be goodbye, you realised.

 

“I guess, I’ll see you on the other side” you whispered forcing a smile, trying to be optimistic.

 

There was a long silence between you all as the others tried to find their words.

 

Nat wandered over to you first.

 

“You’d better” she smirked, giving your shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

 

You smiled up at her from your position, perched on the edge of the bed. You thought about the first night you’d spent in the avengers tower, how she’d helped you before returning you to the party. You thought about how she’d helped to train you and how she had turned against Tony and other members of the team when you needed her most. But mostly you thought about how much she’d made you laugh, the small moments in between the big ones, that held everything together.

 

She had opened up, become a friend. But a shoulder squeeze was the only comfort Natasha was capable of giving you. And that was fine, that was why you loved her so much.

 

“I expect a whole loada brownies when you're out of here.” Sam told you, cutting through your thoughts with his deep tones as he began to follow Natasha out.

 

“Goes without saying” you agreed with a light laugh.

 

You didn’t know Sam as well as some of the team, but you hoped that you’d get the chance to know him better. Steve seemed to trust him and that was good enough for you. Plus there was the added bonus that he too liked to take the piss out of Peter when ever an opportunity arose.

 

 

“Good luck y/n” he said finally, sincerely from his position by the door.

 

Wanda shuffled over to you next, emotion drowning her petite features, her red hair almost looking less red than it usually did. She placed her hand beside your temple, streaks of red light dancing from her finger tips as she explored your mind effortlessly.

 

“What do you see?” You asked curiously, trying to read her expression/

 

She paused for a moment, lowering her hand.

 

“I just see you” she said finally, her smile sad. 

 

Wanda was like a sister to you. She was the one you’d go to for a late night chat or to watch re runs of friends or gossip girl while eating unholy amounts of pizza and popcorn. You loved listening to her rant about vision walking through her walls instead of using the door or how she wished he’d stop trying to cook for her.

 

She pulled you into a tight hug, knocking you from your thoughts and you gripped onto her, releasing the breath that had been keeping your emotions in check both of you letting out small sobs.

 

You finally pulled away from each other so she could join the other two by the exit.

 

You held a hand up to them in a small sad wave as they filed out into the corridor, leaving you alone with Steve and Bucky.

 

You paused. This was going to be tough.

 

“Bucky, can I have a moment alone with Steve” you whispered.

 

He nodded, concern clear in his eyes as he followed the others.

 

When you were sure you were alone, you turned back to steve taking a deep, shaky breath.

 

“I know you’re mad” you whispered, unable to meet his eyes.

 

“please know I never lied to you. Not once.”

 

He put his hands up to stop you talking.

 

“No steve, I need to finish incase when I come back I’m not....me” You breathed, lifting your gaze finally to meet his.

 

“I didn't want to tear apart your team, I didn't mean to hurt you... any of you.“ you continued taking another breath.

 

“You’re a good man Steve, the best...actually” you admitted fidgeting with your fingers. “Don’t forget that.”

 

You placed your right hand on his chest gently, your eyes following.

 

“Whatever happens, live your life” you told him, hoping you’d be around to see it. “Be happy and look after Bucky”

 

You paused, readying yourself for a goodbye.

 

“If I don’t come back as me, I want you to promise me that you won’t let me hurt anyone” You whispered, your eyes returning to his.

 

“Whatever it takes” you said with a nod.

 

“Y/n...” he began, his eyes no longer dark and reserved but soft and swimming with emotion once more.

 

“Steve” you cut in, in a whisper, tears sliding down your cheek.

 

“Promise me. Whatever it takes”

 

He nodded, swallowing down the lump that had formed in his throat, his hand covering yours upon his chest.

 

“Whatever it takes” he agreed, his voice cracking slightly towards the end.

 

You nodded, satisfied he would keep his promise, taking a moment to appreciate how beautiful this man really was, both inside and out. He was physically flawless in every aspect, with his strong jaw and light fluffy hair that was always immaculately styled. He could lift you up when you felt down like no one else ever had and his absence made you feel empty inside, like part of you was missing. There was no turning back now. You were in love with Steven Grant Rogers. Till the end of the line.

 

He kept his gaze locked on yours, a single tear slipping from his piercing blue eyes as he inched closer, leaning down, placing a soft sad kiss to your lips. He lingered there a moment, both of you allowing your eyes to fall shut as you enjoyed what could be your last moments together as y/n and steve.

 

He pulled back slowly, wiping the tear from his cheek, clearing his throat, his eyes finally yet regretfully falling from yours before he turned, walking quickly away, returning to the calm and collected captain America.

 

Bucky returned, his hand immediately on your cheek, wiping away the loose tears you had yet to clear.

 

“It’s going to work, doll” he told you, matter of factly.

 

You looked up at him sadly, hoping he was right, hoping you could return to them both and tell them you loved them again, when you were sure of who you were.

 

“What if-“ you started.

 

“Its going to work.” He repeated, pausing as his eyes met yours, each of you gazing into the others soul.“Because, I don’t know what I’m going to do if it doesn't” He whispered, resting his forehead against yours, his dark hair falling down against your cheeks.

 

You sobbed softly at his words, taking his hands in yours as you recalled all the memories you shared with him, both old and new. Bucky was just as bright of a soul as steve, if not a little misunderstood. He too was filled with honour and righteousness yet with just a hint of mischief. His past had only made him shine brighter in your eyes and you hoped one day the world would see him for hero he truly was. He made you feel like you could be yourself and that was enough. Plus there was the absolute bonus that he was stunning to look at.

 

“Thank you Bucky, for everything....” You breathed, receiving a frown.

 

“Don’t do that. This isn’t goodbye” he told you, giving your hand a light squeeze. He lifted your chin gently, his lips meeting yours, distracting you temporarily from the situation unfolding around you, happy to be lost in the warmth of his kiss.

 

Just as you both began to lose yourself, as you always did with Bucky, Shuri reentered the room.

 

“Shall we begin?” She asked tentatively as you pulled away from one another reluctantly.

 

“You should go” you whispered to Bucky.

 

“I’m not going anywhere doll” He replied stubbornly.

 

“Please Bucky, Steve needs you” You told him, stroking the back of his hand with your thumb.

 

He took a deep breath fighting the urge to refuse.

 

“She’s in good hands” Shuri assured him with a kind smile.

 

“Look after my best girl” he whispered, planting a lingering kiss to your forehead before he followed in the direction of Steve.

 

“See you in a minute” You told him, determined to keep that promise.

____________________________________

 

It had been three days, three days since steve and Bucky had been able to have any sort of contact with you.

 

Shuri gave you various breaks throughout your sessions together to eat or sleep but there wasn't much time in between. You were physically and mentally exhausted. There had been at least four occasions when you had become erratic, violent even, as some of the more painful memories were forced back into your consciousness. There were times where you felt so low you just wanted it to end and your life with it.

 

Then there had been the happy memories, some that had caused you to laugh so hard you thought you could burst, some that had even brought tears of joy to your eyes. Most of those memories down to Bucky.

 

You led back on the bed searing pain running endlessly through your head as you tried to make sense of the last batch of memories that had been sent your way.

 

“You’re responding well” Shuri said, her voice soft, calm, as to not hurt your head further.

 

You scoffed as you massaged your temples.

 

“really? It doesn't feel that way” you replied, closing your eyes tightly.

 

“But, you’re still y/n” she reminded you with a smile “Demi hasn’t taken hold ”

 

And she was right. To some extent she had definitely coloured your personality in, things you once loved, you now hated and things you hated, you now loved. The memories of the pain that had stained your past were going to take some time to overcome and you definitelyfelt damaged, broken even. But you were y/n and broken. Not Demi or Scarlett demise. Just y/n.

 

You nodded, a pained smile spilling across your expression.

 

“Just a few more hours and you can return to your captain and soldier” She said knowingly with a playful smile.

 

You looked up with a groan.

 

“Don’t you start” you muttered groggily, receiving a laugh in response.

 

“Ready to go again?” She asked and you nodded moving yourself into position, allowing her to strap your arms and legs down again as a precaution.

 

“Hit me” you agreed taking a deep inhale, bracing yourself.

 

So she did. She started the process for what seemed to be the 100th time that day. It started off much the same as the previous times, blinding pain, screaming, some lighter memories and then some darker ones.

 

About ten minutes into the process you began to feel her take hold. Demi. The assassin. It felt like she was pushing you out of your own consciousness, and just like that you were lost, somewhere deep down, hidden, screaming to get out.

 

Demi’s eyes shot open, darting from the straps on her wrists to those on her feet before finally settling on Shuri. Her expression darkened as she pulled at the binds, ignoring the pain they caused as they dug through her flesh.

 

“y/n?” Shuri asked, unsettled. A look in ‘your’ eyes she’d never seen throughout the previous sessions.

 

“Afraid not” Demi whispered, her gaze one of menace.

 

As she fought with the binds, Shuri tapped furiously away at the screen in front of her, trying her best to undo whatever had just happened. The bonds were loosening, simply by Demi’s disregard for the pain her body was being forced to endure.

 

Shuri gave up as Demi free’d herself from one of the leg binds and pressed a button under the screen to activate the alarms, stepping back from the bed to distance herself from the assassin.

 

Within seconds of the alarms going off, A large group of the Dora Milaje entered the room, geared up for battle, with T’challa himself leading them.

 

“What is it sister?” He asked as he entered hastily.

 

Shuri gestured to Demi writhing around on the bed.

 

“Y/n....she’s gone” she explained “I tried to get her back but this one is too strong brother”

 

T’challa nodded.

 

“Bring in the soldier” he said calmly, collectedly as he eyed up the intruder.

 

_______________________________

 

Bucky rushed in, fear filling his expression. He was by ‘your’ side in seconds.

 

“Bucky?” Demi asked with a frown, still fighting the straps on her arms and legs.

 

“Hey doll” he whispered, taking in ‘your’ features.

 

“Be a sweetheart and help me out of these?” She asked with a sly smile.

 

He swallowed, a frown falling across his face as realisation began to set in.

 

“Y/n?” He asked

 

“Ugh” she complained

 

“ why does everyone keep asking for y/n?! Its me, Bucky.”

 

He swallowed again, risking a quick glance to Shuri who could only offer him a shrug before turning his attention back to her.

 

“Demi?” He tried again.

 

“There we go! You know, I really thought that time we spent together in Vienna would have been enough for you to remember me” she whispered suggestively.

 

He looked down for a moment trying to gather his thoughts before he finally found his words.

 

“Dem, You gotta let y/n in....” he started, his voice calm but powerful.

 

She froze, betrayal filling her already dark eyes as she realised her winter soldier was gone.

 

“You want her back?” She laughed darkly, shaking her head. “But Bucky, you and I are made for each other.” She whispered, toying with him. “Think about it. We can be together...just like old times. Just me and you”

 

He looked down, weakening under her gaze.

 

“SHE....wants him, the captain.” She hissed. “You’ll never win, not with her” she continued “But with me...”

 

“Stop” he growled, his head whipping back up as his metal hand found its way around her slender throat.

 

“Let. her. in.”

 

She laughed, uncaring for his threats.

 

“Now this really DOES feel like Vienna” she teased, raising her brow.

 

He tightened his grip as a mix of fear and rage filled his eyes.

 

“Bucky.” came Steve’s deep tones from the doorway.

 

He loosened his grip immediately, releasing her, stepping away to run a hand through his hair, beginning to pace up and down.

 

Steve’s eyes were locked on Demi’s, the soft and sweet captain you knew not present in his eyes as he marched over to her purposefully.

 

“Ah, the beloved Captain Rogers” she coaxed, tilting her head.

 

“Where is she?” He asked, his voice remaining even yet determined.

 

“She’s gone” she hissed back quickly with complete disregard, pulling at her restraints again.

 

“You’re going to let her back in” He demanded crouching down till he was at her eye level.

 

She laughed considering his words.

 

“I am? and why would I do that?” She asked, seemingly bored with the conversation.

 

“Because, I made a promise to her” he breathed, his voice softening as his thoughts returned to his last moments with you.

 

She laughed, shaking her head.

 

He put his hand on her cheek, even as she tried to pull away from him, his eyes meeting hers.

 

“Whatever it takes” he whispered sadly.

 

She froze temporarily, but you’d heard him, you’d heard Steve’s words and you were pushing, pushing back against her trying to get back to him.

 

She shook her head with a wince, the cocky expression she had held just moments ago dissolving from her features.

 

“Steve. Its working” Bucky breathed as he noticed her reaction. “Keep talking”

 

Steve nodded, gathering his thoughts once more, taking her hand in his.

 

“Come back to me, doll” He whispered

 

“Stop it” she hissed as you pushed harder, trying to pull her hand from his grip.

 

“How you feeling about the quiet life now, huh?” He said with a light laugh as he recalled your first conversation at Tony’s party attempting to ignore the intruder who now infiltrated his best girl.

 

She was struggling to keep hold, but he needed something that would pull her right back in to his arms, and then he remembered the words she’d said to him when he was lying in that hospital bed, inches from death. The words that had pulled him back to her.

 

“Missions not over y/n” he whispered as he soothingly stroked her hand, and just as Demi lost her fight and with it her hold on your body, his lips were on yours, soft and soothing.

 

You were back. And Steve was kissing you.

 

You smiled into his kiss, causing him to pull away, his eyes anxiously searching yours.

 

“Y/n?” He asked

 

You nodded with a light laugh, the warmth returning to your eyes.

 

“Hey Steve” you whispered.

 

________________________________

 

 

 

 


	14. I thought I could throw myself back in, follow orders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay people. 
> 
> SMUT
> 
> Could be triggering, not forced but rough!
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS!!!

 

“Where’s Bucky?” You asked with a frown, scanning the room for him.

 

“He’s-“ steve started, turning around to point him out, only to find an empty space.

He sighed turning back to you.

 

“I’ll be right back” He whispered planting yet another kiss to your forehead, before climbing to his feet and leaving quickly to find Bucky.

 

________________________________________

 

“Buck” He called, struggling to keep up.

 

“Buck...Bucky?” he asked as he finally caught up, taking hold off Bucky’s arm to stop him or at least slow him down.

 

Bucky pulled his arm free from steve more violently than he had intended,clearly agitated.

Steve didn’t push, he just waited patiently, a frown of concern across his brow until Bucky finally relented.

 

“I couldn’t help her steve.” He said plainly, sadness and pain clear in the crack in his voice.

 

“When she was lost, it was YOU who brought her back, YOU who she needed, not me”

 

A flash of realisation flickered across steves face as he began to understand.

 

“Thats not true” he replied simply, his eyes holding Bucky’s gaze, confident in his words.

 

“Demi, wanted me” Bucky retorted shaking his head, defeated, broken down. “Not y/n”

 

Steve took a deep breath about to argue back when Shuri appeared at the end of the corridor.

 

“It’s not quite that simple” She explained, moving hesitantly towards them.

 

Both of the super soldiers turned to her now, waiting for further explanation.

 

“Her mind is complex, not all of it is the y/n you have known over the past few months and not all of it is Demi, more like a mixture of both. When Demi took hold, it was because she was stronger, but when you- steve- spoke to her, part of y/n returned, merging with her former self” she began to explain.

 

“So, she’s both of them?” Steve asked, bewildered, trying to wrap his head around the idea.

 

Shuri nodded.

 

“Something like that, its going to take time for her to find herself again” she admitted as she glanced between them.

 

They both nodded in understanding. There was no longer Demi and then Y/n there was now only this new version of you that combined both of them, whoever that was.

 

“I’d like to keep her here for a few days, just until we are sure there are no side effects” she continued.

 

“She’s asking for you” she continued, fearful of overstepping. “Both of you”she added in a whisper, mainly to Bucky.

 

Steve looked across to his best friend, his hand finding his shoulder in a supportive squeeze. Bucky took a deep breath, offering Steve a smile of thanks ,a sense of hope returning as he considered the new information.

 

 

______________________________________

 

It was two days later when Shuri finally released you from your hospital bed and the first time you’d really had the chance to take in how beautiful wakanda was. You stood at the large windows, surveying the landscape, a smile lighting up your expression as you took it all in.

 

“Beautiful...isn’t it?” Natasha asked with a smile as she joined you.

 

You beamed back at her briefly before returning to gaze out at the horizon.

 

“It really is” you agreed taking a relaxed breath.

 

“So I hear you’re some kind of y/n, Demi mixture?” She asked raising a brow.

 

You laughed lightly with a nod

 

“Whatever that means”

 

“So what parts are y/n and what parts are Demi?” She questioned as she looked you over.

 

You shrugged.

 

“I’m still trying to figure that out” you admitted, running your hand through your hair thoughtfully.

 

“But-“ you continued. “From what I gather, I still feel like me. Demi is there somewhere, her memories are now mine and I have the overwhelming urge to kick ass” you admitted with a laugh.

 

“But for the most part I’m just y/n” you concluded.

 

“Steve? Bucky?” She asked, receiving a sigh in return.

 

“I care about them both” you admitted, folding your arms over your chest.

 

“I feel like I’m at constant war with myself” you murmured.

 

“How so?” She pushed curiously, turning to face you now, leaving the landscape behind.

 

“Before this” you said gesturing to your head “I knew how I felt.”

 

“With Steve it was easy, I’m pretty sure I’d fallen for him the first day that I met him” you laughed lightly at the memory.

 

“But Bucky was different, I felt this need to be around him, but I never really understood why. But now- now I do. Demi and Bucky were together, as in together together. Inseparable, unstoppable” you smiled as yours or Demi’s past memories flickered through your brain.

 

“So what’s the problem?” She asked with a tilt of her head.

 

“I worry that Steve was meant for old me, un- damaged me... the version of me who was just good.”

 

“And-“ you continued “I worry Bucky was meant for Demi, that the only reason he’s around me is because of old memories”you shook your head with a sigh

 

“But, I’m not either of them anymore, however much I wish I could be”

 

“Have you spoken to them?” Natasha asked

 

You scoffed and shook your head.

 

“Not happening”

 

She nodded folding her arms over her chest.

 

“I think you should tell them” she said firmly, never one to shy away from her opinions.

 

“No” you said quickly shutting the idea down. “I cant. I can deal with this on my own” you whispered, shuffling around anxiously.

 

She debated it for a moment.

 

“I’m not sure keeping it from them is wise- ” she started just as the rest of the team bundled into the room.

 

“ready to go?” Steve asked with a smile, unaware he was interrupting.

 

You looked to Natasha, shaking off the intense conversation that you had been mid way through.

 

“Lets go” you agreed, forcing a smile, that seemed real to everyone but Natasha.

 

____________________________________

 

The next few weeks were bumpy to say the least. You tried to be normal around both steve and Bucky but the constant feeling of being a disappointment had affected you in everything aspect of your being.

 

They had allowed you to join them on several missions and you had been more than willing to fight along side them , to finally fight for something worth fighting for. Of course, the team was less of a team than it used to be and that was on you. The avengers were disbanded but the six of you continued to fight. Against Hydra. Against anyone that threatened the peace. Under the radar.Constantly looking over your shoulders, but unwilling to give in.

 

Today’s mission unfortunately hadn't gone as planned and Steve was looking for someone to blame. He had tried to be patient with you as you adjusted to this new version of yourself, but even Captain America had his limits. You’d stopped sharing those moments you used to crave so much and spent most of your time with Natasha or Wanda, choosing to avoid Bucky and Steve at all costs. You could see the disappointment in their eyes every time they looked at you and today was no different.

 

“You disobeyed direct orders, again” He frowned, hands on his hips as he looked down on you, towering above you making you feel so small.

 

“I know, I know. I’m sorry, but-“ you began

 

“No y/n.” He interrupted, unwilling to listen to your excuses “Your actions put every single member of this team at risk. You’re off the team. Indefinitely.” He almost growled, sure of his words.

 

“Steve..” you whispered, slightly surprised that he was blaming you for the failure of the mission. Sure, you’d made mistakes but the blame didn’t fall on just your shoulders alone. 

 

“This may have been how Hydra chose to operate, but here, with us, you follow orders” he continued.

 

You couldn't pretend the way he’s hissed the word hydra hadn't hurt.

 

“Steve” Bucky interrupted, hoping to calm the situation, his voice level and calm.

 

“It’s not up for discussion” Steve said sternly not lifting his angry gaze from yours. “You’re done”

 

And with that he turned from you, leaving you stood with Bucky gathering the rest of the team for a debrief. You frowned, partly angry with him but mostly angry with yourself. You choked back tears, unwilling to look weak, turning and heading in the opposite direction. You needed time to gather your thoughts, a moment alone to just be sad without prying eyes.

 

“Y/n..” Bucky soothed, starting to reach for you. You pulled your hand away from him quickly, flashing a glare in his direction.

 

“I don’t need you defend me all the time, Bucky! Leave me alone!” you snapped, causing a few of the team to take a glance in your direction.

 

You ran a hand over your face as you gathered yourself before stalking off to the back of the jet to sulk.

 

_____________________________

 

It was a few days since steve had ordered you off the team and since then things had been frosty for the whole team. You contemplated asking them to leave you off somewhere so you could start again. Build a new life, one where the new version of you was enough. You were starting to feel like a drain on their resources, especially whilst you were unable to go on missions.

 

There was a knock on you're motel room door causing your head to snap up in surprise. Most of the team knew to leave you alone when you were in this state so you wandered who it could be. Forcing yourself to your feet, presuming it was Wanda, who was forever persistent in her attempts to cheer you up, you shuffled unwillingly to the door.

 

You swung it open, barely registering who was stood there, preparing yourself to reject their invitations.

 

“y/n” came the righteous tones of the captain.

 

“Steve” you replied, both of your voices cold and clipped.

 

“I need you to accompany Bucky on a retraction” he said simply.

 

You frowned confused.

 

“I thought I was off the team?” You questioned, unable to disguise the emotion in your voice.

 

“Everyone else has their own missions. Bucky needs someone to watch his six” he said simply, making it clear he wasn't asking.

 

“Wheels up in 10”

 

And with that he was gone. God how you missed the warmth in his eyes, the smile he reserved just for you.

 

You gathered the few belongings you had together changing in to a black widow suit that Natasha had given you to use as your own, tying your hair up, before hurrying in the direction of the jet.

 

______________________________

 

“The drop zone is about a mile out from the base” Steve explained handing you both your comms.

 

“Information extraction, straight in. Straight out” he told you firmly.

 

You nodded in response.

 

“We” he said referring to himself and the rest of the team “Are heading north to the main base, take them down at the source. The one you’re dealing with should be empty, so no hostiles”

 

He confirmed.

 

“Secure line 5” he whispered into his comms.

 

“Five secure” you replied as you and Bucky prepared your parachutes ready for the jump.

 

You glanced to Bucky as the ramp lowered down.

 

“I’m counting on you” Steve finished, and you knew he was directing that at you.

 

Bucky offered you a smile of encouragement as you neared the edge of the jet but you turned your gaze away unable to return the smile he craved.

 

“Ready?” He asked.

 

You didn't respond, instead you jumped.

 

This was one of your favourite parts of the missions, the jump. The wind on your face, not a care in the world, the choice to end it all if you wanted to. You felt powerful, connected with the world and free.

 

You reconnected with Bucky once you had both landed safety on the ground, still not bothering to make eye contact as you unfastened the harness that held the parachute on.

 

He appeared unsettled and you knew it was coming.

 

“Y/n” he started.

 

You sighed turning to him unwillingly.

 

“Come on.” You said quickly, brushing off the emotion in his tone as you headed towards the base.

 

You slipped silently inside, undetected as you both fell into the standard routine.You did a full survey of the building, checking for hostiles or signs of life, both of you with your guns drawn.

 

Empty. You sighed a little disappointed, You really could have done with blowing someone’s brain out today.

 

You put your gun away in the band around your waist as you began to saunter back through the countless corridors towards the labs and offices. 

 

On arrival you logged in to the network, sliding the memory stick into the device.

 

You tapped your foot as you waited for all the encrypted information to download onto the drive, eager for it to be done so you could get out of there and get back to your sulking, distancing yourself from Bucky at the same time.

 

“Y/n” Bucky tried again.

 

“Missions not over” You said plainly unwilling to have the conversation you knew he wanted.

 

He reached for your arm and you pulled away quickly with a frown.

 

He reached for you again and you did the same, so he took your legs from under you till you were down on the floor.

 

You let out a growl of frustration as you manoeuvred your way out of his grasp leaping to your feet and throwing a kick towards his stomach. He grabbed your ankle spinning you in the air. Landing gracefully despite his force, you threw a few punches that he successfully blocked.

 

You glowered at him, determined to make one of them land as he continued to challenge you. You swung again and he took hold of your wrist with his metal arm.

 

You looked to your wrist, then to him, the memory of the last time he’d taken hold of your wrist flashing across both of your memories. He quickly released you as shame swam across his features and you took the opportunity to throw your leg out again, sending him flying backwards.

 

It was his turn to glower at you now. He ran towards you at full force grabbing your shoulders and driving you backwards till your back hit the wall, hard. You winced slightly at the contact, but this time he chose not to pull away.

 

“What is going on with you?” He demanded

 

You pushed his hands off of your shoulders, straightening yourself, blowing a strand of hair out of your face.

 

“Nothing” you insisted.

 

“Tell me” he ordered, his eyes darkening.

 

“No” you said, your voice cracking slightly under the intensity of his gaze.

 

His expression softened slightly at the vulnerability in your voice.

 

“Doll. Tell me” he asked again.

 

A few seconds went by as you battled your own thoughts.

 

“I’m not her” you finally relented, still slightly breathless from your sparing session.

 

He looked confused, waiting for you to continue.

 

“Demi” you said, throwing your hands up dramatically

 

“I’m not her.”

 

There was another second of silence as Bucky tried to contemplate what you meant.

 

“I Know..” he said still a little bewildered.

 

“It wasn't me you had all those memories with Bucky. It was her. I cant be her. ” You said a whole mixture of emotions coating your tone.

 

“It was you” he said simply, causing a frown falling over your features, had he been listening at all?

 

“No-“ you began, frustrated.

 

“Doll, listen to me” He demanded, silencing you. “You have always been Demi, even when you didn't have her memories. You still sounded like her, your sarcasm, your wit, that weird smile you do when your embarrassed and the way you laugh when your anxious.”

 

You looked up at him in surprise.

 

“You’ve always been her, y/n. Nothing has changed, nothing other than circumstance and the memories you have” He finished, his eyes still intense as they settled on yours.

 

“So...You don’t wan’t her?....Demi?” you mumbled.

 

“I do” he admitted causing you to look down in confusion, maybe you had misunderstood.

 

“I want her, I want you before you got your memories back and I want you exactly as you are now” He finished, his voice low.

 

You looked back up at him the first smile in weeks coating your lips. His eyes were dark almost lustful, his expression determined, his body close to yours.

 

“I want you too” you managed to whisper, all the angst and conflict you’d held against him in the last few weeks melting away as you realised you were enough.

 

He pushed you back into the wall with more force than you were expecting, his lips crashing onto yours. It took a moment for your brain to catch up, but once it did your arms drifted around his neck, before tangling in his hair as you kissed him back with equal desperation and need.

 

He pushed himself against you, crushing you against the wall. You bit his lip as your need for him grew and he rewarded you with a smirk as your eyes connected once more. His hands moved to the zip on the front of your suit pulling it down hastily , his hands immediately on the freshly exposed skin of your stomach and breasts.

 

You’d half expected him to pull away from you as he had done every other time so you were surprised at his speed and boldness. You slid out of your suit still attached at the lips unwilling to part from each other.

 

The fire in his eyes burned brighter as his eyes took a moment to take in your form, ready and waiting for him. You reached for his belt impatiently, tugging at it until it became loose. He took over now releasing himself from his pants, his need to be inside you growing with every passionate kiss.

 

He pulled one of your legs up until it was wrapped around his waist, his fingers digging in to the skin on your thigh, your back still pressed into the coolness of the wall. You’d barely adjusted your position when without warning he pushed inside of you roughly and you gasped as he filled you entirely. Your nails dug into the skin on his shoulders as he began to pump into you.

 

“Harder” you whispered shakily into his ear, your teeth scraping the skin of his ear lobe. He drove himself deeper into you , connecting with every inch of you.

 

Without warning he wrapped his cool metal fingers around your throat, pinning you into the wall as he thrust into you over and over. You let out a moan as his hand tightened around your wind pipe, the feeling of being completely powerless under him turning you on. He forced his lips onto yours once more and you groaned into each other’s mouths.

 

He moved his rough kisses down to your throat, his stubble causing your skin to burn. You whimpered again allowing your fingers to claw at the skin down his back leaving long red streaks. He groaned into your neck clearly enjoying the mixture of both pleasure and pain. He released your neck from his grasp so that he could hook your other leg around him lifting you entirely off the ground, the new angle only allowing him deeper inside of you.

 

You gasped again, relieved you no longer had to stand on your now shaking legs as a familiar warmth began to radiate throughout your body. He pushed into you harder and faster, a chorus of moans and growls filling the space around you. You allowed your head to fall forward onto his shoulder the pleasure intensifying with each thrust.

 

Your teeth grazed his skin lightly, muffling your moans as you neared your end. As you bit down on his shoulder he also readied himself for his release.

 

“Harder’ He growled and you obliged, biting down harder than you had previously, your hands now tangled in his hair, tugging at it as you began to lose control.

 

He pumped faster and faster until an intense wave of pleasure rolled over your entire body causing you to yell out his name, both of you gasping for air as he released himself into you, your bodies entangled, sweat dripping from your brow as you gripped onto him.

 

You both took a few seconds to level your breathing, him continuing to scatter kisses over your cheek and neck as he held you close to him.

“Jesus, Doll” he whispered, his voice still low and gravely.

 

Finally you began to untangle yourselves from each other unwillingly, your legs threatening to fail you as your feet made contact with the floor. You just about managed to stay standing, using the wall to keep yourself upright.

 

“Status update” Came Steves voice through the comms.

 

Your eyes widened as you looked to Bucky and he held up a hand to silence you, still breathless as he tapped his comms.

 

“Information secure, ready for extraction” he replied calmly, muting his comms once more.

 

You smirked over to him

 

“That was ....amazing” you breathed as you slid back into your suit.

 

He smirked knowingly

 

“I know what you like doll” He chuckled and you nodded, you couldn't disagree.

 

“Come on, we gotta move” he breathed, reaching for the flash drive, his hand sliding in to yours as you moved towards the exit.

 

Bucky Barnes wanted you. And that was enough.

 


	15. Don’t do anything stupid while we’re gone

 

The atmosphere between you and Bucky had lightened since he had ravished you mid mission. You felt wanted again, like you were enough for him, which meant you were able to return to your usual self around him, much to his relief.

 

Steve however, was a different story. He’d allowed you to return to the team after your ‘successful’ mission with Bucky but there was still a coolness between you both. The friendly warmth that was once shared between you had been extinguished and replacing with only ice.

 

“Nat, Wanda, free the hostages.” Steve ordered as he surveyed his team. “Sam, Bucky, keep your eyes on the perimeter, nobody in or out. Any one tries to escape you turn them back” he spoke clearly. “y/n, with me, we need to find out what they are hiding, shut it down” You all nodded, splitting off into your teams as you prepared to disembark.

 

You were surprised he’d paired you with himself on this one. It was a high stakes mission compared to the others you’d been involved in and you were sure he’d have done better with Nat by his side.

 

“Mixing it up today cap?” You asked, raising a brow.

 

He turned to you, his hand slipping to the skin of your neck causing your breath to hitch at the surprise contact. He pulled back the collar on your suit revealing the bruised skin of your neck from your passionate moments with Bucky.

 

“Can’t have you becoming distracted” he said knowingly. All this time you thought no one had noticed the events of your last mission, but of-course he knew. So that’s what this was, he was babysitting you.

 

Your cheeks reddened and you pulled away from him, tying up your hair now that there was no need to cover up the marks.

 

“Well I guess there’s no chance of that today” you agreed missing the look of hurt that flashed across his expression as you words burnt into him.

 

__________________________________________

 

20 minutes later and you were 100 feet into the hydra base, weapons drawn, prepared for anything. You had already been ambushed a couple of times by smaller groups of agents, but none of them had yet had time to raise the alarm, alerting the other occupants of the base.

 

Steve motioned for you to follow him closely as you rounded the next corner, obviously nearing the target. An unsuspecting agent came from one of the side rooms looking bewildered as he almost ran in to captain America. You were on him in seconds, disarming him, holding him in a choke hold until his body lost consciousness.

 

You smirked at steveas you released his doll like body to the ground with a crash.

 

Steve winced as the noise rang out through the corridor.

 

“Intruder in the south west wing” came a voice through the speakers and just like that chaos broke out as it usually did.

 

“Natasha, status?” Steve said through the comms as you fought off a dozen agents all pointing their guns in your direction.

 

“Hostages located” She replied breathless, causing you to presume they were having a similar battle at their end.

 

“Get them out, we’ve been compromised” He ordered fending off yet more agents.

 

“Copy” she replied and then the line went dead once more.

 

“Steve, what’s the plan?” You asked, hoping you weren't going to have to battle your way through the entire facility.

 

“We need to get to the— “ You turned to look at him, wondering why he’d stopped speaking. “Grenade!!!” He yelled just as a blast went off between you. He tried to reach you but was thrown the opposite was by the blast, his suit and shield taking most of the hit.

 

You were thrown in the opposite direction, backwards, slipping between the railings of the chamber below. The chamber was filled with weapons, all of them like the ones you yourself had used when you worked for hydra and was at least 20 stories deep. You’d fallen ten and were about half way down, splayed out across the metal platform that had stopped you falling to the bottom, unconscious.

 

You groaned as you came to, immediately reaching for the back of your head as a sharp pain flooded your senses, blood pooling in your hand. You cursed, wiping the blood off your hand onto your suit, your eyes surveying the space in an attempt to find an escape route.

 

“Y/N?!” came Steves panicked tones from above as he managed to find his way to the edge of the chamber.

 

“I’m okay” you managed, trying to project your voice loudly enough so he could hear you.

 

“I’m going to get you out...” He told you matter of factly as he prepared himself for the jump down.

 

Another blast went off above you, sending him flying backwards from the edge once more. That was when the realisation came. You’d worked in enough Hydra buildings to know exactly what was about to happen.

 

“STEVE?!!!” You yelled.

 

“Its okay..” He soothed, gathering himself again.

 

“No, you have to get out of here, the buildings going to blow.” You pleaded.

 

Whenever a hydra base was infiltrated, if someone was able to, they would self destruct the entire building so that no evidence could be traced.

 

Steve looked around as he took in your words, his helmet long gone, as always.

 

He placed his hand to his ear cursing. The comms were down.

 

Two more explosions went off above you. Then another, then another. You could see the sky above you ablaze, orange flames burning all around steve outline. You tried to get to your feet to find that it wasn't only your head that had taken a hit when you fell.A sharp piece of metal was stuck through your side, pinning you into place. You couldn't move. You were helpless.

 

“Steve you have to get out of here.” You told him again as more explosions caused the glass around you to shatter.

 

He seemed to be ignoring you as he surveyed the situation again, trying to find a way down to you.

 

Another blast, this time just above you, taking out 4 of the stories above you. The metal plate keeping you alive shuddering and creaking as you braced yourself for the fall.

 

“Just go” you sobbed, pleading with him. “Please”

 

“No!” He replied finally, his face bloodied. “Not without you” He breathed, determined to find his way down.

 

You watched as he threw his leg over the side, beginning to climb down the barely stable supports.

 

“don’t..” You whispered, your voice quietening from the blood loss. The metal plate beneath you shuddered again, one corner giving way, causing you to slide towards the edge. The metal shard that had previously pinned you in place ripped through your side, freeing you. You screamed out in agony, your vision blurring from the pain.

 

Steve turned, fear filling his eyes. One more wrong more, one more explosion and that plate was gone and you with it.

 

“Dont move” he tried as he climbed down as quickly and cautiously as he could. He lost his footing a few times in his haste, his hands slippy from the heat cause by the fire engulfing the room above them.

 

He was only three stories away from you when the plate finally gave way.

 

“No!” He yelled, watching as the final screw fell loose.

 

You gasped as the air hit your face, your stomach flipping at the sudden decrease in height. You forced one of your arms out in front of you, your hand managing to grab on to a nearby railing just two more stories down. You yelled out again as your arm threatened to dislocate at the force, gritting your teeth in determination as you raised your gaze to his.

 

“Steve” you whispered, suddenly full of regret for how the last few weeks had been between you. “I’m sorry” you breathed, your eyes starting to close as you began to loose consciousness, your grip slipping.

 

“I’m almost there..y/n. Come on!” He growled so loudly it made you wake from your lull, your eyes widening.

 

“Thats my girl...” he breathed as he lowered himself down. “I need you to give me your hand” He instructed you firmly.

 

But you couldn't. You couldn't move, you no longer had any strength left. Your eyes locked onto the blue of his own as you shared one last moment.You felt your fingers slip from the metal bar, one finger at a time and then you lost consciousness.

 

Darkness.

 

Cold.

 

Pain.

 

Alone.

 

“Y/n”

 

Darkness

 

“Doll, don’t leave me”

 

Cold.

 

Pain.

 

“Get her to the jet”

 

Alone.

 

“She’s lost a lot of blood”

 

Darkness.

 

________________________________________________

 

Everything was blurred when you awoke.

 

You tried to sit up immediately as your thoughts rushed back to you but a pressure on your shoulder forced you back down.

 

“Hey, hey...stay down, doll”

 

The word doll, allowing you to relax. You were home.

 

You forced your eyes open wider, the bright lights above you causing you to squint, still unable to make anything out. Your head was throbbing, the pain in your side excruciating.

 

You took in a sharp intake of breath, the air burning your throat and lungs that had taken in a fair amount of smoke. You spluttered slightly, coughing as the air became caught in the dryness of your throat.

 

“S...Steve?” You croaked.

 

“I’m right here” He replied, the captain tones you'd become accustomed to in the last few weeks gone and Steve’s softer ones in their place. It was then you felt the warmth of his hand wrapped around yours, his lips on your bloodied knuckles and the wetness of his tears on your skin.

 

You turned your head, still disorientated, wincing as pain seared through your skull. You could just about make out his outline. A small smile fell across your lips , relieved to have your steve with you.

 

“I....I’m ...s..sor...sorry, steve” you managed, your voice pained, barely audible.

 

“Shhh, sweetheart, don’t try and talk” he whispered brushing the bloodied and matted hair away from the dirtied skin of your face.

 

You accepted his demands, your body too exhausted to fight him. You swallowed down the dryness, your thoughts wandering to the other super soldier in your life.

 

“Bucky...” you breathed, your shoulders tensing, praying he too had made it out okay.

 

“Right here, doll” came his deep tones from your other side. It was at this point you felt the coolness of his metal hand entwined with yours, his thumb circling your skin soothingly.

 

Your shoulders relaxed once more as your eyes finally began to focus.

 

Your eyes finally met those of Captain rogers, unable to hide your relief in the smile that filtered across your lips once more.

 

“So you do care” you whispered, still disorientated.

 

He gripped your hand in both of his as he looked at you bewildered by your last statement.

 

“I always cared, doll” He whispered back, his heart breaking that you had thought otherwise.

 

A tear escaped your eyes leaving behind a streak in your dirtied and bloodied complexion as you realised that nothing had changed between you. It had been your own damn doubts and stubbornness that had forced a rift between you.

 

“We’re arriving” Came Sams voice from the front of the jet causing a frown of confusion to fall across your face. Where were you arriving?

 

“Thanks Sam” Steve replied climbing to his feet, releasing your hand unwillingly as he became the leader once more.

 

_____________________________________

 

You were back in wakanda. You really were going to have to start making a list of things you owed them for. You felt the fresh air hit your face as you were wheeled out of the jet towards the labs.

 

“Kind T’challa” you heard from Steve.

 

“Captain” he replied with a nod.

 

“Thanks for this, I don’t know what we’d have done without you” He admitted, running a hand through his now much longer hair. Being on the run definitely had its disadvantages and when it came to injuries, you simply didn't have the resources to deal with them yourselves.

 

 

“Please, we are happy to help” T’challa replied holding up his hand to wave him off.

 

Shuri’s was the next voice you heard, closer than the other two.

 

“Couldn’t stay away?” She asked, a light, pained laugh escaping you.

 

You must have blacked out again because the next thing you knew you were waking up back in the lab. Your vision was much clearer now and the pain you’d felt in your side no longer existed.

Your head was still pounding but the open wound that had caused blood to soak your suit had almost fully healed.

 

You glanced around the room, no one had yet noticed you were awake. Natasha was sat in a chair in the furthest corner of the room, her elbows resting on her knees, her mind clearly busy. Sam stood by the window, his arms folded over his chest. Wanda was seated by the door, making small flicks of light dance from her fingers as she practised her control with an empty test tube. Bucky and Steve were both by your bed, one on either side.

 

Bucky still had hold of your hand, you weren't sure if he’d ever let it go since you were last conscious and Steve was looking over your notes, concern in his eyes as he surveyed the papers. All of them were still in their tactical gear. All of them dirtied from the fire and smoke. Most of them with smaller cuts or gashes, none of them had taken the time to clean themselves up in their concern.

 

“You know, I’m gunna need that hand back...” You croaked, the whole team responding almost immediately.

 

Steve moved quickly from his position so that he was closer, searching your face for any sign of discomfort. Nat, Sam and Wanda also shifted to the foot of your bed and Bucky smirked in response, still not releasing your hand.

 

“Had us worried for a moment there” Sam said earnestly.

 

“Yeah, sorry about that” you admitted, thankful to have them all here.

 

“How do you feel?” Came wanda’s voice, dripping with worry.

 

“Better” You admitted “For a starters, there’s only one of each of you now”

 

Steve smiled softly, his eyes warm and glossy.

 

 

“Falling 50 feet wasn't your best idea” came Natasha’s sarcastic tones, causing a smile to fill your eyes.

 

“Your not wrong” you agreed, pulling yourself up into a better position.

 

“Alright guys, move it out” Natasha told Sam and Wanda “She’s had enough of our attention for today” She finished, a smile in your direction as she knowingly led them away to leave you with Steve and Bucky.

 

“Thank you” you said simply to Steve, sincerity clear in your tone.

 

He shook his head, almost appalled that you felt the need to thank him.

 

“You’d have done the same for me” he pointed out and he was right. You would, in a heartbeat.

 

You took a deep breath, your thoughts busying as you tried to find your next words.

 

“There’s so much to say...” you mumbled to them both, unsure of where to start.

 

“And plenty of time to say it” Came Shuri’s voice as she entered the room. “But for now, you need to rest”

 

She looked to the super soldiers, her brows raised.

 

“Out, both of you” she ordered “Ill have her back to you by the end of the day” She finished moving around to your side, starting to access your vitals.

 

They climbed to their feet, both of them unwilling to leave, but used to following orders.

 

“Alright” steve agreed, leaning forward to plant a soft, lingering kiss to your forehead. “Get some rest”

 

Bucky finally released your hand, his eyes meeting yours momentarily.

 

“Don’t do anything stupid while were gone” he mumbled, the last 24 hours having clearly taken its toll on him.

 

“How can I?” You asked looking between them both a smile playing on your lips “When your taking all the stupid with you?”

 

Both of them smirked in response, glancing between each other with a light laugh before turning their attention back to you.

 

“Now leave..” Shuri urged confused by your sniggers.

 

Once they had been ushered out of the room, she turned to you for an explanation.

 

You shrugged.

 

“Inside joke” you explained, your smile fixed.

 

 


	16. That shield doesn’t belong to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately this chapter is a bit of a bridging chapter! Ive tried to put some nice moments throughout and extra gifs to make it more interesting! Hope you enjoy.
> 
> Ps- Follow me on twitter @tishtashtosh25 and Ill follow you back!

A month later and the team were back into their usual routine. Mission after mission after mission, which mostly consisted of taking down hydra bases.After your near death experience you and Steve had become closer than ever, all the animosity between you had melted away instantaneously once you realised how hard he was willing to fight for you. You could no longer question whether you were enough for him or Bucky anymore, both of them had proven you otherwise and you felt a fool for doubting them.

 

You had all avoided the conversation about your feelings towards one another, all fully aware that there were three of you in this love triangle and not one of you was willing to hurt either of the other two. So you stayed in the middle ground, no words were spoken, a mutual understanding reached.

 

You were all geared up in your suits ready for the next mission, Bucky’s hair had grown longer, but mostly he looked the same. Steve however was no longer the clean shaven captain America that you had met on your first night at the tower, instead he oozed ruggedness, a beard gracing his jaw line, his hair long and pushed back.

 

He was lost in his own thoughts, standing at the open ramp on the jet as you moved through the air, his eyes gazing upon his shield, his sadness reflecting in the shiny surface. You frowned as you noticed his unease, placing your hand on his upper arm alerting him of your presence and breaking him from his trance.

 

“Whats wrong?” You asked, raising a brow, your voice gentle.

 

You could see him stand straighter trying to shake his sadness, putting on a front.

 

“Don't do that” you sighed “tell me...” you pushed, your eyes connecting with his, your hand giving his arm a light squeeze.

 

He paused as he gathered his thoughts, finally relenting under the determination of your gaze.

 

“This doesn't feel like mine anymore” He began, gesturing to the shield.

 

“After Tony went after Bucky, he told me the shield didn't belong to me.” He sighed shaking his head as he turned it over in his hands uncomfortably.

 

“He’s right” he admitted

 

You frowned, opening your mouth ready to defend him, but he continued.

 

“Its not right, fighting with this, not while things with tony are the way that they are”

 

You nodded in understanding, watching how he suddenly held it awkwardly on his arm, now that he’d made the decision he wasn't worthy of it.

 

“Then don’t-“ you said simply, his expression changing from sadness to confusion.

 

“Steve- you are MUCH more than a shield, you don’t need it” You told him confidently, closing the gap between you.

 

He smiled softly down at you, his eyes lighting up as you spoke so fondly of him.

 

“This” you whispered, taking the shield from his arm.

 

“Belongs to Captain America.” You pointed out. “Thats not who you are anymore”

 

His expression hardened slightly, you could tell that didn't sit well with him.

 

“You’re so much more than that” you reassured “you are steve rogers” You told him.

 

His smile was back, his arm snaking around your waist.

 

“Your a good man Steve, the best”

 

You leant up pressing your lips against his in a soft and tender kiss.

He didn't even blink as you released his shield from your grip , allowing it to fall over the edge of the ramp and into the darkness of the sea. Instead his other arm came to join his first around your waist as he deepened the kiss exploring your mouth with his own.

 

You pulled away from each other slowly, your eyes connected, your cheeks slightly flushed, breathless.

 

“One more thing” you whispered, your voice low.

 

He raised a brow in anticipation as you took a small step back.

 

You allowed your hand to slide down his chest to the star positioned in the centre of his suit and you pulled, tearing it from its position so that just the outline of the star was left behind, your eyes never leaving his.

 

He smirked softly in response.

 

“Much improved” you managed to tell him before his lips were on yours again.

 

_____________________________________

 

 

It had been an entire year since the avengers had disbanded and after mission after mission the team had all required a time out. You’d managed to find a secluded cabin in the french alps where you hoped there would be no risk of anyone tracking you.

 

You’d already been there a few days and everyone was already feeling revived. You all looked a little worse for wear. The suits you fought in every day were the only suits you owned, meaning there were rips and tears. Your hair had grown out longer than you’d usually care to keep it and every muscle in your body ached constantly.

 

You wandered into the living area humming to yourself happily, freezing in place as your eyes settled on the figure in the centre of the room. Everyone was sat around on the sofa’s apart from Bucky and in the middle of them all was vision.

 

A frown graced your brow as you took a step back cautiously, your mind racing with possible escape routes, already planning the journey back to your weapons.

 

Steve noticed your presence and the defensive stance you held. He stood up holding his hands out reassuringly.

 

“It’s okay, he’s here as a friend” He told you soothingly, moving to your side his arm automatically sliding around your shoulder protectively.

 

You didn’t speak, you weren't sure what to say. Instead you allowed him to guide you over to the seating area your eyes still focused on vision.

 

“You were saying...” Steve said with a gesture for Vision to continue.

 

“I was hoping you would allow Wanda to take some time out” He explained “Spend some time.....with me”

 

Steve raised a brow, looking to Wanda before he spoke. Her eyes were brighter than he’d seen them in months, he knew how much she’d struggled being away from vision, even if their relationship was still finding its feet.

 

“Where will you go?” He asked, trying to make sure she would be safe.

 

“Scotland.” He said simply causing everyone to tilt their heads in confusion.

 

“Scotland?” Nat asked raising her brow.

 

“People wont be looking for us there and if my memory is correct Wanda would like to visit” He explained.

 

Sam spoke up next.

 

“No offence Vis but your not exactly able lie low, you’re bright pink and you float...”

 

“Not when I do this” he said simply, fazing into a human looking version of himself.

 

Wanda stood slowly as she took in his appearance with a smile.

 

“You’ve been practising” she breathed.

 

“I had something to work towards” he admitted.

 

Everyone could see the love story starting before their eyes and Steve would be a cruel leader to hold her back from this, after all he knew what it was like to lose the love of his life.

 

“Go” he said with a nod.

 

“Keep a low profile, check in when you can” he continued “And don’t take any risks”

 

Wanda’s eyes lit up even brighter than before as she slid her hand into Visions.

 

“Deal” she agreed.

 

And that was it. Wanda, your sister, was leaving you to go to Scotland and spend time with vision.

 

You stood up, offering her a weak smile. You couldn’t pretend you weren't going to miss her, so instead of ruining her moment you glanced over to Steve.

 

“Where’s Bucky?” You asked quietly as the others continued to chat, desperate for a way to escape the suffocating joy that now filled the room.

 

“He said something about going to the lake...” He explained.

 

You nodded in response, turning to walk away but he stopped you, his hand sliding around your wrist gently .

 

“You okay?” He mouthed, concern in his eyes. You nodded, sending a smile of reassurance in his direction as you took one last look at Wanda and the rest of the team all chattering excitedly.

 

________________________________

 

As Steve had said, You found Bucky at the lake. He was waist deep in the cool water, the metal of his arm glistening in the sun. You cleared your throat as you perched at the edge, bringing your knees up to your chest.

 

He turned upon hearing the disturbance, a smile filling his features as his eyes fell upon you.

 

“Coming in, doll?” He asked with a smirk.

 

“Wanda’s leaving” you said simply, pulling at the grass that surrounded you. “With Vision.” You continued “they want time together”

 

Bucky began to walk towards the edge, the water gradually getting lower on his frame, his muscles glistening with the water that lingered on his skin. You swallowed hard as you appreciated him and you wondered if he had anything on at all.

 

“Isn’t that what we all want?” He asked pushing his sopping wet hair out of his face. Dear god this man was gorgeous.

 

You nodded in agreement, he was right, if you were in the same position, you'd go anywhere in the world to get back to Bucky and Steve, regardless of what you had to leave behind.

 

“I guess” you admitted, stubborn in your sulking.

 

He splashed you playfully.

 

“Now get in here” he demanded backing back up into the depths, a smirk across his lips.

 

You raised a brow. If anything was going to make you feel better about Wanda leaving, this was it and the curiosity of just how little clothing he had on got the better of you.

 

“As you wish”

 

You slid your dress over your head, preparing yourself for the coolness of the water. His eyes explored the curves of your body as you wandered in to the shallows, continuing until the water reached your waist.

 

His arms were around you the second he got the opportunity, pulling you towards him and against the warmth of his muscular chest. You allowed your finger tips to trace each outline as you stood, content in his arms.

 

“I want that” you said carefully in a barely audible whisper, lifting your chin to meet his gaze. “Time” you clarified “With you”

 

He smiled softly down at you, his hand brushing your hair out of your eyes.

 

“You can have all of my time” He told you simply, the hand around your waist tracing circles over your lower back.

 

You nodded, that would have to be enough, for now. You knew that settling down with him and steve was near impossible unless you were willing to choose, which you weren't. So you’d have to take what you could get and being pressed up against his muscles, in a lake, bathing in the sunlight didn’t seem like to bad of a deal.

 

He leant down kissing you tenderly, distracting you once again from the dangerous depths of your thoughts. It had become apparent that he was, in fact, fully nude under the cover of the water and with the warmth of his lips grazing yours your mind was flooded with thoughts of a different kind

 

“Hope I’m not interrupting” came Steves virtuous tones as he neared the edge of the lake, no malice in his voice and a relaxed smile. Happy to see the two people he cared about most in the world happy, even if that meant together.

 

You smiled back at Steve as Bucky slowly released you from his grip.

 

“Everything okay?” You asked, knowing Steve wouldn't have interrupted your time with Bucky unless necessary.

 

“ We’ve received a tip off on the final group of hydra bases, were leaving tonight” He explained.

 

You pouted temporarily, you were supposed to get a week to enjoy the cabin but instead it seemed you would be heading off on yet another mission.

 

“It cant wait?” You chanced, receiving a disapproving look from Steve.

 

“It cant wait” He clarified.

 

You looked to Bucky with a sigh, then back to Steve, relenting. Still, you had a few more hours to enjoy the lake and that would have to be enough.

 

“Coming in?” You asked Steve with a shrug.

 

He looked between you and Bucky before shaking his head respectfully.

 

“No, that’s alright ” He said with a smile “Things to do”

 

And with that he turned away heading back to the cabin leaving you and Bucky alone.

 

“Guess I get you all to myself then, doll” He breathed in your ear as you watched Steve walk away.

 

“I guess you do” you smiled turning in his arms.

 

___________________________________

 

It had been a few weeks since you had dropped Wanda and vision off in Edinburgh. They had checked in occasionally and from what you gathered their relationship was going from strength to strength.

 

You were on what you hoped would be your final mission for a while. From the information you had sourced, this was the last surviving hydra base. Sure, there were agents that had gone underground but it would take time till they were back on their feet again and organised enough to be of threat.

 

“I Make 14 hostiles” Steve whispered through the comms.

 

“16” you corrected as another two made an appearance from the back of the building.

 

“Eyes up” he whispered as you him, Bucky and Natasha stormed the base taking out as many of the agents as you could within the first few seconds, before they had time to gather themselves or prepare to attack. Sam was on the periphery, taking down any escapees and making sure there were no new arrivals.

 

You’d pretty much nailed this one. All the agents were down, all information secured and weapons destroyed.

 

As you all headed back to the jet, laughing and joking with one another a stray agent appeared from the tree line. All four of you turned your attention to him, raising your weapons in defence but it was too late.

 

“Get down!” Bucky yelled out.

 

A huge blast of energy was sent in your direction by a souped up Chitauri weapon, something you’d been seeing much more of recently.

 

Everything moved in slow motion. Bucky was the nearest and you reached for him, but Steve was quicker and had already grabbed hold of you pulling you to the ground, shielding you with his body.

 

Natasha had also managed to dive behind a nearby tree stump, folding her body so that no part of her was exposed to the blast.

 

Bucky had been too busy warning you of the blast that he didn't have time to run for cover, the blast hitting him at full force in his left side. He was thrown backwards from his position collapsing to the floor with and agonising scream.

 

Natasha reacted immediately, gunning down the hostile from her position before he had the chance to strike again.

 

It took a moment for your brain to catch up with the magnitude of the situation unfolding before you. Bucky was now curled up in a ball on the floor holding his arms into his chest, releasing whimpers of pain.

 

Thats when you saw it, laying about 5 feet from where Bucky lay. Something catching the lights, even in the darkness, something metal.

 

Oh god, his arm.

 

“Steve” you breathed your eyes widening as it dawned on you just how injured Bucky was. Both of you flocking to his side within seconds, Steve Checking him over for further wounds and you soothing him the best that you could, given the circumstances.

 

“Come on Buck” Steve ordered, pulling him to his feet, slipping his surviving flesh arm over his own shoulder, helping him to the shelter of the jet.

 

You went to follow them, but found your feet glued to the spot, more in shock than anything. He had come from nowhere, you’d let your guard down and one of you had paid the price. Natasha squeezed your shoulder reassuringly.

 

“Believe it or not, this isn’t the first time” She said with a soothing smile as you both followed behind the two super soldiers.

 

________________________________

 

You’d been on the jet for hours, heading back to Wakanda.

 

After the shock of seeing bucky lose his arm, Steve had taken the time to calm you down, telling you the story of the last time this happened with Tony.

 

Bucky was quite up beat considering his injuries, but you couldn't help but stare at the place his arm used to fall.

 

“Doesn’t it hurt?” You asked as you snuggled in to his side, just relieved he was okay.

 

“It does” he confirmed “But I’m okay” he smiled, kissing the top of your head.

 

He’d lost most of the colour in his face and looked physically and mentally exhausted but you believed him when he said he was alright because Bucky was one of the strongest people you knew along side Steve of course.

 

Steve came marching over, the colour draining from his complexion as his words filled with fear rang out loud and clear throughout the jet.

 

“That was banner on the phone” He breathed, his mind still occupied with whatever he had been told.

 

Natasha’s head shot up at the mention of Bruce, sauntering over to join in the conversation.

 

“Steve, what is it?” You urged, seeing the terror in his eyes.

 

“Thanos” he breathed “He’s after the stones, we need to get to vision and wanda” He told you, confusion flooding your features.

 

You’d heard various mentions of the stones over your time with the avengers, they came in various forms and usually played a large part in the destruction that you were avenging.

 

“Thanos?” You questioned, unsure if you’d missed something

 

“He means to collect the stones.” Steve said hastily, the fear clear in his eyes.

 

“If he collects all 6 he means to wipe out half of all life” He told you running his hand through his hair.

 

You looked to Bucky , then back to a clearly agitated Steve.

 

“How far are we from wakanda?” You asked.

 

“20 minutes” came Sams voice from the pilots seat.

 

“Okay so, you drop me and Bucky off and you go find them, you can come back for us later” You told him standing, your hand on his chest as you tried to soothe him. He was rattled that was for sure.

 

“I’m not leaving you behind” He told you sternly , looking to both you and Bucky.

 

“Steve, you don’t have a choice” You told him simply. “They need you and Bucky isn’t going anywhere”

 

He looked down as he took in your words.

 

“You know, I’m getting pretty sick of goodbye’s” he told you, a sad smile playing on his lips.

 

“Be careful” you told him sternly. “I mean it.”

 

He nodded

 

“Yes mam”

 

15 minutes later and the jet came to a stop just inside Wakandas border, the ramp falling down.

 

“This is it.” You told steve, trying to remain up beat for everyone’s sake.

 

You had been travelling together for the past year now with very little time apart, so being away from each other was going to be tough on all of you.

 

He nodded taking in your features before pulling you in to a haste kiss, passionate yet soft, leaving you breathless and a little flushed.

 

“Go save the world” you whispered with a smirk.

 

He nodded in response before turning to Bucky, patting him on his shoulder.

 

“Take care of her Pal”

 

He nodded in response, of course he would.

 

“See you soon, punk” Bucky replied pulling him into a hug.

 

“Jerk” Steve replied simply, both of them sharing a brief smile as you turned, preparing to disembark.

 

You slid your hand into Bucky's, allowing your gaze to linger on Steve as you exited the Jet hand in hand.

 

“Let’s go get that arm” You teased, receiving a playful nudge in return.

 

_________________________________

 

 

 


	17. People are laying down their lives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Start of infinity war- this will likely run over three chapters before I move on to the 5 year gap before end game! 
> 
> Perleaseeee leave comments I really do appreciate them and follow me on Twitter   
> @tishtashtosh25 
> 
> Also if you like my story please subscribe to me as a user because I will be starting a new story immediately after this one! Steve/ Bucky/ reader again and with daily updates !

 

 

You hadn’t heard from steve personally in about a week when king T’challa informed you that the remaining Avengers were returning to Wakanda . You couldn’t wait to see him, you’d missed pretty much everything about him. The smell of his cologne, the softness in his eyes when he called you doll, the deep tones of his captain America voice and the more gentle Steve rogers one. You missed him pretending he was going to stay along side you when you went on a run, to abandon you two minutes later, unable to keep your much slower pace. You missed the roughness of his newly grown stubble on your neck and how amazing his shoulders looked in his uniform. You craved him with every ounce of your being and soon he would be back.

 

However.

 

Even though you were excited for his return, excited to kiss him again, be held by him- there were bigger things at stake. T’challa had pulled you and Bucky aside, taking some time to explain the events from the last few days.

 

You’d heard how Tony, Peter and Dr strange; who you hadn't yet had the chance to meet, had been beamed up into a space ship and were now off world. How Wanda and vision had come under attack from a couple of Thanos’s minions and that vision had been badly injured. You heard how Steve and the others had come to their rescue just in time and had since returned to the compound in New York to meet with Rhodey and Bruce.

 

A lot had happened, that was for sure and you hated that you hadn’t been able to be by Steve’s side through it all. But one thing was clear, the stone needed protecting. The mind stone. Visions stone.

 

The team were heading back to wakanda in the hope that Shuri could separate the Stone from Vision in order to keep him alive. You felt for Wanda, you really did. You knew how much she cared for him and you couldn't begin to imagine how she must be feeling right now.

 

The jet landed ahead of you, yourself and bucky standing at the side lines ready to greet them, your friends. As the ramp began to lower, you held Bucky’s hand tighter in anticipation, receiving a low chuckle from him.

 

“Easy, doll” he laughed into your hair ,kissing your head softly.

 

In the time you had been in Wakanda Bucky had had his arm repaired and you had both been well rested. Both of you in the best possible state you could be for the upcoming fight and yet still you had your doubts as to whether this would be enough to keep you alive or defeat Thanos.

 

You followed behind T’challa impatiently, trying to catch a glimpse of the team.

 

“-And a semi stable 100 year old man” Bucky beamed with a smile as he pulled steve into a hug.

 

You waited for your turn, stepping from toe to toe like an excited child until finally Steve’s eyes found yours, his smile growing immediately.

 

“-And a reformed hydra assassin” you whispered, inhaling his scent as his strong arms wrapped around your small frame.

 

“It’s good to see you, y/n” he breathed, his eyes displaying more compassion than his words as he kept on his captain stance in front of T’challa, still holding you in his arms.

 

“How you been Buck?” He asked as his eyes flickered to Buckys new arm with a smile.

 

“Not bad- for the end of the world” Bucky replied, returning the same warmth in his smile.

 

The three of you were finally reunited. The tension in your shoulders easing off as Steve held you. Just how it should be. Unlike most people; your home wasn’t a place or a building, it was this, right here. Steve and Bucky.

 

T’challa smiled in acknowledgment before turning and leading the team inside, steve releasing you gradually, becoming Captain Rogers once more as you and bucky fell in line comfortably behind him.

 

___________________________________________

 

 

 

 

You, Vision, Steve, Wanda and Bruce bundled into Shuri’s now all too familiar lab, vision hopping aboard a table so that Shuri could examine the stone.

 

“The structure is poly-morphic?” she asked after a moment or two, her eyes filled with fascination as she pulled up a projection of the stone.

 

“Right. We had to attach each Neuron none sequentially” Bruce explained.

 

“Why didn’t you just reprogram the synopsis to work collectively?” She asked with a raise of her brow

 

“Because.... we ....didn't think of it?” Bruce tried, wincing inwardly.

 

“I’m sure you did your best” She said with a knowing smile

 

“Can you do it?” Wanda interrupted, hopping from one foot to the other, picking at the skin of her lips anxiously

 

“Yes- but there are more than two trillion neutrons here, one misalignment could cause a cascade of circuit failures. It will take time, brother” Shuri admitted, addressing T’challa, her tone now serious.

 

“How long?” Asked steve, arms folded against his chest

 

“As long as you can give me” she responded as she weighed up the enormity of the task ahead of her.

 

You placed a reassuring hand on Wanda’s shoulder, your eyes sharing her worry and sadness. Sure, you and Vision hadn’t always been on the same team but before that he had always helped you out where he could and he mattered to Wanda, so he mattered to you. She placed her hand over yours, her eyes staying locked on Vision led across the examination table.

 

There was a brief pause before Okoye interrupted all of your thoughts

 

“Something has entered the atmosphere” she breathed, her eyes wide.

 

“Hey cap, we got a situation here” came Sam’s voice through the comms as a ship lowered from above and in to view above the protective dome that sheltered wakanda.

 

Just as the ship made contact with the force field it disappeared in a blazing ball of fire, Bucky being the first to respond

 

“God i love this place” You heard him say, the smile on his face obvious from his tone. You smiled inwardly, Bucky was always fascinated by new technology and the possibilities that arose because of it. Even in the face of the impending doom, his excitement shone through.

 

“Don’t start celebrating yet guys, we’ve got more incoming from outside the dome” Came Rhodey still through the comms.

 

You left Wanda’s side taking your usual stance beside Steve, your eyes holding each other’s gaze briefly, a silent conversation of concern passing between you as you listened to those who had a visual.

 

“Its too late- we need to destroy the stone now” Vision said quickly, climbing from the table, unwilling to put his team and the rest of the world at risk.

 

“Vision get your ass back on the table” Natasha ordered simply, unfazed by his outburst as she turned and headed towards the corridor.

 

“We will hold them off.” T’challa agreed, following Natasha, the Dora Milaje in tow.

 

You slid your hand into Steves, the magnitude of the fight that was about to happen becoming almost overwhelming, the entire room almost airless with with the anxiousness the oozed out of the team

 

“Wanda-“ steve began“-as soon as that stones out of his head, you blow it to hell” He said firmly, his eyes showing only support for the safety of vision.

 

“I will” she agreed, matter of factly.

 

T’challa, still on his way out of the room spoke next

 

“evacuate the city, engage all defences”

 

He paused turning to look back at Steve

 

“-and get this man a shield”

 

Steve nodded simply in response, his hand holding yours back in a tight and supportive grip.

 

________________

 

Bucky, Sam and Rhodey came back in through the main doors, all of you beginning to gear up, arming yourselves with as many weapons as you could.

 

Bucky picked up a M249 Saw gun, holding it against himself proudly. He raised a brow, asking for your approval. You nodded with a smirk, it suited him.

 

Steve fastened the shields he was supplied with to his arms, turning them over to admire them.

 

“What do you think, y/n? Buck?” He asked, allowing his arms to fall back down by his sides.

 

“Looking good, pal” Bucky admitted patting him on his shoulder.

 

You smiled up at him

 

“Admit it...” you told him

 

“Admit what?” He asked, tilting his head to the side.

 

“Admit you missed your shield”

 

A small smile slipped across his features.

 

“That obvious?” He asked.

 

 

You laughed softly in response, your features slowly turning serious as you looked between the super soldiers.

 

“Its bad, isn’t it?” You asked Steve, concern flooding your eyes.

 

He nodded in response, the same concern you had, reflecting in his expression.

 

“This right here; its bigger than anything we’ve come against before” He admitted “We have to stick together, work as a team, if we stand any chance of defeating Thanos.” He continued looking between you both.

 

“Look out for each other” he said finally, his voice softening. “Stay alive”

 

Bucky smiled.

 

“Hey, come on punk, we’ve got this” he said punching him supportively in the shoulder.

 

Steve smiled at his optimism and nodded .

 

“Yeah, I think we do...” he agreed, looking around at his team, scattered, pulling on various bits of armour and weaponry.

 

“Lets go” Natasha called as she headed off in the direction of the troop ships that were to take you to the borders edge, away from the city.

 

You held your hand up in a wave, Sam and Rhodey following.

 

 

“Y/n-“ steve started “Are you sure you want to fight? its not been that long since you got your memories back, no one would blame you if you sat this one out” Steve asked concerned.

 

You frowned defiantly.

 

“There are People are laying down their lives, steve” You told him with a shrug.

 

“I’ve got no right to do any less than them”

 

Bucky smirked at the familiar sounding words, raising his brow at Steve who had been entirely shut down by your statement. You didn’t understand the look they shared but realised that somehow you’d won your argument. You paused for a moment before you spoke again

 

“Stay safe” you whispered to them both, all of you sharing a look; a look of worry for each other’s safety, a look of respect for one another and finally a look of love. All three of you cared about each other so deeply, you couldn't imagine how you would cope without either one of them.

 

Steve rolled his shoulders back, straightening himself up.

 

“Time to be the captain” You told him with a smile.

 

“I guess so” he agreed, checking his shields once more before turning to head in the direction of the ships.

 

“Oh ...uh....Steve?” You called, walking after him

 

He turned around raising a brow.

 

“Don’t forget this” You said with a smile handing him his compass, the one with Peggy’s photo in it. You knew he liked to have it on him throughout missions, but had managed to leave it behind in the jet amongst all the chaos.

 

“Thanks” he smiled, returning it safely to his pocket.

 

“She’d be proud of you” You told him, no animosity in your tone. You’d heard great stories of Peggy and from what you knew about her she was a strong and capable woman and a fierce leader.If anything, you just hoped one day you could be as incredible as she was. You didn't mind that steve still carried her picture around with him, you understood. He loved her and that couldn't be erased, she would forever hold a place in his heart.

 

He looked down for a moment as he absorbed your words. He hoped you were right, he hoped he’d done her proud since her death a few years ago, because regardless of the fact that he had a new life without her, Peggy had helped make him who he was and he would forever feel connected to her.

 

“I hope so” he replied with a smile taking a deep inhale. He seemed to pause as he considered his next words.

 

“I’m proud of you” he told you, closing the gap between you, lifting your chin gently with his fingers. “I need you to know that” he told you, obviously fearful that this might be the last chance to say it.

 

“I know” you said truthfully. “I’m proud of me too” you joked with a shrug, receiving a laugh from him in response. His smile, infectious as usual.

 

“Till the end of the line, doll” He whispered, leaning down, placing a soft and emotion filled kiss on your lips. You both let in linger for a second, taking in every aspect of it, just incase this was in fact the end of the line.

 

“- the end of the line” you agreed with a sad smile.

 

He nodded, allowing his hand to slip from the skin of your jaw line , his eyes holding yours as he took a few steps backwards before he finally turned, exiting towards the ships.

 

You sighed softly, turning your attention back to Bucky, who had been waiting patiently, allowing you and Steve to have your moment together.

 

“Ready to go?” You asked

 

“Not quite” he told you, his mind clearly busy, his eyes darting all over the place as he came to stand in front of you.

 

He cleared his throat, tucking his dark locks behind his ear as he looked down at you from beneath his thick lashes.

 

“There’s something Ive been meaning to tell you” he said quietly, his eyes intense, his stance nervous, his hands fidgeting.

 

“Y/n...I lo....” You cut him off, Pushing your lips against his, gripping on to the front of his uniform as all of your fears and the love you felt for him radiated out through your kiss.

 

Slowly you pulled away from each other, breathless, your nose still inches from his.

 

“Tell me, when this is all over” you whispered with a smile, determined that you would both be alive to have this conversation again.

 

He smirked softly, the words not needing saying regardless. You both understood how you felt about each other, the words were simply a formality.

 

“You got it” he agreed pulling you in for another kiss, his arms snaking around his waist. His kiss more desperate and emotion filled than ever before, clearly shaken by the impending fight.

 

There was a whistle from down the corridor, it was nat.

 

“The fights not gunna wait till your done canoodling, you know” she told you with a smirk, eye brow raised.

 

Bucky released you reluctantly and you slid your hand into his as you continued down the corridor to join Nat.

 

“canoodling?” You asked with a laugh. “I did not have you down as the type of girl to use the word, canoodling” you teased.

 

She rolled her eyes.

 

“I have my moments” she admitted holding her arm out so you and bucky could board the ship ahead of her.

 

You grinned at her in response, joining steve at the front of the ship, taking a deep breath as you fixed your gaze ahead.

 

Here we go.


	18. They surrender?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2/3 infity war. 
> 
> Bare with me! 
> 
> Possibly better to read this one once the final part of infinity war has been posted tomorrow! But thats up to you!
> 
> This one was hard! Lots of fighting and characters so I apologise if it falls flat at all! Hope you all enjoy! 
> 
> Remember to keep me updated with comments and follow me as a user .

 

 

“I’ve got two heat signatures breaking through the tree line” came Rhodey’s voice from his position in the air as the wakandan forces began to chant in their native language.

 

You stood by Bucky, gripping the gun he had chosen for you; the same one that he carried, your eyes fixed ahead towards the trees.

 

Steve approached the force field along side T’challa and Natasha and you watched fearfully as the two figures met them at the border, a conversation breaking out between the five. It was over quickly and he returned to your side sooner than you imagined causing you to raise your brow questioningly.

 

“they surrender?” Bucky asked

 

“Not exactly” steve replied.

 

And just like that an army of outriders started to spill out from the alien ships, charging towards the forcefield, a mass of limbs and snarls.

 

“Yibambe” “Yibambe” T’challa shouted above the noise, holding back his forces as the mass of Outriders thickened.

 

You inhaled a shaky breath, gripping your gun even harder so that your knuckles turned white, the atmosphere amongst the team becoming suffocatingly tense.

 

“What the hell?” bucky whispered, under his breath.

 

“looks like we pissed her off” Natasha said, her voice toneless, eyes fixed ahead.

 

“Thats for sure” you agreed

 

“They are killing themselves” Okoye said in disgust as the Outriders threw themselves at the barrier, most of them being cut in half.

 

A few strays made it through the barrier unharmed or with minor injuries, making a beeline towards your front line. You raised your gun along with Bucky, mirroring each other’s stance, taking aim as they neared.

 

You were a pretty good shot since your memories had returned but Bucky was something else. He never seemed to miss, every bullet landing where he had intended and you couldn't help but admire him, even amongst all the chaos.

 

Sam and Rhodey attacked from above, meaning that most of the creatures weren't able to make it past the first few metres or so. Thank god.

 

“Cap, if these things circle the perimeter and get in behind us, there’s nothing between them and vision” Came banners voice from inside the hulk buster.

 

It was at this point you noticed some of the outriders had begun to travel around the sides of the border, looking for another entry route.

 

“Then we better keep them in front of us” he replied simply,his voice low.

 

“How do we do that?” Okoye asked T’challa, beating you to it.

 

“we open the barrier” He replied quickly, seemingly calm and collected.

 

“ on my signal open north west section 17 “ He told Shuri through the comms.

 

“Requesting confirmation, my king, you said open the barrier?” She asked, confusion clear in her tone.

 

“On my signal” He confirmed, eyes fixed ahead.

 

“This will be the end of wakanda” m’baku breathed forcing you to swallow down a lump in your throat.

 

“Then it will be the noblest ending in history” Okoye said, holding herself tall and strong.

 

You looked to steve briefly and he gave you a nod of support before raising the shield on his right arm.

 

He took a deep breath before pulling his elbow back, the shield growing in size till it held a point at its end.

 

You all held your breath, waiting to receive orders, placing one foot in front of the other ready for action.

 

“WAKANDA FOREVER” T’challa boomed out, his hands crossing across his chest as he released his claws, his mask sliding over simultaneously and all of a sudden you were running.

 

You ran faster than you had ever run in your life, your legs unfamiliar beneath you as you lept over stones and obstacles towards the onslaught.

 

Steve and T’challa soon took off ahead, finding yourself unable to match their speed. Your breath hitched as you became separated, Steve disappearing out of site as the creatures swarmed you and Bucky.

You stayed together, side by side, guns raised taking out as many of the creatures as you could, which were even more horrendous up close than you could have imagined. You forced yourself to focus, despite losing site of steve. There were bigger things at stake.

 

____________________________

 

 

You’d been battling the outriders down for what seemed like forever but they just kept coming, more and a more of them spilling from the ships all the time. You were breathless to say the least, your lip bloodied from the hits you’d taken, dirt on your face.

 

You had eyes on steve now and were relieved to see he had grown accustomed to his new shields even if he didn't use them quite how you had imagined. He used the points on the end as spears, using them to stab, slash and tear into the flesh of the creatures, his hair was no longer immaculate and fell in front of his eyes. Even through his suit you could see his muscles flexing as he threw punch after punch, his strength radiating out of him. Damn it, you were distracted again.

 

You cursed at yourself, turning your attention back to Bucky who had been taken down by several of the creatures. He held his hands up to defend his face, fighting them back with the strength of his metal arm. You cursed again, lifting your gun once more, gunning down those that remained until he was free’d.

 

“What, were you napping?” You asked with a smirk holding your hand out to help him to his feet.

 

He laughed in response taking your hand, towering above you once more. His metal hand flew out from its previous position by his side just in time to catch an outrider by its throat as it sprung towards you, his fist closing around its windpipe until it fell limp to the ground.

 

“Watch it, doll” he warned with a grin before you both threw yourselves back in to the fight.

 

As you continued to battle your way from creature to creature you found yourself by steve for the first time since the fight had broken out. You naturally moved so you were back to back, Steve battling them off with his shields and you gunning them down. You ran out of bullets.

 

“Shit” you cursed.

 

“Language” he told you with a smirk causing you to scoff, rolling your eyes.

 

Another flurry of outriders closed in on you, circling you both like prey. You looked to steve with a knowing smile as he picked you up like a mere accessory, spinning you around so that your right foot made contact with their throats, pushing them back temporarily, giving you time to release the batons from your belt.

 

He was bloodied, sweating and dirty, just as you were but he looked damn good when he had this level of ferociousness in his eyes. You took an outrider out with a baton to the legs, breathing heavily as you spoke out, louder than usual to be heard above the Ruckus.

 

‘Looking good Rogers” you smirked, impressed at the sheer strength he emitted.

 

He shrugged, his eyes locking on yours briefly, his hair falling in front of his eyes as a smirk slipped across his intense expression.

 

“I can do this all day” he told you simply as he jabbed his shield into the abdomen of an outrider, receiving a laugh from you.

 

“there’s too many of them” Bruce’scalled voice from inside the hulk buster as he was taken down by a swarm of the beasts.

 

You noticed bucky down on the ground also and lost your footing in your rush to his aid. As you hit the ground, face first, the creatures were quick to take advantage, two of them coming for your throat. You shielded yourself as best as you could, steve now also overwhelmed.

 

You weren't sure how much longer you could hold them off, you gritted your teeth ramming your batons between their jaws as they salivated and snapped only inches from your skin. You closed your eyes, just as you felt your arms giving away.

 

A bright flash of light lit up the sky, your eyes shooting open in time to see a blaze of colour coming from the heavens to the floor, leaving in its place three figures. Something; a weapon perhaps flew from the hand of front figure, zig zagging throughout the field, relieving you all from the creatures that were suffocating you.

 

You sat up, blinking a few times, still seeing spots, until finally your eyes focused. Thor stood at the front looking vastly different from the last time you’d seen him. His hair had been shaved off and he had a patch covering his right eye. He looked worn down compared to the last time you’d seen him and you could only imagine the terrors he had faced since then. The last few years hadn’t been kind to him, that was for sure.

 

“You’re so screwed now” Banner celebrated, free temporarily from his helmet.

 

In Thor’s hand he held a weapon you hadn't seen before, like a huge axe, part metal, part wooden. It suited him and his new look but you wandered what had happened to his hammer. You inhaled deeply as Steve helped you to your feet, his eyes searching you for injuries.

 

Maybe, now that Thor was here you all stood a chance after all. You straightened yourself, now with a new sense of hope, before your eyes fell to the other two figures that stood beside him.

 

Your eyes widened as they fell upon a raccoon and a tree.

 

You blinked a few times convinced that your tired state must be causing you to hallucinate. Nope still there. A tree and a raccoon. Wow, what a day.

 

“Well you don’t see that every day” you muttered before Thors voice came booming out across the field

 

“BRING ME THANOS”

 

He sent another blast of lightning out from his body, all the creatures within 15 metres of him falling to the floor immediately, impressive. He threw his axe left then right, taking out dozens at a time.

 

You were so distracted by his power that you’d forgotten you too were in a fight. Within seconds

The outriders were on you again, so with a look in Bucky’s direction you worked together to fend them off.

 

The Raccoon creature wasbeside the pair of you now and you couldn't help but take quick glances whenever the opportunity arose. The outriders began to close in once more and you threw as many swipes as you could with your batons.From behind you Bucky had lifted the raccoon by his vest, holding him at arms length.

 

“Y/n, get down” he yelled back at you. So you did. You ducked down low to the ground holding you position as the two of them released bullet after bullet from their guns, bucky spinning them both around in a circle.

 

As he released the raccoon from his grasp, back down to the floor, you climbed to your feet raising a brow.

 

“How much for the gun?“ The raccoon asked, your eyes widening once more.

 

“Not for sale” bucky said, seemingly un concerned with the talking creature

 

“How much for the arm?” He continued

 

Bucky paused weighing up the question before marching forward to continue the fight.

 

“Oh ill get that arm” the raccoon decided before turning to you.

 

“What are you looking at?” He asked, his voice gravely for a raccoon, not that you knew what raccoons sounded like.

 

“er....uh...nothing” you said, embarrassed you'd been caught staring. You gathered yourself together quickly “I’m y/n” you said quietly.

 

“Rocket” He acknowledged “Now, incase you’ve forgotten there’s a whole load of alien creatures trying to take back an infinity stone in your friends head so that he can erase half of every species” he continued, sarcasm dripping from his tone.

 

“Oh, yeah...right” you smiled politely excusing yourself and slipping to the comfort of Steve’s side, who unlike you was still in the midst of a battle.

 

“you people have issues” Rocket continued out of ear shot.

 

_________________________________

 

“New hair cut?” Steve asked Thor, who stood to your left

 

“Noticed you’ve copied my beard?” Thor replied, looking from Steve to you and then back again waiting for an introduction.

 

“This is y/n” Steve told him, still trying to catch his breath, his eyes lighting up slightly as he introduced you proudly, a smile ghosting his lips.

 

“Thor, son of Odin”He introduced holding out his hand, reading the situation between you and steve pretty accurately “This is great” he commented simply, gesturing between you both.

 

You were surprised he’d taken time mid battle to be so polite but shook his rough hand regardless.

 

“So, you brought the talking raccoon?” you asked curiously.

 

“The racco- Oh you mean rabbit?” He nodded “Yes he’s become a great friend” he admitted with a smile

 

“Oh by the way, this is a friend of mine, tree”

 

“I am Groot” The tree said from behind you, his arms lengthened and currently speared through several outriders.

 

Steve smiled to you briefly, remembering the moment you’d told him that he was no longer captain America before he spoke his next words.

 

“I am steve rogers”

 

You smiled softly at his response, glad that he had finally realised how amazing he was when he was simply himself.

_____________________________

 

The fight was still going strong when the trees to the other side of the border began to collapse from beneath. You all turned to see what was happening, the noise almost deafening.

 

Squinting, you tried to make out the objects that were crashing towards you, your eyes widening as huge circular wheels littered with spikes and blades easily broke through the barriers. 

 

“Fall back, fall back now” T’challa yelled, all of you turned to escape the carnage, running as fast as you were able.

 

There wasn't much you could do. You looked to Natasha, powerless as the Wheels neared.

 

You took her hand in yours, fully believing that this was in fact the end. Both of you turned away holding your arms up in a pathetic attempt to defend yourselves as they closed down on top of you both.

 

Steve and Bucky flashed across your mind as you closed your eyes, ready to accept your fate.

 


	19. ....Steve?

 

 

A mass of red light lit up the sky as you awaited the impact that never came. You allowed yourself to open one eye, surprised to see the wheels had been lifted into the air by Wanda and were currently hovering several feet from the ground. You hadn't even noticed her arrival on the field. You turned around in time to see her in all her glory, controlling her powers effortlessly, glancing briefly behind her before throwing the wheels backwards with ease, taking out hundreds of outriders all at once.

 

You, Natasha and Okoye who had also nearly lost her life climbed to your feet, breathless but smiling proudly. She looked amazing, so powerful and strong. The control she had gained of her powers was incredible and she had just single handedly saved all of your lives.

 

You mouthed a thank you in her direction, receiving a nod in return before Okoye spoke up.

 

“Why was she up there all this time?” She asked in disbelief.

 

You were all still gathering your thoughts after your near death experience when Sams voice rang out loudly through the comms.

 

“Guys we have a vision situation here.” He yelled, just as an outrider plucked him out of the sky, grounding him temporarily.

 

“Somebody get to vision” Steve Bellowed in response, clearly in no situation to help himself.

 

“I got him” Banner replied quickly, heading towards the trees.

 

“On my way” Wanda Said matter of factly, lifting herself from the ground only to be pulled back down seconds later by one of the figures that seemed to be leading the operation.

 

She threw Wanda backwards into the dirt, standing over her, a sneer across her face

 

“He’ll die alone... as will you” She tormented, her voice low, words drawn out.

 

“She’s not alone” Nat told her with smirk.

 

You and Natasha stood to one side of her and Okoye stood to the other, poised and ready to assist.

 

Okoye spun her spear around in her hand positioning it towards the hostile.

 

Just like that a fight between the four of you broke out. You threw punches in her direction, each of you taking your turn to land a couple of blows before she knocked you back down to the floor.

 

“Guys vision needs back up now” Banner yelled out again, clearly finding himself in a difficult situation. You couldn't help. You wanted to but the hostile was taking up all of your attention.

 

She threw Okoye to the side like a rag doll, leaving your team down to two. You and Natasha gave it your everything, but she easily overpowered you, throwing you aside, Natasha falling backwards into the dirt. Her weapon was pointed at Natashas throat when the red light appeared again, Wanda having now recovered.

 

The hostile was air borne and heading for....

 

You winced as one of the wheels tore her into pieces mid air, splattering blue blood all over your faces.

 

Wiping your skin clean you climbed to your feet for what seemed like the 100th time today searching the field for your super soldiers. Bucky was still giving as good as he got at the far edge of the field but where was Steve? You frowned as your realised you hadn't seen him in a while, your hand immediately going to your comms

 

“Steve?” You asked concerned, still trying to catch your breath

 

You couldn't hear anything through Steves line other than a choking noise that you presumed to be coming from him. That was enough to send you running towards the tree’s where you believed he must have gone to help vision.

 

“Bucky!!” You yelled as your neared him “Steve.” You told him simply and he understood, falling into a run beside you, both of you sprinting to assist him, fearful of what you might find on arrival.

 

“We don’t trade lives captain” said Vision just as you rounded the corner, locking your eyes on a barely standing steve.

 

You rushed to his side as the rest of the team filed in to the clearing.

 

“Sometime I think you like getting your ass kicked” you breathed, pushing his hair out of his face as you checked him over, receiving a breathy and exhausted laugh in return.

 

You looked to Bucky, relieved that you were all still standing thus far. Thor was still battling down the outriders along with the Kings guardbut the rest of the team had made it to the clearing to check on the vision situation.

 

As you all took a few moments to breathe, something changed in the atmosphere, the air becoming thick with tension as the leaves around you began to rustle in anticipation.

 

“He’s here” Vision whispered, still badly injured and holding his side.

 

“Everyone on my position, we have incoming” steve said, his smile long gone, captain rogers in Steves place as he readied his shields to fight.

 

You admired how quickly he had picked himself back up, even though clearly exhausted like the rest of you, he was still ready to lead.

 

You swallowed down a lump that had risen in your throat at visions words, the chill down your spine only intensifying as a cloud of blue and black mist grew in the centre of the clearing, revealing a figure at its middle

 

“What the hell” Nat breathed as a huge being stepped forwards, fully clad in armour, a gauntlet attached to his left arm. This must be him, you thought, biting down on your lip.

 

You notice that his glove was graced with five stones already which must mean visions stone was the only one that remained out of his grasp. Your breath hitched, a sickly feeling swirling around in your gut as you poised yourself ready for the onslaught, this wasn’t going to end well.

 

Bucky stood by your side, his hand sliding into yours temporarily. Your attention flickered to him, your eyes locking briefly as you spoke unheard words to each other through your gaze. Banners voice penetrated the tension bringing you back from your moment of peace.

 

“cap, thats him” he told steve, his voice filled with fear having already faced Thanos once before.

 

“Eyes up, stay sharp” steve said Simply before settling off into a run, leading the team into battle, the first of you to take him on.

 

You couldn't describe the level of fear that gripped every part of your being. You felt paralysed by the weight of emotion that tugged at your consciousness , forcing your legs to make a move, knowing you had to fight, for steve, for bucky and for all of humanity.

 

This was Steve’s influence. You knew you wouldn't feel so compelled to save the word if you had never met steve. The righteousness and courage seeped out of him uncontrollably and had taken hold of you too over the last year. You were a better person because of him and for that you would be forever grateful.

 

As you neared Thanos you watched as he lifted his gauntlet, closing his fist. A blue light radiating out of it, lifting Banner in the hulk buster and throwing him effortlessly into the rock behind him, the stone seeming to swallow him whole, trapping him beneath it.

 

Next was Steve. He ran at him with everything he had, powerful and strong but he was no match. You watched in anguish as once again Thanos closed his fist, this time a purple light being expelled, sending your captain hurtling across the open space into a heap on the floor. You wanted to run to him but knew that you must fight.

 

T’challa was next, sprinting at him in a similar fashion to Steve. This time Thanos opted not to use his glove but instead caught him effortlessly by the throat, holding him mid air for a second before he brought his other fist down into the side of his head, grounding him.

 

A purple light erupted again, taking Sams wings from above him causing him to collide with the ground.

 

You’d held back this long , watching as the rest of the team were taken down one by one. Your eyes found Vision and Wanda off to the side in a smaller clearing having what appeared to be a final conversation. Thats when you saw her release a stream of red light towards the centre of visions head, attaching to the stone in an attempt to destroy it.

 

You allowed a small tear of sadness to slide from your eyes as you watched Wanda do the one thing you hoped she wouldn't have to, her expression one of complete and utter heart break.

 

Seeing the strength that Wanda had managed to find, you released Bucky’s hand from yours reaching for your batons once more; it was your turn.

 

A blue light took hold of Rhodey as he flew towards Thanos, his suit crumpling like a tin can before he was tossed aside like trash.

 

You and bucky took one last selfish look at each other before you turned, running in unison towards Thanos. You knew that you were no match for him but you had to try. You owed your team that much, especially Wanda. You watched in slow motion as Thanos’s fist closed again, bracing yourself as a purple light lifted you both off your feet, slamming you into the ground, taking the air from your lungs with it.

 

It took a moment for you to come back around- but you were awake just in time to see Okoye get taken out in a similar fashion.

 

Next up it was Natasha’s turn. Your heart beat faster as you watched her throw herself towards Thanos, only human like yourself, no super strength or powers just plain old determination. Without warning shards off rock appeared from the ground around her, causing her to lose her footing, pinning her in place.

 

The tree tried to use his arms to trap and bind Thanos but he broke out with ease, pushing him aside without a second thought.

 

Steve was back up and you wished you could be selfish, tell him to stay down but you knew he wouldn't forgive you if you did. This was who he was. Who he always would be.A hero. He Threw punch after punch at Thanos, coming back with even more determination that the first time and you held your breath as he held his own temporarily. Thanos reacted quickly, reaching for him within his gloved hand but Steve was quick and agile and caught it with ease, managing to hold back his force. You watched in awe as he gripped the gauntlet, matching his strength, teeth gritted, concentration and determination flooding his expression. You watched as a hint of surpise fell over Thanos, confused, you imagined by Steve’s strength.

 

He’d given it everything he had but Thanos grew bored so raised his other hand throwing a hideously violent punch at Steve’s head, his body giving way beneath him, betraying him.

 

You let out a sharp gasp as the noise of his fist connecting with skull rang out through the trees. What if he was dead? The thought filled up every part of your being and you scrambled to your feet rushing to his side.

 

You flipped him over onto his back, oh god, was he dead? Your eyes scanned him for any movement. Your hands were shaking as you shook his shoulders roughly, hoping to see any sign of life. And he gave it to you, a twitch of his lip, the start of his return to consciousness.

 

You looked up as Wanda pushed her free hand out, one of them still streaming her power in to the stone in an attempt to break it down. A second stream of light appeared, this time holding off an advancing Thanos, blocking the power of his gauntlet, as with sheer strength and strong will she began to break down the stone.

 

“I love you” vision whispered to her, your heart breaking as you watched the stone come apart, an explosion of power and light disbanding all around the gathering. Vision was gone, gone with the stone and you sobbed for Wanda, for the pain she must be feeling. She had killed the love of her life to save the world. There were no words to express the admiration you held for her.

 

You lifted Steves head into your lap soothing him with gentle strokes to his hair.

 

“Come on steve, time to get up” you whispered gently, tears pricking your eyes. “Missions not over” you managed to squeak out.

 

“I understand my child, better than anyone” came Thanos’s voice from his position by Wanda.

 

“You could never” She hissed through gritted teeth, her cheeks tear stained, her eyes blood shot and her expression one of sheer agony.

 

“Today i lost more than you could know” he continued regardless “- but now is no time to mourn, now is no time at all” he said knowingly lifting his glove in front of him once more.

 

You frowned as a different colour projected out of the gauntlet; green.A circle of light was created this time, his hand turning in unison with it until the light and pieces of vision that had disbanded only moments early began to come together again.

 

You watched in horror as visions form was recreated, his eyes falling open as though he had never lost his life.

 

“No!!!” Wanda screamed in realisation, Thanos throwing her body aside like a rag doll, extending his arm towards vision.

 

He held him up by the neck, his feet dangling from the ground, his free hand reaching for the stone. You watched as he took hold of it, his fingers cutting in to the metal that it sat in. Vision let out choking noises, forcing you to turn away from the horrendous site.

 

When you dared to look back, Thanos had gained his final stone and was placing it upon his glove and Vision was lifeless on the ground. He had turned a grey colour, the life literally drained from him, a hole sat brutally in the middle of his skull where the stone had once sat.

 

You allowed your self to collapse slightly onto steve as your tears for them both fell. Tears of sadness, tears of trauma and tears of fear. Fear for what was about to happen. Steve began to come around and you lifted yourself off of him so that he could sit. His eyes met yours, swimming immediately with concern in response, before he allowed his gaze to venture around the clearing, taking in the site around him.

 

“He has the stones” you whispered in a sob causing him to freeze.

 

Just as the last stone connected with the gauntlet a blast of lightening flew through the air as it had so many times today, throwing Thanos backwards through the dirt of the clearing. He retaliated immediately sending a blast from his now fully formed glove but something cut through his power, pushing it back until it was no more, an axe now heavily planted in his chest.

 

Your eyes widened as you saw him stumble back, Thor landing safely ahead of him, Thanos now on his knees.

 

You gripped on to Steve as a wave of hope fell over you for the second time that day, yet again brought on by Thor. He’d done it. He was going to kill Thanos. You smiled slightly in anticipation, climbing onto your feet, steve following closely as he too watched the scene unfold.

 

“I told you, you’d die for that” Came Thor’s gravelly tones as he pushed the axe deeper into his chest

 

Thanos cried out in agony as his wound grew, your smile only widening. It was happening.

 

“You..yo..” Thanos began to respond.” you should have gone for the head” he finished simply, confusion replacing your smile immediately.

 

He lifted his gauntlet for the final time clicking his fingers, his eyes locked on Thor’s.

 

“NO!!!!!!” Thor yelled in response. But it was too late, the damage was done.

 

The glove was now burnt up and in bad shape, Thanos himself weakened.

 

“What did you do? WHAT DID YOU DO!?” Thor demanded, his eyes wide, his expression fierce and fearful.

 

Thanos disappeared in a similar way to how he’d arrived and suddenly the clearing was quiet once more.

 

You looked to Steve and then back to Thor unable to gather your thoughts, the silence chilling you to the bone. What had just happened?

 

“Where did he go?” Steve asked looking around equally as bewildered as you.

 

“Thor? Where did he go?” He asked again, hoping his initial thoughts were wrong, that he was in fact mistaken.

 

Thor didn't respond, his eyes still glued to the spot where Thanos had snapped his fingers only moments ago.

 

“Y/n?” Came Bucky’s voice from behind you. “Steve?” He added, his attention falling to his arm which seemed to be disintegrating. 

 

You frowned, your confusion only deepening taking a step in his direction but there was no one to run too. Bucky was gone. All that remained was his gun that he had held in his hand only moments earlier and a pile of dust across the floor of the forest.

 

You weren't sure what had just happened, or what you had just witnessed but the fear in your heart overwhelmed you as it dawned on you. He was gone. Bucky was gone. You moved slowly over to where he had stood, your legs giving way beneath you on your arrival, your hands shaking as you reached to lift a hand full of what was previously the love of your life.

 

It took a few seconds before your screaming started, tears ruining freely down your cheeks, any attempt you’d previously held to be strong disappearing as you reached for his gun, holding it to your chest as you yelled out anguish.

 

Steve had followed you closely behind and he too was now kneeling by the remains of James Buchanan Barnes, his face one of pure bewilderment, his best friend no more.

 

Other members of the team began to disappear but even though you knew it was selfish you couldn't force yourself to look up. You were in shock. Your hands covered in his dust, your legs weak beneath you, your face red and blotchy, eyes wide as you mumbled incoherently to yourself.

 

Suddenly the thought arose that Steve could be next, your head shot up and he was already there having clearly had a similar thought. He pulled you into his chest, tucking your face into him in preparation for the worst. You gripped on to him tightly, with every ounce of strength you had left, fearful that you would lose him too.

 

You stayed holding each other for a few minutes before the atmosphere changed again, eased off almost and it appeared to be over.

 

It hadn't yet become clear who had survived and who had not, but you knew one thing for sure. Bucky had not survived and your life would never be the same again.

 

You felt a sense of relief to see Nat rushing back in to the clearing along side Rhodey, Rocket, Banner and Okoye, your tears still falling regardless as you looked between Thor and Steve.

 

“What is this? what the hell is happening?” Rhodey spoke first as he looked between you all.

 

No body responded, everyone looking to steve their leader for an explanation. But you knew there wasn't one.

 

“Oh god” steve muttered finally as the enormity of the situation consumed him, allowing his legs to give way beneath him until he too was sitting in the dirt along side Visions colourless corpse.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sad :( :( 
> 
> How will you cope without BUCKY!?!
> 
> Also, Do we want more smut? Bad time to bring it up haha but yeah, let me know :) 
> 
> TWITTER: @Tishtashtosh25


	20. Let’s go get this son of a bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We begin end game. I might end up mixing some of the scenes up just so they fit with my story but I wont be changing anything major for the characters as of yet!
> 
> Ive done my best with the script but most of it is taken from bad YouTube videos to try and get it right so bare with me if its not fully correct!
> 
> Y/n will feature more heavily soon, its just more difficult when there is a script to follow! I will be adding in lots of original scenes so don’t worry :)
> 
> Also Smut in the next chapter as requested 
> 
> Thanks for the Kudos and comments <3

 

Steve had lifted you from your spot on the ground, cradling you in his arms as he carried your weakened body towards the jet. It may have been a sensible idea to recover in Wakanda but there was only one place Steve wanted to be right now. Home.

 

On your arrival back at the compound, the avengers tower now long gone, you had learnt that all of your previous belongings had been shipped in, your room almost identical to the one in the tower.

 

You hadn’t spoken a word to anyone since Bucky had disappeared. You couldn't find any words that felt important enough to say, emptiness consuming you entirely. Locked away inside your room you cried until you could cry no more. Occasionally you would hear foot steps outside your room, a silhouette blocking the thin strip of light that illuminated the bottom of the door.

 

You knew it was steve, checking up on you. From time to time he would chance a knock, hoping that maybe this time you would open the door, let him in, let him comfort you but thats not what you wanted. You didn't deserve comfort. You had let Bucky down. Maybe if you had fought harder, tried harder he would still be here.

 

You knew that your thoughts were irrational and yet you couldn't shake the lingering sense of truth they held.

 

Wanda had also been taken from you in the snap, another person you had loved so dearly. Gone. Vanished. As though she were never here. Except she had been here. She’d been your sister, your friend and now she was reduced to memories. Her last moments on earth of sheer agony and heartbreak.

 

You didn't have many of Bucky’s belongings, but those that you did have you kept close by at all times. His gun, the weapon he’d held when he was taken from you, a few photos of his time with the howling commandos, his knife; another choice weapon of his and a glove that he wore to cover up his metal arm. You’d taken to wearing it religiously, staring down at your hand as you turned it over and over again, trying to remember what it felt like to hold his hand in yours.

 

You didn't want to stop grieving, you didn't want to be okay. What if it made you forget parts of him? What if you forgot about his scent, the playful smirk reserved just for you and the coolness of his arm against the warmth of your skin? What if you forgot the sound of his voice? Or the intense gaze in his eyes whenever he was about to kiss you?

 

You longed to hear him call you “doll” again. You longed for his hair to tickle your cheeks as your lips locked, always passionately but mostly you missed feeling like you were home.

 

You weren't sure where home was anymore. Steve seemed to believe it was here, with the Avengers in New York but you weren't so sure. It all felt wrong without Bucky here, every aspect of the building, built in the shadow of the tower, reminding you of him.

 

You resented steve. You resented that he was pushing forward, moving on. Still determined as usual. Why wasn't he too barely able to breath? He spent most of his time punching things in the gym, probably out of rage and frustration you presumed. But why hadn't he cried for him? for Bucky? Did he not care?

________________________________________

 

It was 10 days later when you finally forced yourself from your room. You’d at least managed a shower before imposing yourself on others but every other aspect of you stunk of grief.

 

Natasha spotted you first from her desk as you entered the kitchen in need of sustenance.

 

“Hey” she said simply, her tone soft, sympathetic.

 

You didn't speak but sent a sad smile in her direction as you began to search through the cupboards for anything edible.

 

“There’s not much in” she told you, climbing to her feet, wandering over to lean against the door frame.

 

You sighed in response, of course there wasn't.

 

“Rhodey has gone to get some things....he shouldn’t be long.” She continued, her voice hesitant as her eyes surveyed your broken state.

 

“In the mean time, there’s this” she told you, reaching to pull out a jar of peanut butter and some bread.

 

You nodded, perfect.

 

You began to make yourself sandwich gesturing in her direction to see if she wanted one.

 

She shook her head in response and you carried your food through the the table, taking a seat.

 

You hadn't eaten much recently. You’d tried but swallowing was difficult and it only made the nauseousness in your stomach even more overwhelming. She sat beside you as you ate, not pushing you for a conversation, but showing her support.

 

“Any word on Tony? Peter?” You asked curiously, your voice cracking, the first words you’d spoken in over a week.

 

A look of relief washed over her as she saw a small glimmer of your former self but she shook her head.

 

“Afraid not” she said simply and you allowed your mind to wander. Where were they? Did they die in the snap? Or did Thanos kill them before that?

 

____________________________

 

Rhodey returned an hour or so later and you and Natasha had fallen into an easy and light conversation. If you were honest with yourself, you’d forgotten how much you enjoyed her company.

 

“Y/n” Rhodey said with a smile, forced of course.

 

“Hey Rhodey” you managed, words no longer feeling trapped by your tongue.

 

Steve was close behind, his brows shooting up almost into his hairline as his eyes fell upon your fragile frame still seated at the table.

 

“Doll” he breathed.

 

There was that word.

 

You froze, your heart beating faster as all the times Bucky had used that word flashed through your memory.

 

Steve was by your side, unaware of the affect his words had had.

 

“Hey” Rhodey interrupted, thankfully“so, that thing just stopped doing whatever the hell it was doing” he called from his position at the other side of the room.

 

You looked up, knocked out of your thoughts, that “Thing” had belonged to fury and was sending out some kind of signal to someone, somewhere. You all jumped to your feet shuffling over to stare at the now dead pager

 

“What have we got?” Natasha asked as Bruce stepped in to view. You sent him a small smile of acknowledgment

 

“Whatever signal it was sending finally crapped out” He explained as he too stared at the darkened screen

 

“I thought we bypassed the battery?” Steve asked in confusion.

 

“We did, its still plugged in, it just..just stopped.” Rhodey confirmed, folding his arms over his chest

 

“reboot it, send the signal again” steve said matter of factly, without a second thought.

 

“We don’t even know what this is” Bruce interjected

 

“Fury did” Nat said tonelessly“just do it, please and tell me the second you get a signal. I wanna know who’s on the other end of that thing” she ordered before turning on her heel.

 

“Where’s fury?” Came a voice, new to the conversation.

 

As you all turned, your eyes fell upon a woman, a woman you hadn't seen before. She was dressed head to toe in Blue, gold and red, a combat suit, similar to the ones you wore but made from something entirely different. She had blonde hair that fell just below her shoulders and just like yours, her eyes were filled with concern. Concern for Fury.

 

_______________________________________

It took time to fill her in on the events of the last few weeks. Thanos. People disappearing. Half of all life. Gauntlet. Snap. She introduced herself as Carol Danvers also known as Captain Marvel and explained how she knew fury and why she was here. She listened intently as Natasha, Steve, Bruce and Rhodey told your story only becoming more determined as she heard how Tony and Peter were lost somewhere in space.

 

“Ill find them” she said simply, confidently.

 

“What do you mean you’ll find them?” You asked with a frown, the first time she’d heard your voice.

 

“I mean I’ll go, track them down, bring them home” she said with a shrug.

 

Your frown hadn't eased off.

 

“This is SPACE we’re talking about, its not that simple” you said in disbelief, your tone clipped, patience long gone.

 

Steve held his hand up, quietening you, his eyes full of wonder.

 

“You really think you can find them?” he asked receiving a simple nod in return.

 

There was a pause as the team took a moment to exchange looks of disbelief, hope and confusion.

 

“Keep us updated” Natasha told her finally with a respectful nod and with that she was gone.

 

 

____________________________________________________

 

It was two weeks later when Carol returned and she wasn't alone.

 

The last few weeks hadn't gotten any easier. You’d tried to fall back into a routine but every time you looked at Steve all you saw was Bucky, his fallen friend. It wasn't just you. You could see that he also found it hard to be around you and you could only imagine it was for similar reasons. Both of you no longer able to function as a pair without the glue that held you together.

 

Occasionally you would Share a haste kiss or slide your hand in to his absentmindedly, but it was soon overshadowed once more by the misery that consumed you. You still loved him of course, with every fibre of your being but something had changed. You didn’t know who you were any more and you weren't entirely convinced you knew who Steve was.

 

You and Pepper had leant on each other for support. Both of you grieving, both of you having lost the love of your life. You spoke fondly of both Tony and Bucky, finally able to find a smile or a laugh whenever a hilarious moment resurfaced in your mind , easing the pain temporarily.

 

Sharon had started sniffing around again and you were in no mood to deal with her right now, so avoided her at all costs. Its not that you disliked her as a person, you didn't know her well enough to make that judgement. But the way she persisted with steve drove you insane. Of course she didn’t know about you and him and Bucky, how could she when there were no longer any signs of affection between you?

 

You no longer felt like you had the right to claim him as your own. He wasn't. And you weren't his. Something was ending, dying along with Bucky.

 

You were sat with Pepper, enjoying your usual late night chat with a whole heap of chocolate when the building began to shudder, foundations and all. You frowned in response, weighing up the possibilities. The sound seemingly moved around the exterior of the compound, so you followed it to the nearest window allowing your eyes to cast out into the darkness in search of answers.

 

Carol. She was back. And with her she was literally carrying a ship. Could it be.....?

 

You stopped breathing as you turned to pepper who was still sat on the sofa, your eyes wide.

 

“What is it?” She asked climbing to her feet slowly, trying to read you.

 

“Carol’s back” you whispered pausing as your scattered thoughts finally came together “-and I think she might have brought them home” you finished, still in disbelief.

 

Pepper dropped the mug she was holding and you watched as it bounced against the hard tiles before shattering into millions of pieces. You reached for her holding her steady as her legs weakened beneath her.

 

She gathered her strength quickly and was suddenly in a sprint, no words wasted as she headed as quickly as her shaking legs would carry her; towards the ship.

 

 

_________________________________________

 

You has stayed clear of Tony when he had first disbanded the ship, positive you weren't top of his list of people to see. He looked bad, like really bad. His cheek bones jutted out of his face, his skin grey and dull. He was so nauseatingly thin from malnutrition, barely clinging to life but holding on all the same.

 

He’d brought with him a strange blue type of person, more like a robot in appearance who went by the name Nebula. She was strange, even by your reckoning and equally as unskilled socially as you were at the moment.

 

But no Peter. He too had been cruelly snatched away from the world. A world he’d had so little time to explore. Another whole in your heart. 

 

Once Tony had had some time with pepper and been attached to an IV in hope of regaining some of his strength, you had all been called into the board room for a conversation.

 

“Its been 23 days since Thanos came to earth” Rhodey spoke up matter of factly

 

“World governments are in pieces, the parts that are still working are trying to take a census and it look like he did exactly what he said he was going to do, Thanos wiped out 50% of all living creatures.” Natasha’s continued as you all gazed upon the Hologram screens in front of you.

 

Profile after profile of the missing, presumed to have been dusted flashed across the screens. Wanda maximoff . Peter Parker . King T’challa , Scott lang, James ‘Buchanan” Barnes, Shuri, Sam Wilson.....the list seemingly endless.

 

You forced your eyes away from the screens as Bucky flashed up, a pang of pain pulsing throughout your body.

 

“Where is he now?” Tony demanded from his position seated at the table.“Where?”

 

He had a drip connected to his left, still weary and weak.

 

“We don’t know” steve replied, clearly agitated. “He just opened a portal and walked through”

 

“Nobody has seen him since..” you whispered quietly

 

there was a brief pause as Tony took in his words before he spoke again.

 

“What’s wrong with him?” He asked, gesturing to Thor who was sat away in a far corner, seething.

 

“Ah he’s pissed, he thinks he failed. which of course he did but there a lot of that going around, ain’t there?” Rocket spoke up, Tony’s features twisting into an expression of surprise.

 

“Honestly, until this exact second i thought you were build a bear” He replied with a shrug.

 

“Maybe i am” rocket agreed quickly

 

Steve sighed, the task of having to tell Tony how badly you had all failed weighing heavily on his shoulders.

 

“We’ve been hunting Thanos for three weeks now, deep space scans and satellites and we got nothing” he told Tony, defeated.

 

“It’s like he disappeared” you added in a whisper your eyes finding the screen again.

 

Tony nodded in response, not expecting anything other than absolutely nothing.

 

“Tony, you fought him-” steve started.

 

“Who told you that? “ Tony interrupted quickly. “I didn't fight him, no he whipped my face with a planet while the bleaker street magician gave away the store, thats what happened, there was no fight coz he's Unbeatable”

 

“Ok” steve persevered“-did he give you any clues? Any co ordinates? Anything?”

 

You could feel the tension in the room rising as you looked between the two of them unsure whether you should step in to detract from Steve.

 

Tony scoffed at his question, shaking his head in disbelief.

 

“I saw this coming a few years back, I had a vision-“ he told Steve, clearly irritated “- I didn't want to believe it, thought i was dreaming”

 

“Tony, I’m going to need you to focus” Steve told him, his tone deep, serious, commanding. He pushed himself up from the wall he had been leaning against standing tall, folding his arms across the broadness of his chest.

 

“And I needed you. As in past tense.” Tony hissed in reply as he pushed himself up with difficulty from his chair stumbling slowly in steves direction. You got to your feet immediately, ready to defend your captain but Steve motioned for you to sit back down, so you did and Tony continued.

 

“- that trumps what you need, its too late buddy, sorry. You know what i need? I need a shave” he shook his head as he looked around the team, everyone with their heads down. “-and I believe I remember telling all of you, alive or otherwise that what we needed was a suit of armour around the world, remember that? Whether it impacted our precious freedoms or not thats what we needed.” He finished, emphasising the word needed.

 

“Well that didn't work out , did it?” Steve asked simply as he stood before Tony, happy to take his wrath.

 

“I said we’d lose, you said, we’d do that together too and guess what Cap , we lost and you weren't there. But thats what we do right?” He asked, pure rage filling his eyes as he got closer and closer to Steve. It was taking every part of you not to jump in between them but you respected Steve enough to stay back.

 

“-Our best work after the fact , were Avengers, were the avengers, not the prevengers , right?” He questioned sarcastically, wobbling on his feet.

 

Rhodey took hold of his arm to keep him upright, supporting him as best he could.

 

“Okay you’ve made you’re point, just sit down okay, sit ...sit down” He told him calmly

 

“No, no here’s my point” he continued, forcing you to take a deep breath, a hand running through your hair as the tension continued to build.

 

“ you know what shes great” He said gesturing in Carols direction.

 

“ we need you, your new blood. We’re just a bunch of tired old mules.” He told her before shifting himself until he was inches away from Steve, his finger pointing at him accusingly.

 

“ I got nothing for you cap” he growled, both anger and sadness filling his eyes.

 

“ I got no co ordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options, zero, zip , nada,no trust.”

 

He paused temporarily in disgust.

 

“ Liar.” He hissed simply.

 

You could see Steve recoil inwardly as the word stung. You knew that would hurt him. You had watched as he had fought with everything he had to protect everyone he loved and cared about and the rest of the world. You knew he still blamed himself. That like you, he too felt like he hadn't done enough. He would forever blame himself regardless and with Tony’s words only confirming his own fears you couldn't imagine the inner turmoil he was hiding behind his unreadable expression, still managing to hold himself tall.

 

Tony gripped his hand to his chest, tearing the arc reactor from it, grabbing Steve’s hand and pushing it into his palm, his eyes still crazed with fury.

 

“Here take this, you find him, you put that on and you hide”

 

And then he was on his knees. So quickly his strength left him, his legs betraying him, forcing him to the ground.

 

“Tony” Steve called out in concern.

 

“I’m fine...I” he fell further now until he was sprawled face down on the floor, the high stress situation having taken away the small amount of energy he’d had left.

 

_________________________________________

 

Once Tony had been taken away to heal you moved your position to stand by Steve. You slid your hand around his bicep, giving it a supportive squeeze, allowing your fingers to linger momentarily as you enjoyed the feel of him beneath your hand.

 

“Bruce gave him a sedative, he's gunna probably be out for the rest of the day” Rhodey Explained as he reentered the room, causing your hand to slip away once more.

 

“You guys take care of him and ill bring him an elixir when I come back” Carol said simply, turning on her heal and heading for the door.

 

“Where are you going?” Steve asked with a raise of his brow, taking the words out of your mouth.

 

“To kill Thanos” She replied, casually, matter of factly.

 

Natasha was hot on her heels

 

“hey, you know we usually work as team here and ...uh.. between you and I moral is a little fragile” she breathed out defiantly.

 

“We realise that up there is more your territory but this is our fight too” Steve agreed, his tone firm but polite.

 

“You even know where he is?” Rhodey questioned

 

“I know people who might” She retorted, eager to get going.

 

“Dont bother” Came Nebulas toneless voice from the door way “I can tell you where Thanos is”

_______________

 

You regathered around the table in the board room, a projection of earth positioned above it.

 

“Thanos spent a long time trying to perfect me and when he worked he talked about his great plan. Even disassembled i wanted to please him. I’d ask him, where would we go once his plan was complete and his answer was always the same. To the garden” nebula explained flatly as she moved from her position towards the table.

 

“thats cute” Rhodey replied “Thanos has a retirement plan”

 

You sniggered inwardly, appreciating his wit amongst all the seriousness.

 

“So where is he?” Steve questioned

 

“Where is the Garden?” You clarified, closing your arms across your chest as you too waited for answers

 

Rocket climbed on to the table and began to walk around the hologram as he explained

 

“When Thanos snapped his fingers earth became ground zero for a power surge of ridiculously cosmic proportions, no ones ever seen anything like it, until two days ago” he told you, pressing a few buttons on his wrist strap to bring up a new hologram of different world. “on this planet”

 

“Thanos is there” Nebula said knowingly.

 

”He used the stones again” Natasha breathed her eyes locked on the screen.

 

“Hey hey hey, we’d be going in short handed you know..” Bruce interrupted, concerned everyone was getting ahead of themselves, determined to be the voice of reason.

 

“...he’s still got the stones” rhodey agreed.

 

“So lets get him” Carol spoke up from the edge of the room. “use them to bring everyone back”

 

You all turned to look at her , her words sinking in slowly.

 

“We can do that?” You asked quickly, your eyes widening at the thought of Bucky’s return.

 

“Just like that?” Bruce asked with the raise of a brow.

 

“Yeah, just like that” Steve agreed quickly, a nod in Carols direction.

 

“even if there’s a small chance that we can undo this, I mean we owe it to everyone who’s not in this room to try” Natasha continued, hope flooding her expression.

 

“If we do this how do we knew its going to end any differently than it did before?” Bruce asked, still to be convinced.

 

“because before you didn't have me” Carol said simply

 

You couldn't help but scoff at her confidence. You’d all felt this way once before, the first time you’d faced Thanos.

 

“Hey- new girl, every body in this room is about that super hero life and if you don’t mind my asking where the hell have you been all this time?” Rhodey asked, slightly agitated.

 

“There are a lot of other planets in the universe” she responded calmly “-and unfortunately they didn't have you guys”

 

Steve raised his brows and you could see the respect he’d gained for her fall across his expression.

 

There was a brief pause as everyone contemplated the next move. Thor stood from his position at a table to the side where he had been keeping to himself. Like you, Thor had suffered greatly with guilt and sadness and was struggling to pull himself together.

 

He strode across the space until he was only a few steps from Carol his eyes glaring down at her as he read her expression. His arm reached out to the side of her and the familiar sound of the storm breaker flying into his hands echoed around the room, causing a gust of wind to push Carols hair from her face.

 

She didn't even blink in response, let alone wince. A small smirk fell across her lips and she narrowed her eyes in anticipation, communicating silently with the god.

 

“I like this one” Thor announced, his eyes still locked on hers.

 

That was good enough for you, if Thor trusted her then so did you. You felt the atmosphere change, the others clearly having the same thought, the tenseness easing off ever so slightly.

 

You stood by Steve, sliding your still gloved hand into his, his eyes connecting with yours momentarily, a half smile shared between you.

 

“We can get him back” you whispered, your eyes glossing over. He swallowed down any concerns that he had, nodding in your direction, his hand squeezing yours in acknowledgment before he turned back to gaze upon the screen

 

“Lets go get this son of a bitch”

 

 


	21. This isn’t going to change what happened

 

 

You sat back in your seat aboard the ship, your teeth tearing at the skin of your bottom lip as you fidgeted nervously, anticipating the journey to come. It was the first time you’d vaguely resembled yourself in over three weeks. You were dressed in your usual all black combat suit, batons , guns and Bucky’s knife strapped around your waist. Your left hand gloved as usual and your hair hanging in loose curls past your shoulders.

 

The hope of being able to undo what Thanos did urged you to collect yourself, woke you up from your pit of despair, your thoughts only of getting Bucky and everyone else lost in the snap back.

You were here to fight and you would avenge him.

 

Steve slid his hand into yours in support and you allowed your head to turn, meeting his eyes for the first time in weeks. His expression matched yours. Filled with hope, relief that you were able to band together once more. Relief that there was something that could be done, no longer powerless.

 

You let a small smile fall across your expression and he returned it, the ice that had surrounded your heart melting away slightly as it reached his eyes. God you missed him, just as you missed Bucky. You squeezed his hand tightly and a look of understanding was sent your way. You took a deep breath, pulling your gaze from his, still gripping onto his hand as you prepared yourself for the jump.

 

“Okay, who here hasn’t been to space?” Came rockets gravely voice from the front of the ship.

 

You, Natasha, Steve and Rhodey all raised your hands nervously as you looked out ahead.

 

“You’d better not be sick on my ship” He told you, causing you to let out a nervous chuckle.

 

“Approaching jump in 3, 2, 1” Nebulas voice rang out around the ship, your grip on steve tightening.

 

All of a sudden the once steady ship leapt forward, your hair flying out behind you, your shoulders tensing as the force pushed against you. The lights ahead were full of colour, thousands of them, bright, blinding and hypnotising. You took a glance to steve, watching as his eyes widened, your smile growing slightly. Not bad for a kid from the 40’s; you thought.

 

suddenly the ship stilled again, holding its position above a planet that looked remarkably like earth. Carol exited the ship first, able to survive in the depths of space unlike the rest of you.

 

“Ill head down for recon” She said calmly before making her way down to the planets surface.

 

You took a deep breath as you all unbuckled yourselves from your seats; Steve, You and Natasha heading to the front of the ship to get a closer look.

 

Nobody spoke as you all admired the beauty of your surroundings, it really was breathtaking. Steve reached in to his pocket removing his compass and opening it to reveal Peggy’s face staring back up at you. You swallowed down the jealously that arose, knowing that it was uncalled for and ridiculous. The distance between you and Steve recently had made you feel insecure and so even though in the past you had been more than happy for Steve to carry Peggy with him, today it stung a little.

 

 

“This is gunna work steve” Natasha told him, noticing his lingering look at the photo.

 

“I know it will” he agreed with a weak smile “-because I don’t know what I’m gunna do if it doesn't”

 

You placed your hand on his shoulder giving him a squeeze of support and he covered it with his own much larger hand, stroking the skin of your knuckles with his thumb.

 

Carol returned not moments later, optimism flooding her features.

 

“No satellites, no ships, no army, no ground defences of any kind, its just him” carol told you all with the hint of a smile, causing you to raise your eyes brows in surprise.

 

“And thats enough” nebula concluded bleakly. You had to agree.

 

_____________________________

 

You had all come up with a plan to trap Thanos quickly and effectively. Steve giving the orders, still captain of his team.

 

Just as Thanos reached to put his pot above the open fire in the centre of the small hut he seemed to be residing in Carol burst through the door, taking with her the whole front side of the wall.

 

She threw Thanos Backwards across the small room, leaping up on top of him until she had her arms locked around his head, her left foot forcing his gauntlet away from him, keeping his fist open at the same time.

 

He hadn't been given time to respond, his expression one of shock and surprise as Bruce; in the hulk buster came from under the foundations grabbing hold of his gloved hand

 

Within seconds Rhodey had taken hold of his other arm until he was powerless, clearly weakened.

 

Thor was next to arrive, Storm breaker coming down with great force slicing through his flesh to remove the gauntlet from his possession along with his arm

 

He cried out in agony and you couldn't help but smile as the sound filled your ears, comforting almost to know he too felt pain.

 

You, steve and Natasha walked in from the now much larger front entrance, Steve in full captain mode, calm and collected as rocket turned the gauntlet over from its position on the floor.

 

Your eyes widened as you took in the now stone free gauntlet. Where were they? The stones? You found yourself looking around the room automatically , in search of answers.

 

 

“oh no” Rocket breathed, responding for you all collectively

 

“Where are they?’ Steve demanded, still calm and collected.

 

“Answer the question” carol hissed, tightening her grip on his neck.

 

He grimaced at the restriction of air but began to speak regardless.

 

“The universe required correction, after that the stones served no purpose beyond temptation” He told you all, matter of factly, without remorse.

 

Your vision blurred as tears of anger filled your eyes.

 

“You murdered trillions” Bruce yelled out, pushing him out from carols grasp and onto the floor, clearly feeling the same as you.

 

“You should be grateful” Thanos hissed in response only to receive a punch to the head.

 

You sauntered over to him now, releasing Bucky’s knife from the band around your waist, gripping it tightly in your fist, pushing it into the skin on his throat.

 

“y/n” Steve spoke, still calm.

 

It took everything in you not to slice in to his jugular, eager to avenge the fallen, to avenge bucky. What you would give to take his life.

 

Nat was becoming agitated, her eyes glossy with concern.

 

“Where are the stones?” She whispered, part of her already knowing the answer.

 

“Gone” Thanos told her simply, Bucky’s knife still pressed into the thick skin of his neck, a small trickle of blood dribbling down the blade as you ‘slipped’ slightly. Whoops.

 

“reduced to atoms” he continued with a grimace

 

“You used them two days ago” Bruce replied, calling him out.

 

“I used the stones, to destroy the stones. It nearly killed me, but the work is done, it always will be.” He paused and then he looked you dead in the eyes, his smile tormenting, teasing“I am inevitable” he whispered

 

You let out a growl from your throat as you pulled your arm back ready to strike, every inch of you telling you to end his life.

 

Steve took hold of your arm, pulling you backwards away from Thanos, his arms sliding around your waist comfortingly.

 

“We have to tear this place apart, he has to be lying” Rhodey told you, clearly in denial.

 

“ my father is many things, a liar is not one of them” nebula said flatly as she moved through the shack towards Thanos.

 

“Ah, thank you daughter” he began, in an attempt to manipulate her “perhaps I treated you to harshly-“

 

He didn't get the chance to say any more. His head was already on the floor. Thor had swung his storm breaker again, this time taking off much more than just an arm.

 

“What did you do?” Rocket asked in disbelief

 

“I went for the head” Thor said plainly, his voice quaking, broken.

 

You swallowed hard, the only chance you had to get Bucky back slipping from your grasp as you looked around the room, your eyes meeting each of the other avengers, desperate for one of them to speak up. Come up with a solution. Anything. But there was nothing.

 

You watched as Nebula closed his eyes, turning to steve, your expression filled with desperation. He pulled you into his chest with a look of defeat and you buried your face willingly.

 

You wouldn't cry. Not this time. Not in the presence of Thanos, dead or alive.

 

 

_______________________________

 

You felt as though all hope had been ripped from your grasp again. Any chance of getting Bucky back had slipped through your fingers as quickly as it had arisen.

 

You’d been back at the compound a few days, everyone’s mood equal in despair apart from Steve. Steve was still remarkably chipper considering recent events and you questioned again if he’d ever really cared about Bucky. The rational part of your brain knew that wasn't true or fair but every time you saw him head down to the gym or out for a run, or every time he said something that could be misconstrued as joyful you felt the distance between you grow.

 

Part of you was pleased, pleased that he didn't seem to be suffering like you were. You didn’t want him to feel pain, of course not. But your thoughts and emotions were conflicted, all jumbled up in a mixture of rage, sadness and unease.

 

There were rumours that Clint had gone on the warpath, down a dark tunnel of revenge after losing his family in the snap. Traveling, hunting down gang members one at a time. You couldn't blame him. You too wanted someone to pay. You needed to make someone suffer, if only for your own piece of mind.

 

“It could be anyone” Natasha defended, not meeting anyone’s eyes, unwilling to believe it was him, the one person who had pulled her from the darkness all those years ago.

 

“It could be.” Rhodey agreed “-But its not. There’s a good chance its him”

 

He plonked a file down on the table in front of her, causing you to raise your brow, leaning over to get a better look as she opened it.

 

Photo’s of bodies torn apart in massacres all similar to the other reports that had come in over the last week.

 

Natasha pushed the file aside, unwilling to look at it any longer, so you picked it up.

 

Last seen in Nayarit, Mexico.

 

You put it back down backing up towards the door. Where was Steve?

 

__________________________________

You found him in the gym as usual, beating the hell out of the punch bags, Four of them already discarded at the edge of the room, broken down.

 

He was sweating, beads of water trickling down his brow, his hair having soaked up most of the moisture now clinging to his skin. His muscles stood out more than usual, reacting to the last few hours of relentless use.

 

You sighed to yourself as you watched him. He was filled with anger and frustration. But where was the sadness?

 

“The killer struck again, Mexico this time” You began, causing him to throw a glance in your direction quickly.

 

“Yeah?” He asked throwing more punches at the bag.

 

“yeah. Rhodey still think it’s Clint” You continued.

 

“It makes sense” steve agreed, not bothering to look at you as he pummelled the bag.

 

You nodded, considering your next words.

 

“I don’t blame him...” you breathed

 

Steve raised a brow, clearly displeased by your reaction to mass murder.

 

“We’ve all lost people, but its no excuse to take life...” he began to lecture.

 

You felt your anger bubbling up inside of you.

 

“Its not?” You asked, your eyes narrowing. “Because i can’t think of a better excuse” You retorted, your tone clipped.

 

He shook his head in disapproval, throwing light jabs at the bag once more.

 

The noise of his fists hitting the leather over and over again and the silent judgement that oozed out of him made your heart beat faster, your palms beginning to sweat as the fury you held against him began to slip from your control along with your composure.

 

“You wouldn't understand” you hissed.

 

He looked at you now.

 

“No?”

 

“Do you even miss him?” You snapped in disbelief.

 

He threw one final punch at the bag, throwing it backwards across the room before he closed the gap between you with the same energy, glaring down at you.

 

“Of course I miss him.” He said simply, his voice low.

 

It angered you how he spoke to you like you were a child that needed disciplining

 

“You haven’t even cried Steve” you told him, still furious.

 

“Y/n-“ he began, his gaze full of intensity. “I’m trying to keep the team together. We have a job to do. We try to save as many people as we can. Sometimes that doesn't mean everybody. But if we can’t find a way to live that, then next time maybe nobody gets saved”

 

Your rage only grew as his words sunk in

 

“He wasn’t just anybody steve! He’s your best friend for gods sake!! What about Wanda? Sam? Don’t they matter either?!” You yelled, weeks of sadness and contempt escaping you, the dam now broken.

 

He sighed, shaking his head disapprovingly; again.

 

“This isn’t going to change what happened” He said, calmly.

 

You snapped, pushing him with as much strength as you could find in the middle of his chest. He barely moved, but allowed himself a step back, anger filling his once calm outer shell.

 

“I don’t care!” You screamed at him, tears threatening to fall

 

He grabbed hold of your wrists to stop you from punching at him further.

 

“I miss him too!” He yelled back, his voice cracking with emotion.

 

You were relieved really, relieved to see that he did care, that steve was still there under all the captain America bullshit.

 

“Stop it” he told you as you struggled to escape his grasp, tears falling down your cheeks as your sadness and rage over whelmed you once more.

 

“Y/n. Enough!” He tried again, but he’d lost you.

 

Suddenly his lips were on yours, firm, forceful almost.

 

He pulled back to look at you, searching your expression for a response.

 

You swallowed hard as you felt something other than rage and sadness for the first time in weeks.

You needed more.

You pushed your hands into his hair quickly forcing him back down crashing your lips into his.

 

He responded immediately, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you tightly against the firmness of his body.

 

You were still furious, still sad and so was he but the sudden need you felt between your thighs out weighed any rational part of your brain telling you to stop.

 

You moved quickly, pulling his shirt over his head revealing his beautiful toned torso. Your hands scratching down the front of his chest, desire filling your eyes.

 

He raised a brow in response pulling your dress over your head and throwing it aside, tugging you back into him for another hungry kiss. He had never kissed you so ferociously before, so passionately. You bit down on his lip as thoughts of bucky flashed through your memory and he pulled back quickly.

 

A small trickle of blood slid down his chin and he lifted his hand to wipe it away, looking at the red staining his fingers and then back up at you. You looked back at him defiantly, none apologetically, a look of longing fixed on your expression, challenging him.

 

You saw him debate it for a moment, but then all bets were off. He pulled your underwear from you roughly, taking your feet from under you in one swift motion so that you fell backwards, your back crashing in to the cool Mats below. You gasped as the air was knocked out of you, but his lips were back on yours quietening you, the taste of his blood filtering into your mouth.

 

His hands, still wrapped from his training slid down your stomach with haste, his fingers dancing over your pubic bone, neither of you taking any time for lingering loving looks like you once had. Your hands slid down his still slick back the scent of him only turning you on more. You let out a moan into his mouth as his fingers reached the bundle of nerves between your legs, circling them roughly, impatiently.

 

You reached for the band of his joggers but he stopped you, the look in his eyes filled with hunger, a look you’d never seen on him before. And damn, it suited him. He lifted your wrists above your head, his eyes locking on yours as he spoke his next words, low and husky.

 

“Keep them there” he demanded

 

You let out a small nod as he moved his rough kisses down the delicate skin of you neck, across your breasts, down your stomach, stopping when he reached your thigh. He ran his tongue along your inner thigh and you hissed in response, your entire body tensing with anticipation. His hands slid around your thighs, pushing them into the floor, holding you in place as his tongue finally made contact between your legs. You gasped out, fighting the urge the lower your hands.

 

His tongue was hot, moist as he licked at every inch of you. He slid one of his hands from your thigh his fingers finding your opening. You tensed around him as he slid one inside, your moans growing, his tongue still working along side his fingers.

 

You could feel a warmth building in your body as he quickened his pace, tasting every part of you. Your hands absentmindedly shifted into his soft blonde locks, gripping it roughly as you readied yourself for your orgasm.

 

You were so close.

 

But then he stopped, forcing a whimper of discomfort to escape your swollen lips.

 

“I told you to keep them there” He told you sternly, positioning your hands back above your head. You thrashed against him in protest, your orgasm slowly fading away but your need for him only growing.

 

“Please Steve” you whispered.

 

He shook his head.

 

“Not steve” he told you, his hand sliding back between your legs, his touch light, barely there, teasing you.

 

You whimpered again as you tried to find the words.

 

“Captain” you finally managed.

 

He let a small smirk fall across his expression, content with your answer.

 

He climbed up momentarily, undoing his belt and sliding out of his pants. Your eyes fell upon his length and you bit down on your lip, forcing yourself to resist the urge to reach for him.

 

He was above you again now, positioned above your entrance, his own need clear. You raised your pelvis in an attempt to close the gap, now crazed with lust but he only moved further away, shaking his head with that look of disapproval that you hated so much.

 

That look changed everything. Suddenly you weren't playing his games any more.

You sat up abruptly from your position on the floor, a mixture of rage and lust possessing your expression as you pushed him violently off of you until his back hit the Mat like yours had only minutes before.

 

You climbed on top of him swiftly, taking hold of his length and positioning yourself above him hungrily. Unwilling to play by his rules. Unwilling to wait any longer.

 

You speared yourself onto him forcefully, yelling out in pleasure as he filled every inch of you, your knees either side of his pelvis as you built up a steady rhythm

 

He only smirked in response, releasing groans of his own as you slid onto him. Your eyes met his as his hands moving to your hips, his lips parting to allow shallow breaths to escape. You pulled his hands from your hips, lifting yourself from him temporarily to place them above his head, pinning him into position, your eyes level with his.

 

“Keep them there” you whispered, you tone lust filled, challenging him once more.

 

He smirked, also unwilling to play by your rules and lifted you from him abruptly spinning you around and pushing you on to all fours.

 

“IM the captain” he told you simply, his breath in your ear as he sucked on your ear lobe from his position behind you.

 

You inhaled deeply, his forcefulness only adding to your appetite. Your moans echoed throughout the gym as he filled you again, deeper than ever before, almost violently. He began to thrust into you, his hands gripping your pelvis so hard you knew it would be bruised tomorrow.

 

You flicked your hair back looking over your shoulder at him as he pummelled you ferociously, appreciating every aspect of him in that moment. His rippling muscles drenched in sweat; both his own and yours, the smoothness of his skin, the strength in his grip and the look of pure captivation in his piercing blue but much darker than usual eyes as he ravished you entirely.

 

You felt yourself getting closer and closer, your moans growing louder with every thrust, mumbling incoherently as his grip tightened.

 

You pulled away from him temporarily, spinning on your knees so you were face to face.

 

He was still on his knees and that was exactly where you wanted him. Sliding into his lap you allowed your hands to slide up the back of his neck until they were once more tangled in his soft blonde hair. He winced slightly as you pulled, a flash of excitement and exhilaration falling across his expression as he dragged you in for another kiss.

 

You wrapped your legs around his waist lowering yourself onto his erection once more, both of you holding each other closely, your grips desperate, your sweat mingling together as you moved as one. The blood from his lip danced across your tongue again and you let out a moan, tugging harder on his hair. 

 

Your legs began to shake as he grew inside of you, slowly reaching his own end and suddenly without warning your orgasm consumed you. You gasped, screaming out as it rolled over you, more intense than every before. Every fibre of your being vibrating in absolute pleasure. He groaned in to your ear, hearing your screams, his grip tightening as he pushed himself into you roughly a few more times, finally finding his own release.

 

Both of you gasped for air, your heart beating so fast you were sure you could pass out. You took a moment to hold each other, his lips placing a few soft kisses along your shoulder as his arms remained wrapped around you, holding you in place. Your cheeks were flushed, warmth overwhelming you as you rested your sweating forehead against his own, still trying to get enough air to your lungs.

 

His eyes met yours now, Steve having returned, the captain gone with your orgasm. His eyes swam with sadness and pain once more and you imagined yours too were the same. You closed them, placing a soft and gentle kiss to his lips, releasing all the love you had for him into your touch, trying to share all of your feelings with him because you had just realised what this was.

 

This was goodbye.

 

A few minutes later and you finally released yourself from him, sliding your dress back over your head, your underwear long destroyed.Turning and sharing one more look , a look of understanding, you took a deep breath and then you left.

 

You left the gym, you left the avengers compound, you left New York, you left the second love of your life and you headed to Mexico.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im so sorry guys! :( :( :(
> 
> But SMUT
> 
> And then I took it all away from you. 
> 
> So many feelings.


	22. There’s a chance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this ones a little shorter but only because I will be posting a second one in a few hours and this felt like a good place to stop!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!

 

 

 

“y/n, you shouldn’t be here” Clint told you firmly for the millionth time in the last ten minutes as he continued clean the blood from his weapons, fresh from battle.

 

“Actually, I think this exactly where I should be” you told him, equally as firm, holding your ground.

 

It had taken you a few weeks to track him down, mostly through word of mouth and tip offs.. He was being careful and his training made him a pretty hard guy to find when we was trying to stay under the radar. However you too had had similar training, which meant you had been able to manipulate your way around the map until you found yourself here, standing before him, pleading for him to take you with him.

 

He paused from cleaning his weapons, lifting his gaze to see the desperation in yours, the glove on your left hand and the wildness in your expression.

 

“Please.” You spluttered out, unsure of where else to go. “I need to feel something” you explained, unable to think of any other way to convince him. Since your time in the gym with Steve, you no longer felt sadness or anger. You felt nothing. Every part of you was numb. And now that the pain had gone, you missed it. You wanted to cry for Bucky, for wanda. You wanted to cry for the end of your relationship with Steve, but it never came. You had no more tears, just emptiness.

 

“What did you have in mind?” He asked, relenting slightly but still unwilling to be swayed from his current path of revenge.

 

“I want to find my parents.” You told him abruptly “ My real parents. The ones who shipped me off to the red room”

 

He frowned in response lifting his sword, now clean from the table and sliding it into the holder on his back.

 

“And I want to kill them” you finished, your eyes darkening. 

 

He looked down with a sigh, shaking his head.

 

“Y/n-“ he began

 

“Clint” you cut him off. You knew that this wasn't part of his plan. You knew you were asking a lot, but he was your only hope. “Please”

 

He took another moment to think it over, watching as you fingered the knife in the band of your suit.

 

Finally after what seemed like a life time, he gave a nod in your direction, lifting his hood over his head.

 

“We leave in ten”

 

So off you went in search of your birth parents, the thought of causing them pain thrilling you. Itching to make them bleed, to make them suffer like you had. Hoping to feel something, anything along the way. Once your parents were dead you planned to continue with Clint, assisting him in his own personal mission, whilst taking out any remaining hydra agents you could find; the only way you could think to avenge Bucky.

 

_______________________________

 

It was a whole month later before you finally tracked them down. There had been plenty of killing along the way and it kept you sane, honestly. Driving Bucky’s dagger through the hearts of thugs always temporarily lifted the veil of nothingness, if only for a moment.

 

So it became something you craved. Watching the life drain from their eyes as you slit their throats or hearing their pleading words just before you strangled the air from their lungs. As long as it continued to make you feel, you would keep going, keep killing. You and Clint had become an unstoppable team. You had learnt each other’s fighting skills and used them to your advantage, working together in a deadly dance as you took out thug after thug just like you once had with Bucky.

 

“Please...we didn't know” your mother begged from her position on a chair, her hands tied tightly,mercilessly behind her, cutting into the delicate skin of her wrists.

 

Your father spoke next trying to appeal to the softer side of you, the side of you that had craved a loving family for so many years. Little did he know, that side of you died along with Bucky, only vengeance in its place.

 

“Y/n please, you’re back now, you’re home.....” he pleaded “We can be a family....the three of us, just like you wanted.”

 

And with that you took his head from his body with one swift movement, unwilling to hear any more of his lies.

 

The screams from your mother filled the room as she watched her husbands head roll across the floor and under the dresser causing you to roll your eyes in displeasure.

 

“QUIET!!!!!!!” you yelled in annoyance, your eyes bulging, face reddening.

 

She froze, spluttering a little,tears pouring uncontrollably from her eyes as she gasped for air.

 

You took a painfully slow step towards her and she squirmed, a smile gracing your expression.

 

You took another step and her sobs grew louder.

 

Another step and she began to scream again so you pushed the Bucky’s dagger up against the tender skin of her throat.

 

“I’ve waited so long for this” you whispered menacingly, inches from her face.

 

“You gave me away. To them. You made me a monster. And THIS is your reward.” You told her with a laugh before you brought the knife down stabbing it deep into the flesh of her thigh, enjoying the agonising screams that rang out once more. Like music to your ears.

 

“Please” she begged over an over again, until it grew boring. Your smile fading as irritation replaced it.

 

“You don’t deserve to live. I’m doing the world a favour.” You told her in a whisper “Because thats what hero’s do” you added with a smile.

 

“You are not a hero” she hissed, much to your surprise. “Any part of you that was good is long gone”

 

You sighed pulling the knife from her thigh, blood spurting out from the fresh wound, another scream of agony falling from her chapped lips.

 

“Maybe so.” You agreed as you wiped the blade clean on your suit.

 

“Which sucks for you, because now there is NOTHING to stop me” you whispered, your smile returning as you placed the knife by her temple.

 

“Any final words?” You asked finally with the raise of a brow.

 

She sobbed for a moment before gathering her thoughts, her eyes flickering up to meet yours, weary and blood shot. She took a shaky breath as she opened her mouth to speak just as you plunged the knife deep into her skull, her eyes widening temporarily as she gurgled on her own blood, her life slipping away.

 

“Guess not” you breathed with a smirk, satisfied with your work, watching as her body fell limp in her chair.

 

You took a step back admiring your work, wiping your knife clean once more before returning it to the band on your waist.

 

“Y/n, We’ve got to go” came clints impatient voice from the door way.

 

You nodded in his direction

 

“Lead the way, I’m done here”

 

_________________________________________________________

 

5 years later

 

 

You and Clint had travelled a lot in order to continue with the mission and stay under the radar but had recently taken your hunt to Japan.

 

“They’re here” various gang members bellowed out as they began to scatter, panic flooding the streets as they locked their doors and shuttered their windows.

 

But you had already infiltrated their building, moving your way swiftly up the stairs, your weapons of choice in hand; Clint with his sword and you with Bucky’s knife. They fought well but were no match for the two of you, effortlessly taking out one after another in your synchronised dance, assisting each other where needed, experts in your fields.

 

You made your way floor to floor rapidly, within two minutes the entire building was cleared, except for one. The gang leader took off down the corridor, throwing himself from the window landing clumsily onto the slick streets below.

 

But you were hot on his heels, both you and Clint landing with much more grace behind him as he slowly turned around to meet his fate. There was no chance of escape.

 

The heavens had opened upon your arrival, the rain pouring down, disbanding the light around you, bouncing off the cold hard ground. Both of you hooded and masked raised your weapons in preparation.

 

“なぜあなたはこれをやっている？私たちはあなたに何もしませんでした”

“Why are you doing this? we never did anything to you”. He asked confusion clear on his expression.

 

“あなたは生き残った。地球の半分はしませんでした。彼らはThanosを手に入れた。あなたは私たちを手に入れます”。

“You survived, half the planet didn’t. They got thanos. You get us” Clint replied, his tone merciless, his stance strong.

 

All at once he lunged towards you both, swiping his sword at your throats, missing by a mile. Clint was first to respond, his own sword skills much greater than those of the thug. You allowed him his fun, not feeling the need to interfere. He had this one. Clint swung again, slicing through the flesh in the thugs side, causing him to stumble backwards.

 

“あなたは人々を傷つけました”

“You’re done hurting people” Clint told him simply, unsympathetic.

 

“私たちは人を傷つけますか？”

“We hurt people?” He asked in disbelief as he surveyed the bodies that littered the streets around you.

 

“あなたは狂っている”

“you’re crazy” he added.

 

“そしてあなたは死んだ男だ”

“And you’re a dead man” you told him matter of factly.

 

He lunged again but Clint blocked his sword with his own effortlessly. You took the opportunity to land a punch to his nose forcing him backwards once more, Clint holding his blade to his throat.

 

You slid in behind him, pressing your knife between his shoulder blades, stopping him from retreating further. He leapt forwards, dodging Clints attack, swinging his blade in desperation. Clint expertly avoided his attempts, weaving and dodging until he was able to strike again,slicing into the thugs side once more. Too easy.

 

He let out a growl as he looked down at the blood beginning to pool in his t-shirt. He looked back up his eyes full of fury as he ran towards you sword raised in his final attempt to take you down. It was no use. Clint distracted him briefly allowing you the chance to run the blade of your knife along the skin of his throat. You took a step back to stand by Clint as the thug fell to his knees, defeated, clutching the open wound with both hands.

 

Clint nodded to you and you turned in unison ready to walk away, to leave him to his slow death.

 

“待つ! 助けて!私はあなたに何でもあげます! なんでしょう？”

“Wait! Help me! Ill give you anything! What do you want?” He pleaded, your eyes rolling back in annoyance as you turned back to look at him, pathetic.

 

“What I want, you can’t give me” Clint told him simply, in English this time.

 

You smiled to yourself, not feeling the need to add anything. Clint had pretty much nailed it. So instead you stood back allowing him to have the final blow. He raised his sword above his head before plunging it through the top of his head, the relief washing over you once more as his body crumpled into the rain soaked tarmac. 

 

You wiped the blood from your knife against your thigh as the atmosphere changed. You could feel him before you saw him. You could smell his cologne. You let out a soft sigh looking to Clint briefly who also had the same realisation in his eyes as he returned his sword to its holder, both of you removing your hoods and masks as the rain continued to pour.

 

“You shouldn’t be here” Clint said, his voice low

 

“neither should you” Natasha replied, her voice threatening to tear at your resolve.

 

“We’ve got a job to do” you told them still not lifting your gaze.

 

“Is that what your calling this? Killing all these people isn’t going to bring your family back” She told Clint, her voice judgemental, but kind, unwavering.

 

“This isn’t going to bring Bucky back” Steve added, the disappointment clear in his tone.

 

You sighed finally lifting your gaze, his deep tones reeling you in, pulling you back to reality.

 

“We found something, a chance, maybe” Natasha explained, her voice calm, sympathetic.

 

“Dont.” Clint said quickly

 

“Dont what?” Natasha asked with a small frown

 

“Dont give me hope” he replied simply, his gaze on the ground.

 

“I’m sorry I couldn't give it to you sooner.” She whispered, her hand slipping into his comfortingly.

 

Thats when you knew, it was over. You swallowed down your pride as your eyes met Captain America’s for the first time in 5 years.

 

“Come home y/n” He whispered, his voice soft and kind. And you felt it. A pang of pain spread through out your chest, agonising, as all of the sadness, fear and rage you had suppressed for so long consumed you once more. Your eyes began to water as his eyes bore down on you. His gaze still loving. He reached for you and you flinched away slightly but as his finger tips found your wrist you relented, tears slipping down your cheeks as he pulled you into his strong safe arms.

 

Home.

 

He stroked your sopping wet hair as he comforted you, relieved to see that you were still in there, somewhere beneath all the chaos.

 

“It’s going to be okay” he told you and you believed him. Maybe it was.

 

 


	23. Hot tub time machine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say!!! Enjoy it, let me know what you think :):) 
> 
> Thank you for all your support! <3

When you arrived back at the compound there was a lot of change. All of the other avengers had been brought in from various locations to assist with the mission.

 

Time travel. To gather the stones.

 

You were sceptical, to say the least. It seemed like a ridiculous off the cuff idea and you weren't sure how much it would amount to. But they assured you that Tony had figured it out and you were good to go.

 

Thor wasn’t how you remembered either. He had blamed himself for the failure of the team, the loss of those he cared about, those he had sworn to protect. He had let himself go in all manners of the word. He clutched a beer in his hand at all times, his beard grown long along with his hair. His stomach expanded and his expression one of contempt. It was strange to see someone so mighty fall so far. But then you hadn't been far from that yourself.

 

Bruce had also undergone a huge transformation. No longer Bruce banner. No longer the Hulk but a weird mixture of the two, with the temper of Bruce but the appearance of hulk. It had take you a while to get your jaw off of he ground when you’d first spotted him. Seeing the hulk with glasses and clothes on was pretty hard to adjust to.

 

Natasha was still the same mostly. Worn down after years of tormenting herself. The blonde from her hair reduced to the tips, her natural red hair radiating out from her lengthy roots. She looked exhausted to say the least. Defeated.

 

Rhodey was much as you remembered him as was Tony if not much stronger and back to his usual sarcasm and wit. It was good to see, comforting. You learnt that in the last 5 years Tony had also fathered a daughter, Morgan. You were pleased for him, that he’d found peace temporarily. But true to form Tony was unable to resist the urge to fall back into the hero life style, especially when it meant he could potentially bring back those he cared for.

 

nebula and rocket were mostly unchanged. Nebula was still a social butterfly and Rocket charming as ever.

 

Scott was back. The Last thing you’d heard he too had been lost in the snap but it turned out he had been stuck in the quantum realm and was only able to escape when a rat accidentally pressed the correct sequence of buttons which had eventually lead to his idea of time travel.

 

Lots to take in and in very little time. This was happening now, whether you were ready or not.

 

Then there was Steve. Steve looked the same as the day you left if not a little sadder.

 

“You could have just come home..” he told you from his position by the window. His arms folded over his chest defensively, his gaze fixed ahead at the Horizon.

 

You sighed as you climbed from your spot on the sofa to stand a few metres behind him.

 

“I needed time” you whispered, hoping he might understand.

 

“And I needed you” he said back quickly, his tone deep, unforgiving.

 

For the first time you felt a wave of guilt wash over you. You hadn’t considered how leaving steve might affect him. You had selfishly done what you needed and haven’t even stopped to think about him, Natasha and the rest of the team. He always seemed so strong so held together but looking at him now you realised that you had played a huge part in the sadness that plagued his expression.

 

You took a deep breath

 

“I...” you started but he continued cutting you off.

 

“I lost him too, y/n. And then I lost you too” he said bitterly, his voice burning with sorrow.

 

A frown fell across your brow and you reached for him.

 

He shook your hand from his arm. Ouch. You’d never known him to be so cold.

 

“Steve” you said softly, apologetically. “You’re right” you agreed unable to find any excuses.

 

“I ran away from you when I should have been here”

 

“We could have got through this together” he added.

 

He turned to face you now and you wished he hadn't. The judgement that radiated from his gaze made you shrink back into yourself. But there was still love, somewhere deep down , he still cared.

 

“I’m sorry” you whispered finally.

 

He swallowed down the lump in his throat as his eyes flickered to the glove on your hand.

 

“Still wearing it?” He asked and you nodded.

 

“I like to feel like he’s with me” you told him through blurry eyes

 

He nodded in agreement, reaching under the front of his shirt and sliding a metal chain from around his neck, placing it in your hand.

 

“Me too” he breathed.

 

You turned the chain over in your hands examining it. Bucky’s dog tags, from the war. You looked back up at him, your eyes wide, breath catching in your throat as you realised the mistake you had made. You had mistaken Steve’s lack of tears as not caring when in actual fact he was trying to be strong for you. You cursed inwardly at yourself as you realised that this was on YOU. The hurt in his eyes, The loss of his respect and the shame that now consumed you. It was all you.

 

You lifted your arms placing the tags back around his neck, allowing your gaze to meet his in apology.

 

“I did miss you steve...” you told him truthfully.

 

You could see the hostility begin to fade in his eyes as your words sunk in and he looked down at the floor, considering his next words.

 

“Me too” he agreed, a small relenting smile slipping across his lips.

 

You returned his smile as the animosity between you began to dissolve, the new hope that you could return your loved ones fuelling your resolve.

 

His usual cologne filled your nostrils again and you felt your shoulders relax. Happy to back amongst the company of your captain. You had a lot of making up to do, you weren't naive. All wouldn't be forgiven overnight, but this was a start.

 

You took a step closer closing the gap between you noticing him tense up in response, his breath catching. You hated that this was how things were between you now but pushed on regardless. You wrapped your arms around his waist, shifting closer so that you could hold him, allowing all of your emotions to escape as you rested your head on his muscular chest.

 

He didn't respond for a moment and you considered pulling away but finally his arms snaked around your fragile frame holding you tightly. It felt right, like the pieces were reconnecting. two magnets finally back together. You let out a soft sigh, feeling him relax into you, closing your eyes as you enjoyed the warmth of his touch. It had been too long.

 

All too soon it was over and you were apart again. Your eyes lingered on his lips temporarily and you cleared your throat resisting the urge to feel them on yours. Instead you took a step back from him, clearing your temporarily foggy head and changing the subject.

 

“So, what have you been up to the last five years?” You asked as you retreated to the safety of the sofa.

 

He followed this time and you smiled to see him too shake away the moment, him too captivated by just a simple hug. His stern posture had long since faded as he took the seat across from you, gathering his thoughts before he spoke.

 

“I’ve done what I can” he admitted “Been trying to keep busy. I run a support group for those who lost people in the snap, which is almost everybody” he explained his voice soft, hypnotising.

 

You smiled to yourself. Ofcourse he did. Still fighting the good fight, helping where he could. Even when the world had gone to hell. You were glad he’d had something to focus on, something to distract him.

 

“Sounds depressing” you admitted and he smiled, a light chuckle escaping him. It was good to see the familiar creases under his eyes as his face lit up. Not a lot of that going around at the moment.

 

“It can be.” He admitted with a shrug “You should come by, might help” he added and you scoffed shaking your head stubbornly.

 

“Not my kinda thing” you told him simply, still with an easy smile.

 

“You’d be surprised” he challenged, returning your gaze.

 

Just as you began to consider his proposal sharon waltzed in to the living area, sauntering over until she was stood directly behind steves position on the sofa. You’d forgotten about her.

 

“Hey, still alright for tonight?” She asked him, not even bothering to acknowledge you.

 

“Yeah” he stuttered, clearly surprised by her appearance.“7 still okay?” He asked

 

“Perfect” she said with a flirtatious smile, leaning forwards over the sofa, her hand slipping to his cheek as she placed a long and lingering kiss to his lips.

 

You looked away immediately some how taken by surprise. You screwed your eyes up a few times trying to clear the image from your mind. How had you been so stupid. Of course he had moved on. It had been five years for Christ sake.

 

Sharon stood back up again, her loving look lingering on him as you gathered yourself together.

 

“See you tonight” she hummed with a smirk before turning on her heel and heading back the way she’d come, still not bothering to acknowledge you.

 

You cleared your throat, your eyes now focused on the ground as your stomach did painful flips. Emptiness. Again.

 

Steve looked at you blankly as you climbed to your feet, eager to relieve yourself from the situation.

 

“Y/n...” he began but it was your turn to cut him off.

 

“Looks like you managed just fine without me after all” you spat harshly.

 

You paused, taking a breath, hating how your words had landed but it was too late to take them back now, so you just turned and left him sat there, heading to the safety of your room.

 

You knew you had no right to be so angry. You left him. You couldn't expect him to wait around for you on the off chance that you returned. But still, it hurt. More so because it was with her. He once told you that he didn't belong with her and yet here he was, pretending to be happy in her company.

 

_______________________________________

 

As you fled to your room you passed the rest of the team crowded around Scott who was stood in what you assumed to be the Quantum suit.

 

“Time travel suit, not bad” Rhodey spoke on your arrival confirming your suspicions, clearly just having arrived himself.

 

“Hey hey hey! easy...” Scott scolded Banner as he handled the small tube filled with red liquid.

 

“I’m being very careful” Banner retorted calmly

 

“No... you’re being very ‘Hulky’ ” Scott replied, clearly agitated.

 

“I’m being careful!” 

 

“These are Pym particles alright? and ever since Hank Pym got snapped out of existence, this is it , this is what we have, were not making any more” Scott blurted out, his eyes wide as the pressure got the better of him.

 

“Scott, calm down” Rhodey intervened, holding his hands up defensively.

 

“Sorry.” He agreed in understanding “We’ve got enough for one round trip each, thats it, no do overs plus 3 test runs”

 

Suddenly he had allowed his hand to slip and had shrunk down before returning to full size once more, his expression one of disbelief.

 

“2 test runs” he confirmed

 

Rhodey ran his hand over his face with a sigh

 

“Alright, I’m not ready for this” Scott announced suddenly, panicking at the enormity of the situation.

 

“I’m game” Clint Said simply

 

“Me too” you agreed quickly from your position in the door way.

 

“We’ll do it” Clint concluded.

 

Two test runs remaining. Two people willing to try it.

 

______________________________

 

“Clint, y/n, now you’re going to feel a little discombobulated, don’t worry about it” Banner told you calmly and you nodded in response.

 

After your last chat with Steve, you had nothing to lose. Bring it on.

 

“Wait wait wait a minute, let me ask you something, if we can do this, go back in time why don’t we just find baby Thanos and you know” Rhodey said mimicking the action of strangling Thanos.

 

Banner pulled a face of disgust that forced a laugh to escape you before he spoke his next words

 

“First of all thats horrible”

 

“Its Thanos” Rhodey defended with a shrug and you nodded in agreement.

 

“And secondly time doesn't work that way. changing the past doesn't change the future” he began to explain.

 

“Look we go back we get the stones before Thanos gets them, Thanos doesn't have the stones. Problem solved” Scott interrupted, enhancing Rhodeys point.

 

“Bingo” Clint agreed as Nebula adjusted his suit.

 

“Thats not how it works” She said flatly.

 

“No? well thats what i heard” Clint said with a shrug

 

“Me too” you agreed, already fully dressed in your suit.

 

“What? by who? who told you that?” Banner questioned with a frown of confusion

 

“Star Trek, the terminator” Rhodey began

 

“Time cop” you added quickly in agreement

 

“time after time” he continued

 

“Quantum leap” Scott interrupted

 

“Wrinkle in time, somewhere in time”

 

“hot tub time machine” Scott interrupted again

 

“Ooh, love that film” you said with a grin

 

“right?” Scott agreed

 

“Hot tub time machine, bill and teds excellent adventure, basically and movie that deals with time travel” Rhodey concluded finally with a raise of his brow

 

“die hard, no thats not one” Scott said under his breath causing a laugh to escape you.

 

He shot you a look and you held your hands up in faux apology.

 

“This is known” Rhodey continued ignoring the both of you.

 

“I don’t know why everyone believes that, but that isn’t true. Think about it. If you travel to the past, that past becomes your future and your former present becomes the past which can’t now be changedby your new future” Banner explained.

 

“Exactly” nebula confirmed, still toneless

 

You frowned as you took in his explanation, your brain trying to catch up.

 

“So back to the future is a bunch of bullshit?” Scott asked, obviously furious.

 

You bit your lip to stifle another laugh at his displeasure.

 

_________________________

 

An hour or so later, suits adjusted, levels checked, you and Clint were ready to go. Clint was to go first followed by you. The hope being that if it worked both times the chances were it would work when you all went to collect the stones.

 

Steve hadn’t been thrilled when he learnt that you had volunteered yourself but you'd quickly brushed off his concerns, unwilling to hear what he had to say about it, rightly or wrongly.

 

“Alright Clint we’re going in three two one” Banner called out and suddenly he had gone.

 

A flash of light took him from his position on the large platform to god knows where. You swallowed back an anxious lump in your throat as you waited for his return.

 

“And returning in five, four, three, two , one”

 

As quickly as he had disappeared, he was back. On his knees, his eyes wide. He’d looked better that was for sure.

 

“Hey hey look at me, you okay?” Natasha asked rushing to his side, helping him to his feet.

 

He took a moment to gather his thoughts, still wobbling slightly but a half smile soon falling over his expression.

 

“Yeah, it worked” he breathed “it worked” he confirmed a little louder so the whole team could hear.

 

You released a breath of relief. He was okay. He was back and he was safe. This could work.

 

But now it was your turn

 

“Y/n you don’t need to do this, once is enough” steve told you firmly, gripping hold of your arm as you went to step up onto the platform

 

You shook your head in determination as you free’d your self from his grasp

 

“this is my choice Steve” you told him unwavering as you took your place in the centre.

 

Bruce adjusted the coordinates and you took a deep breath as you waited. Your heart began to beat faster, banging loudly against your chest as the inevitable neared. Any second now you would be dragged through time itself and you could only hope and pray that you would return safely.

 

Banners voice began to ring out across the room once more and you braced yourself, your palms sweating, your mouth bone dry, your eyes fixing on Steve.

 

“Going in three”

 

Steves eyes filled with fear.

 

“Two”

 

You sent him a smile of reassurance, just in case

 

“One”

 

And then you were gone

 

“Where did she go to again?” Scott asked casually, half a sandwich hanging from his mouth

 

“1942, England” Banner replied with a shrug.

 

“what?” Steve asked, his eyes widening, darting from the co-ordinates on the screen to the platform that you had stood on just moments before.

 

“Y/n” he breathed as the realisation set in. Bucky.

 

_____________________________

 

 

 


	24. I keep telling everybody to move on..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so sorry about the gifs. I will get them fixed but i didnt want to delay the chapter till tomorrow because of them! 
> 
> Bit of a bridging chapter I’m afraid! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy 😊

 

 

Your feet hit the dirt floor less gracefully than you’d have liked causing you to stumble slightly as your helmet slid back to reveal your face. Inhaling deeply you allowed your eyes to adjust to your surroundings, the world much darker than you remembered.

 

An army base; that was for sure, the weather typical of england; wet, and the aroma of rain and mud. It seemed as though the coordinates had taken you exactly where you had intended them to. Taking a couple more deep breaths of moist air you tried to gather your thoughts, trying to remember why you were here. Bucky.

 

With that thought in mind you managed to make your way around the edge of the camp undetected until you spotted a lone soldier smoking at the edge of the tree line. All too aware of the limited time you had you marched over to him, matter of factly, desperate to get the information you needed as quickly as possible.

 

“Hey..uhm....sir?” You asked, was that how they spoke back then? You had no idea.

 

“Hey there sweetheart” he said, a slimy grin sliding across his expression.

 

“I don’t suppose you know where I can find a Mr James Buchanan Barnes, do you?” You asked hopefully yet hastily.

 

The man shrugged his eyes running over your quantum suit, shit. You hadn't even considered how out of place you were going to look in 1942 England wearing time travel gear. You shrugged it off, you’d just have to blag your way through this.

 

“what’s a pretty girl like you doing round these parts?” He asked, completely ignoring your question. You suddenly noticed how much closer he was to you than he had been originally. Too close.

 

“You know, you should be careful walking around a base full of men in that” he sneered as his eyes ran down your form again.

 

“Can you help me or not?” You asked growing tired of his games, impatient.

 

“That depends darlin’, what do I get in return?” He replied with a raise of his brow.

 

His rough, mud stained hands reached for you now, closing in on your waist but you were quicker. You had his hand pinned behind his back, his face pushed up against the nearest tree before he had time for another word.

 

“James. Buchanan. Barnes.” you said again through gritted teeth this time, tightening your hold when he hesitated.

 

He winced at the pressure on his wrist, spluttering out his words quickly in the hope of release.

 

“Over there, second tent on the left” he managed.

 

You smiled to yourself, releasing him from your grasp, taking a few steps back.

 

“Now that wasn't so hard was it soldier?” You asked with a smirk and a raise of your brow.

 

You turned on your heel, your eyes scanning for the tent that he had directed you too, leaving him gawping after you, rubbing at his now bruised wrist in discomfort.

 

Sauntering over to the tent you paused at the entrance, unsure if you were ready for what was supposedly inside. With little time to spare, you forced yourself to continue regardless, pushing aside any doubts and taking in as much air as your body would allow.

 

There were large groups of men dotted around the tent, all of them joyful, all of them drinking and most of them playing games or telling jokes. The atmosphere was relaxed, too relaxed and you considered that perhaps these were new recruits, having only been here a couple of days, unaware of what was to come.

 

The tent was so crowded you weren't sure where to begin so used your voice in the hope of locating him quickly.

 

“Bucky?” You asked quietly, almost in a whisper, a few of the closest soldiers turning in response, frowns immediately littering their brows as they took in your attire.

 

“Bucky!?” You tried a little louder, still nothing. There was too much noise.

 

You pushed your way through the crowds as your eyes darted around desperately, glancing at the device on your hand every so often, praying you would have enough time to reach him.

 

“BUCKY?!” You yelled louder as your desperation and frustration increased.

 

You let your head fall downwards, feeling deflated, defeated as you turned from the far side of the tent back towards the opening. This was useless.

 

Lifting your gaze so that you could meander your way back through the crowds and back into the rain you noticed a figure rise up from his position around a small wooden table.

 

“Bucky!?” You called again, his attention immediately switching from the game of cards in front of him to you.

 

It was him. You felt it.

 

You took a few steps closer, unable to breath as your entire body tensed up in anticipation. There were six of them sat around the table in the opposite corner, all of them very different from the next in appearance but all of them laughing joyfully, cheerfully.

 

“Who the hell is Bucky?” Asked the one closest to the figure you believed to be him causing a frown to take over your once hopeful expression. Maybe you were wrong. But then you heard his laugh.

 

Your shoulders tensed again as his cheerful chuckle filtered through the room.

 

He moved from his position around the table, shuffling past the other men until he was stood only feet away from you. Bucky. But not how you remembered him. Instead he was dressed fully in his 40’s uniform, similar to the one he’d worn the first night you’d met him at Tony’s party.

 

 

His dark hair was much shorter, perfectly quaffed, more like Steves hair really. He was so young, so full of life, so handsome and thats when you noticed his arm....he still had his arm. This Bucky hadn’t suffered years of torment under hydra’s control. This Bucky hadn’t fallen from a train losing his arm in process. This Bucky was Shiny and new, undamaged.

 

All the moisture left your mouth as your eyes finally locked with his, the same eyes of your bucky, the bucky you hadn't seen in over five years.

 

A smirk still lit up his expression, but his brow was full of confusion as he took a few steps in your direction.

 

“Did you know he was called bucky?” The same man asked the others, receiving various shrugs in response. You could only assume they hadn't known each other for long enough to know about his nickname. They all looked too fresh faced. Too healthy. alive. Optimistic.

 

Your breath abandoned you, your heart pounding against your chest so loudly you felt like it might break your ribs as the love of your life, the man who you had mourned for, craved for so long approached you with an easy smile. You made your eyes work harder, trying to take in every aspect of the situation, terrified you wouldn't remember these fleetingmoments.

 

 

“You know me?” He asked, but you found no words.

 

The sound of his voice pulling you back to five years ago, the last time you’d heard those deep tones; calling for you and for steve. Your eyes glossed over slightly, your legs beginning to tremble beneath you but you managed to hold yourself tall, unwilling to waste a moment of this precious time.

 

“You know you shouldn’t go walking around a camp of soldiers wearing that.” He told you with a grin, breaking you out of your thoughts.“These men haven’t seen women in months” he told you, his voice rich like velvet. You could smell him from where he stood and he smelt exactly as you remembered, intoxicating, addictive.

 

“So I’ve heard” you agreed with a roll of your eyes, receiving a low chuckle in response.

 

He looked over you once more, still entirely puzzled by your presence. You could see the questions behind his eyes but he didn't press. He could see you were shaken. He could see the intensity in your gaze.

 

“Well, hey...if your sticking around. Care to join us?’ He asked holding out his hand, his smirk returning as he tried to lighten the conversation.

 

You felt tears prick your eyes as you looked down at his extended hand. You wanted to rip the time travel device from your hand, take hold of him and never let go. But you couldn't, you knew you couldn't. This wasn’t YOUR bucky. It was a version of Bucky. But the one you knew had pain in his eyes, darkness somewhere deep down. He had suffered and struggled and come out the other side as the man you loved. Sure, this one was perfect, undamaged but that wasn’t enough. He would never replace the hole in your heart that appeared five years ago. A hole so big that sometimes you thought you might fall into it and disappear forever.

 

As you considered your thoughts and came to an acceptance you drank him in once more. So young. So hopeful.

 

“Dont get on the train” you told him suddenly as your eyes fell upon his arm - still his own.

 

He frowned in response, his confusion growing.

 

“Wha-“ he started

 

“Promise me.” You told him firmly reaching for his hand now, gripping it in yours “Dont get on the train”

 

Noticing the intensity in your tone and in your eyes he nodded unsure of what he was agreeing to.

 

“Yes mam” He told you simply, his tone more serious now.

 

Your eyes fell to your hand- still gripping onto his and you knew you should let it go, he probably already thought you were crazy. But feeling the warmth of his skin against yours caused you to linger a second too long.

 

Clearing your throat you slowly slid your hand away from his unwillingly and he smiled in response, not seemingly fazed.

 

As your eyes met his once more, the device on your hand started to flash and beep, panic overwhelming you and your expression. He noticed the sudden change in your behaviour, concern filtering into his eyes as he glanced to the device on your hand.

 

It was now or never.

 

You reached for him, sliding your fingers around the soft material of his tie pulling him towards you, closing the gap, your lips crashing into his in a desperate attempt to relive the past. He returned your kiss, if not a little surprised at first, but soon his hands were on your waist and the kiss deeper. You released all of your sadness, all of the love you had for him, the need that had been building uncontrollably for the past 5 years in to your touch. It was just as you remembered but softer, more innocent almost. All of the kisses you had shared with bucky in the past filtered through your mind in a cruel montage, forcing tears to slip down your cheeks as you gripped onto the lapels of his jacket, readying yourself for yet another goodbye

 

And then you felt the world disappear beneath you, the cold floor of the platform knocking the wind out of you as you returned.

 

“Y/n?” Came Steve’s voice as he rushed to your side, his tone dripping with worry and concern.

 

 

You placed your fingers to your lips; still tingling from his kiss as you gasped to retrieve the air that had been knocked out of you on your return, tears sliding down your cheeks.

 

None of the team moved from their positions around the controls. All of them watching in concern as Steve lifted you from your position on the floor, cradling you in his arms as he carried you out of the room and towards the living quarters.

 

______________________________

 

You sat in your room, a mug of hot chocolate warming your shaking hands, your cheeks now tear free but still stiff from those that had dried.

 

Steve sat down beside you with a sigh, brushing your hair back from your face as you gazed into the depths of the mug.

 

“You saw him...didn't you?” He asked knowingly , his gaze burning in to the side of your face.

 

“I needed to see him again.” You whispered softly, your voice barely audible.

 

He sighed in understanding as he contemplated his next words.

 

“And..how was that?” He asked cautiously

 

“He was so full of life steve” you whispered, tears threatening to fall again.

 

“He was healthy, happy....” you croaked out, your bottom lip trembling as you visualised him in your mind.

 

He pulled you into his side planting a supportive kiss to your temple, lingering slightly as he breathed you in

 

“It’s okay...” he told you soothingly.

 

There was a pause as you sunk into his shoulder, your frame relaxing beneath his strong arms

 

“You know, I keep telling everybody they should move on, grow....some do, but not us...” he whispered, kissing your temple once more as he took a breath.

 

“Not us” you agreed with a sigh.

 

There was another pause as you contemplated his words.

 

“You know, for a moment there I didn't think you were coming back” he told you quietly

 

“I thought about it” you admitted, a frown falling across your brow.

 

“But I’d left something important behind...” you told him, lifting your gaze to his, your head still resting on the broadness of his shoulder.

 

 

 

His eyes connected with yours as your words sunk in, a smile reaching his eyes.

 

You became lost momentarily in pools of blue but cleared your throat quickly, turning your gaze away as the guilt of the last five years washed back over you.

 

“Plus...he wasn’t our Bucky...” you continued. “However much I wanted him to be.”

 

Steve nodded in understanding, his fingers absentmindedly drawing circles on your shoulder, his arm draped around you.

 

“I told him not to get on the train” you told him with a sigh, a light shiver running down your spine at his touch. This man had so much power over you.

 

“Hopefully he will listen to the crazy girl who turned up in the middle of his army camp calling him bucky and dressed in a quantum realm suit” you continued with a light laugh, steve chuckling with you in response.

 

“He’d be crazy not to..” he told you truthfully.

 

There was a pause as you placed your hot chocolate on to the side table, turning your body to face him.

 

“Would you go back? If you could?” You asked curiously, running a hand through your hair.

 

“What, to 1942?” He asked, surprised by your question.

 

“I’ve never really considered it before” he admitted with a shrug. “Time travel was always a pipe dream”

 

You nodded in agreement noticing his eyes gloss over as his mind began to race.

 

There was a brief pause before either of you spoke again.

 

“Do you think its going to work?” You asked, changing the subject, pulling him from his thoughts.

 

“It has to.” he told you with a sad smile. “We gotta get Buck back..”

 

You smiled resting your head on his shoulder again with a relaxed sigh.

 

“Thank you Steve” you said abruptly.

 

“For what?” He asked as he allowed his gaze to settle back on you

 

“Putting up with me.” You said with a smile sitting back up “I owe you everything” you admitted with a shrug.

 

Without Steve you had no idea who you might have become. He really was the only thing that had kept you grounded, pulled you back from the darkness when all hope was lost.

 

He lifted his hand to your cheek, turning his body slightly so he could look at you easily, lifting your chin.

 

“You owe me nothing” he told you honestly, his eyes piercing into yours, forcing your smile to Widen.

 

Your gazes locked together and you felt yourself fall under his spell again, hypnotised. Addicted.

His hand was still on your cheek, thumb grazing over the tear stained skin, your entire body tingling as your eyes flickered unconsciously to his lips.

 

He edged closer to you and you felt the hairs on the back of your neck stand up in anticipation, your breathing shallow, your tongue absentmindedly running across your bottom lip. As you finally connected in a soft and tender kiss for the first time in five years you felt your body ease into his, your shoulders relaxing as his loving touch overwhelmed your senses. Your mind clouding over in a brief moment of bliss as his finger tips trailed idly from your cheek to the back of your neck.

 

As your hands slid up his muscular chest to grip onto the collar of his shirt, you found yourself lost momentarily, captivated and entranced in every aspect of him. Your captain.

 

You froze at the thought, your lips stilling as you pulled away from him quickly. He wasn’t your captain. He was Sharon’s.

 

Shit.

 

Climbing to your feet as quickly as possible, brushing away the deep and intimate moments you'd shared and clearing your throat as your mind began to race.

 

A frown slid over Steves once adoring expression as he watched you pace, the moment shared between you dissolving into nothing..

 

‘Y/n....” he whispered, still slightly breathless.

 

“Sharon” you said quietly, running a hand through your hair as your eyes fixed to the floor.

 

He sighed softly in realisation, climbing to his feet and taking your hands in his.

 

“Sharon and I...” he started.

 

“Steve, we need you in the lab” came Natasha’s voice from outside the door.

 

He lifted your chin again, forcing you to look at him, his eyes full of sincerity.

 

“This conversation isn’t over” he told you calmly, confidently before following after Natasha.

 

_________________________________________

 

It was a few hours later when you finally left the safety of your living quarters, wandering into the main living area to see Clint and Natasha sat around the Tv having some sort of disagreement .

 

Now dressed in a pair of jeans and a tank top you felt much better having been released from the quantum suit. You knew it wouldn’t be long till you would be wearing it again and the pressure of the mission ahead was weighing down heavily on all of you.

 

“Hey y/n” Natasha called from her position on the sofa, not bothering to turn around.

 

“Hey” you replied with a smile, sauntering over to take a seat beside her. “What are you watching?” You asked glancing over to the screen.

 

“Friends.” Natasha told you with a sad smile “Wanda swore they weren't on a break. Clint says they were” she said with a shrug. “I’m the deciding vote”

 

You returned her smile, the memories of watching friends with Wanda filling your thoughts immediately. But these were happy memories.

 

“They were on a break” you said with a shrug, Clint lifting his hand to give you a high five in response.

 

“Thank you!” He bellowed.

 

You laughed lightly as Natasha rolled her eyes. She was still worn down, still not herself since the snap all that time ago but Clints return had brightened her once defeated eyes, a small flicker of hope lighting her up and allowing her moments of relief amongst all the anguish.

 

“More importantly-“ Clint started and you groaned inwardly, you knew they were going to ask about Steve.

 

“- you and steve sorted out your differences yet?” Clint asked predictably, sitting back into the sofa.

 

You frowned in his direction, causing him to release a light laugh. It didn't quite meet his eyes. still grieving for his family and recovering from the five years you’d spent together taking out gang members meant that his moments of joy were also short lived. But at least they were there.

 

Since the time travel tests had been successful everyone’s spirits had been lifted, including your own.You had a chance and that was enough to clutch on to for now. To keep you all sane. Give you a focus.

 

“Hey, come on, were just concerned kiddo” he continued

 

You shrugged.

 

“As far as I’m concerned as long as he’s with Sharon-“ you started.

 

“What?” Natasha asked with the raise of a brow.

 

“I said as long-“

 

“I heard what you said” she said quickly.

 

“You do know he's not actually WITH sharon, right?” She asked, a smile slipping across her expression as she watched your eyes widen.

 

“W....what?” You asked in confusion, the kiss he’d shared with her just days ago returning vividly to the front of your mind.

 

“Its true” Clint called as he shifted from the sofa heading over to fridge to grab a bottle of water.

 

“They’ve been hanging out, but they aren't together” Natasha explained with a shake of her head.

 

“Yeah, you were on a break” Clint argued with a grin as he returned to the sofa.

 

“Oh...” you breathed, allowing your head to fall in to your hands in realisation.

 

“Probably best you speak to him” she concluded.

 

“Uhm....yeah” you said, still trying to wrap your head around the new information.

 

“This mission tomorrow” she said turning from the Tv to face you. “It could be dangerous, there’s no telling if we will all make it back. Say what you gotta say, you might not get another chance” she concluded with a sad smile.

 

You nodded, she was right. Why were you messing around feeling hurt or worrying about formalities. You loved him and he needed to know before it was too late.

 

“Where is he?” You asked quickly, your eyes filled with a sudden determination.

 

“uhm, last i heard he had gone to his support group” she replied, turning her gaze back to the TV.

 

And with that you were on your feet heading hastily for the door with only one thought occupying your mind. Find Steve and Tell him how you feel.

 

“Make it count” She called after you.

 

And you would.

 

_______________________________________

 

You wandered down the hallways in search of the correct room, your mind racing with various different ways of expressing your feeling for him. You had yet to land on anything that didn't either sound ridiculous or stupid and you’d been searching for over ten minutes just to find the damn room he was in.

 

As you rounded the final corner you noticed a larger hall at the bottom of the corridor. You approached the double doors cautiously still trying to find the right words, cursing under your breath as your thoughts all jumbled up in a confusing mix of statements.

 

Then you heard him. Steve. A smile fell across your lips as you heard his righteous tones echo out across the hall.

 

“To try and become whole again, try and find purpose....”

 

Yep, it was definitely him alright. Always doing the right thing, forever being the hero. A mixture of excitement and nervousness swirled around in the pit of your stomach, an overwhelming sense of nauseousness creeping over you. You swallowed it down taking in a lung full of air as you readied yourself to tell the man you loved just how much he meant to you.

 

And then you heard it.

 

“I went in the ice in 45 right after I met the love of my life, woke up 70 years later. You gotta move on. You gotta move on...”

 

You stumbled back from the door.

 

It wasn’t what he said but the raw emotion in his voice as he spoke about Peggy.

 

Still.

 

After all this time.

 

After all you, him and Bucky had been through.

 

It was always going to be her.

 

She was the ‘love of his life’, not you.

 

no matter how hard you tried to kid yourself.

 

You were filling a hole in his heart.

 

A Peggy shaped hole, forever in her shadow.

 

You felt the excitement drain from your body, only dread and misery remaining as the realisation hit you at full speed. You backed up further now, unwilling to listen to any more , turning andsprinting down the corridor, your hair flapping wildly behind you as stifled back tears, convinced if you allowed your tears to fall again you’d be consumed by sadness, lost forever.


	25. This is the fight of our lives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I’m going to try my best to get the next few chapters out to you asap but i have a busy few days plus were going into the back in time parts which are much harder to insert ‘Y/N” into and therefore might take a little longer.
> 
> I really want these next few chapters to be epic.
> 
> In the mean time please let me know what you think I should do for my next story? I’m debating a Loki one? Enjoy writing the darker stuff....
> 
> Or another steve/bucky
> 
> Just steve?
> 
> Just Bucky?
> 
> Let me know, I have ideas for all of them so they will probably all get written, its just which I do first! :)
> 
> Thank you for all the love, it means so much. Its the only reason I’m still writing.
> 
> twitter : @tishtashtosh25

 

 

“Okay so the how works, now we gotta figure out the when and the where. Almost everyone in this room has had an encounter with at least one of the six infinity stones” Steve told you, standing before the team, all of you positioned around a large table.

 

You were sat back, slouched in your seat , feet up on the table. It was going to be a long day.

 

“Or substitute the word encounter for damn near been killed by one of the six infinity stones” Tony added knowingly.

 

“I haven’t” Scott jumped in “but I don’t even know what the hell you’re all talking about” he admitted with a shrug.

 

You smiled in his direction.

 

“Right?” you agreed having also never been in the presence of one of the stones.

 

“Regardless, we only have enough Pym particles for one round trip each and these stones have been in a lot of different places throughout history” Banner spoke up

 

“Our history, so not a lot of convenient spots to just drop in, yeah?” Tony continued

 

“Which means we have to pick our targets” Clint chipped in from his position in the door way

 

“Correct” tony agreed

 

“So, lets start with the aether, Thor, what do you know?” Steve asked with the raise of his brow, all of you turning to look at Thor who was sat in his jogging bottoms in the corner of the room, sunglasses on, beer in hand.

 

“Is he asleep?” Natasha asked, squinting to try and see through the dark lenses concealing his eyes.

 

“No, I’m pretty sure he's dead” Rhodey replied with a shrug.

 

 

__________________________

 

Thor stood in front of you all now, his sunglasses removed as he began to explain about the aether. You leant forward in your chair eager to hear what he had to say. This man was a god, the things he must have seen and the stories he had to tell.

 

“Er where to start. uhm, the aether firstly is not a stone, someone called it a stone before” he began, pointing at steve.

 

“Its more of an angry sludge sort of thing so someone’s going to have to amend that, stop saying that” he mumbled, tipping his head back to administer eye drops into his eyes.

 

You took a glance around at the rest of the team, all equally as bemused as you were.

 

“Here’s an interesting story though, about the aether. My grandfather many years ago had to hide the stone from the dark elves....ooooooh scary beings.”

 

You took a deep breath, running a hand through your hair as you watched him blabber on ahead of you, this wasn't what you had expected from him at all. He really was a shadow of his former self.

 

 

“So Jane actually, oh there she is” he said gesturing to the female that had appeared on the screen to his side.,

 

“ yes she, Jane is an old flame of mine. You know she stuck her hand inside a rock this one time and then the aether stuck itself inside her and so she became very very sick and i had to take her to Asgard, which is where I’m from and we had to try and fix her, we were dating at the time you see . I got to introduce her to my mother” he paused there, his once cheery smile dissolving instantly

 

“- who’s dead. And um you know Jane and I aren’t even dating anymore. But these things happen though you know , nothing lasts forever. The only thing that-“

Tony had gotten up from his position around the table to stand beside Thor, his hand resting on his shoulder comfortingly

 

“Why don’t you come and sit down” he asked quietly.

 

“I’m not done yet. The only thing that is permanent in life is impermanence” Thor continued with a laugh, none of you sure how to respond to his melt down. He really was broken and it was awful to watch. You shuffled around uncomfortably, hoping he would take a seat to ease of the tension in the room.

 

Tony clapped as Thor finished speaking, returning his hand to his shoulder in a sympathetic squeeze.

 

“Awesome...eggs? Breakfast?” Tony asked trying to lure him away from his position by the screen.

 

“No. I’d like a Bloody Mary” Thor retorted, sadness still in his eyes.

 

_________________________

 

 

“Quill said he stole the power stone from Morag” came rockets voice from his position stood on the table in front of you. Tony had ordered in ahuge amount of food for you all as it became apparent that this conversation was going to last most of the day.

 

“Is that a person?” Bruce asked as he tucked in to his own flavour of ben and Jerrys. Hulka hulka burning fudge.

 

“Morag’s a planet. Quill was a person” rocket corrected matter of factly

 

“A planet? like in outer space?” Scott asked with wide eyes, as he shovelled noodles in to his mouth.

 

“Oh look! its like a little puppy all happy and everything, do you wanna go to space? Do you wanna go to space puppy? Ill take you to space” rocket teased, patting him on his head.

 

You stifled back a giggle, biting on your lip as once again Scott sent a disapproving look in your direction, forcing your gaze back to your plate in front of you.

 

_____________________________

 

“Thanos found the soul stone on vormir” nebula told you all several hours later.

 

“What is vormir?” Natasha asked, her attention on the notebook in her hand.

 

“A dominion of death at the very centre of celestial existence. Its where Thanos murdered my sister” nebula said dryly.

 

The room silenced again and you swallowed, Steves heavy sigh coming from your side before Scott finally spoke up, quietly.

 

“Not it” he whispered and again you found yourself biting down on your lip to avoid a smile.

 

Now wasn't the time.

 

_________

 

“That time stone guy” Natasha said, led back over one of the desks.

 

“Doctor strange” Banner corrected “Had a nice place in the village ” he continued

 

“Yeah, Sullivan street?” Tony asked as he tried to recollect

 

“Mhmmmm, bleaker street” Banner corrected again

 

“Wait, he lived in New York?” Natasha asked with the raise of her brow

 

“Uh, yeah” Banner replied

 

“No he lived in Toronto, were you listening to anything?” Tony asked sarcastically, shaking his head in disbelief.

 

Natasha paused, realisation flooding her features.

 

“Guys if you pick the right year there were three stones in New York” she told them.

 

“Shut the front door” Banner replied, sitting up from his position on the floor.

 

_____________________________

 

“Alright we have a plan. 6 stones, 3 teams, 1 shot”

 

Steve summarised as you all looked to the screen, the stones now divided in to three groups.

 

It had been decided that Natasha, Clint, Rhodey and Nebula would go to Morag, 2014. Natasha and Clint could go from there to vormir using a shrunken down version of Rockets ship to collect the soul stone and Rhodey and Nebula could stay behind to find the Power stone on Morag.

 

Thor and Rocket were going to head to Asgard, 2013 to retrieve the aether from Jane.

 

Which left you Tony, Steve, Banner and Scott heading back to New York, 2012. Banner was going to head to bleaker street to collect the time stone. You and Steve were going to get hold of Loki’s sceptre which contained the mind stone whilst Tony and Scott would get to the tesseract which contained the space stone.

 

Simple enough when broken down but so many opportunities for things to go south. There was no room for error or mistakes. Each stone as important as the next as without all six of them there would be no way of undoing what Thanos did five years ago

 

After the teams had been decided you all took time to get into your quantum suits, various checks being done by various members of the team to ensure no mistakes were made.

 

You; now fully kitted out and ready to go, wandered through the hallways aimlessly, unsure of where to put yourself. You wandered past Steves room, pausing as you noticed him standing with his back to the door also already in his suit.

 

Since you ran away from his meeting the day before you hadn't spoken to him at all. You knew it was selfish but being friends with him when your heart ached for so much more was difficult. You’d avoided any chance to continue the conversation about Sharon because you knew he was going to tell you exactly what Natasha had already told you earlier that day and you couldn't give him the reaction he would expect. Not when you now knew that your only purpose was to numb the pain of his losing Peggy.

 

As you contemplated this, you considered what was holding his attention, still standing still, his gaze focused down at something in his hand. You shifted to get a better look at whatever it was, your eyes falling upon his compass.

 

Your breath hitched at you took in the photo. You’d expected to see Peggy staring back up at you as usual and yes she was there, but he had managed to manoeuvre the photo around so he could fit in two more along side the original.

 

You. And Bucky.

 

He turned quickly, your breathing giving you away, snapping the compass shut quickly and placing it into the safety of his pocket.

 

“Steve...” you breathed as you tried to gather your thoughts.

 

He cleared his throat, forcing a smile as he shook away the situation, possibly slightly embarrassed that he had been caught in a vulnerable state.

 

“Ready to go?” He asked as he brushed past you, walking hastily down the corridor, leaving you stood, frozen in place, mouth open and entirely dumb founded.

 

Yet again, you were wrong. You allowed your back to hit the wall as you considered the mistakes you had made over the past few days. You weren't a replacement for Peggy, He saw you and Bucky as her equal and he loved all three of you. That was clear now. You cursed under your breath, running your hand through your curls and taking a deep breath.

 

You had allowed your jealousy to consume you, with both Sharon and Peggy and now you were almost out of time. What if you didn't get the chance again.

 

Shit.

 

There was still time.

 

Still time to tell him.

 

You pushed yourself from the wall, forcing your legs to carry you down the hallway after him, shoving your way through the double doors and in to the large open space that housed the quantum platform.

 

The team were all disbanded around the room, kitted out and ready to go, taking a few moments to themselves before the mission began. Clint and Natasha were over to one side in deep conversation. Rocket was giving Thor some sort of pep talk to your other side. Tony was over by the window with Pepper and Morgan, laughing and throwing her playfully around. You smiled briefly, Morgans laugh infectious. Who knew Tony would become the family man.

 

Rhodey and Nebula were sat to the side, both of them not really saying much, contemplating the mission ahead.

 

Scott was on the phone, you assumed to his daughter Cassie from the sheer joy andexuberance in his tone.

 

Banner was messing around with the controls, preparing the system for the jump.

 

And then you saw him. Steve, with Sharon. She was laughing at something he had said, her hand wrapped around his forearm as she threw her head back. You didn't care. You weren't going to make the same mistake again. Steve was Your captain.

 

You sauntered over confidently, your eyes focused only on him, everything else around you becoming a blur as you tried to find the words again. Reaching him you tapped him tentatively on his shoulder and he turned, mid conversation, his eyes filled with questions.

 

Fuck it.

 

There were no words. So instead you threw your arms around his neck, pulling him down to your height and pressing your lips against his in one swift and fluid motion.

 

You felt his arms slide around your waist in response, a smirk falling over both of your lips as the passion and love you felt for each other cascaded out into one timeless and eternal moment, never to be forgotten. A round of applause could be heard from the rest of the team along with a couple of heckles, Natasha throwing a wolf whistle in for good measure.

 

“About time” Clint added.

 

But you didn't pull away, unwilling to release him, unwilling to be parted from him. His tongue fought against yours, both of you fully mesmerised by the other. Your heart battled against your chest, butterflies filling you entirely as you balanced on your tip toes trying to stay steady as you became slightly dizzy from lack of oxygen. Breathlessly you slowly parted, remaining only centimetres away from each other so thatyour forehead could rest again his, his eyes locking with yours.

 

The depth and kindness of his eyes sucked you in to his trance even further, only his breathy laugh enough to finally bring you back to reality.

 

“That was unexpected” he told you in a whisper, his arms wrapped fully around your lower back as he repeated the words you’d said to him on the first night you’d met after he had kissed you out of nowhere.

 

You nodded returning his laugh.

 

“It shouldn’t have been” you admitted, aware of how much time you had wasted. Time you would never get back.

 

“Alright Cap, come on. Put her down. Time to save the world” Tony told him with a roll of his eyes.

 

You smiled slightly placing a short soft kiss to his lips as he began to release you from the warmth and safety of his arms.

 

You were relieved that him and Tony seemed to be patching up their fractured relationship. With the journey you were all about to take, now wasn't the time for grudges or animosity.

 

You gestured to the shield he held proudly on his arm with a raise of your brow

 

“Good to have you back .....Captain” you whispered, your tone holding a seductive edge as you recalled the last time you’d called him captain; your back flat against the matts of the gym, your arms pinned above your head.

 

He smirked as his eyes connected with yours in understanding, a slight blush creeping over both of you.

 

“Its good to be back” he admitted finally, sincerely.

 

You suddenly remembered you had interrupted him in mid conversation and allowed your gaze to shift to the space behind him where Sharon had stood only moments ago. She was long gone. Neither of you had noticed her leave, too enthralled with each other. You didn’t care. He was Your Captain and you weren’t letting him slip from your grasp again. He loved you like you loved him, even if neither of you had actually managed to find the words since you had blurted it out all that time ago at the cabin.

 

You slid your hand in to his, where it belonged and he frowned in response, surprised to feel your skin against his, the glove you’d worn for the past five years no longer present.

You smiled as he looked to you for an explanation.

 

“We’re getting him back” you told him confidently with a shrug.

 

His smile returned, pleased by your optimism, both of you walking hand in hand towards the platform.

 

The rest of the team filtered onto the circular space, positioning themselves according to Banners instruction.

 

Once everyone was in position Steve cleared his throat- ready to be the captain.

 

“Five years ago we lost, all of us. We lost friends, we lost family” He started, his voice low, tone serious.

 

“we lost a part of ourselves” he said, his eyes flickering to you temporarily.

 

“today we have a chance to take it all back. You know your teams, you know your missions. Get the stones. Get them back. One round trip each. No mistakes, no Do overs. Most of us are going somewhere we know, that doesn't mean we should know what to expect. be careful, look out for each other. This is the fight of our lives and we’re going to win. Whatever it takes. Good luck”

 

“Whatever it takes” you whispered, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

 

“He’s pretty good at that” rocket chipped in.

 

“Right?” Scott agreed throwing his hands up. You sniggered in response shaking your head.

 

“Alright, you heard the man. Stroke those keys jelly green” Tony called to Bruce

 

Clint opened his hand to reveal a shrunken down version of rockets ship

 

“You promise to bring that back in one piece, right?” Rocket asked, his arms folded over his chest

 

“Yeah yeah yeah, do my best” Clint replied, not bothering to look at him

 

“ as promises go that was pretty lame” rocket said with a frown and a shake of his head.

 

You all placed your hands in to a circle, all of your time travel devices synced up and flashing. You inhaled deeply, stepping from one foot to the other as the nerves took hold of you once more, allowing your eyes to glance to each member of the team, all of them taking deep breaths, flashes of nerves but also excitement lighting up their features..

 

“See you in a minute” Natasha said with a smirk, both you and steve returning her smile as you prepared yourselves for the jump.

 

The ground disappeared from beneath you again.

 

_____________________________

 

 


	26. Mr Rogers, That suit did nothing for your ass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so here we go! Time travel part 1!
> 
> So it was a tough write I have to admit, not many places to add new material as these scenes are already pretty perfect! But I did my best
> 
> I would suggest that you wait to read it till part 2 comes out (Probably tomorrow) just because I think it will have a better impact! BUT that’s entirely up to you!
> 
> No votes on what I should write for my next story, so nothing I guess hahahah :(
> 
> Hope you all enjoy it! Keep those comments coming - Love to hear your thoughts and opinions.
> 
> TWITTER- @Tishtashtosh25

 

You let out a gasp as your feet made contact with the hard tarmac of New York City, disorientated from passing through time, your eyes searching your surrounding as you tried to come to terms with the scene unfolding around you. There was so much destruction, Chitauri climbing from building tobuilding, people screaming and running for help and right in the middle of it all the Avengers, from 2012. It was intense and you were thankful you hadn't experienced it the first time around.

 

Allowing a deep breath to fill your thankfull lungs you turned your attention to Captain Rogers ,awaiting instruction, your quantum suits disappearing to reveal your usual mission attire; Tony in his iron man suit, Steve in his captain America suit, Scott is his Ant man suit and you in your borrowed Black widow one. Steve’s suit wasn't your favourite, or his, but he’d insisted it was the right one for this particular mission as it was similar to the one he had worn back then- at least in colour.

 

Tony had promised on your return to the compound that he would make you your own suit so you didn’t have to use the war torn, ripped up one that you’d been using for the past 6 years. You’d shrugged in response, quite content with the one you wore, that Natasha had so kindly given to you all those years ago.

 

“Alright we all have our assignments, two stones uptown, one stone down. Stay low, keep an eye on the clock.” Steve called out as he surveyed your surroundings. Just as he turned back to face you all, 2012 Hulk came leaping into view with a thud , smashing a car into one of the Chitauri.

 

You turned to Banner with the raise of a brow and he looked away embarrassed by his former self. With a reassuring smile in his direction you turned your attention back to Steve, just as the Hulk leapt out of view once more.

 

“Maybe smash a few things along the way” Steve suggested with a shrug.

 

“I think it’s gratuitous but whatever” Banner said in reply, ripping the material off of his torso as he moved to the space the hulk had occupied just seconds earlier.

 

He forced out an unconvincing roar as he pounded a fist on the taxi to the side of him, moving over to lift a motor bike above his head, tossing it to the side as he forced out another roar, his hands folding into questionable fists.

 

You laughed lightly at his attempts to Hulk out, his heart clearly not in it. If anything he looked completely lost and out of place.

 

“Thats the spirit” you called after him with a grin.

__________________________________

 

 

 

Banner had left to go downtown to Bleaker street in order to gather the time stone. You and steve had split from Tony and Scott to gather the sceptre from Rumlow and his team whilst they had headed to claim the tesseract from Tony’s past self.

 

As you headed stealthily in through the back entrance of the avengers tower you couldn't help but throw questions in steves direction, curiosity getting the better of you as you began to climb the familiar staircases.

 

“So, let me get this straight.....Rumlow worked for shield, so you gave him the sceptre?” You asked raising a brow, having worked for Rumlow in the past during your days of hydra.

 

“We didn't know” he replied with a shrug. “As far as we were concerned he was just another agent in the field”

 

“So you handed the Sceptre over to hydra...?” you reiterated, still climbing stairs.

 

“Yes” he said simply, flatly, not enjoying the judgment in your tone.

 

 Tony’s voice came through the comms clearly, interrupting your conversation

 

“Better hustle cap, things look like they’re just about wrapped up here” he told you, from his position on the top of a nearby building- directly across the street from the tower, keeping his eyes on the former Avengers.

 

“Got it, I’m approaching the elevator now” Steve said in response, his tone serious and deep.

 

“Ugh, Mr Rogers i almost forgot, that suit did nothing for your ass” Tony told him through the comms, a smile slipping over your expression in response.

 

“No one asked you to look tony” steve replied, throwing a playful glare in your direction as you pretended to check out his ass.

 

“It’s ridiculous” Tony breathed.

 

“That I can agree with” you agreed as you followed him up yet more stairs, catching an eyeful of the ass in question.

 

Steve let his head fall back in mock outrage as you finally reached the 80th floor, sliding out into the corridor, towards the elevator.

 

“I think you look great cap” Scott interrupted “as far as I’m concerned, that’s America’s ass”

 

You laughed now unable to hold it in, remembering when you too had had that thought.

 

You also considered how much scott admired Steve and how much of his time he spent trying to impress him, literally up his ass at all times.

 

“Well, you would know” you replied with a grin.

 

Scott protested loudly through the comms and you could hear Tony trying to quieten him, causing a laugh to escape you once more.

 

Your eyes met Steves briefly and his look was one of disapproval. You almost forgot this was Captain America you were dealing with now, not Steve. You straightened yourself up nudging him lightly and he allowed a small smile to fall over his lips.

 

You couldn't tell what was happening, only able to hear their voices through the comms

 

“Who are these guys?” You heard Scott ask tony, causing you to raise a questioning brow in Steves direction.

 

‘Rumlow’ he mouthed in your direction and you nodded in understanding.

 

“They are shield, well actually hydra but we didn’t know that yet” Tony told him, just as steve had explained to you only moments earlier.

 

“ seriously, you didn't? I mean they look like bad guys” Scott argued in confusion

 

“Right?” You interjected, holding your hands up defensively as steve glared at you yet again.

 

“You’re small, but your talking loud” Tony cursed at Scott.

 

“Alright you’re up little buddy” he continued and you imagined that Scott was being put in place; On 2012 Tony who would soon be carrying the Tesseract down to the lobby.

______________________________________

 

 

 

“Alright cap I’ve got our sceptre in the elevator , just passing the 80th floor” Tony told you as he circled the building to get a better view.

 

“On it, head to the lobby” Steve said quickly in reply.

 

“Alright, ill see you there” Tony agreed and then the comms went quite, all of you going your separate ways temporarily.

 

He turned to you quickly.

 

“ y/n, I need you to head down to the 14th floor, I know for a fact there is extra security positioned there. Take them out, distract them, whatever you need to do. Thats where Ill be exiting with the sceptre” He ordered.

 

You nodded in response, your joking long behind you as you focused on the mission at hand, after all Bucky’s life was in your hands.

 

You took the stairs, wandering why he’s just made you climb all those floors when you were needed on the 14th. rolling your eyes in annoyance you could hear Steves conversation through the comms as he entered the elevator.

“Cap, I thought you were coordinating search and rescue.” Came a voice unfamiliar to you.

 

“Change of plans” Steve said Cooley.

 

“Hey cap” came another male voice-Ah, Rumlow you thought

 

“Rumlow” Steve replied, confirming your suspicions.

 

“I just got a call from the secretary, I’m going to be running point on the sceptre” Steve told them matter of factly

 

“sir? I dont understand” the voice you didn't recognise spoke out again

 

“We got word that there might be an attempt to steal it” Steve replied just as you reached the 14th floor.

 

“Sorry cap, I cant give you the sceptre” Rumlow told him simply and you winced, waiting for Steves response.

 

“I’m going to have to call the director” came that voice again

 

“thats okay, trust me” Steve said, still composed. You wandered how he was able to refrain form kicking the crap out of them, now fully aware they were hydra.

 

There was quite a long pause before you heard his tones through he comms again, this time in a whisper.

 

“Hail hydra”

 

You froze, audibly gasping as Steve rogers allowed THOSE words to fall from his mouth. A laugh of disbelief escaped you, your eyes wide, shaking your head as you responded to him through the comms.

 

“You kiss your mother with that mouth?” You asked, your smile reflective in your tone.

 

Pushing your way through the doors of the stairwell and onto the fourteenth floor you scanned the area for hostiles. None. You frowned, looked like Steve had been mistaken on this one. You walked a little further, still wary, just in case of an ambush. You began to cross the glass bridge that stretched over the open space in the middle of the tower, connecting one side to the other, taking your time with no immediate threat imminent.

 

But thats when you saw him. Captain America from 2012, still with his helmet on, shield in hand, his suit unbearably tight. You forced your gaze to the ground temporarily composing yourself, correcting your surprised expression into a relaxed one as you raised your gaze to his, now only a few feet away from you.

 

“Cap.” You acknowledged casually in an attempt not to sound overly familiar, hoping your attire would help you blend in.

 

A frown fell over his expression as his eyes scanned you, obviously trying to decide whether you were a threat or not.

 

You held out your hand with a polite smile.

 

“Its good to finally meet you. Fury called me in, thought you might need some help, but it seems like you have it all handled” You explained, adding details to your lie in an attempt to be more convincing.

 

You watched as his frown deepened temporarily, soon easing off as his gloved hand connected with yours, Your black widow suit clearly giving you the edge.

 

“I’m afraid your a little late....” he agreed, his expression falling in to a charming smile. “Miss...” he started, waiting for you to tell him your name.

 

You sighed in faux misery

 

“Damn it, guess I missed my shot” you said with a smirk “Y/L/N” you told him, holding his gaze.

 

He cleared his throat as he noticed the mischief in your eyes, this Steve much more innocent, literally straight out of the ice.

 

“Say cap...” you continued, meandering around him so that he wasn’t looking in the direction Steve would be coming through any second now.

 

“Know anywhere that does a good Fondue?” You asked with the raise of a brow hoping you could get him clear of the bridge before Steve appeared.

 

You could see him tense at the implications, his mind racing as he searched for a response.

 

Too late.

 

You heard the elevator doors open, Steve rounding the corner seconds later -trying to communicate with Tony through the comms.

 

Your eyes widened as you looked over 2012 steves shoulder to your Steve who had now wandered blatantly in to view.

 

“Tony what’s going on,? tell me you’ve found that cube” He whispered as he marched on to the bridge, finally lifting his gaze, freezing in place as he saw you stood behind the 2012 version of himself. You offered him a shrug in response, keeping your head down as their eyes locked on to each other.

 

“You’ve got to be shitting me” Your Steve hissed as realisation flooded his features.

 

Straight out of the Ice Steve stood protectively between you and Your Steve- always the hero, reaching for the comms in his ear

 

“I have eyes on Loki, fourteenth floor” He said clearly.

 

“I’m not Loki and I don’t want to hurt you.” Your Steve defended as he placed the sceptre in its case down on the ground, preparing himself for a fight.

 

“Uhm...Cap...” you started, in a feeble attempt to diffuse the situation.

 

He held his hand out to his side, palm facing you, telling you to stay back

 

“There’s a lot going on here that you don’t understand miss y/l/n” he told you, not taking his gaze from ‘loki’.

 

You held your hands up in submission with a shrug ,taking a step back. Maybe you would just see how this unfolded.

 

Suddenly they both lunged forward, shields clashing together in a defeating clank of metal.

 

 

You leant back against the doorway, folding your arms across you chest as you watched with great interest.

 

2012 Steve threw a kick in your Steves direction, but he managed to dodge it with ease, still finding himself unprepared for the second kick that came his way, hitting him straight in the centre of his chest, the impact sending him sprawling backwards across the floor.

 

You screwed your face up in response, mouthing the word ‘ouch’ from your position by the wall. It was fine, he had this.

 

Steve’s gaze fell to you temporarily, raising a brow, expecting back up but only receiving a shrug in response.

 

“I can do this all day” The younger Steve spoke out confidently, his back to you as he held his fists out, ready to fight.

 

“Yeah, I know, I know” Your steve breathed in annoyance with a roll of his eyes as he clambered up from the floor.

 

You let a light laugh escape your lips, distracting them both temporarily, raising your hands in the air; again in surrender.

 

They turned back to each other again, both of them reaching for their shields. Matching each other in stance and ability, they released their shields at the same time, so precisely that they met in the centre of the bridge, ricocheting off each other at impact, dispersing from each other and falling either side of the walkway, clattering to the ground beneath you.

 

Rolling your eyes, you pushed yourself from the door frame releasing an exasperated sigh. Guess it would be your job to retrieve his shield for him and not for the first time. You grasped the rail at the side of the bridge, lifting yourself with ease over the edge and dropping down on to the floor below, moving gradually from floor to floor expertly until you reached the lower level.

 

The sounds of their fight rang out around the large interior, now fist to fist, both of them shieldless. This could take a while; you considered. They were after all equally skilled and equally determined, although you had thought perhaps that Your Steve might have the edge, what with many more years of fighting experience.

 

 

You located Steve’s shield at the far corner of the lower level and retrieved it with ease, wandering back to the centre of the space. Hearing a loud crash you took cover under one of the more sturdy structures as Loki’s Sceptre fell to the ground ahead of you.

 

Well, that wasnt ideal- You admitted to yourself as you allowed your gaze to follow the direction it had fallen from only to see both Steves hurtling from the bridge and through several glass floors, down two staircases until they both landed with a thud in front of you and the Sceptre, Steves compass dislodging from his suit on impact.

 

“Well this is awkward” You breathed out looking between them, arms folded over your chest.

 

Both of them took a second to recover, obviously injured in the fall. Maybe you should have helped after all. 2012 Steve reached for the compass, lifting it into his hand, confusion flooding his features as he looked at the now altered photo’s that sat within.

 

“Where did you get this?” He demanded, glancing at you quickly as he recognised you from the photo, slowly putting two and two together.

 

Your steve didn't give him another second to consider it as he threw a punch towards his jaw, the fight recommencing immediately. Without warning 2012 Steve managed to over power your steve, much to your surprise, flipping him onto the ground, his arm wrapping around his throat in a choke hold.

 

You tapped your foot slightly agitated as you considered that maybe you would have to step in after all, what with steve now starting to turn blue. You released a sigh, unfolding your arms as you readied yourself to fight.

 

“Bucky......is ......alive” Your Steve gasped out from his compromised position, younger Steve releasing him immediately, a state of shock falling over his expression as he considered his words.

 

That moment of weakness was all he needed. A slight distraction, just long enough for him to gain the upper hand, his fist connecting with younger steves face as he reached for the scepter, turning it quickly as he had seen Loki do so many times before, planting the metal wand against the centre of his chest.

 

All at once, 2012 steve was reduced to useless. His body falling obediently to the floor in a heap, face pushed against the hard shiny floors of the tower.

 

Your Steve took a breath, pushing himself up from the floor and adjusting his suit, pushing his messy hair out from his face as he reached for his compass, returning it to the safety of his pocket.

 

He glanced over at the now unconscious , younger version of himself strewn out across the floor and raised a brow in appreciation.

 

“That is America’s ass” He agreed with a shrug.

 

You laughed lightly as you came out from your spot in the shadows

 

“It sure is” you agreed with a smile.

 

“Thanks” he said sarcastically, referring to your lack of assistance.

 

“Hey, I didn't want to step on your moment” you defended innocently.

 

“Plus...you had him on the ropes” you added with a grin

 

 “You’re damn right” he agreed with a nod, returning your smile now, still out of breath. He allowed his arm to slide around your shoulders as you headed towards the exit.

 

“You know we could keep him...” you said, glancing back at younger Steve.

 

He shook his head with a light yet disapproving laugh as you handed him back his shield.

 

“Did Tony get the stone?” You asked, changing the subject, your mind suddenly back on the mission.

 

“Lets find out.” He told you as he pushed open the doors, the outside air flooding into your lungs as you headed out onto the streets of New York once more.

 


	27. Good luck on your mission, Captain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!!!
> 
> Comments and kudos if your enjoying it please :):) 
> 
> I know we all miss Bucky but I will make up for his absence, I promise! 
> 
> There may not be an update tomorrow as I have a really long shift at work but definitely Tuesday! ALthough I always say this and then end up writing any way haha!
> 
> Thanks for all your kind words, love you all!!!

 

“Cap...” Came Tony’s defeated tones from a trashed car to the side of the exit, both him and Scott sat within it, both looking beyond miserable, deflated. 

 

“Sorry buddy, we got a problem” Tony said, his tone matching his expression.

 

“Yeah we do” Scott agreed, irritation clear in his tone.

______________________________________________

 

After they had filled you both in on the events of the past half an hour you looked between each other helplessly, steves expression growing to one of disappointment and concern, yours flooded with agitation as you considered what this meant. One stone missing. No way of bringing back those lost in the snap. No Bucky.

 

“Well what are we going to do now?” Steve asked them both, hopeful that one of them might have some sort of solution.

 

“There has to be a way, right?” You added, desperation causing your voice to strain.

 

“Give me a break steve , y/n, see I just got hit in the head with a hulk” Tony replied from his position in the front of the car.

 

You let out a sigh of frustration as you ran your fingers through your curls, your other hand finding your hip as you examined the chaotic, flaming streets that surrounded you.

 

“You said that we had one shot this, this was it, we shot it, its shot, six stones or nothing, six stones or nothing” Scott Began lecturing angrily as he climbed from the car, beginning pacing up and down.

 

“you’re repeating yourself, do you know that? You’re repeating yourself” Tony told him, the tension between them beginning to rise.

 

“You're repeating yourself! you’re repeating yourself! “ Scott retaliated childishly, causing you to roll your eyes. They were acting like children. You could see steve becoming more and more frustrated with them so slid your hand into his in an attempt to comfort him.

 

“No, you never wanted a time heist, you weren't on board with the time heist-“ Scott continued, monologuing

 

“- i dropped the ball” Tony spoke over him.

 

“You ruined the time heist” Scott finished angrily.

 

“Is that what i did?” Tony retaliated

 

“Yeah” Scott said with a huff

 

“Enough!” You yelled at them both, the overwhelming amount of noise finally taking its toll as you searched your brain for a solution.

 

“Are there any other options with the tesseract?” Steve asked, once everyone had quietened.

 

“no no no there’s no other options” Scott said starting up again, slamming the car door. “There’s no do overs, we’re not going any where else, we have oneparticle left each, thats it! Alright, we use that, bye bye you’re not going home.”

 

“Yeah, well if we dont try then no one else is going home either” Steve told him sternly, clearly having had enough of his negativity.

 

You took a deep breath in an attempt to stop your thoughts going down the familiar toxic path of defeat.

 

“I got it” Tony spoke climbing from his seat in the car, his eyes wide now, lit up with hope once again.

 

“There’s another way to retake the tesseract and acquire more pym particles, a little stroll down memory lane” He told you all, his brain working over time as he contemplated his next words- moving until he was stood in front of steve.

 

“military installation, garden state” he finished confidently, his gaze fixed on Steves.

 

Steve sighed in response as he considered Tony’s words, a frown littering his brow as he replied.

 

“when were they both there?”

 

“They were there at a time.... I have a vaguely exact idea” Tony spluttered, not entirely convincing in his conviction.

 

“How vague?” Steve questioned, his tone deeper than ever as he considered this new option.

 

“What are you talking about?” Scott interrupted“where are we going?’

 

“I know for a fact they were there and I know how I know” Tony continued, his eyes focused on steve, ignoring Scott for the moment.

 

Steve took a deep breath running a hand through his hair turning to meet your eyes with his.

 

You swallowed down a lump as the magnitude of the situation dawned on you, your eyes connecting, as he searched your features for an answer. You gave him a small nod, prepared to do anything that potentially meant saving Bucky and all the others lost in the snap.

 

“Whatever it takes” you whispered, closing your hand tighter around his.

 

He nodded in response, his eyes swimming with apprehension.

 

“You guys what is it?” Scott interrupted again, slightly out of ear shot.

 

“Well, looks like were improvising” Steve replied as he turned back to Tony.

 

“Great” Tony agreed, nodding in your direction.

 

“Wait, what are we improvising?” Scott asked still perplexed.

 

“Scott, get this back to the compound” Steve ordered firmly, handing him the Sceptre.

 

“Suit up” Tony instructed as he messed around with the device in his hand

 

You lifted yours too, along with steve, ready to tap in the co-ordinates.

 

“Whats in New Jersey?” Scott quizzed , gripping the Sceptre in one hand, his face screwing up in confusion.

 

“Zero four” Tony instructed

 

“Zero four” Steve repeated

 

“Zero four” you agreed

 

“Zero seven” Tony instructed

 

“Zero seven” Steve repeated

 

“Zero seven” you agreed

 

“One nine seven Zero” Tony Instructed

 

“Are you sure?” Steve asked hesitating slightly but receiving a nod from Tony.

 

You continued to tap in the rest of the information.

 

“Cap, captain, steve, sorry America, rogers” Scott spluttered out, still trying to get your attention.

 

You all turned to look at him now, none of you impressed by his persistence.

 

“ look if you do this and it doesn't work, you’re not coming back” He told you, concern clear in his eyes.

 

You took a deep breath as his words sunk in.

 

“Nice” you muttered under your breath.

 

“Thanks for the pep talk, pissant” Tony replied turning back to both you and Steve.

 

“Do you trust me?”He asked, raising his brow.

 

“I do” Steve agreed and you nodded.

 

“Your call” Tony told you both finally.

 

Steve took a look to you again and you offered him a smile of encouragement.

 

“Here we go” He whispered.

 

You all tapped away again at the straps on your hands, your suits re- emerging, helmets on and gone.

___________________________________________

 

 

 

“Clearly you weren't actually born here right?” Tony asked as you walked through the military base.

 

You had all changed into something relatively fitting for the time. Steve in full army getup, different from the one he was used to; you imagined and you and Tony In navy lab coats. It was a culture shock to say the least, a mostly male environment, vastly different from the world you had become accustomed to.

 

“The idea of me was.” Steve replied as he examined the buildings that surrounded you, locating potential threats, dead ends and exit routes.

 

“Right well, imagine you’re shield running a secret intelligence organistation, where do you hide it?” Tony asked as you all came to a steady stop, just past the main entrance.

 

“ In plain site” steve replied matter of factly with a nod towards an underground bunker positioned about 30 feet ahead of you.

 

“You’re sure?” You asked sceptically.

 

“I’ve been here before” he replied simply, confidently as you all made your way over to the unsuspecting building.

__________________________________

 

Standing in the elevator on your way down into the bunker you huddled together , acting as nonchalant as possible. There was only one other person in the elevator with you, a woman, who was quite content with looking down at the paperwork in her hands. Until she wasn’t.

 

She shifted her gaze up to the three of you and you noticed Tony move forward slightly to block her view of Steve- After all everyone knew who captain America was.

 

The awkwardness began to rise, the silence deafening as the elevator doors finally swung open on arrival at Tony’s stop.

 

“Good luck on your mission captain” tony told Steve assuredly as he exited the elevator

 

“Good look on your project....doctor” Steve replied, not quite as smoothly as Tony.

 

“You new here?” The woman spoke up once it was just the three of you.

 

“Not exactly” Steve said simply, keeping his gaze ahead.

 

You offered her a smile in an attempt to smooth out the questioning frowns across her forehead- it didn't work.

 

____________________________

 

 

Relief washed over you when you finally reached your chosen floor, both of you spilling out into the brightly lit corridor hurriedly.

 

Fidgeting with the bottom of your lab coat you allowed your knowing eyes to meet Steves temporarily.

 

“I’m not sure we’re as stealthy as we like to think we are” You told him in a whisper.

 

“No kidding” He replied sarcastically.

 

“Okay so it will be quicker if we split up. You take the south side , I’ll go north. Keep your comms on, find Pym. Once we’ve located the lab, reconvene at the south west corner and we’ll take it from there.” He ordered, his tone assertive and low.

 

You nodded in response, his captain tones never failing to excite you, placing your fingers to your forehead in mock salute.

 

“Roger that, captain” you told him with a playful smirk before turning on your heel to search your end of the building.

 

__________________________

 

You had been wandering hopelessly through the corridors for five minutes when you saw it- the door.

 

Nothing was particularly special about the door itself, standard in size, dark wood- but it was the name engraved on it that glued your feet to the polished floors of the hallway.

 

“Margaret Carter”

 

Feeling all the air dissipate from your lungs , you tried to force your brain to focus. She was here.

 

Biting down on the tips of your nails as anxiousness overwhelmed you, you took a few uncertain steps in the direction of the door, now the only thing that shone brightly in the corridor.Your eyes read the words over and over as you contemplated your next move. You should just walk away. You knew that. But the more defiant side of you was desperate to see her- face to face, so you could understand the love steve held for her.

 

You shook your head dismissively as you turned your back to the door- no. That was a stupid idea, it was none of your business.

 

Accepting your decision you continued to stagger down the corridor, one step at a time.

 

Five steps in and the nagging doubt in the back of your mind had you turning on your heel, marching back to the door and knocking loudly before you had time to change your mind.

 

“yes?” Came a British voice from inside the room, your breath leaving you again. Too late now.

 

Giving yourself an inner pep talk you pushed the door asidewith your shaking hands, finding yourself face to face with the woman you’d only ever seen in photo’s, in steves compass, the love of his life.

 

 

 

 

Your feet became stuck again now, your limbs unable to bend or move as your eyes settled on the female before you. The colour drained from your complexion, eyes watering as you took in her form.She was smartly dressed, her stunning dark locks immaculately pinned in place. Ruby red lipstick coating her plump lips and an expression of kindness fixed across her petite features. She was beautiful.

 

“What is it Doctor?” She asked, not bothering to look up from the paperwork on her desk; clearly busy.

 

You opened your mouth in an attempt to speak or expel any kind of noise, but it never came. Your mouth dry, words lodged in your tightening throat. Even if you had been able, What could you say? To this woman who was so perfect in every way, the woman who had held steves heart long before you had.

 

She looked up now, the silence having gone on for too long, allowing the pen to fall from her hand as she took in your unfamiliar appearance.

 

Eyes wide, paled face, legs barely managing to hold you up- you knew how it must have looked from where she was seated but there was nothing more you could do. Entirely glued to spot, in a state of shock.

 

“Are you well?” She asked now, her voice softening as concern filled her once uninterested expression as she took in your pasty appearance. She climbed gracefully from her chair, gliding around until she was stood only a few feet away from you.

 

Still finding no words, your brain screamed at you to respond, to do anything except what you were currently doing- absolutely nothing. Internally you were furious with yourself but on the outside simply a shell of a person.

 

“I’m calling the nurse” she told you assertively as she leaned back over the desk to pick up the phone beginning to dial away.

 

“I....” You forced out “I’m fine...” you managed, voice much higher pitched than you would have liked. You cleared your throat, finding a tone more familiar to you.

 

“Honestly.”

 

“Okay” she said with a sigh of relief, placing the phone to her ear regardless.

 

“Take a seat and Ill get the nurse to check you over. Better to be safe than sorry” she told you matter of factly, with a comforting smile.

 

Your wobbling legs were relieved to find themselves no longer standing as you made contact with the cushioned chair to your left.

 

She spoke briefly to a nurse on the other end of the phone before returning it to its holder and turning her attention back to you - the strange pasty girl that had infiltrated her office only moments earlier.

 

“What is your name Doctor?” She asked as she weighed you up once more, kindness filling her eyes, her tone soft and gentle.

 

“Uhm, its y/n” you spluttered out, surprised the words were still coming.

 

“Okay Doctor y/n, I’m going to suggest you take the rest of the day off.-“ she started, unsettled by your entrance.

 

“-Have you someone we can call? A husband perhaps?” She asked, reaching for the phone again.

 

Your mind immediately shifted to Steve and Bucky and a wave of guilt washed over you as you considered the fact that you now had the love of her life in yours- stolen from her.

 

You shook your head quickly, your expression clearly giving you away as a coldness ran through your spine. You bit down on your nails again, changing the subject abruptly as your eyes fell upon the golden band wrapped around her wedding finger.

 

“You’re married?” You questioned, your tone expressing more surprise than you would have liked.

 

“I am” she confirmed, probably wondering why you- a doctor, were asking her such personal questions but you couldn’t stop yourself from prying further.

 

“What’s he like?” You croaked out, throat still dry, convinced you were overstepping.

 

“Tall.” She told you, not at all concerned by your quizzing ,remaining both polite and friendly. “Handsome” she continued, a smile sliding over her features as her mind shifted.

 

You nodded in response, fidgeting with your fingers.

 

“I know the type” you admitted,smiling weakly back at her.

 

She laughed lightly, her entire face lighting up with her smile. She really was breathtaking.

 

“No one special?” She asked again, placing the phone back in its holder. “I can tell from your reaction thats not true” she pressed;calling you out, forcing a blush to your cheeks as Steve and Bucky returned to your mind.

 

“There is someone...” you agreed, your tone breathy, uncommitted to your words.

 

“Oh?” She asked, returning to her seat behind her desk as a nurse came rushing in from the corridor.

 

You sat up a little straighter as the nurse fussed with the sleeves of your lab coat in an attempt to take your blood pressure.

 

“-what’s he like?” She asked raising a brow as she inspected the papers on her desk, not fully engaged in the conversation, much more on her mind than the ‘sick girl’ who had wandered in to her office.

 

“Tall, handsome” you breathed, repeating her earlier words. “-bit of a hero” you added, your expression giving away your feelings as your thoughts drifted to the two super soldiers.

 

“I know the type” she agreed, now repeating your words.

 

You let out a light laugh, her tone and posture allowing you to finally relax.

 

She continued to shuffle through her files, occasionally pausing to add a few notes here or there before she looked up at you once more.

 

“If its love- don’t wait too long” she told you, a small glimmer of sadness behind her eyes. “I learnt the hard way” she added in a whisper, her eyes seemingly far away now, along with her thoughts.

 

You knew she was thinking of Steve but continued the bravado anyway.

 

“Oh?” You asked, pushing for more information.

 

She was knocked out of her thoughts at your words, gathering together a couple of the files as she cleared her throat , positioning them on the side of her desk.

 

“Its a long story” she told you dismissively, blinking away the memories that had arisen from your questioning.

 

“Silly really” she added, clearly unwilling to accept the effect steve had had on her all those years a go.

 

“The world has a way of making you question everything you think you know-“ she admitted with a sigh, lighting her gaze to meet yours once more.

 

“-we’ve all suffered” she continued, shrugging off her emotions “best thing we can do is move on..” she said with a comforting smile as the nurse finished checking you over.

 

“So, you’re happy?” You asked, possibly a little to confidently, her eyes widening temporarily at the intrusion. But she answered you anyway.

 

“Everything worked out just fine” she told you with a smile. And you believed her, she genuinely looked happy. Who ever her husband was had seemingly been able to at least band together her broken heart- the love she clearly felt for him radiated out of her. And you were pleased, relieved almost to see she had found peace.

 

Steve knocked you from your reflective thoughts as his righteous tones echoed through your comms, making you wince at the contrast in volume.

 

“Y/n, I’ve located the lab. Meet me on the southwest corner”

 

Shit. The mission. You’d become so lost in your moment with Peggy you had almost entirely forgotten why you were here.

 

You climbed to your feet immediately, smiling to the nurse in thanks, your posture growing nervous- twitchy again as you edged slowly towards the door.

 

“What was it you wanted again Doctor?” Peggy asked with the raise of her brow, now leaning back against her desk, arms folded expectantly across her chest.

 

“Y/n?” Steve questioned through the comms having not received a response.

 

“Uhm, I’ve forgotten..” you mumbled feebly. “Can’t have been important” you said in a breathy laugh as you reached for the door handle.

 

“Y/n?!?” Steve asked again, more urgently this time.

 

“Thanks...” you told her sheepishly, still pale. “ for the...” you nodded to the nurse. “Uhm...bye” you managed sliding out of the door and into the hallway, noticing the look of bewilderment that flooded her expression as you shuffled out of the room.

 

You closed the door tightly behind you resting the back of your head against it temporarily as you gathered your thoughts and breath.

 

“Y/n, location?” Steve almost growled through the comms.

 

“Sorry. I got caught up” you replied lifting your hand to your ear.

 

“On my way...” you added shaking off the last few minutes as best as you were able.

 

___________________________________

 

You rounded the corner, colliding with a thick wall of muscle, your head still elsewhere. Steve.

 

“Y/n” he asked taking hold of your shoulders to steady you. His eyes filled with concern as he saw the distracted look in yours, your skin still pale, shaking with shock.

 

“Sorry Steve” you whispered, your eyes finding the floor.

 

“What happened?” He demanded still concerned. “Are you okay?”

 

You forced a smile

 

“Yes. Sorry. Fine. Just got held up.” You told him unconvincingly.

 

He raised a brow, ready to press further, but you interrupted his thoughts with your words.

“So, you found the lab?” You asked, forcing a bounce in to your tone.

 

“Right” he said with a nod. Turning to the phone on the side of the wall.

 

“Lets make the call...” he said, dominant once more.

_________________________________________________

 

“Hello?” Came a voice you didn't personally recognise on the other end of the phone.

 

“Dr Pym?” Steve questioned, him too not entirely sure.

 

“That would be the number that you called, yes” He replied, slightly sarcastically.

 

“ this is captain .......Stevens from shipping, we have a package for you” He replied, immediately looking at you a little lost. He really was terrible at this under cover thing.

 

“Bring it up” Pym responded simply.

 

“Well, thats the thing sir. We cant.” Steve said, slowly as he searched his brain for a reason

 

“I’m confused I thought that was your job” pym retorted, clearly distracted by something at the other end.

 

”Well its just,....” he began , looking at you lost, holding his hands out in need of an excuse.

 

‘Glowing’ you mouthed, doing as many hand actions as you possibly could to help him guide him.

 

“.... sir the box is glowing”

 

you nodded quickly and then continued to mime vomiting

 

“- and to be honest some of our mail guys aren’t feeling that great” steve tried and you put your thumbs up in response.

 

“”They didn't open it did they?” Pym asked now fully engaged in the conversation.

 

You nodded furiously as steve and he understood.

 

“Yeah, they did, you better get down here” steve finished before pushing the phone back on to the receiver.

 

“You really need to work on this part of the job” you told him with a grin.

 

He shook his head in mock outrage as hank Pym sprinted past you both.

 

_____

 

You had managed to secure 5 more viles of Pym particles from the lab and were heading back to find Tony when you saw the woman from the elevator walking with purpose, two men either side of her taking notes, clearly on the warpath.

 

“One of them had a hippy beard” she said matter of factly, leading them in your direction- clearly describing Tony.

 

“Hippy? Like beegees or mungojerry?” One of the officers asked as he jotted down more notes.

 

“Definitely mungojerry” She confirmed, still coming closer.

 

Shit.

 

Your looked to steve, both of your eyes widening as you looked for an exit. Your eyes fell upon the door you’d been in earlier; Peggy’s and you immediately steered him to the left, away from it and in to the door to the side.

 

It was dark, only lights from the room next door cascading through the blinds in thin strips, just enough to illuminate the objects closest to the window. You took a breath as you both stumbled in , falling backwards slightly, steve holding you up by your waist.

 

“Careful doll” he whispered, his voice low, husky almost. There was that word again. You let out a light laugh as your eyes connected with the blue of his. Feeling his body pressed against yours, his tight captain America suit leaving little to the imagination, you felt your cheeks redden as inappropriate thoughts occupied your less than innocent mind.

 

Sometimes you wondered if he realised the effect he had on you. Your mouth dried again, but this time not out of shock, out of desire. His grip on your waist tightened and you considered that he too had had similar thoughts; after all he had proven in the past that he wasn’t all that innocent. With this thought in mind you closed the small gap between you, pressing your lips to his, suddenly hungry to share this moment of triumph with him - pym particles secured.

 

He kissed you back equally as hungry, your brow raising in suprise that he was willing to let this happen mid mission but you decided not to question it. You felt your heart rate increase as your thoughts considered all the possible outcomes, running your hands up into the shorter hairs at the back of his neck. His fingers hooked into the band around your waist, pulling your pelvis against his own, a light gasp escaping you as you felt him growing hard beneath the thick fabric of his suit.

 

As his tongue explored every inch of your own you began to feel like you were getting back to normal- back to the team you used to be, when Bucky was still around. It may have taken five years to get here but as his finger tips dug into the skin of your hips you considered it worth it. All at once his kisses stopped, the warmth of his body retreating from yours to leave you stood cold, confused.

 

You lifted your gaze to his, your hands slowly sliding from around his neck, down his chest, where they remained. He wasnt looking at you- not anymore. His gaze fell behind you, above your head.

He stepped around you, your hands unwillingly slipping from his chest as he proceeded towards whatever had caught his attention.

 

 

Following his gaze you noticed a framed photo positioned on the edge of the dark wooden desk. A frame containing a photo of him, pre serum. You swallowed down a lump that had built in your throat, turning your attention the door you’d entered from; also engraved with ‘Margaret carter’, just like the one next door. How many offices did she have?!

 

All of a sudden the photo was no longer an issue, no longer his focus, discarded back in its original position as he turned his attention to the blind covered windows. His face paled as he took a few cautious steps forward, his expression mirroring yours only 10 minutes earlier as you too had laid eyes on Peggy carter.

 

Shit.

 

The windows connected to her other office, the one you had been in earlier today. And there she was, discussing some business with a colleague, something to do with a mission from what you could gather- it didn’t matter.

 

What did matter was the look on Steves face. His gaze was set firmly ahead at the female figure who moved animatedly only feet away from him- the love of his life. His eyes were widened, his expression one of pure sadness, love and shock as he stood frozen to the spot, unwavering in his gaze.

As you watched the love of your life look at the love of his life, you considered how quickly you had felt like an intruder. Intruding on an intimate moment, a private moment. You took a few steps back as he remained awestruck, her voice echoing through the now silent room you were in, his muscles becoming ridged as her tones filled his Thank full ears; pulling him back to 70 years ago, before all the chaos.

 

Your fingers finally closed around the soothingly cool metal of the door handle and you pulled, unable to watch any more. You felt the bile rise up in your throat, tears stinging at your eyes as you hurried from the darkness of the toxic, air stealing room and into the unwelcoming bright lights of the corridor. Why did it have to be so bright? You squinted slightly, your lips still tingling from the heated kiss you’d shared with steve only moments earlier as you moved briskly through the labyrinth of hallways, desperate to reach the exit, to find fresh air, unsure if you could hold down the bile that burnt the back of your throat.

 

 

 

___________________________________________

 

You forced the door open with a gasp, sucking in mouthfuls of oxygen, relieved to have escaped the shrinking and stuffy hallways of the base. You used your hands to feel your way unsteadily around the side of the building, till you were out of site of most of the base, allowing yourself to fall forward onto your knees as you wretched uncontrollably.

 

You hadn’t expected this reaction, but now that it was here you couldn't imagine reacting any difererently. The nauseousness swept over you in waves, sweat beading on your brow as you tried to calm yourself down. You continued to gasp for breath, your heart beating hard against your chest.

 

“Y/n?” Came Steves troubled tone from behind you.

 

You froze, wiping the sweat off your brow, forcing yourself to your feet, unwilling to show him the extent of your reaction. He looked at you completely at a loss, unsure of how to respond or what to say. You felt the same, neither of you finding any words. There was no hand book for this kind of situation.

 

You brushed the dust and dirt from your knees, straightening up your lab coat as you sucked in a few more breaths as quietly as possible, forcing a tight smile in his direction.

 

“Sorry- Just needed some air” You lied quickly.

 

He nodded, his face twisted into an expression of concern, thankful for your lie. Unsure of what he would have said otherwise. You spotted Tony from across the parking lot, brief case in his hand- bingo.

 

He was talking to a gentleman of about his age, similar in appearance, they could almost be related. When the man he was with looked away briefly, he took the oppertunity to hold the briefcase up in your direction, gesturing towards it to confirm he had managed to secure the Tesseract.

 

Relief washed over you at this revelation. You’d done your bit, now it was up to the rest of the team and you could only hope and pray that they too had been successful. At least then this would have counted towards something.

 

Eventually, his conversation came to a natural end and he hurried over to your location.

 

“Got it” he told you both, a spring in his step.

 

Steve nodded solemnly, not sharing his enthusiasm, handing him one of the viles. He handed a second to you and you positioned them in your suits. The atmosphere was tense, frosty even and Tony looked between the two of you questioning.

 

“What did I miss?” He asked confused “Did we not just nail this mission?” He asked again.

 

And you nodded, he was right. A smile fell over your expression.

 

“We did.” You agreed, your voice still slightly hoarse.

 

“Let’s go home” Steve breathed as you all suited up ready to return to the compound.

 

What you were returning to, you had no idea.

 

 

 


	28. It should’ve been me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, Italics are a dream sequence, so be ready for that.
> 
> SMUT- but not good smut, neccasary to the story smut. 
> 
> Love you all. 
> 
> Comments and kudos!! Xxxx

 

Your feet collided with the hard polished floor of the platform for what you hoped would be final last time, your mask sliding away along with your suit. All of the other avengers had returned, all of you taking in each others reactions and expressions, all of you unsure if you had managed to gather all six stones.

 

“Did we get them all?” Bruce asked quickly, taking the words out of your mouth.

 

“Dont tell me this actually worked” Rhodey said with a laugh of disbelief.

 

You allowed a smile to fall across your lips, as did the rest of the team. You’d done it, against all odds. 

 

But then out of the corner of your eye you saw Clint fall down on to his knees, the colour draining from his face, his eyes filled with both grief and shock. Your eyes immiedately flickered to the empty space beside him where natasha should be, your previous smile immiedately evaporating, your gut twisting up painfully as the realisation washed over you.

 

“Clint, where’s nat?” Came Bruce’s sullen tones from your right, the fear in his eyes matching that of the rest of the team.

 

Clint didn't have to say anything, find any words, his expression said it all. She was gone.

 

You took a deep breath in an attempt to loosen your constricted throat, the bile you’d swallowed down only minutes earlier rising back up in your throat as the grief began to swallow you whole.

 

Feeling a warm and supportive hand wrap around the curve of your shoulder, you turned, your watering eyes falling upon Steve. Without a seconds thought you turned to him, the past 10 minutes with Peggy disappearing from the front of your mind, your thoughts now only of the loss of a sister as you buried your face into the comfort of his chest, gripping on to the light material of his army uniform as your brain attempted to make sense of the new information.

 

Natasha was gone.

 

She was dead.

 

___________________________

 

 

Only hours later after some time alone you regathered on the jetty by the lake. Natasha often came out here whenever she needed some time to herself, away from the chaos of the compound.

 

Steve sat on the bench in the centre of the space, a singular tear sliding down his usualy composed features.You were surprised; not that he cared but it was rare for you to see steve wearing his emotions on his sleeve. He was so strong, all of the time, maintaining his composure in order to lead his team.

 

But not this time. With the loss of Natasha, he too was broken down like the rest of you, unwilling to fight the sadness that plagued him.

 

Finding a space beside him, you pushed yourself closely into his side, your temporarily patched up heart breaking once more as you thought about all the times Natasha had been there for you. How were you going to live without her sarcasm, her wit? She had become so selfless, a real friend, a sister. You slid your hand into his, your fingers entwining with ease, his once warm and comforting skin, cold, pale. 

 

Tony perched on the top of the table , his attention directed at the two of you, the other avengers dotted around the remaining space of the jetty.

 

“Do we know if she had family?” Tony asked quietly, sensitively.

 

“Yeah, us” steve replied with a shake of his head.

 

“Why did she have to-“ you started, but you couldnt finish, the trembling of your bottom lip stealing your words from you. You were angry at her. Angry at her for being so selfless, for leaving you all behind.

 

Unreasonable. Yes. The frustration you felt having not been there, having not been able to stop her, to save her, to give your life instead of hers was taking hold of every inch of your being.

 

steve moved his hand from yours now, sliding his strong arm around your shoulder, holding you tight as you shared a brief moment of shared misery.

 

“What? What, what are you doing?” Thor interrupted, waltzing over, fury in his eyes.

 

“I just asked him a question” Tony told him simply with a raise of his brow, waiting for him to continue, confused by his outburst.

 

“You’re acting like she’s dead, why are we acting like shes dead? we have the stones right?, as long as we have the stones, cap. We can bring her back, isn’t that right? So stop this SHIT, we’re the avengers, get it together” Thor Hissed, his watering eyes giving away his sadness along with the emotion that plagued his tone.

 

“Can’t get her back” Clint told him matter of factly, turning from his position gazing across the water to look at Thor.

 

“What?’ Thor asked in disbelief

 

“it can’t be undone. It cant” Clint said again, a mixture of sadness and defeat causing his voice to crack.

 

Thor let out a laugh, not a laugh of happiness but a laugh of non-acceptance as he questioned clints words.

 

“I’m sorry, no offence, but you’re a very earthly being, okay? And we’re talking about space magic and ‘cant’ seems really definitive, dont you think?” Thor challenged , unable to relent to the idea she was actually gone.

 

“Yeah, look i know I’m way outside my pay grade here but she still isn’t here is she?” Clint retorted, conviction in his words.

 

“No, thats my point” Thor agreed awaiting further explanation.

 

“It can’t be undone, or thats at least what the red floating guy had to say, maybe you wanna go talk to him? You grab your hammer and you go fly and you talk to him.” Clint told him, his tone growing angrier and more frustrated, the sadness he held for the loss of Natasha slowly infecting every atom of his being, consuming him

 

“Its supposed to me. “ he told you all definitively.“She sacrificed her life for that damn stone, she bet her life on it.” He mourned, turning back to look out at the water.

 

Without warning Banner lifted the bench from the side of the jetty, pulling it free from its foundations and throwing it effortlessly across the lake, the anger he had gained control over finally slipping out uncontrollably.

 

“She’s not coming back, we have to make it worth it, we have to” he told you all determined, his voice softening as he turned to face the few remaining members of the team.

 

“We will” steve agreed, his cheeks still wet from his tears.

 

You stood up from Steves comforting arms to stand by Clint, slipping your hand in to his. You knew he was probably suffering more than any of you, having watched her fall to her death, having been the only one who could have potentially saved her but you wanted him to know that although he might have felt that it should have been him instead, you did not.

 

Clint was an important member of the team and always had been, often overlooked. But not by Natasha, she always saw him for the important influence he was. He turned his gaze to yours, his eyes filled with sadness.

 

“Whatever it takes” you told him quietly.

 

He inhaled sharply at your words but sent a nod back in response, his saddened eyes clouding over with determination.

 

“Whatever it takes” he agreed.

 

____________________________________________

 

 

_“You have to go y/n” Bucky told you firmly , his face contorted with fear, the footsteps outside growing louder as they neared your location.  
_

_“Not without you” you told him, determined, your hands gripping onto his arm as he tried to push you in the other direction, to escape._

_“y/n please” he begged , his eyes glancing towards the locked door, the only thing between you and certain suffering. “They’ll kill you!” He cried out, fear consuming him._

_“I dont care” you sobbed, tears running down your cheeks. “I’m not leaving you” you told him defiantly._

_You had tried to escape the hydra base together but things had gone sideways. Now the entire base was on lock down. Bucky had tried to convince you to return to your room, let him take the heat. But you couldn't, you couldn't leave him._

_This had been your idea, this was your plan and it had failed. You would be damned if you let him take the fall for you._

_He pulled you closer, no longer willing to fight you on this, no time to waste on harsh words. Instead his flesh hand cupped your tear stained cheek as agents began to bang on the reinforced door in an attempt to batter it down._

_“I do” he whispered, dropping his forehead down to meet yours_

_You gripped on to his leather clad chest, the tops of your fingers bloody from trying to force open the door to freedom. You sobbed with him now, both of you knowing that once that door opened you would likely never see each other again. There was no way out, no escape. one way or another you would pay for this. This way hydra after all._

_“I’m sorry “ you whispered, your voice cracking as your guilt consumed you._

_“This isn’t your fault” he told you as you sobbed harder. “Y/n” he told you trying to get you to listen._

_“Y/n” he tried again lifting your chin, forcing your broken eyes to meet his “This is not your fault” he repeated._

_“I will find you again” he added, determined._

_“You wont remember...they’re going to wipe it all away” you sobbed, fully aware that any moment now the man you loved would be taken away and the next time he saw you he would no longer remember you or even who he was._

_Of course Hydra had put you together; they didn't mind the relationship you had shared in the beginning, mostly sex and lust. But gradually over time you had begun to pull each other from the darkness. You became the anchor that reminded bucky who he was deep down, who he could be. Sure, most of his past remained a haze but he knew who he was when he was with you and that was who he wanted to be._

_You had fallen for each other irrevocably, deeply and whole heartedly._

_Gradually over time you had plotted your escape, the dreamas you held of being free together, out in the real world together urging you onwards. Bucky had kept up the pretence that he remained under their control, still the winter soldier and you had continued to fight willingly, taking life where necessary- all in the hope of escape._

_“I will” He whispered“I couldn’t forget you” he told you, a sad smile sliding over his lips._

_You reached up, placing your hand on the roughness of his stubbled cheek. You wanted to believe him, but you knew better. You knew they would make sure you disappeared from his thoughts, mind and heart. They wanted a weapon. Not Bucky Barnes._

_You didn't argue with him though, instead you reached up planting a soft and sad kiss to his lips, just as the reinforced door broke apart, hundreds of agents flooding into the room surrounding you, guns raised._

_You held your lips to his for as long as possible, unwilling to part from him as the tears continued to fall, the chaos and noise that swamped your surroundings revealing your fate. You gasped as your arms were pulled forcefully behind your back by a group of agents, forcing you backwards, your hands slipping from the warmth of Bucky's chest._

_Your eyes flew open as you were torn from your lover, tears still pouring as your heart was torn in two._

_Bucky responded immediately on feeling your lips leave his. Suddenly his eyes became dark, his metal arm flexing briefly before he lunged for the guards who were restraining you, hurting you._

_He took them down one by one; three necks snapped, four broken legs, several unconscious before they came for him. Using oversized taser rods; they surrounded him, tasing him over and over again, his screams of pain ripping through your skull as you watched him fall to the floor in agony._

 

“ _No...Please” you begged through your cracked lips “Dont hurt him” you screamed at them, your throat burning as you attempted to pull your arms free from their grasp._

_You got no sympathy from the agents as they Forced his legs from under him, his body falling face first into the ground, his arms soon pinned behind him, his cheek pushed violently into the cold tiled floor._

_Your widened eyes locked onto his as he received kick after kick to his stomach and face. You screamed and screamed at them, pleading for them to stop with everything that you had, watching as he coughed and choked in response to their violence. Blood poured from his nose and lips from the trauma until eventually they pulled him roughly to his now unsteady feet, his handsome features stained with blood and anguish. His expression weary, defeated._

_“Take them both to the lab. It’s time for a reality check” pierce hissed as they began to drag the two of you down the dimly lit corridors. You kicked and fought the two agents who were attempting to restrain you in a desperate last attempt for freedom. A violent blow to your head by a blunt object that came from behind forced you into the darkness, the light slipping from your grasp as your vision blurred and eventually disappeared entirely._

_When you came around you found yourself heavily restrained, positioned on a cold metal chair, the ropes cutting into the delicate skin of your wrists, your legs bound together at the base. A hard impact to your cheek made you gasp, your eyes flying open as the wind left your lungs. You took a few deep and shaky breaths as your eyes darted around the all too familiar room. No. no. no. You focused ahead now, your blurred vision slowly focusing in on Bucky, strapped to a table_

 

 

 

 

“ _Silly girl” pierce told you with a frown. “this could have been avoided” he admitted straightening his suit and tie before he nodded towards the man stood over Bucky._

_“Normally we would just wipe his mind, start over, prep him for the next mission.” He explained casually as he moved to stand beside you, for a better view._

_“But today, in your honour , we’re going to do something a little bit special” he whispered menacingly._

_“What are you going to do?” You asked timidly, your right cheek still stinging from the impact of his hand, your lip now also bloodied_

_“Oh well, were going to wipe him of course so that he doesn't remember anything about you and your little doe eyes.” He told you with a shrug, his tone uncaring, unsympathetic.“But first he's going to suffer and you- you’re going to watch” he told you simply._

_“no” you said simply turning your head away._

_He nodded to one of the agents positioned behind you who gripped the back of your skull roughly holding your head forward, just in time to see the man to Bucky's side lift a cattle prod proudly into his hand awaiting further instruction._

_He tested the flow of electricity and you saw sparks disperse from the end of the rod, your eyes widened as they connected with Bucky’s once more. He looked resigned to the pain, uncaring almost, but kept his gaze on yours -determined to remember._

 

_ __________________________________ _

 

 

_Two agonising hours of hearing Bucky scream out in agony had gone by and they were still going strong. His body hung limply on the table and you worried he wouldn't survive much more. Your throat was raw from screaming for him, pleading for them to stop. Your wrists oozing with blood from your attempts to reach him._

_“Please” you gasped, unable to watch any more._

_“Ill do anything” you whispered, receiving a raise of a brow from pierce._

_“And here’s me thinking you were never going to give in” he replied, satisfied by your submissive state, pulling up a chair to sit in front of you._

_“I have a job for you..” he told you coldly and you nodded._

_“Anything- Just please. Stop” you begged, your soul already sold long ago._

_“As you know, Hydra have infiltrated shield for many years now, but with Captain America around we can’t move to the next phase.” He explained simply._

_Your eyes widened as his words rung out over and over in your mind, as did Bucky's._

_“I need you to kill Captain America” he reiterated._

_Shifting your gaze to Bucky briefly you could see the fear in his eyes, his head shaking, expressing himself as much as he was able._

_You swallowed down the lump in your throat as you considered his request, your hesitation grating on pierce._

_He nodded to the man beside Bucky once more and his screams erupted again as the electricity made contact with his already damaged skin._

_“ALRIGHT!” You yelled out, the buzzing from the cattle prod silencing in response._

_“When?” You asked simply , avoiding Bucky’s gaze._

_“Tomorrow” Pierce finished with a satisfied smile. “Take her back to her room” he ordered the other agents._

_You dared to look at Bucky again now, his eyes filled with disappointment._

_As they untied your hands and feet you kept your gaze on his, your bottom lip quivering._

_They dragged you to the door, preparing him to be wiped, a gum shield placed in his mouth, his eyes fixed angrily on yours._

_‘I love you’ you mouthed, fully aware that any moment now you would no longer occupy his mind and neither would Captain America. The winter soldier would be back, taking his place, his memories dissolved along with his love for you and for the soldier._

_He didn’t mouth it back and you could only hope it was because of the shield in his mouth but deep down you knew. Hydra hadn't stopped Bucky from loving you, you had._

_His muffled screams rang out again as the plates connected with his temples and you gave in, allowing the agents to escort you, without resistance back to your room._

 

________________________________________________

 

 ________________________________________

 

“Y/n?” Came Steves hushed and saddened tones from your bed side.

 

A nightmare. A memory.

 

“Steve?!” You asked wearily, your clothes soaked in your own sweat, your heart pounding against your chest as you tried to make sense of your current situation.

“Hey..hey...its okay” he told you soothingly, taking a seat beside you, pulling you onto his lap and into his arms. “I’ve got you” he whispered into your damp hair.

 

Your tears found you now, real tears as the nightmare flooded back to the front of your mind, your body trembling.

 

Since Natasha’s death only a few days earlier your nightmares had become more frequent. The extra stress and emotion caused from the abrupt loss of a sister had taken its toll on your mental state and taken away your sleep; the only time you had to relax, to not suffer- now only filled with nightmares.

 

They hadn’t all been about Bucky, some of them had been about Natasha herself. you’d played out millions of scenarios in your head of how she died, according to clints words and you'd tried to fill in the gaps. Watching her fall to her death over and over again.

 

You’d also had nightmares about Steve, of him lying broken down, his shield ripped in two, Thanos stood above him.

 

selfish dreams had also stolen your sleep; dreams of him with Peggy, in her office, kissing her- holding her, with you stood behind the glass banging on it, screaming for him to hear you- but he never did.

 

It didn't matter what they were of, all of them were horrible, all of them ripping at your sanity night after night.

 

“What was it this time?” Steve asked soothingly as he rocked you in his arms back and forth.

 

“I...it was a memory” you stuttered out, your fingers digging into his t-shirt as you clung to him

 

“B..bucky....hydra” you explained “Oh god, they were going to kill him” you breathed as your mind caught up, your sobbing starting up again.

 

“shhhh” he whispered to you, drawing invisible patterns up your arm

 

“I was going to kill you” you admitted withanother sob.

 

He frowned in response, your words taking him by surprise, searching your gaze for answers.

 

“The attack in Boston...” you breathed.

 

He froze as the memories flooded back to him. A masked female had ambushed the mission, a simple hydra takedown. But she was skilled, they hadn’t been ready. Steve hadn't been out of the ice long, he was inexperienced, a mess really.

 

“That was you?” He asked already knowing the answer.

 

You nodded

 

“I’m sorry, they were going to kill him...” you told him, aware that this was no excuse.

 

“You were sent to kill me?” He asked with a frown and you nodded. “-But you didn't.” He said slowly.

 

You shook your head as the memories resurfaced.

 

“I couldn't” you admitted. “Bucky....he would have hated me, if he had still been him- not the winter soldier and I couldn't do that to the Bucky I knew” you explained.

 

He nodded as he took in the new information.

 

“We were ambushed and no one died” he recalled slowly, confusion littering his brow. “No one could explain it”

 

“Bucky changed me” you told him with a smile. “In the end I couldn't kill innocents, not anymore...not even to save his life..” you sobbed remembering how you had failed him.

 

“Hey hey” he pulled you tighter into his chest “he survived, which means...” he started, unsure of how to finish his thought process.

 

You nodded, taking over for him, filling in the blanks.

 

“Yes” you agreed “When I returned having failed my mission they wiped my memory and filled it with false ones...placed me with a family i believed were my own, in the hope that one day I would be useful. Thats when I moved to New York...and met you”you let a small smile fall over your expression as you recalled that first night, as did steve.

 

“Thats why they sent Bucky to kill fury, to kill you” you told him, sadness returning to your tone. “It was supposed to be me”

 

He nodded as he soothed you, his brain trying to catch up.

 

“So you’re saying he remembered me before-“ he started and you nodded

 

“Of course he did steve...”you whispered “but every time he remembered they messed him up even worse than the time before.” You told him with a sigh, wiping the tears from your cheeks.

 

“Before I left he didn't even know his own name” you concluded.

 

You pulled your knees up to your chest defensively as the memories clouded your head.

 

He kissed your forehead softly, his eyes far away as he pieced it all together.

 

“I’ve made mistakes” you admitted, lifting your gaze to his, your eyes still blood shot but your body more relaxed now, safe in his arms.

 

“Thats not you anymore y/n” he told you fiercely and you nodded

 

“You make me better” you agreed. “I’m better because of you” you admitted. “Both of you”

 

He nodded, his chest rising and falling with his heavy breaths.

 

Finally he seemed to come to a decision his hand reaching for yours, allowing his fingers to entwine with your own.

 

“Steve...” you whispered, shuffling closer into his warmth.

 

“I really am trying” you told him, your eyes filled with regret.

 

he released a sigh as your truth reached him, lifting his fingers to gently brush the loose strands ofhair away from your tear stained cheeks.

 

“I know doll” he agreed. “`we’ve all made mistakes”

 

“Some bigger than others” you added with a frown.

 

There was a pause between you.

 

“Steve?” You asked

 

“Mhmm?” He asked, his thoughts still occupied.

 

“Make me feel something...” you said quietly, his gaze immediately shifting to yours once more as he considered your words.

 

You stumbled from his lap and on to your knees, kneeling before him, cupping his face in your hands, your cheeks still wet from the tears you had shed, leaning down to press your lips gingerly against his.

 

He hesitated momentarily, but soon his hand had reached up to rest on your jaw line, his lips dancing softly, emotionally with your own as you shared a sad and sorrowful moment. Both of you still reeling from all the loss, all the pain that you had both been drowning in for some time now.

 

But above all of it, all of the doubts and pain- you felt the love stronger than ever, your magnetic forces pulling you together as always, despite the loss, despite his moment with Peggy only days earlier, despite your past.

 

He lowered you down onto your bed, kissing you slowly and softly and you shifted your hands to slide under the thin material of his t-shirt, your fingers running contently over the soft skin of his muscular torso.

 

He pulled his t-shirt free from his body, granting you easier access as he lowered his lips back on to yours. Your hands continued to roam up over the broadness of his chest, rolling over his large shoulders and down the vastness of his back. He drowned you in size, your small frame hidden beneath his as he planted gentle, tender kisses against your jaw line and down the tender skin of your neck.

 

You slid your hands down to his lower back, eager to feel him within you. It had been so long, too long since you’d had him this way. The hunger and passion that had been present the last time you had been together replaced with a loving need to share yourselves fully with one another. Fearful of what was to come tomorrow, saddened by the loss of your fallen friends.

 

You tugged at the band of his trousers hastily as he lifted your t-shirt over your head to reveal your naked torso beneath him. He took a moment to appreciate your form before he slid out of his remaining clothes, fully exposed before you. Your hands found the back of his neck as he retuned himself to your lips, pulling your body up so that the warmth of his chest transferred to the skin of your breasts.

 

His lips remained on yours as he fumbled with the band of your pyjama bottoms, sliding them with ease down the lengths of you legs, allowing his fingers to glide over the soft skin of your shin and thigh on his way back up to your waist.

 

Eager to be filled by him, you raised your pelvis expectantly and he got the message. His eyes locked onto yours as he positioned himself above you, sliding in to your willing and awaiting form as your grip tightened on his shoulders.

 

He released a breathy groan as he began to fill you , causing the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up. He moved slowly and deeply within you, both of you enjoying the feeling of being so connected. You let out soft gasps as his pace began to quicken, the size of his erection never failing to take you by surprise.

 

He pushed your hair away from your face as the blue of his eyes filled with intensity, his emotions and heart on his sleeve once more as he truly made love to you. Your faces, inches apart, noses touching every so often as he managed to hit every one of your pleasure points.

 

You bit down on your lip as you felt a familiar warmth begin to spread through out your body, feeling his gaze still on your features as he awaited your reaction. He quickened his pace again now, every thrust filled with a mixture of need, desire and love as you neared your end.

 

You didn’t think you’d ever had anyone look at you quite as adoringly as steve was looking at you right now. You let out soft moans of approval as his hand slid to your breasts, needing them briefly before his fingers found the place between your legs, stroking you in circular motions.

 

You gasped at the contact , the slow and steady orgasm building within you suddenly rising up quicker than you had imagined, his pace holding you on the edge as your entire body tensed in anticipation, pleasure radiating throughout every inch of you, warming you, dulling your sad thoughts as he worked on you. Eventually your body gave in under the intense pleasure, your orgasm rolling over you, wave after wave, moment after moment of satisfaction finally allowing your mind some rest.

 

Steve followed shortly after, the intensity of your orgasm transferring to him as he held your fragile frame tight against the broadness of his muscular chest, releasing himself inside of you with a satisfied groan.

 

You stayed together for a while, just soaking each other in, breathing together, relaxed, content and happy.

 

Eventually he moved away from you and you whimpered at the loss of contact. You didn’t want to be on your own, left in this darkened room where your nightmares could return. To your relief he settled in beside you, his eyes remaining on yours, a soft and loving smile flooding his features.

 

“I...” he began, stopping himself abruptly as he ran a hand through his hair, gathering his thoughts.

 

“You’re so special to me” he managed and you returned his smile, noticing the conflicted look in his eyes.

 

You had hoped he might finally say the three words that he had always failed to utter, but not today. You would allow yourself to be convinced that it was because of the current situation, the chaos that had surrounded these past few weeks since your return. But your heart told you it was something more.

 


	29. I think it worked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, lets bring Bucky back.... 
> 
> (He will not be in this chapter though so don’t get too excited 😆)

 

The next morning you awoke to the warmth of Steves naked torso pressed against your side. You let out a whimper of complaint as your eyes found the clock on the bedside table, knowing you were going have to pull yourself from this heavenly moment much sooner than you’d have liked and go save the world.

 

You turned your gaze to meet Steves to find him already awake, it seemed for some time. He didn’t have that groggy look that was plastered across your own expression. He looked bright eyed and ready for the day.

 

You complained again at the realisation that he had probably seen you sleeping and had now seen your morning face. A knowing smile slid over his lips, illuminating his eyes.

 

“Morning....” He said in a breath, his eyes locked on yours.

 

“hey....” you whispered, your voice cracking slightly having not fully awoken. 

 

Lifting your hands to your face you rubbed at your tired eyes, squinting as the sun shone through the blinds and across the bed in thin strips of light.

 

“How long have you been awake?” You croaked out, turning onto your side so you could rest your head back down and still appreciate him.

 

“a while” he admitted, lifting his hand so that his fingers could run through your hair.

 

you closed your eyes temporarily, appreciating the softness of his touch.

 

“Can’t saving the world wait till tomorrow?” You asked, pouting slightly.

 

He let out an easy laugh under his breath as he lifted your chin to place a tender kiss to your lips.

 

“Afraid not doll.” He told you sincerely

 

You sighed with a smile in response, groaning as you pulled yourself into a sitting position.

 

“Ugh” you complained as you stretched out your arms “Fair enough” you admitted, swinging your legs over the side of the bed.

 

“So I guess, today’s the day...” you said, your voice having returned to its normal state.

 

He nodded in agreement climbing out of the bed himself. Your eyes widened, unprepared for his fully naked form so early in the morning, but you drank it in regardless, climbing to your feet and wrapping your arms around his slender and toned waist.

 

“Nervous?” You asked, projecting your own feelings onto him as he too allowed his arms to slide around your waist, unconcerned with his own exposure.

 

“No” he said truthfully, his eyes sparkling for the first time in weeks. “Today’s the day we get them back” he told you with a smile.

 

You nodded.

 

“I know...” you breathed, your tone not quite as light and joyful as his. “I just, I have a bad feeling...” you told him with a shrug.

 

He rubbed his thumb up and down the exposed skin of your hip as he awaited further explanation.

 

“Like...something is going to go wrong.” You whispered “It can’t be this simple.”

 

He sighed softly, lifting your chin to meet his gaze.

 

“Bucky’s coming home y/n” he told you simply.

 

A smile flooded across your features immediately , unable to hold it in as the thought of Bucky finally returning filled your thoughts.

 

“I can’t wait” you admitted, before your expression turned serious once more. “But I don’t want to lose you in the process” you told him truthfully.

 

He didn’t have an answer for you. He couldn't promise that you wouldn't, so instead he leant down, pressing his lips to yours once more.

 

Your shoulders relaxed as his lips met yours, the raw emotion in his kiss taking you again by surprise as you slid your arms around his neck to deepen the kiss.

 

BANG.BANG.BANG

 

Came the unwelcome noise of knuckles across your door.

 

You winced as the noiseripped through the once peaceful and silent room. 

 

“Hey, lovebirds? We have people to bring back.” Came Tonys voice from the door. “In your own time or whatever” he said sarcastically.

 

You let out a light laugh as your eyes met Steves once more.

 

“I could get used to this...” you said happily.

 

He smiled , leaning down to kiss your forehead before finally releasing you from his arms.

 

“Come on, or Tony will be back” he told you with a smile

 

You nodded, releasing him unwillingly, watching as he dressed quickly, heading to the door.

 

“I’ll see you down there?” he asked simply and you nodded.

 

“See you there” you agreed as he slid out into the hallways.

 

You took a breath, sitting back down on the edge of your bed as you contemplated the days events. The nervousness in your stomach continued to grow as your thoughts jumped from thought to thought, working yourself up until you felt physically sick. What if it didn’t work? What If Bucky really was lost forever?

 

What if it did, but in doing so meant you lost more of the team, or Steve? So many questions and only one way to find out.

 

You ran a hand over our face, lifting yourself wearily from the mattress and heading towards the bathroom for a shower. Nothing could prepare you for the events ahead, that was for sure.

 

__________________________________________

 

 As you wandered in to the main living area, tony was standing with a shit eating grin on his face holding something behind his back.

 

“Now don’t get too excited” he told you quickly “Its not quite finished, just a prototype really” he explained as he lifted a brand new suit from behind his back.

 

Your eyes widened as you took it in

 

It was black in colour, form fitting just like the Black widow suit but there were intricate differences that made it your own. Various leather straps ran across the torso, similar to Bucky’s,A gold star emblazoned on the chest, similar to steves, A small red avengers logo on the arm and a high collar around the neck.

 

It was beautiful.

 

If truth be told, You were relieved to have a new suit. Since Natasha’s death you couldn't bring yourself to wear the suit she had given you, it held too many memories, too many reminders.

 

“Like it?” He asked, no words coming from you as you stood entirely awestruck.

 

You didn't reply, simply throwing your arms around him in response causing him to stubble back, surprised by your sudden affection and not entirely sure how to respond.

 

“I’ll take that as a yes” he told you as he patted you on the back.

 

You beamed up at him as he handed you the suit, running the thick material through your fingers.

 

“You’re an avenger now kid” he told you with a smile, a genuine smile, which meant a lot given your history.

 

“I wont let you down” you promised, finally feeling accepted, like you could perhaps do something good, make a difference. Like perhaps you even deserved to be here, deserved Captain America’s affections.

 

No longer a stow away but a member of the team.

 

“Suit up” he told you simply with a kind smile before disappearing off to prepare the gauntlet.

_______________________________________

 

 

 

You wandered back into the living area, now fully kitted out in your beautiful new suit.

 

Steve raised a brow as he took in your new appearance and you tilted your head to the side in response.

 

“What do you think?” You asked with a grin, clearly proud as you turned a full 360 degrees.

 

He nodded approvingly as his eyes ran over your form.

 

“Very practical” he breathed, a smirk falling over his features.

 

“And stylish” you added, knowingly.

 

Clint patted you on the shoulder as he came in to the room , also kitted out in his Hawkeye attire.

 

“About damn time” he told you sincerely.

 

“Hey Legolas, give me a break” came Tony’s voice as he too entered the room, not yet in his iron man suit. “Kinda been been busy, you know, figuring out time travel.”

 

Clint help his hands up in defence, a laugh escaping you.

 

“Its perfect” you told Tony truthfully. “Thank you, again”

 

He nodded, brushing off the compliment.

 

“Everyone ready?” He asked raising a brow, receiving nods of agreement from the other two.

 

The butterflies returned at his words, your eyes immediately finding Steves.

 

“I guess so” you agreed, taking a deep breath as you all filed out of the living area, following tony to the opposite side of the room where rocket was finishing up with the gauntlet.

 

You all circled the glove; Rhodey, Bruce, Thor and Scott already awaiting your arrival.

 

“Nice suit” Scott said truthfully with a smile.

 

You beamed back at him

 

“Thanks” you said in hushed tones, the mood in the room much more tense than it had been only moments ago.

 

“Alright the gloves ready, question is who’s going to snap their freakin fingers?” Rocket asked you all in his gravelly tones.

 

You took a deep breath turning to look at Steve first, praying he wouldn't put himself forwards, fearful for his safety.

 

“Ill do it” Thor said quickly wandering over, without hesitation.

 

“Excuse me?” Tony asked with a frown turning to face him.

 

“Thor just wait, we haven’t decided who’s going to put that on yet” steve argued, his hands falling assertively to his hips.

 

“Oh I’m sorry, are we all just sitting around waiting for the right opportunity?” Thor asked with a shrug, eager to get it done.

 

You bit down on your lip in anticipation, knowing that there was no way you were strong enough to wield it, however willing you were. whoever did this was going to have some sort of lasting effect, that was for sure. This wasn't something you could just walk away from.

 

“Thor just...hold up” you said sympathetically.

 

You knew he had suffered most emotionally after the snap five years ago and was still finding his way to recovery. He, like the rest of you felt a need to make a difference, the need to fix the mess that Thanos created. But he wasn’t thinking straight, he wasn't considering all the facts. This couldn't be a rushed decision based on emotions or feelings.

 

“We should at least discuss it” scott agreed simply.

 

“Look, look sitting here staring at the thing isn’t going to bring everybody back, I’m the strongest avenger ok? So this responsibility falls upon me, its my duty” He began, waffling away in an attempt to convince the team to agree with him.

 

Tony Stepped forward muttering at him, trying to calm him down, trying to get him to think about the magnitude of what he was saying.

 

“ shshhhhhh stop it, just let me.” Thor finally said, frustrated, his eyes watering again.

 

“ Just let me do it, let me do something good, something right” he pleaded with Tony.

 

“Its not just that that glove is channeling enough energy to light up a continent, I’m telling you you’re in no condition” Tony told him, his voice fair, even but compassionate.

 

“What do you think is coursing through my veins right now?” Thor asked, still determined.

 

“Cheese wiz?” Rhodey asked with a shrug causing you to punch him quickly in his shoulder.

 

“Ow” he complained in response receiving only a shrug from you in response. Justified.

 

“Lightning” Thor corrected confidently.

 

“Yeah..” tony agreed with a sigh.

 

“Lightning wont help you pal” Came Bruce’s deep tones from his position at the back of the room.

 

“its got to be me. You saw what those stones did to Thanos, they almost killed him, none of you could survive. “ Bruce said thoughtfully as he wandered over from the back of the room towards the ready and awaiting gauntlet

 

“How do we know you will?” steve questioned sceptically.

 

“We dont” he admitted, his eyes fixed on the glove“-but the radiation is mostly gamma. Its like I was made for this” he explained flatly, his thoughts far away.

 

You inhaled deeply, fearful for Bruce. Everything he said made sense and no one was able to argue with him. He was the right man for the job, no denying it. But it didn't stop all of you exchanging guilt ridden looks, knowing that come the time, none of you would be able to help.

 

_________________________________________

 

 

“Good to go yeah?” Tony asked as Bruce carried the gauntlet across in to the middle of the open space.

 

“Lets do it” he agreed , his eyes focused down at the glove in his hands

 

“Okay remember, everyone Thanos snapped away five years ago, you’re just bringing them back to now- today, don’t change anything from the last five years” Tony instructed clearly, fearful of losing the family he had gained.

 

“Got it.” Bruce agreed simply.

 

All of you now stood in your combat gear, just in case. You watched as Rhodey and Scott covered their faces with their helmets, Thor pushing rocket behind him in an attempt to shield him, Tony also slid his helmet on, projecting a shield out from his suit to cover both himself and Clint, Steve had his helmet on, his shield positioned in front of him, his hand reaching to push you behind him, guarding your body protectively with his own.

 

“Friday do me a favour and activate barn door protocol will ya?” Tony asked Friday, his tone filled with anxiousness.

 

“Yes boss” Friday replied simply, all the doors and shutters coming down around the entire building, locking you all in, confining any damage that was done to the compound.

 

You all glanced around at each other as you readied yourselves, Bruce lifting the glove in front of him in anticipation.

 

“Every body comes home” he breathed out, nervously but with fierce determination. You were in awe of his bravery, how willing and eager he was to put him self in harms way to save the lives of others.

 

He moved his hand towards the glove, the whole thing opening up to accommodate his much larger fist. Sliding the cool metal onto his hand, you watched as it tightened back around his hand securely, a large wave of radiation emitting as it became whole again.

 

Bruce’s cries of pain rang out throughout the compound and you gripped on to steves arms a little tighter. Everyone watching fearfully, none of you sure what to do. His arm was lit up, the light almost blinding. What appeared to be waves of electricity ran all the way along, past his shoulder and up the side of his neck, various colours projecting throughout. He continued to scream out in agony, your face screwing up as you watched.

 

“Take it off, take it off” Thor demanded, panicking, his eyes growing wide as he feared losing another member of the team.

 

“No wait!” Steve bellowed out above him“Bruce, are you okay?” He asked, calm and composed.

 

“Talk to me banner” Tony added in, Bruce’s silence filling him with fear.

 

“I’m okay... I’m okay” Bruce managed to force out, before returning to his screams.

 

You could see the pain had turned his entire body rigid, steadying himself as he lifted the glove, determined even so. You squinted almost unable to watch as the light grew more and more intense.

 

Finally within a split second he snapped his fingers, the gauntlet flying from his hand, releasing him and his body into the ground.

 

“Bruce!” steve called out, running to his side immediately.

 

Clint; being closest to the gauntlet, took the opportunity to kick it aside with his foot, away from the team.

 

“Dont move him” steve Said quickly as the rest of the team; including your self gathered around his weakened form on the ground.

 

Tony reacted immediately, using a liquid from his suit to cool down Bruce’s now burning arm.

 

“Did it work?” Bruce forced out, still clearly in agony.

 

“We’re not sure, its okay” Thor told him, his eyes filled with pride as he looked down at his injured friend.

 

Scott moved from his previous position as the blinds and shutters began to lift again, sunlight pouring back into the compound.

 

He moved over to the windows, looking out across the grounds. You could hear birds singing from where you sat by Bruce, a phone vibrating distrusting your thoughts.

 

Scott turned to look at you, a bright smile flooding over his expression.

 

“I think it worked” He breathed out in disbelief.

 

Your gaze founds Steves, a smile of joy falling over both of your expressions a realisation was reached- Bucky was back.

 

Without warning Steves eyes were no longer level with yours.

 

A skull splitting bang rang out across the compound, all the glass from the windows shattering immediately at the same time the floor disappeared beneath you, the wind knocked out of you as you plummeted several feet, disorientated and then suddenly trapped. Held in place.

 

Another explosion. Then another. Then another. Then another. The whole building giving way under fire from above.

 

Pain, something wet running down your right arm, the surprised screams of your team members. A ringing in your ears. An excruciating weight pushing down on your legs. Carnage. Chaos and then nothing.

 

Only silence and darkness.


	30. Assemble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I’m being kind to you and Ive updated you with two chapters. 
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts.
> 
> There will be mistakes. Its been a long week. 
> 
> I will go back over it eventually when I have the time and correct it but in the mean time I know a lot of you are waiting impatiently to get bucky back....so enjoy
> 
> Thanks, much love 
> 
> Xxx

 

 

You awoke to the unpleasant sound of destruction, still audible through your forever ringing ears. Nothing but rubble surrounded your fragile form, pinned in place by a large piece of building strewn across your abdomen. You gasped for air as your brain caught up, dust and soot filling your lungs and your widened eyes.

 

“Steve?!” You forced out, your throat burning with the taste of cement.

 

“Clint?!” You cried out, a sharp pain in your shoulder coming to the front of your consciousness.

 

You had no idea what had happened to the compound, perhaps the energy emitted from the glove had forced the foundations loose? but that seemed unlikely. Either way it seemed as though you were on your own with this one.

 

Forcing your eyes to focus, blinking aside the layer of dust, you surveyed the large beam that held you in place. You tried to pull your body free from its hold but with little success. You weren't convinced you had the strength from your current position to be able to relieve yourself of the crushing weight. Glancing to your right, your eyes found a metal rod, about 20 inches in length and perfect to use as a lever. 

 

Stretching your arm out to your side in an attempt to retrieve the rod, the burning in your shoulder intensified causing you to yell out in response.You bit down on your lip, your eyes screwing up as the agony radiated around your unprepared body. You couldn't quite make out the injury yet, but from the warmth that covered your upper arm you imagined there was quite a lot of blood.

 

Swallowing down the immense pain, you shifted your torso as far as you were able, your dirt covered hands clawing at the ground at you reached for the metal piping.

 

Gasping for air as the pain increased you were still unable to reach. This was really going to hurt.

 

Gathering up all of your remaining strength, you pushed further, screaming out as you contorted your body, finally feeling the coolness of the rod make contact with the tips of your fingers. You gritted your teeth as you willed the rod nearer, managing to use your outstretched fingers to coax it towards you until you were finally able to take it fully in your palm.

 

Having retrieved the pipe, you allowed your head to fall back against the hard concrete, swallowing down as much air as your lungs would allow , your eyes wide as you gazed numbly up at the ceiling. You needed to get out, where was steve? What about everyone else?

 

Your shaking hand moved with your thoughts pushing the pipe with all of your strength under one edge of the beam making sure it was secure. Another deep breath later, you bit down on your lip, preparing yourself for your next move.

 

A buzzing in your ear had you reaching for your comms, damaged by the fall and patchy at best. You tapped them a couple of times wincing at the feedback you got in response but then finally, a voice. Rhodey

 

“Drowning....does any.....copy...may day” Came his broken up words, the panic still clear in his tone.

 

Shit.

 

You had to get out, now. No more hesitating.

 

With that thought, you pushed down on the lever you had created, the beam that crushed you lifting ever so slightly but not nearly enough for you to escape. You cried out in pain as the lever slipped from your grip, the beam coming back down hard on your abdomen.

 

Small sharp breaths were all you could muster now as your vision spotted, the darkness threatening to consume you once more

 

No. You couldn’t let it take you.Bucky was Alive and you were determined to stay conscious long enough to see him, after everything you had been through.so close to holding him in your arms again.

 

Blinking the spots away and using all of your strength, you managed to push the rod back in to the small opening, forcing it further this time before you tried again. It moved similarly to the last time, only about an inch or so from its original position, but then the rod found some space, slipping deeper under the beam, giving you enough of an angle to lift it higher.

 

Your eyes widened with determination as you felt the weight from your lower body fall away, tryingto maintain the strength in your arm at the same time as sliding your aching body from under the large piece of building. Taking a deep breath; your lip now bleeding from your teeth digging in to the soft skin, you pushed yourself quickly in one swift movement from under the beam. your arm gave way the second you were free’d, the beam colliding heavily with the concrete slab you’d been led across only moments earlier.

 

You were free.

 

Gaining your breath back, you allowed your eyes to flicker to the gash on your arm, immediately regretting that decision as you took in the open wound, still gushing with red, the sleeve of your brand new suit already torn. Truth be told you were lucky that your arm was still attached, the bone was clearly visible from the surface, still nestled between flesh and blood, somehow unbroken. You turned your gaze away at the sight of the bone, realising the severity of the wound. You blinked a few times in attempt to wipe the image from your memory.

 

No time to worry about it now.

 

 

gritting your teeth once more,mouth filled with the blood from your lip ,you pushed yourself unsteadily to your feet, relieved to find your legs still functioning. Casting your gaze across the room you noticed a small stream of light, no bigger than a pen lid streaming across the cavern that had been created in the explosion.

 

“I’m ....coming” came Scott’s voice through the comms and you prayed he reached them before it was too late.

 

You took a few tentative steps towards the light, eager to taste fresh air again. Your mouth was dry, a thick coating of ash lining your throat- forcing you to cough and splutter as you stumbled across the uneven floor, finally steadying yourself as you reached the small space that led to the outside.

 

Leaning down you pressed your face against the cool blocks of cement and rubble, your eye finding the small hole allowing you take in the outside world. The sky was dark, fire burned all around, piles of rubble littered the open space, nothing about the building that had stood only ten minutes earlier remained, not at all recognisable as it lay in pieces.

 

Thats when your eyes shifted to a figure sat amongst it all. Relaxed, unfazed, just waiting. Thanos.

 

Your eyes widened as realisation ran through your mind. How? Thanos was dead. You had seen Thor kill him, right in front of you, his head taken clean from his shoulders, five years ago. how could he be here?

 

Then it dawned on you.

 

Time travel.

 

“Shit” you cursed under your breath as the realisation flooded your continuousness. With no time to spare - you moved to push a couple of the smaller stones aside, your thoughts still elsewhere. You didn’t know how he’d done it, but this was not the Thanos from your time. Somehow he had managed to follow you back from the past.

 

You sucked in as much clean air as you could as thegap widened.You were almost out.

 

Three figures caught the corner of your eye; Steve,Thor and Tony. All of them approaching Thanos, all of them armed, ready to fight. panic consumed you immediately, knowing you needed to get out there, to stand by steve, to fight.

 

 

You reached for the much larger stone; the only thing blocking your escape, the only thing holding you back from getting to Steve. Your fingers grasped tightly around the coarseness of the rock, pulling with every inch of your strength, your mind still distracted. It shifted slightly, maybe only a few centimetres but enough to dislodge another pile of rubble above you.

 

Without warning, the rest of the building collapsed over head, more rubble piling down on top of you, forcing you to the ground, a huge piece of debris ricocheting off your skull, your legs crushed by several huge weighty chunks of concrete, trapped again. You cried out in both alarm and agony, your scream ripping at the back of your throat, your entire body going rigid as the painran through your shins and up into your hips.

 

You tried to calm yourself, taking quick short breaths , a tear sliding from the corner of your eyes as the intense pain continued to radiate throughout your body, blood dripping down your forehead from the heavy blow to your head, mingling with the dirt and blurring your vision. Cursing at yourself for becoming distracted, you considered if you would be able to shift the rubble off of you as you had done previously, but thats when you saw it.

 

A huge shard of glass positioned directly above you, almost at eye level. You sucked in air as the light refracted off the sharp edge, wincing as your mind immediately leapt to the almost certain situation that was unfolding.

 

The sudden urge to escape the shard of glass gave you a sudden burst of energy, reaching down slowly, shifting a few of the smaller blocks off of your thighs with ease, holding your breath in an attempt to cope with the pain. Just as you free’d your right thigh the shard above you dropped a few inches from your movement. You cried out in terror, shielding your face in preparation. But then it stopped again.

 

Daringly you forced one eye open, chancing a glance above you. You couldn't move, that much was clear. If you moved, that glass would fall. So you led there. Unable to help steve, unable to fight Thanos,convinced that any second now the glass would fall and your life would be over.

 

Tears spilled from your eyes, leaving streaks in your dirt covered cheeks as you turned your head to the side, focusing on the scene unfolding before you.

 

A fight had broken out between Thor, Steve, Tony and Thanos and they were giving it everything they had. But he was so strong. With the rest of the team clearly trapped similarly to you, they were on their own.

 

 

The three of them had him surrounded, all of them using their greatest weapons, all of them fearless, resigned to the fight and determined. Determined to end this once and for all.

 

 

You watched as Thor drew lighting from the sky, casting it into the back of Tony’s suit , filling it with power and allowing him to convert the blast, shooting out beams of light towards Thanos.

 

He managed to block the attack, although how you had no idea. Thor’s hammer came hurtling through the air towards him but hit the back off Tonys suit instead, sending him flying across the open and debris filled space until he landed in a heap of metal to the far side.

 

You watched as Steve threw himself at Thanos, pretty much unarmed, with only his bare strength and his shield, just to be thrown aside like a ragged doll. Oh god. He was going to die. He was going to die and you were trapped, useless.

 

It was Thors turn to fight Thanos one on one. He fought gallantly, managing to land a few hard hits but again it was no use, Thanos soon had him pinned to the floor, blow after blow hitting him square in the face from his large fists. Thor reached for storm breaker, which came hurtling across the rubble strewn opening towards his hands.

 

But Thanos was fast, turning the weapon on Thor so that the blade dug into the armour on his chest, pushing as it sank further and further towards his flesh. Oh god.

 

Just as it looked like it was all over for Thor, Mjolnir came hurtling across the field, smashing Thanos in the back of the head, taking both him and yourself by surprise.

 

You frowned through your short breaths and tears. Where had it come from? How?

 

And then as the hammer returned to the hand that had sent it your eyes widened. Steve.

 

He stood, shield in one hand, Mjolnir in the other, ready for battle. You let out a breathy yet pained laugh, shaking your head in disbelief.

 

He was worthy of wielding Mjolnir.Your smile widened, despite your current situation. If you were to die right now then so be it, but the happiness that flooded into you, warming your heart as your eyes locked on the brave super soldier, willing to give his life to save those that he loved. Always first to put himself forward, forever doing the right thing, was unstoppable and eternal.

 

You watched intently as he raised the hammer under Thanos’s chin sending him flying backwards. Then as he used both his shield and hammer at the same time taking him out from behind so that he fell to his knees. Attack after attack with his shield, then the hammer, then the shield again. Thanos retreated, holding his hands up in defence as steve beckoned lightening from the Sky, throwing all of the power directly as his chest.

 

He was doing it. He could do it. End it all. You winced as the pain intensified as you shifted slightly in an attempt to gain a better visual.

 

Just as it looked as though Steve might finally take down Thanos, he managed to dodge out of the way of the second lightening strike, leaping to his feet and tossing Steve to the floor with ease.

 

The tables had turned.

 

You watched in distress as Steve tried to regain the upper hand, Thanos’s sheer strength outweighing his own. He received a blow to his leg, crying out in pain as he continued to defend.

 

He hurled the hammer back at Thanos but he was ready for it this time, sending it flying free from his hand, his own weapon coming down with force onto Steves Shield, cutting in to the vibranium with ease.

 

Your eyes widened as he pushed Steve further and further back, blow after blow to his shield, Small fractures of the metal cascading off with each hit until only half the shield remained, a jagged edge at its middle.

 

One more large hit and Steve was send hurtling backwards several feet, lifeless.

 

“No!” You yelled out, no one able to here your pained tones as you watched the love of your life be cast aside so heartlessly.

 

You watched as he led there for a moment, praying that he would stand again, that he was okay. He shifted slowly and you let out a sigh of relief as he gradually climbed to his feet.

 

All at once Thanos’s army began to descend upon your planet. Chitauri filling the skies, outriders filling the uneven ground. You gasped, frustrated by your state. If only you could stand by him, fight with him. At least then you would go down together. You still hadn't found the words to tell him you loved him, not since your return and regret washed over you again as it had so many times before.

 

You heard him cry out as he retightened the straps of his shield, standing up, alone against the entire onslaught ahead of him. You cried for him. Tears of pain, tears of anguish, tears of pride and tears of love.

 

 

You were proud. So proud. He was magnificent. Strong and powerful, determined and fearless. Everything you wished you could be, your entire world.

 

You chanced moving another lump of concrete from your legs and the glass above you shifted again. You sobbed out helpless, useless.

 

“please” you begged no one in particular. “Please”

 

________________________________________

 

Your comms buzzed to life again, causing your face to screw up in discomfort.

 

“Cap, can you here me, it’s Sam” Your eyes widened, they were here.

 

“On your left” He said clearly.

 

You let out a light laugh of relief at his words, the orange portal that began to open up beside steve illuminating the sky and your eyes as the once dusted Hero’s began to emerge.

 

T’challa and Shuri came first, leading the way, followed by Sam who flew effortlessly across the sky’s.

 

You laughed again now in disbelief, allowing your head to rest down against the unwelcoming ground as your body weakened. He wasn’t alone. The snapped were returning.

 

Your smile only grew to see Peter return, he looked so bright eyed, fresh faced almost as though he hadn't been gone for five years, just as you remembered him.

 

All of the wakandan forces piled out through various portals that Doctor strange and the rest of his team were creating, hundreds of them impressively lining up ready to fight.

 

Then you saw him,

 

The world silenced around you. Your smile fading as your eyes glossed over.

 

Bucky.

 

Bucky was back.

 

You inhaled sharply as a huge mixture of emotions consumed you; relief , happiness, frustration and an overwhelming sense of warmth.

 

So many more filed into view, some you had never seen before, some you recognised. Wanda was back, the light from her fists stronger than ever. Your sister was home. Happy tears spilled from your eyes, your frustration continuing to build. They were back and you couldn't reach them, still trapped.

 

 

Just when you thought there couldn't possibly be anyone else Scott emerged Huge from the other side of the building, carrying Rocket, Bruce and Thor in his hand. He placed them down with ease as everyone geared up for the upcoming fight. Everyone except for you.

 

You could see Steve searching the crowds for you, his eyes filling with fear as he failed to locate you. You saw him tap his comms, uttering something under his breath. You tapped at yours, desperate to tell him where you were, tell him your location but they had given up. The comms rendered useless. You sobbed as they lined up all of them facing thanos, Steve finally relenting. He had a team to lead after all.

 

“AVENGERS”

 

His voice, loud, clear and confident rang out across the field as Mjolnir returned to his hand once more.

 

You gasped in anticipation

 

“Assemble” he muttered and just like that the war had begun. And you were still useless.

 


	31. Hey doll

 

 

The glass had moved again when Scott had taken out the other half of the building and you weren't entirely sure how much longer you had, it seemed inevitable now. No one knew you were here, everyone too busy fighting to come and find you. The shard had lowered significantly but you locked your eyes onto in regardless, defiantly as you awaited the end. 

 

Bucky was back. Steve was not alone. They were together again. You could rest.

 

You closed your eyes finally relenting to the pain just as Sam’s voice rang out above you.

 

“Bucky, do you copy? I have eyes on y/n - North east edge” he told him firmly before landing beside you.

 

“Sam” you breathed as your eyes flew open, your voice quiet almost inaudible.

 

“Hey y/n” he said calmly, kneeling down beside you. “Lets get you out, there’s someone who wants to see you” he told you simply, moving to your legs.

 

“NO!” You called out, nodding to the shard of glass above you.

 

He froze at your words, following your gaze, the realisation flashing across his features.

 

‘It’s going to be okay” he told you after a moment, not all too convincingly, his eyes wide, voice cracking.

 

Within seconds you felt another presence behind you, unsure of who it was.

 

“Hey doll” Came Bucky’s deep tones.

 

You gasped at his words, tears immediately filling your eyes as the voice you’d longed to hear for so long filled your great full ears.

 

Sam nodded towards the glass, filling him in on the current situation.

 

“Bucky?” You asked through sobs, desperate to be reunited.

 

“You got this?” Sam asked him eager to get back to the fight.

 

He nodded in response, taking Sams space by your side.

 

You cursed your tear blurred eyes for not being able to fully focus on him as he came into view.

 

“Bucky” you breathed out again, a sad smile falling over your lips as you gazed weakly up at him.

 

“Its okay...” he whispered, forcing you to blink back the tears, determined to see him in all his glory. It worked. Your eyes finding his for the first time in over five years. Your breathing became more erratic, your heart pounding against your chest as you took in his rugged features.

 

He looked exactly how you remembered him, a strong stubble filled jaw line, deep blue eyes burning into your own and dark locks framing his face. You reached for him, unable to resist.

“Bucky” you croaked again, unsure of what else to say, still in shock by his sudden appearance, too weak to find the thoughts.

 

His eyes watered now as he looked across the pain on your face, the last five years of torment clearly visible upon your expression and in your eyes.

 

Your bloodied and shaking fingers found the roughness of his cheek, a genuine smile falling over your lips as you gazed over him.

 

“You’re back” you breathed out, wincing as the pain in your legs increased.

 

“Don’t move doll” he whispered, fear filling his tone as he tried to find a way out of this.

 

“It’s too late” you told him simply. “Just...stay with me” you whispered selfishly, knowing he was needed in the fight, but unwilling to lose your last few moments with him.

 

“No, I’ll get you out” he told you, determination filling his sad eyes, his jaw twitching in resolve.

 

“Always so stubborn” you muttered with a light laugh, forcing a smile to his pained features.

 

He glanced around anxiously once more still trying to come up with a solution, to save you, the woman he loved.

 

“Bucky..” you whispered, but he was still distracted. “Bucky!” You said louder “Lets not waste it...” you pleaded, your tone filled with exhaustion and he nodded, relenting.

 

A single tear slid down his cheek at the considered that these could be your last moments together.

 

“Just stay with me” you repeated in a pained whisper, not entirely sure what words had found your lips and which hadn't.

 

He shook his head.

 

“Always” he whispered shifting slowly into the space.

 

You frowned as he gradually moved until he was above you, shielding your body with his own, the shard of glass no longer in site.

 

Your eyes met his above you, your own filling with fear as you realised what he was doing.

 

“Bucky. No.get out...please” you begged, pushing at his chest in an attempt to remove him from danger.

 

He lowered himself down to his elbows, stroking the bloodied hair from your forehead.

 

“Not without you” he told you simply and sincerely, his eyes locked intensely on yours.

 

You sobbed again now. Sobbed for his sacrifice. Sobbed for his love for you. Sobbed for your helplessness.

 

“Shhhh” he whispered, his thumb finding your blotchy and dirt filled cheek. “Lets not waste it” he told you, repeating your words.

 

You nodded numbly, aware that any second now, that glass could drop and take you both out with it.

 

You lifted your still shaking hand back to his cheek, your eyes still locked on his as you took in every aspect of your final moments. The man you loved was back, the man you had mourned, who had taken half of you with him when he died was home.

 

You felt complete again, regardless of what was ahead. This moment, right here, gazing up in to his eyes one more time was worth it all. You weren't going to waste it, not this time. No more regrets.

 

“I love you” you whispered through your tears, your bottom lip trembling with fear.

 

he ran his thumb over your that lip, his eyes illuminating at your words.

 

“I love you too y/n” he whispered, leaning down to press his soft lips to yours.

 

You kissed him back gently, your tears mangling together as the warmth of his words filled your senses.

 

He was back and he loved you.

 

You held each other closely , drinking each other in, the world around you disappearing from your thoughts. No more worries, no fear and no sadness clouded your mind any longer. Just pure joy. Pure joy and happiness.

 

Clints voice rang out across the space

 

“Cap, what do you want me to do with this thing?” And suddenly you were back in your body, Destruction around you, pain filling your tired body and Bucky still in danger.

 

“Bucky, please get out” you pleaded again, unwilling to see the man you love die, not after you had fought so hard to bring him home.

 

“Please...for Steve” you whispered , his nose only centimetres from your own, The skin on his face now covered in your blood and dirt. 

 

He opened his mouth to object, just as a warm red light surrounded the shard of glass and the building that was crushing your legs..

 

“How about you both get out?” Came wanda’s familiar sokovian tones.

 

A smile fell across your once pained expression as you turned your head to see her stood, her hands outstretched in front of her, controlling and contorting the Debris that had once had you pinned in place. The tension slid from your body as the danger was removed. You were alive and so was bucky.

 

Your legs now free from the crushing weight, you shifted slightly in order to judge any damage.

 

Bucky climbed gradually from his position shielding you to his feet, lifting you gently to yours.

Your legs were unstable, still shaking from the trauma and also from the shock of your lovers return.

 

“Wanda..” you whispered, happy tears refilling your once sad eyes as you turned your gaze back to her.

She let out a light laugh at you response, but behind it her sadness plagued her eyes, losing vision still clear in her memory, only minutes earlier in her reality.

 

“Get your asses on the field” she told you simply, throwing the debris aside with ease before taking off in the direction of Thanos.

You turned your attention back to Bucky now, his gaze reserved for you, a million expressions flickering across both of your features as you took each other in fully. You had played this moment out in your head over and over again but now that it was actually happening you found yourself unprepared. There was nothing you could do or say to express how much you’d missed him, how much you truly and deeply loved him so you just stayed fixed to your spot, appreciating every aspect of him.

 

He raised a brow, noticing the bewilderment on your face, closing the gap between you and pulling you fiercely into his arms. You let out a gasp of relief, his strong arms crushing your small frame against his chest, your tears falling yet again. But happy tears this time, tears of disbelief, tears of shock and tears of joy.

 

Ignoring the searing pain in your upper arm you gripped on to him as though your life depended on it, inhaling his cologne, enjoying the familiar warmth of his chest.You sobbed uncontrollably as five years of torment and sadness emptied out of you.

 

“Its okay..” he whispered soothingly, his deep tones calming you further “Its all going to be okay.”

 

You pulled back slightly so you could find the blue of his eyes again, your hand finding his cheek once more, unable to stop yourself from touching him. Fearful he would disappear again. He let a reassuring smile fill his features, the intensity in his eyes forcing your heart to quicken, butterflies filling your unprepared stomach.

 

His gaze flickered from yours momentarily to the wound on your shoulder, his face screwing up in response as he assessed the damage.

 

He loosened his grip on you, removing the strap he had around his wrist.

 

“This is going to hurt” he told you simply as he edged closer to your shoulder, his hands trembling, afraid to hurt you.

 

“Its okay” you whispered reassuringly as he slid the strap under your arm holding it above the wound.

 

His eyes met yours, warning you to brace yourself and you did. You inhaled deeply, casting your gaze aside as he pulled hard on the strap, tightening it until your would was closed. You yelled out, unable to hold back as the pain threatened to send you unconscious again.

 

He steadied you with his hands, moving back in front of you so he could take you in fully.

 

“Its over” he breathed, his eyes swimming with concern. You nodded in response, the pain melting away as you locked eyes once more, biting your lip to stop more tears from escaping.

 

“You gunna be okay?” He asked concerned, glancing towards the fight that was still ongoing only a few feet away. You nodded, this was your fight too, Thanos had taken Bucky from you and you’d be damned if you let him get away with it.

 

“Lets go get this son of a bitch” you breathed with a small smile, a charming grin flooding his features in response.

 

“Just like in Slovenia?” He asked with the raise of a brow.

 

You grinned back at him now, as the memories returned.

 

“Just like in Slovenia” you agreed.

 

And then you ran, side by side back into the battle, pulling your batons from their holders. Thanos would pay.


	32. I am Iron man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I hated writing this hhaaha. The full battle scene is a lot, as you can imagine. Not all of it is as descriptive or well written as I’d have liked because its just a huge task to try and be accurate in a fight scene that is THAT long.
> 
> IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE ENDING STOP READING THE SUMMARY HERE!!!!
> 
> So I have made a decision about Steve Vs Bucky and some of you are going to hate me for it. BUT i re-read the entire story earlier today to see what seemed natural and even though we’ve had a lot of Bucky feels with his death, from the very beginning Steve has had a bigger journey with the reader including; first to kiss her, Gave his first dance to her, Overcame her hydra past, Gave up the avengers again for her, Gave away his shield, Chose her over Sharon, Changed the photo’s in his compass for her and Bucky, supported her through the bucky loss, forgave her for killing people with Clint- sure he’s having doubts and concerns recently after going back into the past and seeing Peggy but thats because of the ending i have planned. 
> 
> I know Bucky has a past with reader and I know that his death has been a huge part of the last 7-8 chapters BUT I promise his ending will suit his character. 
> 
> So Steve will definitely be chosen one way or another BUT if you would prefer I can leave the ending open without a definitive choice being made between the two, kinda like how it has been between them all up to this point? 
> 
> This would allow me to continue the story later on for a second series once I’ve seen how the MCU changes? 
> 
> Let me know- steve or open? 
> 
> Either way I promise I will give them all a good ending. I’m hoping it will satisfy either way with what I have planned. No one will be left super upset or hurt. TRUST ME!!!! I beg you! Ive been really stressing about this and haven’t taken the decision lightly. But I have to write what feels right otherwise it will be terrible.
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you all understand <3 I love bucky. Dont hate.
> 
> Ps- Bear with me on this chapter, I can now get back to writing original content again so it will pick up, i promise

 

 

the fight was still going strong, destruction everywhere, the sky darkened with dust and yet lit up with fire, large groups of outriders and Chitauri battling the hero’s in every direction.

 

You ripped your now useless comms from your ear throwing them to the ground in frustration.

 

“Where’s steve?” You asked nobody in particular as you scanned the horizon , still a little breathless from your moment with Bucky.

 

Bucky pulled his comms from his ear handing them to you. You frowned in response, looking down at the device in your hand.

 

“Take them, at least then if you get in trouble again you can call for help” He said with a teasing smirk.

 

You took them from him reluctantly, placing them in your ear, relieved to be in the loop again.

 

You could hear them discussing getting the Stones back to the quantum tunnel in the back of Scott’s van.

 

“Has anyone seen an ugly brown van out there?” Came Steves righteous tones, bringing a smile to your face. He was okay.

 

“Yes, but you’re not going to like where its parked” came a female voice you didn't recognise.

 

T’challa had taken hold of the glove and was sprinting across the space in the direction of the van. The sooner those stones were out of reach the better. Thanos couldn’t undo the work already done and the people who had been saved would remain.

 

You moved along side bucky, the unstoppable team, using your batons with force against the skulls of the enemy. you slid one baton away pulling out Bucky’s knife from your waist band , using it to cut and slice at the throats of the outriders.

 

He raised a brow as he noticed your choice of weapon and you couldn't help the blush that filled your cheeks. You threw your foot out quickly, kicking the last outrider that had surrounded you in the head, following it down to the ground and stabbing it in the neck before standing up to dust yourself off.

 

You smiled at bucky tossing the knife in his direction, him catching it with ease.

 

“I was just looking after it for you” you said with a shrug.

 

He smirked knowingly, the knife now returned to its rightful owner.

 

 

 

Thanos had blocked the path of T’challa in an attempt to retrieve the Gauntlet but Wanda appeared between them with vengeance in her eyes.

 

“You took everything from me” she told him fiercely.

 

“I don’t even know who you are” he said unemotionally, uncaringly as he stared her down as though she were nothing.

 

“You will” she glowered, her eyes glowing red, lifting all of the surrounding rubble from around her with ease, throwing it effortlessly crashing into him. He held his hands up in defence, shielding himself from the blow before coming back to take her on once more.

 

She was impressive, throwing blast after blast of red light in his direction.

 

Your eyes flickered to the side as you continued to fight along side bucky and you noticed that peter had somehow ended up with the glove and was continuing with haste towards the van.

 

When you turned your gaze back to wanda, Thanos suddenly had the upper hand— his weapon only inches away from her face.

 

Your eyes widened about to run to her aid but Bucky held his hand out holding you back as Wanda gritted her teeth with sheer determination, her power strengthening, forcing him back, pulling the weapon from his hands and breaking off a large chunk of its metal.

 

She got to her feet, all of her power radiating into her hands as she levitated Thanos off of the ground, controlling him like a puppet. A small smile of pride fell over your lips as you watched her rip away at the armour that had protected him only seconds earlier.

 

He looked genuinely fearful.

 

“rain fire” He called out from his compromised position in the air and just like that you were under immediate threat once more.

 

Bucky grabbed your hand without hesitation, pulling you under one of the defensive barriers that the sorcerers were holding above the battle field in an attempt to shield you all from the gun fire that now showered down from Thanos’s ship.

 

Your eyes finally found Steve who was in a battle of his own using both hammer and shield. You glanced to bucky quickly and he understood. Sliding from under the protection of the yellow glow, you rushed gracefully through the field. Your captain only a few seconds away.

 

Steve saw you coming, taking out several more outriders with one large swing of Mjolnir, clearing space for your reunion.

 

You rushed up to him as he scanned you quickly, his hands reaching to cup your face as his eyes reflected his previous panic. You must have seemed in a bad way, blood and dirt all over your face and arm, Bucky also covered in your blood. A frown fell across his battle worn features as his eyes fell to your shoulder but you held your hands up in defence.

 

“I’m okay” you told him, slightly out of breath.

 

He nodded, his shoulders relaxing but his frown remaining, relieved to have you back by his side.

 

“I looked for you..” he began, his tone pained, torturing himself as he always did. Wishing he could have done more. As though taking on Thanos alone wasn't enough.

 

“Steve, its okay” you told him honestly, using your baton to take out a lone outrider that had dared to disrupt your conversation.

 

“I’m okay...” you told him sincerely, the truth in your tone finally allowing him to release his hands from your face.

 

A small smile fell over your lips as you stepped aside to reveal his best friend, waiting patiently for his own reunion.

 

Bucky stepped forward, a genuine smile filling both of their features as they were reunited for the first time in five years

 

 

“Buck” Steve breathed out , pulling him without hesitation into a strong, emotion filled embrace, relief washing over him as his best friend returned to him again.

 

Bucky smirked as he returned steves affections, nothing to say, everything clear in their embrace and expressions.

 

“I thought you were dead” steve breathed out.

 

“I thought you had a beard” Bucky replied, the atmosphere lightning as they both let out an easy laugh.

 

Eventually they pulled apart, Bucky gesturing to Mjolnir in steves hand.

 

“So you're worthy now , huh punk?” He asked with the raise of a brow.

 

“So it seems” steve agreed with a knowing smile.

 

“ long way from back alleys in Brooklyn” Bucky continued, the pride clear on his features.

 

Steve let out a light laugh as he recalled his life all those years ago.

 

“Its good to see you buck” he said finally, warmth radiating from his eyes as he patted Bucky on his shoulder.

 

 “Steve?!!” You called out, distrusting them unwillingly as peters voice rang out through your comms asking for help.

 

As Steves eyes flickered to you, you nodded in the direction of Peter, now engulfed by outriders.

 

He responded immediately, spinning Mjolnir around in his hand to gather up speed.

 

“Hey queens, heads up” he yelled out to peter, throwing the hammer fiercely in his direction.

 

Peter released a string of webbing from his wrist, taking hold of the hammer which pulled him with ease from the grips of the enemy.

 

Steve turned back to you both once he was sure peter was out of danger, his once reminiscent and relaxed demeanour returning to the composed and collected one, ready to complete the mission.

 

“Lets finish this” Steve told you both, his voice low, his tone determined.

 

You and Bucky nodded in response, taking a glance between each other before you all leapt back into the fight.

 

You pushed your fingers to your comms

 

“Sam, can I get a ride?” You asked battling a couple of Chitauri at the same time.

 

“Where to?” he replied, swooping down from his position in the sky, lifting you with ease.

 

You inhaled a lung full of air as the sudden change in pressure caused your stomach to flip involuntarily.

 

“Peter” you breathed “I have a feeling he might need some help” you told him.

 

He nodded in response and you glanced back to see Bucky and Steve fighting back to back, a smile falling over your lips. Together again. Your two super soldiers.

 

All at once your feet were back on the ground, peter fighting off the hostiles as well as he was able.

 

“Hey peter” you breathed anxiously, unsure how he would react having not spoken to him in over 7 years, since you had gone on the run with Steve and Bucky from the avengers. 

 

“Y/n!” he replied turning to face you, his tone too cheery for the situation you were currently in.

 

You let out a light laugh.

 

“I thought I told you to stay in school” you scolded as he threw his arms around you, The gauntlet in his hand crashing into your side uncomfortably.

 

You grinned as you held on to him, relieved to have him back.

 

“Aren’t you supposed to be doing something with that?” You asked as you pulled away, raising a brow as you gestured to the glove.

 

“Oh...uhm...yeah” he agreed with a smile “Er....van” he told you glancing around.

 

Without warning the guns from the ship were pointing in your direction, large chunks of the ground disappearing around you both.

 

Peter yelled out as the arms were ripped from the back of his suit, more blasts continuing to swallow you up until he was curled in a ball on the ground , hugging the gauntlet.

 

You had managed to throw yourself to the side, shielding yourself behind some rocks, your eyes turning to the sky as the blasts stopped, the guns aiming upwards into the air.

You frowned in confusion, slowly climbing out from your position and to your feet, glancing to Peter briefly to ensure his safety. He was okay.

 

“What the hell is this?” Sam asked, taking the words from your mouth as your gaze returned to the sky.

 

“Friday what are they firing at?” Tony chipped in, everyone’s eyes now cast upwards.

 

“Something just entered the upper atmosphere” Friday responded quickly.

 

You all watched and waited in anticipation, a warm yellow light streaming down through the gunfire towards Thanos’s ship, taking the guns out within seconds.

 

“Ooh yeah!” Rocket called out in celebration, a smile falling over your face as the threat was lifted, Carol Danvers being your saviour.

 

You watched as the warm light continued to circle back round, destroying the ship from the inside until it fell beyond repair into the water below.

 

“Would you look at that” you breathed with a grin, shifting over to peter, placing your hand on his shoulder in reassurance as he slowly uncurled from his ball.

 

“Danvers, we need an assist here” came Steves exhausted tones through the comms.

 

Within seconds of hearing his calls for help carol landed beside you and peter, looking down at him still clutching at the glove.

 

 

 

“Hi, I’m peter Parker” peter squeaked out.

 

“Hey peter Parker, you got something for me?” She asked with the raise of a brow.

 

You held out your hand to him and he clambered to his feet , handing over the gauntlet, his shoulders relaxing as the responsibility left him.

 

“I dont know how your gunna get it through all of that” peter breathed out, slightly in shock as he looked over the horizon. Hundreds of Chitauri and outriders flooding towards the three of you.

 

 

“Dont worry” wanda told him clearly as she landed down by your side, throwing a smile in your direction.

 

“She’s got help” Okoye confirmed, stepping into view.

 

You smirked as you looked around, Shuri stepping up to join you, followed by nebula and who you presumed to be Gamora.

 

A white winged horse landed to your right, forcing you to step back slightly, your eyes drifting up to meet those of its rider. She indicated for you to jump on with the raise of a brow, so you did.

 

Skeptically and nervously you approached the horse climbing on till you were seated behind her.

 

“I’m y/n” you told her quickly

 

“Valkyrie” she replied simply lifting you in to the skies.

 

You gripped onto her waist, shrieking out in an alarm.

 

A strange bug like lady joined the other female fighters along with pepper who was now dressed in a suit similar to Tony’s but blue in colour and Who you presumed to be Scott’s friend hope.

And then you were off, defending Carol, all of of fighting with everything you had.

 

Okoye ran forward spearing outriders left and right.

 

Wanda used her powers from the ground, manipulating a Chitauri ship with her skills

 

Valkyrie and yourself took the other ship. You lept effortlessly from the horse onto the back of the ship using your batons to smash away at the Chitauri that littered the space. She went for the side, running her sword along it until the ship crashed to the ground.

 

You leapt from the falling ship and back onto the back of the horse, watching as carol flew through the remaining forces on the ground, glove still in hand.

 

She was nothing short of mesmerising to watch, powerful and strong. Nothing could stand in her way as she tore through the hostiles with little effort, nearing the van at a furious pace.

 

She was only a few feet away when Thanos appeared, hurling his weapon across the space until it lodged in the back of the van and into the quantum tunnel, a bright light disbanding as the tunnel gave away under the force.

 

Your eyes widened as you took in the remainder of the van , now next to useless. Valkyrie lowered you down to the ground and you dismounted the horse with ease before she went on her way.

 

Pepper flew into view projecting all of the energy from her suit directly at Thanos in an attempt to distract him long enough for someone to take hold of the gauntlet.

 

There was no one else. Only you. You swallowed down your fear as you took off towards the glove, your feet hammering into the floor beneath you as you pushed harder in an attempt to reach it as fast as possible. You stretched your arm out as you neared, ready to lift it from its position; discarded on the ground.

 

A huge force hit you in the chest without warning, knocking you off of your feet, throwing you backwards through the air until you landed about 30 feet from the glove, gasping for breath, a huge pain radiating across your chest.

 

You lifted your hand to your ribs, surely broken from the force. Thanos had been your attacker and was now reaching for the glove.

 

Bucky was by your side having witnessed your fall, his eyes searching yours eagerly in alarm.

 

You sent a nod of reassurance in his direction, forcing yourself in to a sitting position, wincing at the dull ache that filled the right side of your rib cage.

 

You turned your gaze back to Thanos, watching as Tony, Steve and Thor all took turns in an attempt to bring him down. Tony was down first, thrown aside just as you had been only moments earlier.

 

Thor and Steve continued to fight together, attempting to push the blade of storm breaker in to his throat, steve on his back, Thor to his front.

 

Steve cast his gaze to you, noticing your injuries and yelled out to bucky from his compromised position.

 

“Get her out of here!” He yelled, gritting his teeth as he pulled at the weapon with all of his strength.

 

Bucky helped you to your unsteady feet

 

‘Come on doll” he whispered in an attempt to lead you away.

 

“No.” You replied your eyes meeting his and he understood immediately, releasing your arm “Its my choice” you told him

 

He smiled at you in acceptance, proud of your bravery and determination as you turned your gaze back to the fight ahead just in time to see Thanos gain the upper hand once more, head butting Thor till he fell unconscious the ground. Shaking steve off of his back, one hard punch to the head rendering him out cold.

 

 

Steve” you gasped as your brain caught up, rushing to his side, your legs still shaking, breathing erratic. Bucky came with you, both of you kneeling by Steves side in an attempt to revive him.

 

“Steve?” You asked shaking his shoulder, your memories of the last time this had happened in wakanda filling your mind. “Steve” you gasped again, your emotions getting the better of you, tears blurring your vision as you feared for his life.

 

“Y/n” bucky breathed , his hands supportively on your shoulders as you continued to try and shake him awake.

 

Thanos had the glove now, your thoughts shifting as you realised that this could be goodbye- again. you looked to bucky, convinced any second now he would disappear. Could it be that you had them back together briefly only for both of them to be torn away from you once more ?

 

Carol rushed forward battling thanos with all of her force, forcing open his fist to stop him from snapping his fingers. You watched as Thanos retaliated in frustration; head butting carol as he had Thor, her feet staying steady, unmoving, not even flinching at the impact.

 

You rested your head on Steves shoulder sobbing silently as bucky comforted you.

 

“Please steve” you whispered “Don’t leave me” you pleaded.

 

Thanos’s frustration was only growing with carols determination and in a bid to end her fight once and for all he removed the purple stone from the glove, holding it in his other fist and punching carol again, the force of the stone forcing her backwards with ease.

 

Something out of the corner of your eye distracted you from steve;a silent conversation happening between Tony and Doctor strange. You didn't understand what was being communicated but saw doctor strange lift one finger up in response, tony’s gaze intensifying.

 

Tony was already beaten down, blood running down his face, a mess really.

 

You watched as he climbed unsteadily to his feet, bracing himself temporarily before he lunged towards thanos with all of his remaining strength. flinching in response, you turned your gaze back to steve, knowing that he inevitably couldn't win. He was too weak from the long running battle, Thanos too strong, much stronger than any of you and sure enough Tony had hold of his gloved hand for all of two seconds before he was finally thrown backwards.

You shifted from your position across steves chest to turn to bucky, Thanos raising his fist in the air victorious. Fear filled your eyes as your gaze met his, your bloodied hands cradling his cheeks.

 

“I’m sorry” you whispered tears slipping Down your cheek as you realised that any second now Bucky could disappear once more. Or maybe you would. You had no idea whether it would be the same half this time as it was the time before but either way you were convinced this was goodbye- again.

 

Steve gasped behind you as the life shot back into him, sitting up immediately. Your head spun round, both of your super soldeirs awake and looking to you.

 

You saw steves eyes widen as he saw Thanos with his hand in the air, ready to snap. He jumped up to fight but you forced him back down and he understood. It was too late anyway.

 

You all huddled round, the three of you, exchanging glances as you awaited the inevitable. You gripped onto each of there hands in the fear that any second now one of them might disappear

“I am inevitable” Thanos spoke out confidently.

 

And then- he snapped his fingers.

 

He snapped them and nothing happened.

 

A frown flooded over your expression as you looked between the two soldiers, your eyes scanning the scene ahead in confusion. Why had nothing happened? Was this not the part where people started to disappear?

 

Steve and Bucky also turned, all of you climbing weakly to your feet in bewilderment as you awaited an explanation, leaning on each other for support.

 

Thanos seemed equally surprised as he turned over the glove to find all six infinity stones now missing from their previous positions.

 

Suddenly a bright light radiated out from Tony’s arm as all of the infity stones crept up his suit taking their places on his knuckles. You gasped as you realised what had happened. Tony was down on his knees, struggling to take the strength of the stones.

 

You held on to steve and Bucky’s hands tightly as you watched the scene unfold.

 

Bright lights of all different colours ran all the way up his arm as they had done with Bruce earlier, sparks running up the skin of his neck and his face, his head thrown back as the power overwhelmed him

 

His eyes were filled with pain and fear but a look of determination outweighed it all.

 

‘And I am” you heard him say, his voice quiet, weakened.“...Ironman”

 

And then he Snapped his fingers.

___________________________________________

 

The energy changed around you immediately, outriders and Chitauri beginning to turn to dust around you.

 

He’d done it. Tony stark had snapped his fingers and saved you all.

 

It was over.

 

Your eyes found steves as shock overwhelmed you, his features matching your own.

 

“Is it....did he...?” you breathed out, Steve only replying with the shock that was swimming in his eyes.

 

You watched as Thanos turned to face the three of you, defeat across his face, the first time you’d actually seen him appear scared.

 

His ships turned to dust along with his army.

 

He looked steve dead in the eye and steve started right back at him, defiantly, strong till the end.

 

Thanos turned away again, distraught, taking a seaton a pile of rubble as he contemplated his loss. And then just like everything around him, he too began to fade, turning to dust, blowing away in the wind.

 

It was over.

 

You watched as Tony stumbled over to fall by a large pile of rubble, no colour in his cheeks, burnt damaged skin up one side of his face, his arm a mangled mess.

 

He didn't look good, struggling for breath, his eyes lifeless as he fell down to the floor.

 

Rhodey landed beside immediately having rushed across the field to his side, placing his hand to Tony’s cheek, a nod of respect his only communication.

 

Your breath quickened as you watched the scene in front of you unfold. Was he saying goodbye? No...

 

You clung on to your soldiers tightly, all of you bewildered, all of you Blurry eyed as you watched Tony’s life begin to slip away before you.

 

Peter landed down by his side now, fear clear in his eyes as he lowered himself to eye level

 

“Mr stark, hey, mr stark can you here me? its peter” He said, distress clear in his tone, willing Tony to get up, to stand up as he always did.

 

“ hey” he tried again, his emotions getting the better of him as he sobbed out his next words

 

“we won, mr stark, we won mr stark, we won, you did it sir....” He gasped sadly for air as he stuttered along, mumbling anything that came to mind, lost in his grief.

 

“you did it, I’m sorry....tony” He finished, sobbing silently, covering his mouth with his hand.

 

Tony stared ahead numbly, only reacting slightly at the sound of Peters name. Unable to function or move, death gradually creeping over him.

 

Steve took a step forward to stand by Thor and you released his hand from yours. It wasn’t your place.

 

You stayed behind, Bucky sliding his arm around your aching shoulders, holding you tightly against him as you watched together, both of you wide eyed with shock.

 

Pepper had arrived now and rushed to his side, pulling peter soothingly away from Tony and handing him to the care of Rhodey.

 

She lowered herself down, kneeling in front of her husband, the father of her child and the love of her life.

 

“Hey” she breathed out, a brave smile forced across her pained expression.

 

“Hey” he rasped out in reply, barely audible.

 

She lifted her fingers tentatively to his chest piece, swallowing down the lump in her throat before she spoke her next words.

 

“Friday?” She asked.

 

“Life functions critical” Friday replied, confirming his fate.

 

Tony allowed a pained smile to fall across his face as his eyes locked on to hers briefly before turning away, preparing himself for the end.

 

 

“Tony, look at me.” She told him softly and he did. He shifted his gaze back to hers obediently.

 

“We’re gunna be okay.” She reassured him, holding back her tears and anguish.

 

“ You can rest now” she added finally, watching as once again his gaze slipped from hers to stare straight ahead, the remaining life draining from him, the light of his chest piece flickering out forever.

 

Pepper Leant forwards kissing Tony softly on his cheek in a goodbye as she finally allowed her tears to fall, sobbing into his shoulder.

 

You turned into Bucky’s chest,tears falling down your cheeks as you realised his sacrifice. It was over, he’d given his life and saved everyone you loved. You would be forever thankful, forever in his debt.

 

You looked to pepper now, your heart aching for her. You remembered the feeling of jealously you had felt when Tony had returned from space, coming home to her while bucky was still lost and you hated yourself for it. Now she had lost worse than all of you and watching her fall apart in front of you all, so exposed and emotional; it was agony.

 

Bucky held you close, stroking the back of your head as you all stood around, numb, in shock and heartbroken.

 

 

Tony Stark was dead

 

______________________________________________


	33. NOT A CHAPTER- NOTE TO ALL READERS

**I’m sorry it has come to me having to leave a note like this but I am receiving a lot of hate because of my decision to do a Steve ending.**

 

**The decision is made. I’m writing this story because I enjoy writing and because I wanted to change Steve’s ending. I won’t tolerate the hate and will simply stop updating. I’m doing my best. If you can’t accept it, please just stop reading and stop with the constant messages.**

 

**I value all of your opinions, I really do but now that the decision is made I hope you can be respectful after I spend 4-5 hours a day writing to keep you all with regular updates.**

 

**I didn’t want to be this writer but honestly it’s stopped being fun and it’s starting to make me miserable . I don’t want to end the story here because I love making you all happy with these stories but at some point it has to stop**

 

**Please don’t make me do this guys I really want to finish this story Thank you to those of you who are still being super supportive especially even if you wanted a Bucky ending. I really appreciate it ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️**


	34. Tell that to pepper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, firstly THANKYOU SO MUCH for all of your kind responses to my message. Honestly you have rekindled my love for this fic! Just knowing that you all support it regardless of the ending is amazing and knowing you are all enjoying it makes me want to push for these regular updates!!!!
> 
> I love you alll so so much! I genuinely couldn’t stop smiling whilst reading your comments, so thank you again! 
> 
> There will probably only be 3-4 more chapters for this story 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈
> 
> I can’t believe we are nearing the end!!!!
> 
> As I have mentioned to a few of you I will be taking a week off after the story is finished whilst i plan out my next stories. The current plan is to do a Bucky fic, Steve fic and Loki fic (all reader insert) all at the same time. This means that each one will get updated every three days so If you follow them all you will get a new chapter daily :) 
> 
> If you have a Aou account please subscribe to me as a user so that you can receive updates for the stories posted! 
> 
> I have a few ideas already for the steve and bucky stories but I’m open to suggestions if there are specific scenes you want to see or when you’d like them to be set! Just drop me a message and Ill consider your thoughts when I plan them out! 
> 
> Lots of love again <3

 

You Sat on the edge of your hotel bed, tapping your foot anxiously. The avengers compound destroyed there was no where else to go. The world was still reeling from 50% of the population returning, happy cries and screams filling the streets as reunion after reunion unfolded.

 

You had Bucky back, wanda, peter, everyone you cared about. But there was an overwhelming film of sadness that clouded over the happiness. Tony was dead, gone, sacrificing himself for the world he’d grown to love. Natasha also gone, also giving her life to save those of her family, the avengers.

 

Peter had headed home to aunt may, T’challa and his family had headed back to wakanda, Scott had gone to spend some time with Cassie and Hope and Clint had returned to his home with Laura and his children. Doctor Strange had taken himself and the sorcerers back to bleaker street, Carol had shot off immediately after the battle to go and check in on the other worlds she was affiliated with and Star lord, Nebula and apparently now Thor had also gone off world.

 

This left You, Steve, Bucky, Wanda, Rhodey, Bruce and Sam with no where to go. You’d filled the top floor of the Plaza hotel in New York, just while you figured out your next move.

 

Losing the avengers compound stung, especially when it was all you had to remind you of happier times with Natasha and Tony. You were still in your combat gear, fresh from battle, staring at the white wall ahead of you as you considered the days events.

 

A knock on the door awoke you from your deep thoughts, climbing slowly to your feet, your legs aching and sore along with the rest of your body. Your hand fell to your broken ribs subconsciously as you crossed the floor, opening the door wearily, unsure if you wanted the company.

 

Steve.

 

He had managed to find the strength to shower and change and was now dressed in his plain clothes. A checked shirt, tucked into his light slim fit jeans, a leather jacket around his shoulders. He looked good, not at all as though he’d nearly lost his life several times only hours ago, only a few minor cuts to his lip and brow.

 

On closer inspection you noticed a few bulges beneath his clothes where you presumed he’d bandaged up further wounds. Although on the surface he appeared well, his eyes told a different story. Still glossy from his sadness for Tony, worn down with the weight of the last few weeks.

 

His expression changed as his eyes found yours, the corner of his lips twitching into a sad smile, brightening if only slightly.

 

“Steve” you breathed out, a wave of happiness falling over you, lightening the dull ache in your heart.

 

His smile grew from the warmth in your tone and you connected immediately in a blissful embrace , your arms wrapping around him tightly as a breath of relief fell from your parted lips, the realisation washing over you once more. Thanos was gone, Steve and Bucky alive. His powerful arms returned your embrace, almost crushing you into his chest as he too allowed his emotions to spill out, his usual controlled and measured demeanour slipping away as he breathed in your hair.

 

“I thought I was going to lose you..” you admitted, words muffled from his muscular chest pressed against your cheek. as your mind drifted back to him unconscious on the floor from thanos’s hand.

 

“Its over...” he told you simply, both of you drinking each other in, your eyes connecting, entranced and hypnotised by every aspect of him; his light sandy hair perfectly quaffed as usual, his strong jaw line cleanly shaven, every aspect of him flawless.

 

he lifted his hand to caress your bloodied cheek, his eyes slipping from your gaze to your lips.

 

“Its over...” he repeated quietly, leaning down to brush his lips against yours. You responded immediately, your hands lifting up to the exposed skin of his neck, your lips dancing with his in a heartfelt and appreciative kiss. Your shoulders relaxed as his lips moulded perfectly with yours, as though they were made to connect, fated to meet.

 

eventually you pulled away reluctantly ; breathless, the smile returning to your expression, entirely entranced by the blue of his eyes. He returned your smile, the eagerness in his kiss allowing you to feel the love he held for you, the fear he had had for you only hours earlier.

 

His eyes fell from yours to the open wound on your shoulder, a sigh escaping his still puffy lips.

 

“.... come, you leave that wound open and untreated your gunna risk an infection” He told you assertively, holding his hand out to you as a frown of unease settled back on his brow.

 

You nodded in acceptance, threading your fingers through hisas he began to lead you slowly down the corridor to his own room.

 

He sat you down on his bed, taking a deep breath as he surveyed your wounds once more.

 

“Steve...” you whispered, sensing the sadness that clung to him, clear even above his feelings for you. You knew that it was his sadness for Tony that was eating him up inside, but still you couldn't sit by and watch him suffer.

 

“-what Tony did...” you started, his eyes shooting up to yours, stopping you in your tracks as the love that had once radiated out of them was replaced with regret and despair.

 

“It should have been me” he told you abruptly, Lifting his hands tentatively to the strap that Bucky had placed on you earlier.

 

“Deep breath” he added. You inhaled deeply as he undid the strap from your arm, gritting your teeth, releasing a whimper of pain as he pulled the leather away from the open wound revealing the full extent of it.

 

You gathered yourself, ignoring the concern that flooded across his expression as your thoughts returning to his previous statement, the thought of Steve being lost instead of Tony filling your heart with dread.

 

“Why do you always do this?” You asked , a frown of sadness pulling on your brow.

 

He concentrated on your arm still, ripping the sleeve off with ease to get better access to the wound, forcing you to wince as your arm jolted.

 

“He had a family y/n” he said quietly, forever beating himself up.

 

“Steve” you warned with a shake of your head “This isn’t your fault. Why can’t you see that? It was Tony’s choice...” you continued, his gaze lifting to yours.

 

“Tell that to Pepper, to Morgan” he said defiantly, his tone low, pensive.

 

You frowned now, fully and whole heartedly, his selflessness angering you.

 

“And what about me?” You asked, your emotions threatening to consume you“And Bucky? What about us? If you’d have died, we would have lost you.” You told him, your voice louder than you would have liked, the love you held for him creeping out in the fear in your tone. You were frustrated with him, frustrated that he continued to beat him self up over things beyond his control. 

 

He turned his gaze away from your watering eyes as he considered your words.

 

“I could have done more..” he said softly, still resigned that it was somehow his fault.

 

“Stop it” you said flatly, pulling your arm from his grip and into your chest.

 

He sat back with a sigh, running a hand over his face.

 

“Stop it with the self pity. Tony saved your life, my life, all of our lives. Give him the respect he deserves” you bit back harshly, surprising yourself with the dominance in your voice.

 

You knew you were being harsh but he needed to hear it, he had to see that this wasn’t on him.

 

He nodded slowly as your words sunk in, acceptance washing over him slowly.

 

“You’re right” he agreed, finally relenting, a look of surprise filtering over your expression, causing him to let out an easy laugh, the sadness in his eyes lifting once more.

 

You were surprised he’d given in so easily, listened to you for once instead of being so god damn stubborn. He slid his hand to your knee squeezing it lightly, his smile returning as his thumb stroked the damaged material of your suit.

 

“I’m sorry doll...” he added, the surprise on your face only growing. 

 

You matched his smile, the frustration you’d felt towards him evaporating as your eyes locked onto the blue of his own again, relieved that he was perhaps at least starting to forgive himself.

 

You shifted yourself around so that your hand could find his cheek and he leant into it in response, closing his eyes as you comforted him, lifting his own larger hand to cover yours.

 

Turning his head, he placed a soft kiss to the palm of your hand, a comfortable silence falling over you as once again you became captivated with each other.

 

He placed another kiss to your hand and your smile widened, a blush creeping over your cheeks at the intimacy he was sharing with you so readily, so unreserved.

 

You inhaled deeply, wincing as the pain in your chest pulled you from the comfortable moment you shared.

 

He raised a brow as he noticed your discomfort releasing a sigh as he held your hand in both of his playing with your fingers, content.

 

“What do we do now?” You asked finally in a whisper as you contemplated the future.

 

“Well....” he started “Firstly, you’re going to let me finish cleaning you up, then you’re gunna take a shower, get dressed, eat something and then- ” he shrugged “-we figure something out” he admitted, not having all of the answers to hand, unsure himself of how the next few days, weeks or even months were going to unfold.

 

You laughed lightly, adjusting yourself so he could access your arm again.

 

“Sounds fair” you agreed with a shrug “maybe we could take a day?” you asked with a smile. “I’m pretty sure we’ve earned it” you added.

 

He returned your smile as he began to assess the wound once more.

 

 

“I think maybe we have” he agreed, his eyes clouding over with concern as he spoke his next words.

 

“In an ideal world we’d get you to the compound....but..”

 

You nodded already knowing there weren't many options in your current situation

 

“Just do what you have to...” you told him taking a deep breath, preparing yourself for the pain that was surely ahead. “-its okay, I trust you”

 

You turned away as he touched the raw wound, cleaning it with the few supplies that he had to hand.

 

Eventually when it was clean, he began to stitch it. He had numbed it the best that he could but that didn’t mean you couldn't feel the needle moving in an out of your skin with each stitch, a sharp pain causing you to flinch each time.

 

Finally it was over and he looked at relieved as you were, hating having to inflict pain upon you.

 

You smiled softly over at him as he collected the equipment back up shifting it to the side.

 

“Thank you” you whispered genuinely, climbing to your feet and heading towards the door, in need of a shower.

 

“Y/n?” he breathed out, standing to his own feet, fixed to the spot as his gaze ran over your form. You could see the conflict in his eyes as he fought for his words.

 

You smiled softly in understanding as you wandered back over until you were stood back in front of him, your hands resting on the warmth of his chest, his heart beat pounding against your palm causing you to raise your brow in confusion.

 

“What is it?” You asked, your voice soft in attempt not to push.

 

 

His gaze burned into your own, intensity swimming in the blue of his eyes- but then he looked away, his mind clearing as he finally spoke.

 

“You did good today” he told you sincerely, once more pushing aside the words you longed to hear.

 

You forced a smile in response, a small nod all you could muster as you took after a few steps backwards. After everything that had happened and still the words failed to find him, still trapped somewhere deep down. Why? You weren’t sure. But you would wait, patiently. Because even though the words never came, the intensity in his gaze spoke for him, the softness of his kiss and the fear he held for you whenever there was danger filled your heart with love and a feeling of home.

 

With that in mind, you left him to his thoughts, your eyes falling from his as you turned and headed back to your room.

 

_____________________________________

 

You walked your forever aching body out of the shower, clumsier than you would have liked and padded through into the bedroom, a white fluffy towel wrapped around your now clean body, your hair wet and fragrant. Your upper torso was badly bruised from your encounter with Thanos, only confirming your broken bones that lay beneath.

 

A knock at the door forced a sigh out of you, probably steve checking on you again.

 

You shuffled over to the door, swinging it open, fully prepared with a sassy comment when your eyes fell upon Bucky.

 

Bucky.

 

You swallowed down your sassy thoughts immediately, your eyes glossing over with the memories of him lost, dead, or so you thought.

 

“hey” you breathed out.

 

Sure you’d already been reunited but something about seeing him stood before you, cleaned up in his plain clothes, genuinely back, Thanos gone, no imminent threat- filled your heart with joy.

A knowing smile fell over his lips as he took you in, raising a brow at your lack of clothing. Shit. You’d been so caught up in him that you hadn't considered your nakedness.

 

“Hey doll” he breathed out, that word finally filling you with warmth and butterflies as it had done before all of this began.

 

You opened the door wider, stepping back, gesturing for him to come in. You weren't sure why , but you felt almost awkward, embarrassed, like it was the first time you’d had a boy in your room, a shyness taking over your stance, a blush creeping over your cheeks.

 

You closed the door behind him, his cologne filling your senses and making you dizzy as he made his way across to perch on the edge of the bed.

 

You moved slowly over until you were stood in front of him, no words spoken, his smile fixed, permanent on his lips. You gazed down at him from your position, his chin raised so that his eyes could meet yours, his smile inflicting itself upon your own expression.

 

You slid your fingers into his long dark hair, pushing it back and away from his face, your mind busy with thoughts of the past. Sensing your distress he stood from his position, forcing you to take a small step back, lifting your chin with the cool metal of his hand.

 

You lifted your gaze obediently, like putty in his hands, entirely spellbound by the once lost super soldier. The warmth of his arms pulled the negative thoughts away from the front of your mind, the steel blue of his eyes pulling you back into the present.

 

The icy metal of his thumb ran across your battle chapped lips as his gaze flickered to them momentarily, before settling back on your eyes. You swallowed in anticipation, your breath hitching, heart pounding as you closed the gap between you both, your hands falling to the warmth of his chest.

 

He leant his head down, slowly pressing his lips to yours in a firm yet eager kiss, his hands moving to snake around your waste gently, fearful he might add to your injuries.

 

The moment his lips touched yours, you became intoxicated , your fingers tightening on his t-shirt, pushing yourself closer against him. He reacted quickly sensing your need, his hand sliding into the side of your hair, tangling in the wet strands as he deepened the kiss, your tongues dancing together in a passionate dance. 

 

He pulled you tighter against him as his hand slipped to your thigh beneath your towel. You pushed at the jacket on his shoulders forcing it to fall onto the bed behind you, your kisses intensifying, breath quickening as you contemplated what was to come. He spun you around so that the back of your knees hit the top of the bed, causing you to fall backwards onto the mattress.

 

You cried out in pain as your broken ribs were knocked on impact, gasping for breath as you cradled your chest. Bucky’s eyes changed immediately from lust filled to concerned, moving rapidly to your side, his arms sliding around your shoulders in an attempt to comfort you. Guilt took over his expression as the pain finally let up allowing you to un curl from the ball you’d contorted into, meeting his worried eyes with your own, watering from the pain.

 

“It’s okay...” you told him quickly, trying to get your breath back “I’m okay” you confirmed.

 

He nodded but his eyes didn't agree, the concern still swimming across them. You cupped his face as you climbed slowly to your knees so that you were knelt before him, planting another soft kiss to his lips, pushing the pain aside.

 

He kissed you back tentatively, his hands covering both of yours; rested on his stubbled jaw, pulling them away slowly, resting his forehead on yours as he ended the kiss.

 

“...we should wait” he whispered, his concern for your wellbeing outweighing his need. You complained outwardly, sitting back on your calves, pouting, forcing an easy laugh from him.

 

“It’s been 5 years doll, a few more days won’t kill you” he told you teasingly.

 

Your pout dissolved into a smile as his laugh filled your ears.

 

“It just might...” you argued, leaning forward to give him a quick peck.

 

You beamed at him turning to get off the bed but he pulled you back towards him, still gently, meeting his lips to yours immediately in a slow, emotion filled kiss.

 

When you parted again his eyes were filled with intensity again, but this time not with lust.

 

“I love you” you whispered. Eager to hear him say the words again, afraid you may have dreamt them on the battle field.

 

“I love you too doll” he said with certainty, his deep tones making your heart leap in your chest.

 

Your face lit up at his words, a warmth radiating over your still aching body, numbing all the pain, completing you. Bucky said it with such conviction, such certainty that it made you question why Steve was unable to. Did he not love you? What was holding him back?

 

A knock on the door disrupted your thoughts, the door opening before you had chance to respond.

 

Steve.

 

He cleared his throat as his eyes fell to you and Bucky; you still only in a towel, kneeling in the centre of the bed. Bucky beside you, his hair tousled from your fingers running through it.

 

“Fury’s on his way over” he told you both, his eyes filled with warmth, not the animosity you had feared. Truth be told the understanding you all had between each other had never really been met with any jealousy. The love Bucky and Steve shared for each other meant that they didn't feel a need to be in competition with each other. You knew that at some point you would probably be forced to make a choice, but those thoughts consumed you when they arose so you tended to push them away, hoping that day would never come.

 

Returning his smile, you shifted off of the bed, clearing your own throat as you looked down at yourself in the towel, feeling very exposed in front of both of the super soldiers.

 

“I’ll just get dressed...” you said with a shrug.

 

“Good idea” steve agreed with a smirk, relieved to see you happy for the first time in months.

 

___________________________________________

 

When you came back out of the bathroom now fully dressed, Bucky and steve were in fits of laughter, talks of the good old days in full swing.

 

 

 

 

A smile immediately found your lips. you loved it when they had these chats, it was when they were at their most relaxed as though none of the trauma inflicted on them had happened, just two Brooklyn boys.

 

“You know that was the first time I’d ever seen a dame turn you down...” Steve recalled

 

Bucky shrugged as he thought back over the memories.

 

“wait, Bucky Barnes got rejected by a female?” You asked faking shock across your expression as you interrupted the conversation.

 

Their expressions lit up on your arrival and your heart warmed as you planted yourself on the beside beside them both.

 

“It was an off day..” he defended with a pout.

 

Steve chuckled to himself.

 

“If that what you wanna call it...” he continued.

 

“Watch it ,punk” bucky grinned.

 

You laughed an easy laugh, about to ask more, eager to hear the story when there was another knock at the door.

 

“Since when did my room become the rendezvous point?” You asked climbing from the bed and heading to the door.

 

Bucky and Steve’s minds still half distracted by past memories.

 

You opened the door to see Fury, Maria hill, Wanda, Sam and Bruce.

 

“Uhm....come in” you mumbled stepping out of the way as they all filed in to the room.

 

Steve and Bucky stood from their relaxed position on your bed, straightening themselves

 

“Fury” Steve addressed, his once happy expression becoming serious.

 

“Captain rogers” Fury acknowledged , a hand shake exchanged.

 

You frowned as you circled back round to stand by Steve and Bucky, confusion filling your expression as you awaited an explanation.

 

Fury broke the silence handing Steve a folder.

 

“I know its all still pretty raw, but we gotta start looking to the future..” he began, already eager to get you all back in training.

 

“The avengers compound is dust...” he continued, that which you already knew.

 

“You bought back the tower?” Steve interrupted as he flicked through the papers.

 

Fury nodded in response.

 

“Thanos is gone, yes, but that doesn't mean there aren’t more hostiles ready to take his place. Shield needs somewhere to operate from, so do you...”

 

He raised a brow expectantly as you all exchanged glances. Truth be told you were pleased, the thought of returning to somewhere that felt vaguely like home with both Bucky and Steve by your side seemed like an ideal situation.

 

You could tell from the expressions on everyone’s faces that the idea sat well with them all, all but one.

 

“Maybe we should consider our options..” Steve spoke up, passing the file back to fury.

 

You looked to him bewildered, Bucky reacting similarly.

 

“Steve...” you began

 

“I’m not sure its Whats best for the team...” he interrupted, directing his words at fury.

 

Fury raised a brow, his expression matching the confusion of the rest of the team.

 

“Alright.” He said simply with a shrug “You’ve got 72 hours to make a decision captain...” and with that; he left, leaving the whole team looking to steve for an explanation.

 

Why did he not want to return to the tower? Why was he so hesitant? Something was holding him back and you needed to find out what it was, for all of your sakes.


	35. Staying together is more important than how we stay together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay a bit of a sad one I’m afraid, but SMUT too 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Ps- no update tomorrow, next one will be Thursday!
> 
> Only two more chapters to go :(

 

“Do you think it’s because of Tony?” Wanda asked, sat on the edge of your bed, legs crossed, light dancing from her fingers as she absentmindedly played with it.

 

You sighed, finishing up your makeup for the day before turning to look at her.

 

“Honestly? I don’t think so...” you admitted “But something is different about him...thats for sure”

 

All of the team members had been coming to you one by one to ask your thoughts on Steves attitude to the avengers tower idea that Fury had suggested but truth be told you felt as in the dark as them. You’d asked Bucky but he assured you he knew no more than you did and promised to speak to him later today, but firstly you all had to get through the funeral.

 

Natasha’s funeral.

 

You smoothed out your black form fitting dress, turning back to the mirror to fluff up your hair a little from below. You were ready, at least physically.

 

“Maybe he just needs time..” wanda continued pensively.

 

“Maybe...” you agreed, not fully believing your own words. You knew something was going on and you were determined to find out what.

 

A knock on the door had you gliding over the room, pulling it open with a glance in wanda’s direction, warning her to drop the subject.

 

“Oh, hey....Steve” you breathed with a smile. Your smile was genuine, forever pleased to see him, but the suspicion behind your eyes could not be tamed- your tone awkward.

 

“Ready to go?” He asked with the raise of a brow. He was dressed smartly, a black suit and white shirt, his hair styled to perfection, his hand outstretched for you to take.

 

You nodded.

 

“Ready as I’ll ever be...” you agreed as Wanda shifted off your bed, prepared to follow you out.

 

You took a deep breath, nervous butterflies filling your stomach as you considered the days events, sliding your hand into his and he placed it through his arm, your hand finding the comfort of his bicep as you wandered down the dimly lit hallway.

 

The rest of the ‘team’ were waiting in the lobby all dressed and ready to go. Bucky wasn’t as smartly dressed as the others simply because he didn’t own a suit. Instead he’d dressed all in back as he often did. Dark jeans and a black zip up jacket.

 

You sent him a small smile from your position on steves arm and he met it with his own, sliding in along side you as you all headed towards the awaiting car.

 

“You look beautiful doll” he whispered in your ear, forcing the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up.

 

You blushed in response muttering a thank you under your breath.

 

Today was going to be hard, but having both Steve and Bucky by your side helped to ease the pain if only a little

 

_______________________________

 

 

 

You sat at the front of the church alone as you waited for the service to begin. The music started up - “I’m unstoppable” by sia blasting out through the speakers, forcing an impromptu laugh to escape your tightened lips. It suited her, no tradition here, just Natasha’s personality oozing out.

 

There were no flowers; she didn’t have time for flowers, instead there were photos of her time with the avengers- happier times, times spent with Clints family dotted around the front, a beautiful portrait sat directly in the centre.

 

You turned as the back doors opened, Bucky, Steve, Sam, Bruce, Clint and Rhodey all carrying her beautifully ornate coffin in to the isle. She wasn’t inside, she couldn't be. Instead you had all taken time to fill it with things that reminded you of her. You had placed the suit she’d given you all that time ago inside, some had placed in guns, wrist straps, thigh holders, her favourite hoodies and a few CDs.

 

Your breath hitched as your eyes connected with each of the men’s one by one. Steves eyes were watering as he carried all that he had of his friend towards the front of the church. Bucky was managing to maintain his composure, but his sadness seeped out regardless. Sam and Rhodey were holding up as well.

 

But when your eyes found those of Clints and then Bruce’s, your heart broke all over again. Neither of them able to fight back the tears, both of them broken down as they sobbed their way down the never ending isle.

 

 

 

Finally they positioned the coffin behind her photo and joined you at the front, Steve to one side of you and Bucky to the other, Bruce and Clint beside him- her closest family.

 

You felt Steves hand find yours and you met his eyes briefly in a shared moment of sadness, squeezing his hand as the service began. Bucky found your other hand, only adding to your strength as you gripped on to them both, supporting each other as you always did.

 

The service was beautiful, so many kind words said and then it was your turn to speak. Your legs felt weak and wobbly from the sadness in your heart, Your chest heavy, throat closed up and you wondered if you would be able to get through it.

 

Steve gripped on to your forearm as you climbed hesitantly to your unsteady feet.

 

“You’ve got this” he told you in hushed tones, his believing eyes burning in to your own.

 

You nodded, taking a deep breath as you moved to the front, standing before all of your team members and their family’s, pulling out a crumpled up, messily written piece of paper from your bag.

 

You smoothed it out as best as you could on the podium, taking deep but shaky breaths as you calmed your heart ready to begin.

 

 “Natasha Romanoff...” you began, your voice not as clear as you’d have hoped. You cleared it quickly, the paper in front of you shaking as you stuttered through your next words.

“An agent, an Avenger, a friend, a hero and the heart of our family...most of us were lucky enough to get to know her properly. The real Natasha, the one she kept hidden behind the fierce facade. She was strong, powerful, a Fierce fighter and and even fiercer friend but she also had a softer side. A side that she only allowed those closest to her to see, filled with love,- “ you paused, a small smile falling over your lips

 

“Sarcasm of course..” 

 

A light chuckle was released from the crowd ahead as they recalled her sassy personality.

 

“But true to herself...till the end. She once believed that she had no place in the world, unsure of who she was, who she wanted to be but then she found you guys...” you continued, warmth filling your eyes as you turned to the front row of avengers.

 

“You showed her what family was, you showed her that she mattered, who she could be instead of who she’d resigned herself to be and she blossomed, she became the hero she was always supposed to be. She loved you all....so much” You bit back your tears as your eyes connected with clints

“So much” you repeated in a whisper.

 

“I remember when I was questioning my roll within the team, debating leaving, running from it all and she pulled me aside and she said “Just because it’s the path of least resistance, doesn’t mean its the wrong path. Staying together is more important than how we stay together” You smiled at the memory, your eyes connecting with Steves as you directed the words at him.

“She believed in us as a team, she laughed with us as friends and she loved us like family..”

 

You took a deep shaky breath as you neared the end of your speech.

 

“There are some who bring a light so great to the world that even after they are gone, the light remains...” You allowed a few tears to slip now, your bottom lip trembling as you fought to finish.

 

“Natasha’s light was brighter than anyone’s I’ve ever known...and....” you gasped for breath, your eyes slipping down, unable to look ahead any more as your sadness beginning to consume you.

 

“I...” you breathed out “I know...” You couldn’t go on, tears spilling out, your shoulders shaking as you broke down, leaning against the podium for support.

 

You’d made the mistake of looking at the beautiful portrait of her positioned in front of the coffin, any ability you had to control your emotions immediately disappearing. She was gone, your sister, your best friend and you would never hear her sarcastic tones again, never hear her advice or train with her early morning because you couldn't sleep.

 

Steve was by your side in seconds pulling you into his chest, stroking your hair in an attempt to comfort you, supporting your sobbing form as he led you back down the steps, away from the gaze of the crowd.

 

“It’s okay sweetheart....” he whispered as you leant against him weakly “You did good...” he added, kissing the side of your head, his own tears escaping him as he shared your sadness.

 

Sliding back into your seat, you sobbed whole heartedly, Bucky sliding his arm around your shoulders so you could lean your head against his shoulder, sharing the pain that radiated out of you, Steves fingers entwining with yours once more.

 

Bruce and Clint had also taken the time to speak. Both of them had hilarious stories you’d never heard before - which thankfully allowed for brief moments of relief from the sadness and tension in the room as genuine laughs from happy memories flooded everyone’s mind.

 

At then it was over.

 

Natasha had been put to rest, gone, forever.

 

You weren't ready to let go but you had no choice.

 

_______________________________________

 

 

 

On your return to the hotel you had all headed back to your own rooms, all of you needing some space to digest the loss, some time to cry, to just be openly sad.

 

You spent a few moments speaking to wanda, consoling each other on your loss before you traipsed back down the corridor until you finally found your door. You pushed it open roughly, frustrated with the world, throwing your bag into the corner of the room without looking , closing the door quickly behind you, allowing your head to hit the back of it as your weary eyes found the ceiling, a deep breath escaping you.

 

She was gone.

 

You bit your lip as you tried to hold back your tears, a sudden movement in the room causing you to reach for your gun; a glock 19 , holding it out in front of you, your gaze finally falling on Bucky, Sat with his head down on the edge of the bed looking equally as broken as you felt.

“Buck..” you breathed, pushing the gun back into the holster on your thigh.

 

steadying your breathing, the adrenaline slipping away, you kicked off your heels, padding over towards the bed.

 

“Buck?” You asked now, his head still down, his gaze on the floor.

 

You frowned as he failed to answer, shifting closer to him, lifting your hand to run through the dark locks that fell in front of his face. He leant in to your touch, inhaling deeply, finally lifting his gaze to yours.

 

“Sorry doll...” he whispered, forcing a smile. “ I thought maybe you’d need the company” he lied, hiding his own sadness in yours.

 

You smiled softly over at him knowingly, nodding in response.

 

“You’re not wrong” you agreed “To be honest after today I was just going to go back to bed...” you admitted with a shrug.

 

He nodded, a frown falling over his brow

 

“Yeah, you should get some sleep...” he agreed climbing to his feet, now your turn to frown.

 

You slid your hand around his wrist tugging on it lightly

 

“Stay...” you whispered softly, pleading with him almost.

 

He considered your request momentarily, sure - you’d slept together ,yes but you had never actually spent the night together.

 

You could see the conflict in his eyes, the memories of him breaking your wrist clearly tormenting him.

 

Smiling softly in understanding you climbed slowly to your feet, standing in front of him, resting your hands on his chest.

 

“Please...” you breathed out, your fingers slowly travelling up to his collar bone.

 

He raised a brow as he noticed the desire take over your gaze, his hands immediately holding on to your waist.

 

You were sad, consumed with guilt over Natasha’s death and you needed him to take it away, to take it away even if only briefly.

 

He stayed completely still, still conflicted as you reached up on your tip toes to brush your lips against his.

 

You pulled away, slightly off balance, your gaze lingering on his.

 

“Please...” you whispered again, the hunger in your eyes only growing.

 

He’d made his decision and had you back down on the bed before you had time to release the breath you had unknowingly been holding in.

 

Suddenly the sadness that had consumed him only moments earlier was over taken by desire, his lips pushing roughly into yours without any concern for holding back. Your heart beat quickened immediately as you too became over taken by the hunger you held for him, the desperation to feel every inch of him forcing you to release a moan as his tongue pushed in between your lips, exploring your mouth greedily.

 

You gripped onto his shoulders, bucking your hips against him, already eager to feel him inside of you. You felt a smirk fall over his lips, his hands tightening around your wrists, pinning you in place as he devoured you.

 

Your head fell back into the pillow as his stubble ripped at the sensitive skin on your neck, your fingers flexing, eager to feel him. You heard the sound of a metal blade, your eyes flying open in response to see him, knife in hand, lust filling his gaze.

 

“How much do you like this dress?” He asked, his voice husky.

 

“Not all that much” you admitted, a smirk of your own filling your features, eager to feel his lips back on yours.

 

 

He returned your smirk in response, pushing the blade of the knife under the hem of your dress, bringing it with ease all the way up your front to reveal your naked skin beneath, the blade resting against the skin of your breasts as he drank in your exposed form, your dress now in two halves either side of you.

 

You complained out audibly, frustration falling over you as you awaited his next move, causing him to smirk at your impatience. Raising a brow, he slid out of his jacket, pulling his t-shirt over his head to reveal his beautifully toned stomach and chest.

 

You felt yourself weaken beneath him as you took him in, your hands falling eagerly to his belt undoing it with ease. He let out a low chuckle, sliding out of his jeans before retuning back down to your level.

 

“Any one would think you’d missed me doll” he breathed into your ear, nipping at the skin of your neck with his teeth, his metal hand finding the freshly exposed skin of your breast.

He wasn't moving fast enough for your liking, so you allowed your hand to run down his torso, your fingers bouncing over the ripples from his muscles until you reached his pelvis, moving down until you could take his erection in your palm.

 

You bit down on your lip as he swelled further at your touch, even larger than you recalled. You moved your hand up and down against him, feeling his body tense above you, his eyes filled with hunger.

 

He leant back down, devouring your mouth with his own once more, sucking on your bottom lip as the coolness of his hand found the space between your legs. He pulled your hands from him, placing them above your head, holding both of your wrists in his flesh hand as his metal one continued to explore you.

You raised your pelvis in discomfort and he finally allowed one of his fingers to slide inside of you, a moan falling from your puffed up lips in response, only urging him on as he began to move his fingers roughly within, his intense gaze burning into yours.

 

You could feel his hardness against your hips as he continued to pump his fingers inside of you, gradually bringing you closer to the edge; attempting to pull your hands down without success, his one hand able to hold you down with ease.

 

Finally his own arousal took over his desire to tease you and he flipped you quickly on to your front, forcing you to inhale a lung full of pillow as he pushed your legs apart leaning down to suck and bite at the lobe of your ear.

 

Without warning he pushed his entire length deep inside of you, causing you to yell out as the pleasure tore through your unprepared body, his fingers digging into the skin of your hips as he pulled you up in to a kneeling position, thrusting hard and fast, almost feral groans escaping both of you

 

He pumped faster and faster, your legs trembling beneath you, gasping for air as the pleasure consumed you until he pulled out of you quickly.

 

You frowned in response turning around in frustration to be met with a knowing smirk and a tilt of the head. You glowered at him, pouncing on him without hesitation, pushing him flat against the mattress as you climbed onto him with ease, running your nails down his chest, his eyes rolling back as he embraced the uncomfortable sensation, red marks remaining on his skin.

 

You bit down on your lip again as you repositioned yourself above him, spearing yourself on his erection, crying out once more as he filled every inch of you. He gazed up at you with admiration as you began to bounce above him, bringing yourself closer and closer to the edge, using him as your toy.

 

You were almost there, so close when his metal hand found your throat, choking the air out of you until you were forced to stop, frustration washing over you once more as he blocked your orgasm yet again. You gasped for air as his hand tightened allowing him to move into a sitting position forcing you back and away from him.

 

When he finally released your slender neck you coughed as the air was able to fill your lungs once more, the slickness between your thighs only growing at his powerful and dominating manner. He shifted of the bed, his dark eyes still on yours as he backed up into the centre of the space.

 

You tilted your head in confusion, the loss of his body against yours causing an uncomfortable dull ache to fall over you, desperation for your end only intensifying. He held his hands out to you now, beckoning you over and you understood.

 

Your smirk matched his again as you slid from the bed , taking an agile leap across the space, jumping up to wrap your legs around his hips, his erection pushing into you as soon as he was able. He let out a low growl as he grasped on to your buttocks, holding you up with ease as he thrust into you once more

 

Your head fell back in pure ecstasy as he reached places you didn't know existed, your hands tangling in his dark locks tugging roughly at them as you neared your end once more. He groaned as you pulled on his hair, slamming your back in to the wall as he pumped faster and deeper, his teeth finding your neck as you clawed helplessly at his back.

 

“Dont stop..” you begged him this time, your finger nails digging into his shoulders, leaving crescent shapes behind. You knew how much he appreciated the feeling of pain in these moments, so locked them on again, harder this time until you broke the skin, his blood seeping out in light trickles, his groans filling the room as he too neared his end.

 

He met your gaze briefly before pushing his lips roughly back against your own, bruising your lips in the process. But you fought back with your own, willing to take all that he was throwing at you, your entire body shaking as the pleasure radiated over you, moaning into his mouth until finally your orgasm found you. Your head rolling back into the wall as you screamed out in ecstasy, clenching around him as waves of pure pleasure circulated your body.

 

Your tightening around him and loud moans were enough to send him over the edge, his entire body convulsing as he finally released himself in to you, both of you gasping for breath, forehead to forehead, eyes locked, fully and truly obsessed with one another

 

 ____________________________

It was a couple of hours later when you found yourself knocking on Steve’s door unable to sleep, leaving Bucky in the comfort of your bed. It was still pretty early truth be told but even with the distraction that bucky supplied , your mind was too busy to rest. You hadn't seen Steve since the funeral and you were concerned with how he was dealing with it all.

 

No answer.

 

You knocked again, still no answer.

 

Your concern growing, you reached for the spare key card in your back pocket, now dressed in your casual jeans and Bucky’s shirt.

 

You opened the door with ease and stepped inside , taking in your surroundings. It was dark inside, no lights on and nobody home.

 

You frowned as the door closed behind you. Where was he?

 

You found your feet carrying you around the room till you reached the window, looking out over New York City, takinga breath as you glanced around once more for any clues of his where abouts and then you saw it.

 

His sketch book.

 

Your mind busied itself as you considered whether or not to take just a quick look. You knew he probably wouldn't thank you for it but you’d always wondered what he’d been drawing all those times. You told yourself no but your hands had already lifted it from its position nestled on his bed side table.

 

Opening the cover to the first page your eyes found Bucky staring back at you, beautifully drawn, accurately conveyed. He looked so handsome and you smiled to yourself at the love and care that had been put in to every little detail.

 

Flicking through a few more pages there were various different drawings ; Some of the team, some of enemy’s you had come up against. He’d even drawn some of the war- some that you presumed were memories he was trying not to forget and then you found one of you.

 

About half way through the book. You were sat behind your desk at the avengers tower, your hair pinned up in an attempt to seem professional, in deep thought as you looked to the screen. You smiled softly as you took it in, he’d made you look beautiful, much more beautiful than you actual were- you were sure of it.

 

This must have been when you first arrived at the tower.

 

You continued to flick through the pages, Each page telling another story of your time together. Some sad, some happy, mostly reflecting his feelings on the past few years.

 

You stopped on one page in particular, a portrait of you and bucky laughing together, illuminating the page. It was breath taking. Bucky looked almost life like, his stubbled jaw and long glossy hair radiating out of the page. Of course he’d enhanced your features again, appearing much more beautiful in his drawings than you did in your mirror. This was your favourite you decided. The happiness that shone through , the effort and love he’d put into each stroke of his pencil- it was astonishing.

 

The door opening had you almost throwing the sketch book back on the night stand, looking up quickly, steadying your breathing in an attempt to appear none conspicuous, your eyes meeting the confused expression of steve.

 

“y/n?” He asked with the raise of his brow, closing the door behind him, turning on the lights.

 

You winced as the light burnt into your retinas, a sharp contrast from the previously darkened room.

 

“Hey steve...I was worried about you..” you began, unsure of how you were going to finish.

 

But his mind was else where, too distracted to question you further.

 

He closed the space between you, taking your head in his hands and planting a soft kiss to your forehead.

 

“You don’t need to worry...” he told you with a genuine smile “..I’m going to be okay” he confirmed, the conviction in his tone only confusing you further.

 

You nodded.

 

“Tony’s funeral tomorrow...” you whispered “I’m not sure i have the energy” you told him with a shrug, over exaggerating as usual.

 

He smiled in understanding, holding his hand out for you to take a seat on his bed, so you did.

 

“I know, but we’ll get through it...together” he told you, recalling your speech from the funeral.

 

You smiled, glad he caught the extra meaning behind your words.

 

There was a comfortable pause between you before he finally spoke, his words finally revealing the reason for his busy mind

“After the funeral-“ he began,  playing absentmindedly with your fingers.

 

“-I have to return the stones” he explained “-To their original time line, If I dont - there will be some nasty alternative realities open up, dark ones”

 

You nodded in understanding.

 

“Can I come?” You asked immediately, willing to follow him anywhere.

 

He shook his head as his eyes scanned Bucky’s t-shirt that covered your otherwise naked torso.

 

“Sams coming..” he told you, clearing his throat, unable to hold your gaze. “I think you should spend some time with Wanda...she’s struggling more than she’s letting on” he told you and you nodded in agreement

 

He was right. she was putting on a brave face, but any one could see that the pain was consuming her behind the cheerful front she put on.

 

“Okay...” you breathed out in acceptance “...How long will you be gone?” You asked now, fear taking hold of you.

 

“Only a few seconds...” he said with a smile, conflict clouding the love in his eyes again.

 

You nodded again, releasing a soft sigh before you spoke again.

 

“You know you need to give Fury an answer on the tower soon...” you told him simply, climbing to your feet, beginning to pace.

 

“The team needs somewhere to operate from, he’s not wrong...” you continued.

 

He stood too now, hands finding his hips as he weighed up your words, sensing your agitation.

 

“Lets get over Tony’s funeral tomorrow, I’ll return the stones and then-“ he looked down briefly as he considered his next words, causing a frown falling across your brow in response.

 

“And then?” You asked with the raise of a brow.

 

He inhaled deeply, his shoulders raising dramatically as his lungs filled

 

“It’s going to be okay, y/n” he told you, a confusing amount of emotion suddenly filling his gaze, closing the space between you once more as his hand found the softness of your cheek.

 

“You’re going to be okay..” he finished.

 

You frowned slightly, unsure of if he was talking to himself or you, leaning into his touch, allowing your eyes to fall shut as you breathed him in.

 

He leant forward lifting your chin so that your lips met his in a soft and tender kiss, his eyes swimming with a mixture of sadness, fear and love all at once as you pulled free from one another. You wanted to ask what was bothering him but you knew he would brush you off, so you didn’t, instead you allowed yourself to relax into his arms, now wrapped adoringly around you, his chin resting on your head.

 

“You should get some sleep, long day tomorrow...” he told you assertively, releasing his grasp somewhat unwillingly.

 

You nodded in agreement, taking in another deep breath of his cologne before you wandered back over to the door.

 

“Goodnight steve...” you whispered, wishing you had the nerve to say the three words that came so easily to you and Bucky.

 

“Goodnight y/n” he told you, his tone composed and yet somehow troubled, a sad smile finding his lips.

 

You left his room, finding yourself back in the corridor, still none the wiser, confused and conflicted, but then you remembered, Bucky was in your bed, maybe he was willing to take away your thoughts for a second time today.


	36. Going quantum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up.....
> 
>  
> 
> OH AND SMUT!
> 
> One more chapter after this guys, how we feeling ?

 

Waking up with Buckys metal arm tight around your waist wasn't the worst start to what promised to be yet another gloomy day. He was still asleep, which surprised you since you knew he’d always struggled with both sleep and nightmares. Not today. Today he was out for the count.

 

You smiled as you took in his relaxed features, his breathing steady, eyes moving behind his eye lids as he slept. You allowed yourself to enjoy the calm, biting your lip as you finally attempted to slide from his firm grip. You lifted his arm from your torso, sliding your legs over the edge of the bed as your eyes adjusted to the sun lit room.

 

You took a deep breath as you considered the days events. Another funeral.

 

Tony’s funeral.

 

Just as the sadness started to seep into your continuousness, Bucky stirred behind you letting out a content groan.

 

A smile replaced the worry on your features immediately as you turned to glance back at him

 

“Morning sleepy head” you teased with the raise of a brow.

 

“Oh ...hey doll” he said, still groggy, stretching out his hand to stroke your lower back.

 

“What time is it?” He asked, blinking a couple of times as his mind began to catch up.

 

“9 am and if you don’t get up, we’re going to be late” you told him, climbing to your feet and heading towards the bathroom, wincing slightly at the ache between your legs from the night before.

 

“I can’t remember the last time I got a full nights sleep.” He admitted, pushing himself into a sitting position, the sheets bunching around his waist, revealing his torso.

 

“Mhmm-hmmm” you managed as your eyes landed on his pecs, distracted.

 

He noticed immediately raising a brow in response.

 

Noticing the smirk that had fallen across his lips, the lust in his eyes, you shook your head quickly.

 

“Nope...” you told him simply rushing in to the bathroom, fearful that if you spent two more seconds in the same room as a semi naked Bucky you would never get going for the day.

 

You could hear him chuckle as you turned on the shower, a smile finding you once more, pleased to hear him happy.

___________________________

 

 

Tony’s funeral had been held at his house, the one he had raised Morgan in before he returned to save the world.

 

You’d all stood around in small groups, yourself by Buckys side, Steve further towards the front as one of Tony’s closest friends.

 

You knew he was torn apart inside in his grief for both Natasha and Tony and you wished you could hold his hand through the ceremony but it wasn’t your place. Instead you clung to Bucky as though your life depended on it, his arm draped around your shoulder in comfort, his lips pressed to the side of your head.

 

Pepper and the rest of Tonys inner circle had filtered out solomly from the door way, pepper leading and clutching a floral arrangement in one arm, her other hand down by her side, holding tightly onto Morgan’s tiny hand.

 

Sadness had consumed you as your eyes found the small girl clutching on to her mother, now fatherless, growing up without her hero beside her. You’d swallowed down the lump in your thoat pushing aside the unpleasant thoughts as they neared the lake, pepper placing the floral arrangement on the surface of the water.

 

Thats when you’d seen it. Tony’s arc reactor, the first one he’d ever created, laying on top of the fresh flowers, “Proof that tony stark has a heart” engraved upon it.

 

You had all stood in pensive silence, remembering him individually and yet still together, silently thanking him for his Sacrifice, for everything he had done for the world for all of you as his friends.

 

___________________________

 

After the funeral you all hung around for a while, splitting off into small conversations.

 

Bucky was consoling steve to your left, everyone else seemingly preoccupied and thats when you noticed peter, stood on the edge of the jetty, alone.

 

 

You let out a soft sigh as you wandered over, the wooden planks beneath you giving you away.

 

“Y/n” peter said as he glanced to you briefly, his eyes red, tired and sad.

 

“Hey peter” you breathed out as you fell in to place beside him

 

“How are you holding up?” You asked, already knowing the answer.

 

He took a moment before he answered you, folding his arms over his chest defensively.

 

“I don’t know what I should do ....now that he’s gone” he admitted, his voice quiet, causing a frown to fall over your brow.

 

“What do you mean?” You questioned

 

“I’m just a kid from queens....” he said with a shrug.

 

“Peter-“ you started, ready to argue back

 

“Without Tony I’d be nothing” he finished sadly, defeated.

 

You sighed, shaking your head, your hand finding his shoulder, squeezing it supportively as your heart broke for him

 

“Thats not true and you know it” you told him truthfully “You are spider man, peter. The world needs you, now more than ever” you admitted with a shrug

 

“-Tony believed in you, maybe its time you started believing in yourself” you told him with the raise of a brow.

 

He looked down as he considered your words, your eyes watering as you saw the pain radiating out of him.

 

‘What if i mess it up? What If I’m not cut out to-“ he began, but you cut him off, pulling him into a hug, holding him close in an attempt to comfort him.

 

“You’ve got this Peter” you told him in a sorrowful whisper, his arms gradually wrapping around you as the surprise died down.

 

“You’re not alone” you added as you pulled away, wiping your wetted eyes as you turned your gaze to him once more.

 

He let a small smile fall over him momentarily, appreciating your support.

 

“What If I’m not ready?” He asked finally, still intent on his fear of living without Tony.

 

“You took on Thanos, you’re way past being a friendly neighbourhood spider man...this is your chance peter” you told him with a shrug “Show the world who you are, who Tony knew you were”

 

He nodded, inhaling deeply.

 

“Thanks y/n” he said with a smile.

 

“Any time” you admitted, your gaze falling past him to wanda and Clint stood at the waters edge, in deep conversation.

 

“Come on” you said, your tone lighter in an attempt to ease the sadness

 

“-we should pull May away from Happy” you told him as you placed your arm around his shoulders, leading his away from the edge of the jetty.

 

“Wha-why?” He asked, his eyes scanning the grounds until he found them shamelessly flirting as the edge of the clearing.

 

“MAY!” He called out, a laugh escaping you as he rushed over to intervene.

 

“Ready to go, sweetheart?” Came Steves saddened tones from behind you and you nodded, your eyes falling once more to pepper and Morgan.

 

“Yeah...” you breathed “Lets go

 

______________________________________

 

“So are you ready?” You asked Steve as you flicked through a magazine absentmindedly , perched on the window sill in his room as he sketched away in his book.

 

He looked up at your question, concentration on his drawing slipping away

 

“-For tomorrow..” you clarified “...the stones” you added still not hearing a response.

 

You raised a brow as he climbed to his feet, pushing his sketch book back onto his bedside table and wandering over to your position, standing before you.

 

“I think maybe I am” he admitted, lifting the magazine from your hand and placing it down beside you.

 

It felt like every time you asked him a question he answered in riddles and you had idea how to respond.

 

“Steve...” you breathed, mustering up the courage to call him out on his strange behaviour, his small waist positioned between your knees, hands on your thighs.

 

“Is everything okay?” You questioned “It’s just that, you’ve been acting a little strange and I know that today was a lot and yesterday was tough but you know you can talk to me right? If there’s any-“ you didn't get to finish your sentence as his lips connected with yours

 

Your eyes widened temporarily in alarm before you found your rhythm, kissing him back, unable to resist his intoxicating touch. Finally he pulled away a small smile on his lips as he gazed into your eyes, his own filled with content but also sadness, and conflict- always with the conflict.

 

“-You know thats not an answer right?” You asked with the raise of a brow, a low chuckle falling from his lips in response.

 

“Y/n-“ he began, his features becoming serious again “Tomorrows mission is not without risk..” he warned, his mind racing as he tried to find his words.

 

“Just in case-“ he began and you frowned; you didn’t want to hear this, the thought of losing him again to painful to consider.

 

Leaning forwards you pushed your lips back against his, eager to quieten him but he pulled away.

 

 “Y/n” he demanded, his eyes brimming with concern as his hands slid to your shoulders, his tone filled with sincerity.

 

“I need you to know that you are.....” he took a breath, his gaze flickering away momentarily as he composed himself.

 

“you are strong, beautiful......” he smiled as his eyes locked onto yours in an intense gaze

 

“perfect” he decided, the conflict returning.

 

 A blush crept over your cheeks as his words filled your ears, sucking on your bottom lip as he held your gaze.

 

“Steve-“ you interrupted in a whisper but he started up again, determined to finish his train of thought.

 

“Whatever happens tomorrow, if something goes wrong....” he corrected “Don’t blame yourself” he whispered, his hand sliding to the side of your neck, thumb trailing over your jaw line.

 

“What would go wrong?” You asked in confusion, a frown falling over your brow.

 

“Steve I-“ You continued but he shook his head.

 

“Promise me y/n” he pleaded, cutting you off once more.

 

“I need to know you’re going to be okay” he explained, swallowing down a lump in his throat, his eyes moistening with tears.

 

You shook your head simply, leaning into the warmth of his hand. 

 

“I can’t promise you that” you admitted, your tone soft, sad as you considered a world without Steve rogers. 

 

“You have Bucky now” he told you, slightly frustrated, clearly not receiving the answer he had hoped for.

 

“Yes, but-“

 

“Bucky loves you” he breathed, more to himself than to you.

 

“I know but-“

 

“He’ll take care of you” he continued in an attempt to convince himself as his eyes remained on yours.

 

“Steve-“ You tried again.

 

His took a deep breath still determined.

 

“Please doll...” he whispered, closing his eyes momentarily as he breathed in the scent of your perfume. “Promise me you won’t blame yourself”

 

You were still confused.

 

“For what? Steve I don’t understand-“

 

He became frustrated now pulling away from you abruptly, starting to pace up and down the small space of his hotel room.

 

“Its time travel y/n, its not black and white, there’s no guarantee I’ll be coming home”

 

Now you understood, He was scared. Scared that he would become lost in another time, unable to return home to you.

 

Pushing yourself up from your space on the ledge you reached out ,stopping him mid pace in a bid to calm him, your arms snaking around his slender waist.

 

“You will” you said with a smile “- and we’ll be waiting for you, always”

 

“-But if” he started

 

“I Promise...” you said cutting him off this time, lifting your hand to his chest, his heart banging against his chest as he’d worked himself up.

 

“I wont blame myself...” you agreed, his shoulders relaxing immediately at your words.

 

The frustration abandoned his gaze, adoration filling the pools of blue once more as he leant down to kiss you slowly and softly, emotion filled yet again.

 

Your mind was swimming with confusion, questions and concern when he spoke up again, breaking your train of thought.

 

“I’m gunna take a shower-“ he told you, shaking away the moment, changing the conversation abruptly

 

“You should get some rest” he warned as he crossed the room.

 

You tried to connect the dots in your mind, was it since Bucky returned? Was it because of the five years apart?

 

He stepped in to the bathroom , closing the door, the sound of the shower turning on filled the now silent room.

 

You contemplated leaving, as he had suggested but thought better of it as you considered captain America wet and naked only one door away. If you couldn't get him to talk to you openly maybe you could get him to open up in other ways.

 

That thought in mind, you crept towards the bathroom, biting your lip as you opened the door just a little.

 

The room was already filled with steam, blocking your vision. You could just about make out Steves broad outline beneath the stream of water.

 

You slid out of your t-shirt throwing it aside, your jeans following shortly after as you took a few steps closer.

 

Sliding out of your underwear, you neared the shower with only one thought occupying your mind, Your eyes already lust filled, the need between your legs growing at you took in his form, now clearer, sculpted to perfection.

 

You opened the door to the shower, some of the water escaping out along with a burst of steam and he turned, the cold air taking him by surprise.

 

“Y/n?” He began, confusion filling his eyes, his soaking wet hair causing beads of water to trickle off of his nose. You raised a brow, not saying a word as you climbed in, forcing him back against the cold tiles and closing the door behind you.

 

the hunger in your eyes spoke for you as your lips crashed in to his causing him to tense up in shock.

 

Feeling his erection press against your stomach, you knew he understood, his large hands circling around your waist , pulling you under the stream of hot water and against his slick and muscular torso.

 

You allowed your hands to entangle in his wet hair, gripping onto him like your life depended on it as your tongues danced together in an easy rhythm.

 

 His hands slid from your lower back to cup your buttocks, squeezing them tightly as his arousal intensified, your own hands sliding down to appreciate the broadness of his shoulders.

 

He pulled one of your legs from its position, holding it around his waist, his other hand curving around so he could explore the space between your legs causing your entire body to tense against his, a soft moan escaping your lips into his mouth.

 

He flipped you around without warning, a gasp escaping you as your back hit the icy tiles behind you, his form towering above you as it always did. He allowed his gaze to meet yours temporarily, longing and hunger now his only drive as his hands caressed the wet curves of your body and he lowered himself to his knees in front of you.

 

Your breathing quickened in anticipation as he lifted your thigh to rest on his muscular shoulder, planting soft, feather like kisses along your inner thigh as he neared your most intimate area.

 

You bit down on your lip as you watched and waited, a familiar dull ache of need bubbling up between your legs as he teased you with the softness of his lips.

 

He brushed his lips over the bundle of nerves, your entire body convulsing in reaction, a smirk finding his features. He lifted his gaze to yours from his position on the floor, desire radiating out of him until he finally closed the distance, his tongue finding your folds, no more hesitation or teasing.

 

 Your moans found you immediately,  hands entwining in the soft strands of his hair once more as he explored you with his mouth. He devoured you entirely, an eagerness to taste every inch of you possessing him as his tongue danced hungrily across the sensitive skin.

 

You tugged on his hair, your head falling back against the tiles as he brought you closer to orgasm, he really knew what he was doing , that was for sure and within only seconds of him tasting you, your entire body began to shake as your violent orgasm spread throughout, your legs weakening beneath you.

 

He rocked back onto his calves, smirking up at you and climbing to his feet, his arms finding your hips in an attempt to steady you. He leant down, sucking on your ear lobe and neck, his erection even larger than before. Sensing your delirious state he lifted you with ease into his arms, cradling you as he turned off the water, carrying you out of the steam drenched bathroom and into the coolness of the bedroom

 

You shivered slightly as the beads of water on your skin caused a chill to run down your spine but the warmth of his body back on top of yours was enough to bring the warmth back to you and your cheeks, Your need still forever begging for more.

 

 

You needed to feel him inside of you, longing to be stretched by the enormity of him but first you too wanted to taste him. Sitting up slowly, confusion filled his expression as you pushed him over so that his back hit the mattress, shifting yourself further down the bed so that you could straddle his thick thighs.

 

He raised a brow as his eyes found yours, your hand sliding around his length, forcing his head to fall back as you moved your hand against him a couple of times.

 

“Doll..” he breathed out in apprehension, but you shushed him placing your lips to the tip of his erection.

 

you ran your tongue along the underside, his breath hitching in response, hands gripping in to the sheets and you considered that maybe this was new for him.

 

The troubled look that had briefly occupied his features melted away as you slid your warm and wet mouth around his shaft, sucking away eagerly, your hands gripping at his thighs.

 

He let out a low groan of approval, his entire body rigid under your mouth and you moved faster, sliding further down in an attempt to take the entirety of him, but you couldn’t. Not a chance. He was huge and your small mouth was no match for him.

 

You bobbed your head up and down, enjoying every aspect of him, his hands gripping tighter and tighter on the sheets below him, his pelvis squirming under you.

 

He stopped you abruptly, taking hold of your upper arms and pulling you towards him, hungry to be inside of you. You held back a wince as your still injured arm burnt from the force, a smirk finding your lips as you gazed down at his delirious state.

 

 He pulled you down, his hand locked around your slender neck as he kissed you roughly, the soft and kind kisses of Steve rogers long gone and the hungry and rough kisses of the captain in their place.

 

He flipped you over so you were back on your back, spreading your legs hastily, positioning himself above your opening.

 

You readied yourself to take him, his entire length pushing roughly into your awaiting body a loud moan filling the room as he stretched you beyond compare.

 

He slammed in to you over and over again violently, both of your moans echoing out, your still wetbodies connecting over and over again.

 

“Don’t stop” you pleaded, your hands gripping onto his biceps as he pummelled you unmercifully

 

“...not a chance...” he breathed huskily into your ear before he shifted himself onto his knees, still inside of you, his hands cupping your buttocks as he raised your pelvis with ease, his erection sliding deeper.

 

You gasped for breath, dizzy with pleasure, your hands gripping on to the pillow beneath you as he slammed into you, so hard you thought you might break.

 

“Oh god...” you whimpered, his fingers digging into the skin of your buttocks.

 

“...steve..” you breathed out, your entire expression contorted in ecstasy, vision blurred, consumed by pleasure.

 

He pushed harder and deeper, the entire room shaking under his strength, eager to watch you become undone before him, his low animalistic groans only adding to your enjoyment.

 

Eventually you found your end, unable to hold in a raw and passionate scream as your orgasm washed over you, like nothing you’d ever felt before. It was so intense you thought perhaps you might pass out, your entire body tingling all over, warm and satisfied as you drank in the ecstasy. Drunk on Steve rogers.

 

As you unraveled beneath him he continued to pump into you, your scream of pleasure and tightening around him forcing his own orgasm to engulf him, emptying into you with one final thrust, the bed collapsing beneath you from the sheer trauma it had been put under, His face contorted into one of pleasure and contentment.

 

It seemed like the ripples of your orgasm lasted forever, your entire body twitching over and over again as they washed over you, both of you intoxicated, lost in the moment.

 

Finally he pulled out of you, both of you breathing deeply, your eyes glossed over in a mixture of bliss and captivation as he moved to sink into the awaiting bed beside you.

 

“Did we just....break the bed?” You asked after another moments silence, a small smile falling over your knowing lips.

 

He let out a breathy laugh in response, his eyes locking onto yours

 

“yeah....I think we did” he agreed, still getting his breath back.

 

“That was...” you shook your head struggling to find the words and he nodded in agreement.

 

“yeah....it was” he agreed with a smirk, your eyes connected in a shared look of adoration and satisfaction.

You loved this man, with every inch of your being. So much that you felt as though your heart my burst from your chest, taking your life- but it would be worth it. Just to spend one more second in his arms, one more second feeling cherished, held under his magnetic pull, connected like two jigsaw pieces, fated to remain together.

 

“You are beautiful” he whispered, his tone still slightly husky.

 

You blushed at his words, meeting his smitten gaze with your own, treasuring the look in his eyes reserved just for you, obsessed with his entirety.

 

“...So are you” you admitted, his lips finding yours once more in a soft and tender kiss

 

wrapping one arm around his muscular chest, your head resting against his bicep, your eyes grew heavy as the toll of the day finally fell over you.

 

His fingers ran gently through the wet hair that framed your sweaty brow, pushing it aside as you began to drift off.

 

“It’s going to be okay, y’n” he whispered softly and then you fell into a happy and delirious sleep, curled up in your lovers arms.

 

 ________________________________________________

 

When you awoke the next morning Steve had already gone, a note on the pillow beside you

 

“You looked so beautiful I didn’t want to wake you. Have fun with Wanda. Remember the promise you made. All my love, forever and unconditionally, steve”

 

You stretched out with a happy smile reaching for your phone, too lazy to actually knock on Wanda’s door. You sent her a text

 

“Hey, fancy going out for breakfast?” You asked, her reply coming in within seconds.

 

“Yes! Waffles. Meet you down stairs in 20?”

 

“See you then x”

 

You let out a loud groan of complaint as you pulled yourself in to a sitting position. You’d wanted to see Steve off on his mission but he’d assured you there was no point in you coming, that you should cheer Wanda up instead and you’d agreed, you’d only be stood waiting for his return and from what you’d heard it would only take all of a few minutes and they’d all be heading back to the hotel.

 

Your eyes flickered to Steves sketch book, still positioned on his bedside table and you pondered whether you could allow yourself to indulge once more in the drawings he drew so perfectly.

 

Why not? The trust was already broken the last time you’d snooped. 

 

picking it up you flicked absentmindedly past all the familiar pages you’d seen before, hesitating on your favourite one, a happy warmth filling your features and heart as you drank it in. Continuing past the pages you’d seen before you came across new images; some more of the team, of tony and Natasha and then Peggy.

 

You shrugged it off, it was to be expected - after all she held a huge part of his heart.

 

With that acceptance you skipped to the next page.

 

Peggy.

 

Then the next

 

Peggy.

 

and the next

 

Peggy again. All of them beautifully drawn, her intense gaze staring up at you from the page, unsettling your stomach.

 

You flicked quickly through the next 20 pages to find image after image of her, each one different, your eyes widening, heart quickening as you thought back to you time spent in the 70’s with both Steve and tony.

 

You recalled the longing in his stare, the pain that had radiated out of him, the love that had shone through his gaze as he watched her.

As soon as that memory returned to the front of your mind, so did several others.

 

The busied and chaotic look in his eyes when you’d asked him if he’d want to go back to the 40’s- to his old life.

 

You considered the night you’d found him talking to his therapy group after the snap

 

 

 _“I went in the ice in 45 right after I met the love of my life, woke up 70 years later.“_ he'd said, still torturing himself over the loss.

 

Your breathing quickened as you considered all those times he’d almost uttered those three little words you longed to hear, the conflict in his eyes, how he’d stopped himself each time, unable to say it.

 

Could it be that was why he didn’t want you to attend today?

 

Could it be that THAT was why he didn’t want the Avengers tower back? Because his future wasn’t going to be here?

 

You felt the bile rise up in your throat as you reached quickly for the note on the pillow reading it overand over again

 

 “You looked so beautiful I didn’t want to wake you. Have fun with Wanda. Remember the promise you made. All my love, forever and unconditionally, Steve”

 

It was a goodbye note.

 

Come to think of it, your entire conversation last night was him saying his goodbyes.

 

You gasped for breath, your hands starting to shake as the magnitude of the next hour or so occupied every inch of you.

 

He was leaving you.

 

He was going back to the 40’s- to Peggy

 

You began to hyperventilate, your eyes darting around quickly for your clothes, pulling them on with haste, struggling with your shaking hands as tears pricked at your eyes. You pulled the door open, almost off its frame as you sprinted down the now familiar hallway towards the exit.

 

You had to get to him.

 

 

_________________________________

 

 

Nearing the tree line you willed your feet to move quicker, fearful you might be too late, that he would already be gone- lost forever.

 

“ready cap? We’ll meet you back here okay?” Came Bruce’s loud and clear tones as you neared, ringing out through the otherwise silent woodland.

 

“You bet” you heard Steve reply as you rounded the corner in time to see his helmet flick on

 

“Going quantum in 3, 2, 1” Bruce explained as he controlled the podium from where he stood.

 

You gasped as the realisation hit you, your eyes widening in sheer panic, your heart pounding against your chest, dizzying as the blood ran to your head, your legs still somehow carrying you numbly forwards at full speed towards him.

 

“STEVE!!” You cried out in a desperate last attempt, your voice filled with desperation and anguish.

 

 

It all happened in slow motion; he turned his head at the sound of your voice, his eyes connecting with yours briefly, widening as a look of horror, sadness and apology swam across them and then he was taken- snatched from your reality, sent off to find a new one.

 

Your heart shattered into a million pieces as you stared numbly at the empty space that he had occupied only seconds ago.

 

Steve rogers had gone.

 

He’d left you.

 

Abandoned you when you needed him most, returning to the true love of his life.

 

Peggy carter


	37. Together

 

You fell to your knees immediately, crying out in agony as the man you loved disappeared from view and from your reality.

“And returning in 5”

He had gone, never to return, back to Peggy, taking your heart with him, shattering it into millions of pieces. Your entire body weakened into the ground, any joy and happiness that you'd felt since Bucky's return transforming back into a depression that plagued your mind.

“4”

You’d lost him, like you'd lost Bucky , except this was so much worse because he had chosen to leave you, he had made that decision above all else.

Your love for him, everything you had shared wasn't enough to keep him here and that hurt deep down in your soul.

Your fingers gripped the earth beneath you as you screamed out over and over again, tears streaming down your face, unable to mask the sheer terror and agony that immersed your consciousness , plunging you back into that dark place that Steve himself had lifted you from.

“3”

You curled up into a ball, unable to hold your self up, sobbing into the dirt , shielding your face,unsure if you’d ever be okay again as gut wrenching cries escaped your broken expression, grief stricken and inconsolable.

 

"2"

Why hand't you been enough for him? What could you have done differently? was it your past? Was it your relationship with Bucky? Or did he Just love Peggy much more than he was able to love you?

She was perfect. unbroken, undamaged, strong, independent...everything you hoped you could become.

But you never would be. You would never be able to fill the space in his heart reserved for her, too broken to fill that void.

“1”

You wailed out in agony, your chest aching with the weight of your heart, you’d never felt loss like it. Like your body was no longer your own, as though nothing good or happy would ever touch your heart ever again, forever lost and forever longing for a man lost in time, a man who didn't return the deep and irreplaceable love you held for him.

And then you felt it, a hand on your shoulder.

Bucky.

You knew he meant to comfort you, as he always did but you wanted to feel the pain, the agony, the all consuming sadness.

it was all you had left of him, the man who decided you weren't enough.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Y/n?” Came a low sad voice from your side.

 

Wait.

 

Your entire body stiffened. The voice you heard not coming from Bucky.

 

No.

 

It couldn't be.

 

Your head shot up immediately , convinced you must be hearing things, your face blotchy and tear stained, a shadow of your former self.

 

You blinked away the tears that clouded your vision , your eyes finding a familiar silhouette. Steve?

 

 

You blinked again, your eyes finally finding the concerned expression of Steven grant rogers, crouched down by your side, his eyes swimming with sadness and concern as he took in your crumpled and broken form, dirtied from the ground and tear stained from your tears.

 

“Steve?” You sobbed in disbelief, coughing slightly as your throat caught, raw and burning from your countless screams.

 

“Its okay” he told you softly, his hand reaching out for your shoulder as though he was scared to touch you, as though you might break apart.

 

“I’m here” he confirmed, your brain still not fully believing it.

 

He’d come back.

 

As the realisation reached your consciousness you threw yourself forwards, your arms gripping onto his familiar warmth, the scent of cologne pulling you back from the dark as you clung on to him, sobbing uncontrollably in relief.

 

He returned your desperate embrace, lifting you from the floor, his strong arms holding you tightly against his chest.

 

He was back, this wasn’t your imagination.

 

Steve rogers had come home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

But he had left.

 

He had intended to stay in the past, to leave you behind.

 

You threw yourself backwards as the thought clouded the relief, the pained expression returning to your eyes as you forced some distance between you.

 

“You left” you breathed out accusingly, your tone shaky and hoarse from the screaming, your eyes searching his for an explanation.

 

His expression changed immediately to one of regret and guilt , only enraging you further.

 

“Y/n...” he tried, reaching for you, eager to hold you again.

 

No.

 

You pushed him hard in the chest as your tears continued to spill, then again and again; forcing him to stumble backwards as you screamed at him.

 

“You left us!!!” You sobbed

 

“You left me!!”

 

The anger and hurt filling your once relieved tone

 

“I’m sorry” he stuttered out, tears falling from his eyes nowas he looked upon the woman he loved, broken down, crushed....so so sad. He’d done this, he had been the one to cause you this agony.

 

You shook your head as he tried to reach for you again, punching him in the chest as you cried out in sorrow. He stood there accepting blow after blow as you pounded your fists against him. He deserved this, he knew it.

 

He wrapped his arms around you as you fought him, holding you tightly against him as you both sobbed until finally you gave in, weakening under his hold, drained from the sheer amount of sadness.

 

“I’m so sorry” he whispered again sadly, his face reddened from his tears

 

 

 

“Why...” you finally croaked out, still in his arms, no energy to fight back.

 

You felt his chest expand as he took a deep breath, his words shaky, unsure of himself.

 

“I made a promise...I had to keep it.” He began, loosening his grip slightly, forcing you to hold yourself up.

 

“I will always love Peggy” he told you, his tone soft.

 

“-But she is my past, I realise that now....I was stupid” he admitted, releasing you fully so that his eyes could find yours

 

“Y/n...” he whispered, no more conflict in his gaze.

 

“You are my future...I just couldn't see it before”he told you, his hand reaching up to cup your cheek.

 

You winced at his touch, turning your face away from him, unable to forgive him.

 

“Y/n...” he tried again “Please...”

 

You lifted your gaze hesitantly to his, true pain and sadness swimming in his gaze, matching your own.

 

“I love you...” he whispered, his tone filled with vulnerability, his stance not as strong and commanding as usual

 

You blinked a couple of times as his words danced through your ears, unsure if you’d heard him correctly.

 

“W...what?” You sniffled, your anger put on hold.

 

“I love you y/n y/l/n, I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to figure it out. Truth be told I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you at Tony’s party...” He told you truthfully, pushing the loose strands of hair from your face.

 

“Going back...” he took a breath “Leaving you" he corrected "- only confirmed what I already knew...I was just too stupid to see it” he admitted, his heart banging loudly against his chest as he opened up to you fully for the first time

 

His eyes darted across your features in an attempt to read you, your silence torturing him as he waited anxiously for a response.

 

You allowed his words to penetrate, shock and bewilderment cutting through your previous rage and sadness, the soft , truthful and vulnerable tone that he spoke with removing the animosity, dissolving the pain as you gazed back up at him, opening and closing your mouth over and over as you tried to form words.

 

Fear consumed his expression at your lack of response, his body stiffening as acceptance flooded his eyes.

 

“It’s too late...” he whispered, his gaze falling to the floor as he realised that the pain he’d caused you by leaving had damaged your relationship beyond repair.

 

“I love you too...” you blurted out, hating the defeated look that consumed him, eager to lift him from his sadness.

 

His head shot back up, his eyes connecting with yours , wide and hopeful.

 

A small smile fell over your lips as your brain caught up.

 

“I love you too...” you repeated, more sure of yourself this time, a smile growing and lighting up his eyes as your words found him, his hands sliding to your waist as he let out a deep breath that he had been holding unknowingly.

 

His hand reached to cup your cheek and you leant in to it, no longer pulling away, his confession pulling back all of the warmth into your heart that you thought had been lost.

 

“I’m so sorry” he repeated, his eyes still glossy and brimming with tears.

 

You nodded in understanding, the raw emotion in his tone allowing you to feel his sincerity.

 

He leant down hesitantly, his lips ghosting over yours, unsure if you’d return his affections, but you did.

 

You allowed your arms to fall around the thickness of his neck, pressing your lips against his in an act of sheer love and relief.

 

Your captain was back and he loved you.

 

A few tears trickled down your cheeks as the reality sunk in, kissing him softly and tenderly, your heart pounding against your chest as you became enraptured with him once more.

 

His own arms had wrapped around your waist, his kiss filled with passion and pure magnetism, sheer desperation in his touch and he clung on to you, unwilling to let you go.

 

When you finally pulled away, disorientated and dizzy from the passion of his kiss, his eyes were set on yours, a small smile fixed on his expression. He’d opened up to you fully and emotionally for the first time and it felt amazing.

 

You returned his smile, a light laugh of both disbelief and astonishment escaped you and he matched it, both of you taking a second to calm yourselves, kiddy with the love you shared so openly

 

His eyes flickered past your shoulder to a figure stood at the edge of the water, Bucky.

 

He looked back to you, a frown littering his brow in confusion and you shrugged in response.

 

“I’m not the only person you left behind steve...”. You told him simply, a look of understanding flooding his features as he turned his attention back to Bucky, his best friend, also abandoned.

 

 

 

He nodded, composing himself, straightening up as he slowly released you from his grip taking a few unsure steps towards Bucky.

 

You sent a nod of encouragement in his direction as he grew closer, stopping when he was still a few metres away, planting his feet in the dirt in an attempt not to crowd him.

 

“Hey Buck....” he breathed, his tone apologetic, unsure of where to begin.

 

“Steve” Bucky greeted coldly, his gaze never faltering from the horizon.

 

“I messed up.....” he admitted, an awkward silence falling over them both.

 

You heard an audible breath escape Steve as he tried to find the words to apologise to the guy who had been there for him through it all, supported him no matter what.

“I guess I’m still just a dumb kid from Brooklyn...” he admitted finally, defeated.

 

A small and accidental smile fell over Bucky’s lips as he remembered the good old days, his entire body loosening slightly.

 

“...do you remember that time when I started a fight with Dots new guy....” Steve recalled, as he too thought back to their time together in the 40’s

 

Bucky nodded in response.

 

“All of his pals turned up and we had to run 18 blocks to escape them...” He remembered, his tone still sad but his eyes twinkling with the joy of the memory.

 

Steve laughed lightly as Bucky turned gradually to face him.

 

You could see the unspoken words between them. Steve so full of guilt and shame and Bucky disappointed, hurt that his best friend would abandon him so willingly.

 

 “And you made me shine your shoes for a month as payback” Steve continued with the raise of a brow causing Bucky to release a snort of amusement.

 

There was a pause between them now as Steve admired the ground briefly before looking back up to meet Bucky’s gaze.

 

“How many weeks is it gunna take this time Buck?” Steve asked fearfully, hopefully, his apology clear in his eyes.

 

Bucky thought about it momentarily, seeing the pain and genuine anguish in steves eyes -forcing his shoulders to relax, unable to stay angry at his best friend.

 

 “How about a life time, pal?.” He questioned, a knowing smirk falling over him as Steve noticeably relaxed at his words.

 

“You got it” Steve replied in a promise, lifting his hand to pat Bucky on the shoulder before thinking better of it and pulling him into a firm, tight hug

 

 

“I’m sorry Buck...” he told him sincerely as they pulled apart.

 

“I know..” he said with a small smile, just relieved to have his best friend back.

 

You smiled from your position by the tree’s, pleased to see that they too had forgiven each other.

 

There were a few more words muttered between them that you couldn't quite catch and then they returned to you, the atmosphere lighter, both of them smiling.

 

You beamed happily, both of your boys back together once more, no conflict or worry, just the future...

 

“So what now?” You asked as Bucky slid his arm around your waist, planting a soft kiss to the side of your head, the three of you standing in a circle, looking to each other.

 

Steve took a deep breath as he weighed up your current situation.

 

“We move on...” he said, his captain tones returning as he looked between you both. “...Together"

 

 

 

“Okay, this is all very sweet and all, but.....what did I miss?” Came sams confused tones from further back, stood by Bruce who was equally bewildered.

 

You all laughed lightly, Steves mind busying once more.

 

“I almost forgot...” Steve said, his authoritative tones ringing out as he left your side to stand by Sam.

 

He pulled the shield from his back, staring down at its red white and blue momentarily before he held it out in front of him towards Sam.

 

Sam raised a brow as confusion filled his eyes.

 

“Try it on” Steve told him simply.

 

Sam tilted his head as he lifted the shield from Steves arm, placing it hesitantly on his own.

 

“How does it feel?” Steve asked, a genuine smile flooding his lips.

 

“Like its someone else’s...” Sam laughed along as he admired the shield on his arm.

 

There was a brief pause as they looked between each other, Steves eyes filled with pride and respect as he spoke his next words.

 

“Well it isn’t...”

 

Sams eyes widened slightly as he looked down at the shield then back at Steve, emotion filling his gaze.

 

“Thank you...” he told him truthfully. “But what about you?” Sam added still mildly confused.

 

“I’m content with just being Steve rogers..” he admitted, turning to glance back at you and Bucky, both stood arm in arm waiting for him.

 

 Steve and Sam continued to have a conversation so you took the opportunity to turn to Bucky, your hand reaching for his stubbled cheek as you searched his eyes for any sign of doubt or pain. 

 

Finding none your smile returned, your thumb soothingly grazing his jaw line.

 

"How you doin doll?" he asked you, leaning in to your hand.

 

You smiled, glancing back at Steve who was laughing with Sam  and then back to the mesmerising eyes of James Buchanan Barnes 

 

"not bad..." you beamed, his own smile growing as you shared a silent conversation, the warmth and love in both of your eyes confirming everything you already knew. 

 

You were obsessed with this man, irrevocably and passionately.

 

"I lo-" you started but he cut you off, his lips finding yours 

 

You swallowed your breath as you returned his kiss, heartfelt and delicious- your heart swelling with the love he conveyed through his touch, breathing him in in all of his entirety.

 

When you finally parted he flashed you a knowing smile.

 

"I love you too, doll" 

 

You blushed at the intensity in his gaze, the world around you unpausing, awareness returning just in time to catch the end of Steves conversation with Sam.

 

 

“I guess you’re giving the orders now captain..”Steve said, pride filling his tone.

 

Sam took a deep breath and Steve leant over giving him a supportive pat on the shoulder 

 

“You’ve got this.” He told him, full of confidence before turning and walking back to join you and Bucky.

 

You raised your brow as he returned, tilting your head as you weighed up his new decision.

 

It made sense. Captain America used to be who he was but gradually over time he had become less captain America and more Steve Rogers, like he used to be. And that was the man you loved. 

 

You let a smile fall over your features, Bucky sending a nod of approval in his direction. 

 

"you're keeping the outfit right?" You asked cutting through the intense silence, forcing a laugh out of both of them

 

 

Steve kissed the top of your head in response, still chuckling away to himself.

 

“Are we going to be okay?” You asked once the laughter had died down, still a little bewildered.

 

Bucky smirked in your direction.

 

“You're stuck with us, doll...” he told you confidently with a grin.

 

Steve nodded in agreement, His large hands finding both of your shoulders.

 

”Till the end of the line?” He asked you both, a small smile playing on his lips.

 

Your smile only grew as you glanced between them, both you and Bucky’s voices overlapping each other’s as you agreed.

 

”Till the end of the line”

 

You stood for a second, the three of you, appreciating each other, drinking in the warm moment that had engulfed you when Sam's voice cut through the peaceful and content silence.

 

“AVENGERS” he called out, forcing you all to turn to him quickly in alarm and confusion

 

“Assemble.” He told you all with a grin, mimicking Steve as best as he could.

 

You all looked between each other, shaking your head in Sams direction.

 

“Sorry...I’ve always wanted to do that...” he admitted with a laugh, the atmosphere filled with joy, all of you falling about laughing in response.

 

Sam and Bruce began to head out of the clearing, Steve and Bucky's arms finding your waist as you began to follow.

 

“What have you done?” You whispered playfully to Steve as the three of you all walked arm in arm towards the edge of the woodland .

 

"Well, he's excited..." Steve told you with a knowing smile.

 

Where you were heading you didn't know. You didn’t care. You had your two super soldiers by your side.

 

Your heart warm, your face aching from smiling, your tears long gone and a future with the new avengers to look forward too.

 

Whatever the future held, you were ready, the three of you...

 

Together. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thats it!!! Over. done. finished.
> 
> Im soooo sad!
> 
> I loved writing this.
> 
> I hope the ending was satisfying for at least the majority of you!
> 
> Also I may do a second series of this once we see how the MCU unfolds a little...
> 
> thank you for all your love and support, you guys rock!
> 
> Taking a week off from writing but truth be told that probably wont happen. 
> 
> I may tease a few starting chapters for the next three stories I have planned but regular updates wont begin for at least a week! Keep checking back in <3


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